30-Aug-2000
Title: Dawning
Author: Asuka
Warnings: Shounen ai implications, a tad angsty, POV
Feedback: Welcome, needed, and begged for! ^;;
Archive: At GW Addiction (addy in sig) or just ask ^.
Disclaimer: GW and everything in it aren't mine, never will be. Don't sue,
I'm poor!
Notes: Introspective POV on Trowa. Spoilers on his Episode Zero past.
Scans and Translations can be found here:
http://members.dencity.com/chibiquatre/manga.html
Here's a little ficcie that has been sitting in my "revision" folder for
months now... *heh* This is partly off the cuff, although I did have the
lovely Angel Ikari beta version one a -long- time ago... And so here it is!
^;;
I remember long ago when a storm had always been cast upon me. I felt nothing, cared for nothing, lived for nothing. It was almost as if with the phantom rain of the torrent, all feeling and emotion was washed away from me. I never experienced love, pain, sadness, anything. Growing up in war-torn surroundings and being raised as a soldier since childhood can do that to a person.
I didn't have a name to call my own. Many people called me "Nanashi." No name. It perfectly fit who I was - someone with no past, belongings, life, and to the looks of it, no future. I was dedicated to the war at hand - names weren't needed, only pawns to fill the battlefield. By being a warrior, sometimes simple things like that are overlooked. A warrior can die at any time, so there's nothing to look forward to. What purpose does a name serve if you may die tomorrow, and the only people who claimed to have known you died as well?
Death had always surrounded me. My family (who must be deceased), fellow soldiers, innocent civilians... Where I spent my early years, all of this was common, too common. Whether in battle, from illness, starvation, or anything else. Many went to great lengths to try and forestall it.
Even that girl... I can still remember her image - platinum blonde locks, cerulean blue eyes... I think her name was Midii... She always told me that she hated me. I couldn't understand why at the time.
Now I know the reason - I was part of the problem. I left her and the ones she cared about in shattered pieces. I had nothing to lose, and she lost everything. But underneath all of her words... Her eyes betrayed her. They were filled with such pain...such sorrow...and...love? Yes, I think so. I remember her saying that she couldn't even tell the person she loved that she loved him. I wonder who she was talking about. I wonder if-
Sometimes I regret saving her. After all, Midii killed my comrades as effectively as the soldiers that destroyed them. I wonder what it would have been like if I'd just left her to die or killed her. But I don't think I could have.
That cross of hers... I never should have trusted it. I had never had religion before, what use was it to find it then? Whatever god there was had shown me nothing. And that little mechanicism of hers... She was always messing with it, playing with its buttons and gagets. I don't know why I never suspected anything . I'm as much to blame for those deaths as she is, aren't I? If I had spoken up, maybe they would've caught her in time. I can't blame her for her actions, but that doesn't make them right.
I can understand the desperate lengths she went to to feed her sickly father and three younger brothers. I know if I had had a family to watch over, I would have protected them with my life. But I didn't, so I guess that's why I couldn't fully sympathize with Midii then. It's different now, though. Now I have a home to come back to. I have Catherine... and Quatre, the twinkling star and blazing sun in my life.
Strange how Cathy and I wound up in the same circus, and how Quatre and I both were Gundam pilots. Fate seems to act in the strangest ways. Everything works out in the end, though. No matter how bad the hardships may have been, all the pieces of the puzzle fit in the outcome. I have no regrets. For once in my life, I feel truly satisfied. I've been blessed with a family - a home, and I can feel the warmth of love's rays shining down upon me.
The dark of the storm has finally passed, and dawn was beginning to rise.
The End
(:./asuka/dawning)
