Mar 1, 2001
Another Willow songfic..... Linkin Park, I love
them! This is one of my fave songs! Here ya go!
Type : songfic
Spoilers : none
Warnings : dark-ish
Keywords : songfic, shounen ai, POV, 1+2, semi-bastardized Heero
Rating : PG
Disclaimer : Not mine, never will be. Nope none of it,
get me? Don't sue! *pauses, thinks* please?
Feedback : Great good gods, yes!
Note : Song by Linkin Park off the CD 'Hybrid Theory'.
[I've lied/to you
The same that way I always do]
I smile. I fake my happiness. All for you. Ever since that time.... the time when I bared my heart to you and you accepted it.... without giving me yours. You took my love, my body and made them yours. And I let you. What a fool does when he is in love, ne?
And ever since then, when I lost my happiness due to your cruelty and silence, I've been lying. I say I never lie, but the truth is.... I do. And I have. But you know what? It's only been since you took me into your bed and disheveled my soul.
[This is/the last smile
That I'll fake for the sake of being with you]
Ever since then my smiles were fake, frauds.... a facade to keep you and everyone else from seeing how much pain I was in.... not physical... nor more of an arabesque pain.... a torture of the soul. But you know, I'm not gonna do it anymore. I'm not gonna take your cold silence or apathy anymore. I'm not gonna smile when I have no reason. Even if it means losing you.
[(Everything falls apart/even the people who never
frown/eventually breakdown)
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie]
I've broken down.... My mast has failed me and I'm at the mercy of the world. I'm sorry, for loving you and for leaving you (like you care about either). I'm not going to hide in a lie anymore. I don't want to be a puppet who smiles benevolently in the face of adversity. I don't want to be your porcelain doll you place on a pedastal for all to look at.... I'm not that cold. I'm not going to hide behind this jester's mask any longer.
[(Everything has to end/you'll soon find we're out of
time left to watch it all unwind)
The sacrifice is never knowing]
Even though I loved you, still do and always will, and even if you loved me.... it was never meant to be. Or maybe it was, but we're out of time to try and work it out. Our violent fights will end us, if I don't stop it now. I'm leaving, hell, by the time you've read this (if you read it) I'll be gone.
What could have been? We'll never know. But that's a sacrifice I'm willing to take to save both of us and save my soul before you break it....
[Why I never walked away
Why I never played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away]
I don't know why I didn't leave sooner.... maybe 'cause I thought we could work it out. If our love was strong enough everything would work out and be fine. Ch' I don't know why I let myself be so naive. You, obviously, didn't give a damn or you'd have helped me keep our relationship together.
Sometimes I wonder if you might have been testing me with your silence. Maybe you were trying to see if I'd stay with you through it all and put up with any shit you fed me. Well, I guess you got your answer. Your coldness, for all I love you, has pushed me away and now, I'm gone.
[I've tried/like you
To do everything you wanted to]
I tried to do everything you ever asked of me. I tried to be more quiet, to be more mature for you, but that wasn't good enough, I guess. What did you want of me? Did you want to mold me to be more like you? To be something and someone I'm not? Well, sorry, pal.... I won't let anyone change me.
If you were ever in love with me I never knew it.... Were you? You never said it. Did you ever love me or was I just a possession? A pretty toy to fuck and display? I've tried to be more than that for you, but..... I guess that's all you wanted, ne? What did you want of me? What?
[This is/the last time
I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you]
I give up, ya know. I'm gone and I doubt you'll look for me. I'm not gonna be your toy, your possession (as much as I love you). This is the last time I'll ever be anything to you. You know what I am? I'm your love lost. The one who was blamed for his love, the one who loved you unconditionally and still does. The one who you never loved. Did you? I guess I'll never know. Adieu, koi. Maybe someday, sometime.... far away, in another life, perhaps?.... we can be together again.
I just have to wonder though.... did you ever love me?
Sayonara,
Duo Maxwell
End
(:./willow/letter)
