Title: The Cry of Icarus
Author: tkmaxwell777
Category: Shonen Ai
Pairings: 2+1
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Angst, POV
Archived: Yep! Thanks Lev :) Lev's Lair and TK's Violet Haven
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters. I make no money, I tell no lies :)
A silent scream is torn from me as I watch the metal disintegrate from the blast. He's plummeting to the Earth, the last firing of his beam cannon rendering his Gundam lifeless. How many times must he fall in order to teach others to fly? How many times must he offer himself up like some kind of token sacrifice to Aries? How many times must he rise into the sun, blinded by the light of peace, only to shatter in the darkness of war?
We all are fighting for our own reasons. Quatre cannot bear the thought of innocents dying needlessly. Trowa wants to make sure Dekim Barton doesn't take power. Wufei is trying to prove there's a need for soldiers even in a world that has rejected them. Zechs is here out of guilt. Noin is here out of devotion. And Heero...
Heero is here because he is Icarus.
Why am I here? I could be happily sitting in the middle of a junk pile on L2, listening to Grady tell tall tales about some woman he'd bedded years ago, or laughing at Jones relating the spellbinding story of what it was like to get drunk and make out with the daughter of the groom at his ex-wife's wedding, or even yelling at Collins to turn down the damn Bad Company CD that he has on eternal auto-repeat; but no, I am here on Earth, fighting once more for Colony and Country. Why am I here?
I am here because of Icarus.
He showed up on my doorstep, mumbling about another war. I let him in, offering him my computer resources. He looked up the information he needed and went off after a kidnapped Relena. I sighed to myself and went off after him. He knew I would, never doubted for a moment that I would let him go alone, was certain that I couldn't sit by while there was a threat to the peace I'd been enjoying. He didn't understand that I followed because I could not let him try to fly alone.
I was not Icarus' father.
And yet, here I sit, in my Deathscythe, watching my Icarus fall. The wings have failed, unable to withstand the pressure of the million suns held within the beam that was discharged. You would think my head would fall to my chest and tears would flow, but I have uttered this same silent scream, watched with the same horror, and contemplated the death of my comrade once before... only to find that Icarus lives.
What did Icarus cry when he fell? Did he call to the gods to save him? Did he yell for his father to catch him? Were the last words on his lips, "Forgive me" or "Damn it to hell"? Did he face his demise with the same courage as the sixteen-year-old boy I know, or did he plead for mercy on this way down?
Heero would never plead... he would simply close his eyes.
What went through his mind as his wings gave way and he plummeted to his end? Did he blame himself? Did he understand that he was the cause of his own death? Did he even consider the folly of his own actions as the heat of the sun turned his wings into nothing? Did he wonder whether he would end up in heaven or hell?
Heero would only wonder if Relena was safe.
What had he wished he had not left undone? Had he ever told his father that he loved him? Had he ever breathed in the life of a young virgin as he took her? Had he ever learned the joy of laughter and the sorrow of tears? Had he ever lived?
Heero would only mourn for the chance to see the peace he'd died for.
But he won't die. No, my Icarus may fly too high, may lose his wings, may even fall to the ground, but he will not die. There is something that he has that the legend did not - something that protects him from the impact of destruction, something that keeps him apart from the ruins of war, something that even he doesn't consciously acknowledge, but somehow trusts in because he can feel it even if he can't understand it.
The love of Shinigami -- the devotion of the God of Death.
He is Icarus, and I am Death. In these moments, I can feel him being wrapped in my arms, resting securely in my comforting embrace, relaxing into the familiar peace that only I can give. His heart beats with mine, not in time, but as one. I enfold him in the blanket of my serenity, and he opens himself completely to me. There is no hiding, no running, and no lying... only loving.
I only wish I didn't have to see him fall in order to feel him.
Am I in love with him? Of course! Who wouldn't be? He makes me believe is something other than Death. He gives me hope that someday I will be able to tell him how I feel. He gives me courage to fight even when I know the odds are against me. He is my inspiration. He flies on the wings of Icarus and holds the sun in his hands. And when my Icarus falls, I know what his cry is. It is a whispered word that he lives for, that he dies for, that he falls for. It is something only I can give him, even if he hasn't realized it yet. One day, he will look at me, and those blue depths will fall into my violet, and he will say it to me.
"Peace."
The End
(:./tk/icarus)
