06-Jun-2003
Title: The Prince in the Frog Suit
Author: Kitty Chou (love_nuriko@hotmail.com)
Archive: GW Addiction
Category: Fluff, Yaoi, OOC
Pairing: 1x2
Disclaimer: *clears throat* I do not in any way, shape, or form own Gundam
Wing or its wonderful characters! I just pull them out to play and then
clean them up and put them back when I'm done! I'm making no money and if
you sue me you will receive no money because *shock* I have none. Oh, and I
don't own The Frog Prince or Bruce Almighty.
Rating: R
Warnings: craziness, language, innuendo, lime (sort of), yaoi, OOC
Spoilers: None whatsoever! This is my mind on crack!
Author's Notes: Guess what time it is! It's time to release my blog! So
here it is! The cure for my writer's block! Absolute insanity!
Feedback: Please send feedback to love_nuriko@hotmail.com.
Once upon a time, there was a very well respected narrator who was constantly hired to tell only the finest children's fairy tales. But fate, or a similar bitch, had the well respected narrator fired, leaving her to find her own way in the world. For a time, she tried narrating movie previews, but she would always spoil the ending. Then she got a job at Enron... we all know how THAT little venture ended.
So one day, she ran into a short woman with large breasts and curly, brown hair, who hired her to narrate her fairy tales for her. At first, the narrator was thrilled, thinking she could become well respected again. But it was all for naught, for the tales were perverted and rather gay, not to mention that the characters liked to bet their virtue on the amount of time it took to piss off the narrator to the point of an emotional break down. But the narrator--
"Will you shut the fuck up and tell the story already!"
Yes, Duo, I'm getting to that. I just wanted to be sure everyone felt sorry for me. AHEM. Once upon a time there was an insanely beautiful young man named Prince Duo, who lived in an insanely beautiful palace in an insanely beautiful kingdom. We'll call the kingdom, Bob.
"Bob?! I'm not living in a kingdom called 'Bob'!"
Well then, you aren't living in a kingdom, are you? Because the kingdom is called, Bob.
"... "
Right then. One day, the insanely beautiful Prince Duo was playing with his golden ball by the side of a deep well.
"Ah... I just love playing with my balls by the side of this deep well!"
BALL. SINGULAR. GOLD BALL.
"Oh, right. That's what I meant to say, honest."
Whatever. Suddenly, the insanely beautiful Prince Duo accidentally dropped his beloved golden BALL in the well. He cried out.
"OUT!"
...
"What? You said I cried 'out'!"
...
"Oh, fine. Someone help me! I've lost my marbles!"
It's not a... Calm down. He's just trying to upset you. He wants marbles, he can have marbles. A man dressed in a frog suit suddenly appeared from that place all things suddenly appear from.
"... "
"Hee-chan... Why are you wearing a frog suit?"
Because he's the frog prince, Duo. The man dressed in the frog suit explained that he was a handsome prince cursed to wear a frog suit until kissed willingly by a beautiful, virgin prince.
"... "
Heero, don't be embarrassed, at least you don't have to dress as a big, pink bunny or anything. Although... that would be great payback for the last story...
"NO."
Then play along, Heero-dear. The prince in the frog suit made a bargain with the insanely beautiful Prince Duo.
"... "
Alright, one bunny suit, coming up!
"NO! Kiss me and I'll grab your balls."
Heero!
"Sounds good to me!"
Duo! The insanely beautiful Prince Duo suddenly turned into the insanely beautiful Princess Dorothy.
"AHH! NO! I'm sorry! Change me back! I'll be good!"
"Aa."
Promise?
"YES!"
"Aa."
Oh alright. The insanely beautiful Prince Duo did NOT turn into the insanely beautiful Princess Dorothy, but instead promised the prince in the frog suit that once he rescued Duo's golden marbles, Duo would kiss him.
"You heard the lady! Get the marbles, get a kiss!"
"Hn."
The prince in the frog suit jumped into the deep well to retrieve the marbles. Time passed... and passed... and passed... and p-- Hey, do you think he's okay down there?
"I don't know... How many marbles are there down there?"
About four thousand. But surely he won't try to retrieve them all?
"OH NO! You gave him a MISSION to collect four thousand marbles at the bottom of a deep well?! What kind of sadistic psycho-narrator are you?!"
Um... a very cute one? Alright, alright. No marbles. Having the marbles suddenly turn into one golden ball, the prince in the frog suit quickly returned to the surface, gasping for air and coughing up water.
"Heero! Are you alright? Stupid evil narrator... Trying to kill my Hee-chan just because we scared her off with furry perv sex... "
Don't make me smite you.
"Sorry, oh mighty smiter."
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, you know. Anyway, having done the insanely beautiful Prince Duo's bidding, the prince in the frog suit demanded that he receive his reward.
"Kiss me."
"Heero, I am not kissing you in a frog suit. You look ridiculous."
"Kiss me."
"No!"
"Kiss me or Omae o Korosu."
You can't kill Duo, Heero. He's the insanely beautiful Prince. You can kill Relena though, if it will make you feel better.
"Aa."
Because the insanely beautiful Prince Duo refused to kiss the prince in the frog suit, despite their bargain, the prince in the frog suit followed the insanely beautiful Prince Duo home to his insanely beautiful palace in the insanely beautiful kingdom, Bob. When they arrived, the insanely beautiful Prince Duo... You know, I'm tired of saying that. He shall be the insanely beautiful Prince formally known as Duo. So, when they arrived, Duo suddenly was overcome by sleep and passed out into the arms of the prince in the frog suit.
"... "
Don't even think about it. I already said that he had to be willing for it to work.
"Damn."
The prince in the frog suit carried Duo to his insanely beautiful bedchambers, depositing him on his wonderfully fluffy bed. Duo sighed happily and began to snore horribly, causing the prince in the frog suit to wince and cover his froggy ears.
...
Do frogs have ears? Let me think... I dissected a frog in Biology... I seem to remember there being little holes in her head for ears... So frogs must have ears! Okay, sorry for that little delay! Just wanted to be sure!
"Baka."
Watch it bunny boy. The prince in the frog suit sat on the floor by the bed and waited for the evil scorpion. Er... except that you aren't supposed to know about the evil scorpion yet, so he was just waiting.
"... "
Yeah you had better be silent! Suddenly, an evil blonde woman dressed as a scorpion jumped into the room through the window.
...
...
Jump through the window, Relena!
"I don't want to be the scorpion! I want to be the Princess!"
Well you're the scorpion, so jump though the window and kill Duo or else he'll kiss Heero...
"No! Don't worry my beloved! I'll save you!"
The evil blonde woman dressed as a scorpion jumped into the room through the window, searching out her prey. The prince in the frog suit leaped to his feet, determined to protect Duo at all costs. They began to duel.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH--" BANG.
Er... make that, the evil blonde woman dressed as a scorpion ran away while the prince in the frog suit pulled out a gun and shot her. Duo woke up at the sound of the gunshot and looked upon the body of his savior's slain foe.
"You killed her without me! AGAIN!"
He was obviously overjoyed. As a reward for the prince in the frog suit's bravery, Duo agreed to kiss him.
"I'm not kissing him! He killed Relena without me!"
Alright then, Relena can kiss him.
"What?! No! I was just kidding of course! Come here, Heero!"
Duo grabbed the prince in the frog suit and kissed him deeply. Becoming excited from both the kiss and the recent kill, they immediately began to remove the prince's frog suit.
"Um... Hee-chan? Why isn't the suit coming off?"
"What?"
*giggle*
"What did you do?"
*snicker*
"What the hell did you do?!"
The prince in the frog suit remained cursed however, for the curse could only be lifted by a willing kiss from a beautiful, virgin prince.
"But I am a willing, beautiful, vir- Oh crap!"
That's right! Because Duo was not a willing, beautiful, VIRGIN prince, the curse remained unbroken.
~*~ The End ~*~
"Wait! You said in the last story that we would have sex in EVERY story!"
I said no such thing. You said that.
"But narrator..."
Ack! Can't... resist... puppy dog... eyes... ALRIGHT! Just because the prince couldn't get out of his frog suit didn't mean he couldn't do naughty things to Duo with his mouth.
So he did.
~*~ THE END, AND I MEAN IT THIS TIME ~*~
*snort* Yes, I am a psychopath. This is Chapter six's writers block, in case you're curious. Chapter five is being checked for boo-boo's, which I am positive there are. THANK YOU SPAM!!! YOU ARE WONDERFUL IN YOUR SPAMMY GOODNESS!!!
(:./kitty/frog)
