19-May-2003
Title: Tears on My Heart 4/?
Rating: R
Warnings: Het, cursing, lime
Pairings: 1xH
Disclaimer: Not mine.
When they reached Seth's room he was already in bed, waiting as patiently as a five year old could. For him, she knew it was saying a great deal. He was on his best behavior, again, to impress Heero. She came to sit next to him, affectionately brushing her hand across his hair until he protested.
"Read to me about trains, mamma? Then Heero can tuck me in."
Heero was behind them, watching. She wanted to pretend he wasn't there, but it was difficult. When the book ended, she was reluctant to close it, but did, rising slow and indicating for him to come to the bedside. He came soundlessly, standing to stare down at Seth as if he didn't know what to do.
As if taking pity on him, Seth said helpfully, "You just pull the blanket up to my chin, kiss my forehead, and say goodnight."
Heero pulled the light-weight cotton blanket up to his chin, and tucked it neatly, folding it over as if it were going to be inspected afterward. When it came to kissing his forehead, however, he hesitated.
Her throat tightening, she hoped that Heero didn't refuse. Seth would be crushed.
But then, he lowered his head, pushing Seth's hair aside to kiss him and said with an odd sort of expression on his face, "Good night."
"Good night, Mr. Heero."
"Heero," he instructed, stepping away from the bed.
Seth grinned. "Night, Heero."
Hilde looked at him. "I've got a few things to do, but I want you to wait for me downstairs. I want to talk with you."
He simply nodded, and turned away. She stared after him, the worry she was trying so hard to conceal bright in her eyes.
The night was soft, cooling her skin and stirring her hair as she stared out across her small, manufactured yard. The dresser drawers were lying in the grass, no doubt having dried a long time ago. She would have to remember to take them in before going to bed.
Heero sat in the chair next to her, silent and still. Whatever his thoughts, she couldn't guess.
"It's not what you think," she spoke at length, fingering the frayed edges of her cut-offs, not looking at him.
"You don't know what I think."
Her head snapped around, pinning him with a sharp, dark glare. "I don't /care/ what you think. I have my reasons. I just don't want you blaming Duo, because he doesn't know about Seth."
Heero shrugged, one tan shoulder lifting and falling with the movement. "I didn't figure he did."
Asking for some higher being to bless her with patience, she rubbed at the back of her aching neck and continued, "We were celebrating the New Year. Lonely, somewhat, I guess. We had each other, but it's different when you're just friends. So we were drinking, and I know we had too much. We ended up in bed together. That was the last time I saw Duo. The next morning, he was gone, leaving me the business and only a note that said he was sorry."
Allowing herself the luxury of a sigh, she let her forehead fall onto her knee. "I think he felt guilty, as if he'd taken advantage of me. I was just as guilty. My mistake cost me a friend, but it gave me Seth. You can tell me whatever you will, but I'd never take that mistake back. Never," she added, lifting her head, her tone fierce.
But Heero only continued to watch her steadily, as if expecting more.
"I never attempted to find Duo, because I was more concerned with getting the business in order and raising my son. I didn't want to... hold him down with anything. I chose to keep Seth, and I was-am-going to raise him."
He must have understood that she didn't want anything from him, because he still remained silent.
"I'm telling you this, because when you find Duo, I don't want you to tell him. I don't want him to feel forced to come back. If... if he comes back, it has to be of his own free will. And Seth's fine," she added, defensively, as if Heero were arguing with her. She was trying so hard to ignore the way Seth had responded to Heero, the way that contradicted her.
Expression unwavering, he answered, "I'm not going to tell him anything. It's none of my business."
Lifting her chin, she replied, "Then I can expect you won't come back?"
To her surprise, he smiled. A quick flash of teeth, and then it was gone. She had expected him to take offense.
"No, I won't come back."
She was startled, when Heero's eyes were suddenly riveted on the darkness across the yard, his posture changing, becoming alert.
"What...?" She began, only to fall quiet as Willy emerged and skirted around the dresser drawers, hat in his hand. She hadn't even heard him approach...
"Hilde. Problems with that damned truck again," the old mechanic said, the expression on his weathered face questioning as it fell on Heero.
Dropping her legs, she groaned. "I /just/ fixed that." It was the truck she used to get around in. It was old, but it ran and it was all she could afford.
"I just don't know what to do with it. Tried everything, and I've been around a while. 'Bout to give up. I'm sick of working on it."
Hilde worked at her bottom lip with her teeth in an absent, telltale movement. "I need that truck, Willy. It's all the transportation I've got."
Heero rose, the motion smooth, graceful, and soundless. "I'll look at it."
Both their gazes fell on him; Willy's mistrustful and judging, Hilde's reluctant and uncertain.
Willy grunted. "Alright, boy. Might as well. 'Less Hilde doesn't want you to," he added, glancing at her as he took a cigar out of his greasy work overalls.
"I suppose it can't hurt..."
"You fix that truck, boy, and I'll give you a job."
"His name is Heero, Willy. And he doesn't need a job," she added, hoping she didn't sound too distressed by the thought.
Willy only shrugged and took Heero off to the shop. She stayed where she was, leaving the sliding door open and the screen door shut so that she could hear Seth if he needed her. She knew she should've went to bed. If all the lights were off, she trusted Heero knew to leave. But she couldn't bring herself to be that rude. So she waited for him.
A half an hour later, he came back across the lawn alone. "The truck's running. Shouldn't bother you again for a while," he added.
Head resting against the back of her chair, she asked, "Did Willy offer you a job?"
"Yes."
"I hope you turned it down. I'm going to be honest and tell you that Seth likes you too much. If you move on, and I know you will, it'll hurt him."
She wasn't looking at him. Her eyes were closed and she couldn't tell if it was because she was tired or because she wanted to block out his image in the hopes he would fade away.
"You can't shelter him from everything."
Head snapping up, she glared at him, anger giving her the energy she had lacked seconds before.
"I can try! I don't want him hurt if I can help it, Heero. And if he gets close to you and you leave, it'll hurt him."
"Every experience makes us a person. Even the bad ones."
Letting a laugh escape, she pressed her fingers to her eyes. "You sound like a self-help book. Are you trying to make a case for staying?"
"No."
She sighed again, looking at him. "Do you really need work?"
He shrugged.
"Heero. I..." She felt as if she were being unfair. She hated his words because they struck her as right. She /couldn't/ protect Seth from everything. Would it really be so wrong if he had someone with Heero's obvious patience to be around for a while? When Heero left, Seth would undoubtedly be sad, but she would be there to help him.
If she was honest with herself, she knew that keeping Heero here for as long as she could also meant keeping him away from Duo.
"I'm not being fair." Sitting up, as if having made a sudden decision, she added, "If you really need work, we could use a mechanic. You did fix a truck that no one's been able to get to run properly in ages," she added, trying to smile. She felt as if he could see right through her.
"Why?"
What there was of her smile fading, she answered, "I just told you."
Unmoving, he stared at her a full moment before saying, "Alright."
Yet, she still couldn't help but feel as if he knew what she was doing.
"When do I come?"
"Tomorrow at 7:30."
Nodding, he half-turned, seemed to reconsider, and said, "Good night, Hilde."
She stood, watching him as he walked away, unable to help but feel as if she were making an immense mistake.
End Part 4
(:./jen/tears4)
