27-Mar-2005
Title: Hope From Ashes
Author: tkmaxwell777
Category: Holiday
Pairings: 1+2 (Friendship)
Rating: PG
Warnings: Angst, Philosophical/Religious Aspects (I'm not Catholic, so forgive any mistakes in practices)
Archived: www.gwaddiction.com
TK Maxwell Original Christian and Yaoi Fiction at: http://writing.com/authors/tkmaxwell
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing AC or its characters. It is the property of Shin Kidousenki, Bandai, Sotsu, Sunrise, and any other affiliated parties. This story is a parody of its defined universe and is in no way an official continuation of the original anime series. I make no money doing this, so please do not sue me for writing it. Constructive feedback is always greatly appreciated!
Author's Note: HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!! Whether candy or church, I hope you all enjoy today :) Here is my Easter Ficlet for 2005. It has some religious viewpoints in it, so please do not read if that might offend you... though I hope I was able to be true to the spirit of the holiday. *huggles* ENJOY
Duo entered the sanctuary hesitantly, feeling like he was intruding, but unable to walk away now. He'd been about to leave for the mission, but his feet had led him into town. When he'd seen the small church, he'd been drawn to it. It couldn't hurt to just... he sighed and went to sit in a worn pew in front. Looking up at the crucifix hanging on the wall, he couldn't help but wonder why Jesus was still on the cross when He'd supposedly risen from the dead. That had always bothered him. In fact, there were quite a few things that bothered him when it came to religion and the ones who practiced it. He'd watched Father Maxwell get beaten while standing up for his beliefs, and Sister Helen die while still holding onto her faith, but neither had been something he could justify, no matter the reassurances of an afterlife. Death was Death, and he should know since Death seemed to follow him. He'd even taken the title of Shinigami, a reminder of what it had cost him to make a decision to take lives before they could take his, and yet...
"Can I help you, son?"
Duo looked up to see a priest standing in the aisle. He had a kindly face, much like Father Maxwell's, which made it easier for the Gundam pilot to answer. "Just looking for a little inspiration, Father."
The priest's eyes roamed over him, raising an eyebrow at the clerical collar around Duo's neck, before sitting down beside him. "You look awfully young to be priest."
The braided boy laughed. "I'm not. The name's Duo. I just wear this to honor a man who used to be."
"Used to be?"
Duo scowled and looked down at the threadbare seat cushion. It was obvious that this little church wasn't raking in the money like some of the others he'd seen in his lifetime. It actually reminded him of the L2 church he'd called home for a little while, which was probably why he was there. "Yeah, used to be. He died a few years ago."
"I'm sorry to hear that," the older man said gently. "I'm Father O'Reilly. If I can help at all, I'd be glad to try."
"Not unless you can explain why God lets bad things happen to good people," Duo bit out harshly. "I mean, since He's supposed to be this all-powerful Being, why doesn't He just stop the bad stuff from happening?" He looked at the priest's sad expression and sighed. "Sorry, Father. I'm not exactly the believing kind. The only God I've ever seen as having any power over us is the God of Death, so this loving God you serve doesn't make any sense to me."
"And yet you're here."
Duo sighed again. "Yeah, well, I'm getting ready to do something that... I'm, uh, worried about." He cast a furtive glance at the priest, and then continued, "I was just... I don't know. Maybe covering all of my bases, just in case..."
Father O'Reilly looked at the altar. "You asked a very good question, even though I don't think you meant for me to have an answer to it. Will you let me tell you what I believe? I think it might help."
Duo nodded. "Sure. I've got nothing to lose. Knock yourself out."
The older man kept his eyes on the altar as he spoke calmly. "Bad things happen to good people because we're all connected. What each of us does affects others. Even though God sent His Son to help people change spiritually, we still fall under the powers of darkness sometimes in this physical world. You see... we all have free will, Duo. God didn't want a bunch of mindless beings following Him without a choice, so He lets us choose whether to serve Him or his enemy, and his enemy only wants to destroy us when God wants us to live. If we allow God to help us do what's good, then He can bless other people. If we allow evil to use us for its own purposes, then we hurt other people. It's that simple. Everything we do has lasting results for someone else, whether we ever know it or not. That's why bad things happen. People don't do what they should."
"So why can't God stop them?" The braided boy demanded. "Why can't He help the good people do more?"
The priest smiled. "If we let Him, He can."
Duo looked away, his eyes resting on the crucifix. "What if you've prayed and prayed and still nothing happens? What if you've watched people you loved die, even ones who supposedly loved God? What then, Father?"
"Then you ask Him to help you believe when everything else tells you to stop," Father O'Reilly replied.
"So it comes down to that faith stuff, huh?" The young man scoffed. "The only thing I believe in is myself. I quit believing in your God a long time ago." He suddenly remembered Sister Helen's face as she'd tell him that Jesus loved him... loved all the children of the world. He swallowed hard.
The older man gave him a pained look. "That may be, but He never stopped believing in you. Do you think you're here by accident? There is a purpose for your life, Duo. What you do until you decide to find that purpose is up to you, but God will be with you even if you never believe in Him or look for His reasons why you're here."
Duo took a shuddering breath. "And what if my purpose is to die?"
A warm hand settled on his shoulder as the priest replied, "That's what Jesus' purpose was, and He did it for all of us. If you must die, then defend what you do believe in, and ask God to help you believe in more."
Duo raised his eyes to meet Father O'Reilly's. "What if all I believe in is keeping innocents from dying by killing the ones who would hurt them?"
The priest stared at him for a long moment before speaking again. "Then let Him guide your hand of vengeance. He doesn't want to see His little ones suffer any more than we do. Sometimes he allows those who have the courage to be his vessel of retribution. If we sit and do nothing when we have the ability, then we are responsible for the bad things that happen in place of the good we could have done."
The Gundam pilot sat there, pondering the other man's words. There was some truth in them. "I guess I'll just have to keep on going then... until I find out what my purpose is and if this God is worth believing in when I do."
Father O'Reilly smiled. "I think you'll be surprised how much of what you believe in is what He believes in too."
Duo rose from the pew and stuck out his hand. "Well, thanks... for listening and all."
"Go with God, my friend," the older man said. With that, the priest got up and walked towards another room, but before he left, he looked back and added, "And let me know when you do find your purpose."
"I will," the braided man vowed. He watched as Father O'Reilly left, and then Duo walked over to the table that held the candles. Picking up a lit one, he touched the wick of a fresh one with the flame. "For you, Father Maxwell. You taught me that sometimes people were kind just because they meant it." He lit another candle. "For you, Sister Helen. You never let me doubt your love for me." One by one, the flames danced to life as he continued softly. "For you, Solo. You made me promise to protect those smaller and weaker than me, and I will keep that promise. For you, Lenny, Robbie, Mara..." He lit candles for all of the other Maxwell Church kids who had died. "Father and Sister will keep you safe wherever you are now." He paused, taking a deep breath. "For you, Mom... Dad. I don't know you, but thank you for my life anyway." With shaking hands, Duo put down the candle and turned away. He was startled when he saw a familiar figure standing in the back of the church. "What the hel-eck?"
Heero walked towards him, his face reddening a little. "I didn't mean to... I didn't know you were..."
"Did you follow me?" Duo asked as anger filled him. Who did Heero think he was, tailing him like this?
"I..." The Wing pilot looked down at the floor. "When I saw you heading towards town, I was... curious... why you weren't going to your..."
"Yeah," Duo interrupted, "I just wanted to have one more look around, and I ended up here." He studied Heero's face. The boy who had been indifferent about friendship and obsessive about security had just been about to say 'Gundam' in a public place. That alone spoke of Heero's upset... and helped ease some of Duo's anger.
Heero looked around. "I heard what the priest said. I've never been much for religion myself, but... he was right. We have to keep on fighting. If we don't, OZ wins."
"I know," the braided boy sighed out. His gaze went back to the candles. "I just needed to be reminded why."
"And you were?" Heero asked hesitantly.
Duo's eyes met his. "Yeah. I may not believe everything he said, but I do believe in what we're doing."
The other boy nodded. "Good. Let's go then."
The Gundam pilots headed for the door, Duo looking back one more time at the sanctuary. He would come back after he found what he was looking for. He'd promised after all.
He cursed the God that Father O'Reilly believed in when Heero self-destructed... and then cried bitter tears of regret.
He thanked the God that Father O'Reilly believed in when Heero turned up alive... and then lit more candles.
He returned to the little church on Earth a few months after the war had ended... with Heero beside him.
What met their eyes was a sight that froze Duo's blood. The church was in ruins – burnt wood, broken stone, and shattered windows. The former L2 street urchin walked into the midst of the wreckage and felt his eyes fill with tears. Why? How could this have happened? He looked at Heero, not knowing what to say. The other boy just stood there, seeming as shocked and lost as Duo. The former Deathscythe pilot had brought them there to maybe look in on the Easter service and talk with Father O'Reilly again. Although Duo still didn't know if he believed in everything the priest did, he had questions he thought the older man could help him with, but now...
Duo shook his head sadly. "Let's go, Heero. Sorry to drag you out here."
"It's okay. I didn't mind," the other boy said softly, putting a hesitant hand on Duo's shoulder to try to comfort him.
They stood there for a while then Duo heard a familiar voice call from the street. "What are you boys doing here?"
He turned to see Father O'Reilly walking towards them. "Father? You're all right?" He asked in a shaking voice.
The priest walked over to them. "Duo?" He then smiled. "I'm fine. No one was inside when the fire started."
Duo closed his eyes. No one had died. Just the church had burned. He looked at the priest. "What happened?"
"Faulty wiring," the older man replied. "Apparently, a spark set it off. It was late at night, so no one noticed until it was too late to save the building." He looked back at the ruins. "We're in a temporary place until we can rebuild. I was just on my way there for morning service and saw you boys here."
Not because of the war. Not set on fire by soldiers. Still... "You're not giving up? Even after God let this happen?"
Father O'Reilly put his hand on Duo's shoulder. "You know, Duo, there are other forces at work in this world. We can't blame bad things on God just because He's there. His word says that every good and perfect gift comes from the Father of Light, the Lord of Love. Why would He be the one to burn down His own church?"
Duo searched his own heart. Why did he always blame God for bad things? He remembered Father Maxwell saying that a house divided couldn't stand. Duo wouldn't have destroyed the other Gundams after finding out that they were allies, so why would God hurt those who were trying to do good things? Wouldn't it be more likely that evil forces had done it? Duo had seen enough evil in his lifetime – it wasn't hard to believe in that. "I fought for peace," he told the priest softly. "You said He'd be with me, no matter what I did. Do you... do you think He was there even when I killed? Do you think He still believes in me?"
"I know He does," the older man told him. "I prayed for you, and for your friend," he motioned towards Heero, "and I know He was with you... protecting you... making sure that your purpose wasn't to die after all."
The braided boy smiled at that. "Yeah, I guess so." He then looked over at Heero. "For both of us."
"You were here the last time he was," Father O'Reilly said to the former Wing pilot, reaching out his hand to him. "I saw you at the door listening to us talk. Did you find your purpose too, son?"
Heero shook the priest's hand. "Yeah. Your words... helped me... at times." He flushed. "I'm Heero."
The priest clapped him on the shoulder. "I'm glad, Heero."
"So," Duo interrupted, wanting to get away from the burnt church and memories. "You're going to do Easter mass?"
"Yes. You're both invited, if you want to come," the older man replied. "We can talk afterwards."
Duo nodded. "Okay. I wanted to show Heero what it was like."
"Then come along," Father O'Reilly said happily.
The priest turned to began walking away. Duo started to follow, but then paused when he spotted something on the floor. Bending down, he picked up a half burned piece of paper, noting that it was a page from scripture. Reading it, he handed it to Heero, who was looking curiously over Duo's shoulder. That child-like curiosity still shocked Duo sometimes, but it made him feel good that Heero was still innocent in some things. He was really surprised though when Heero smiled a little and then folded up the paper, putting it in his jeans pocket.
"Let's go. He's waiting at the corner," was all that the former Wing pilot said.
They hurried to catch up and were soon walking beside the priest. "So," Duo began with a grin, "Why did God let that snake in His garden in the first place? Seems to me He should've nipped that in the bud from the beginning."
Father O'Reilly laughed and then began answering Duo's question. The rest of the morning was spent observing the rituals of religion, but Duo was still thinking on the words from that burnt piece of paper. "All things work together for good to them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." He suddenly wondered if maybe God believing in him was God's purpose. He looked over at Heero and thought about how much faith he'd had in the former Wing pilot, so maybe God believing wasn't such an off-the-wall concept after all. Duo smiled. That God might believe in Shinigami was something he'd have to discuss with Father O'Reilly... after he lit some candles.
The End
(:./tk/easter4)
