20-Mar-2001
Title: What Is Sexy, Anyway?
Author: hyuy
Disclaimer: Sunrise, Bandai et al own GW, and I own nothing. Suing would be pointless.
Warning: 2x2 +1, OOC, PWP, lime, language, squick
EXTRA WARNING: I have been told this a very unpleasant story.
Note: heigh ho! this is by far the longest fic i have ever written. it is also the most fucked-up. make of that what you will.
*=emphasis
Heero ground his back teeth together and continued working at his laptop. He knew that if he lost control, this time he really *would* kill Duo. It would be difficult to explain to the others, especially since Trowa was sitting at the table across from him and would see everything.
Still... Trowa was starting to show signs of strain, too. His normally graceful movements had become awkward, and Heero noticed it was taking him longer and longer to reassemble each weapon.
Duo, oblivious, continued eating ice cream and flipping through a magazine. Every once in a while he would stop at a page and mumble "Oh, yeah!" or "Baby!". Then he would slowly, slowly lick the ice cream from the spoon, his long tongue cleaning it completely before beginning the whole process again.
Heero didn't blame Duo for wanting to stay in the kitchen. For some odd reason, it was the only room in their current safehouse that had any heat. So fine; sit in the kitchen. But did he have to keep making those *noises*?
Trowa snapped first. He slammed his oily rag on the table, sending gun parts flying. "Jesus God Duo, it's a *spoon*! Suck it all you want, it's not going to come for you!"
Duo raised an eyebrow. "Quatre cut you off, huh?"
"Bite me, Maxwell!"
"In your dreams, Cyclops!"
Heero closed his laptop with a snap. "Be quiet or I'll kill *both* of you!" He reached over, snatched the magazine from Duo, and began shaking it in his startled face. "And I don't see what you're getting so excited about! It's... it's... Cosmo!"(1)
Duo grabbed the magazine back, and clutched it protectively to his chest. "I'm very broad-minded. I find *many* things sexy."
"Many things in *Cosmo*?"
"Yeah, sure! *Lots* of things! What, you guys don't believe me?"
Both Heero and Trowa shook their heads 'no'.
"You two have *no* imagination." Duo turned to glare at Trowa. "I really, really pity poor Quatre."
Heero's hand shot out and pushed Trowa back down in his chair before he could complete his move to strangle Duo. He kept his hand on Trowa's shoulder. "If we kill him, he'll smell." Heero then turned to Duo. "And you have *too much* imagination!"
Duo stuck out his tongue. "Not possible, babe."
Later, Heero could never explain the strange compulsion that came over him. With growing horror, he heard his own voice saying "I bet I could find three things you wouldn't find sexy."
Duo looked intrigued, but then his innate honesty caused him to shake his head. "It wouldn't work. I could just *say* I thought the things you picked out were sexy, and how could you prove me wrong?"
His eyes suddenly gleamed with amusement. "How about this? I bet I can make *you* think any three items you choose *are* sexy."
Heero shrugged. "Same problem. I could just say i *didn't* find them sexy, and you couldn't prove differently."
"Au contraire, mon frere! I mean I'll *make* you think they're sexy!" Duo pointed to Heero's crotch. "Trowa here can be the judge." He rubbed his hands together. "Now, what are the stakes? I know, I know! When I win, you have to be my personal servant for a week."
Heero rolled his eyes. "Fine. And when *I* win, for a whole week you can only speak if I say you can."
The two boys looked at each other for a moment, then reached out to shake hands and seal the bet. Trowa lunged forward. "No, no, no! If I'm going to spend my afternoon staring at Yuy's dick, then I want something out of this deal." He turned to Duo. "When he wins, you have to be *my* servant for a week."
"Fine. But when *I* win, you have..." Trowa interrupted Duo with a shake of his head. "Forget it! I'll *already* be providing you with a service above and beyond. This is a win-win *only* situation for me."
Duo shrugged. "Fine with me. Fine with everyone else?" All three nodded and shook hands, before Heero left to find his unsexy items.
Duo went to put the ice cream away and then stopped as an evil idea hit him. He turned back to Trowa and slowly stuck his index finger deep into the carton. He drew it out and carefully, lovingly licked his finger clean, making small noises of contentment deep in his throat. He scooped some more ice cream on to his finger and held it out. "Want some?"
"Blow me, Maxwell!"
Duo winked. "Only if Heero picks your dick as an unsexy thing." He frowned, and looked consideringly at Trowa's pants. "Actually, that's probably pretty likely, huh?"
Once again Heero saved Duo from death at Trowa's hands, as he re-entered the kitchen, carrying a duffel bag. He looked a little bewildered, as if he didn't know how he had become involved with this bet. He sat down and dropped the duffel at his feet. "Right. Let's get this over with."
Trowa sighed the sigh of the truly martyred and sat cross-legged at Heero's feet, eyes level with Heero's crotch. He turned to Duo. "Bring it on, Sex Boy."
Duo held out his hand to Heero. "The first item, please."
Heero reached into the duffel and placed a lemon in Duo's hand. Duo stared at it, then at Heero, then back at his hand, and then back to Heero. He stamped his foot. "You're not even trying, Yuy! Like this will be hard!"
Heero shrugged. "Citrus is not sexy."
"Oh, my friend, my friend! How soon you forget! Do you remember, a couple of weeks ago I was showing you the *fun* side of your laptop? Remember those sites? That yaoi fanfiction?"
"Yes, but..."
"And what about that story? The one with Omi taking the train? Sweet little innocent Omi in his schoolboy uniform? And then Nagi arrived, Nagi with his clever hands and talented tongue, and before Omi knew what was happening he was naked and on his back, virgin ass in the air, begging, *pleading* with Nagi to..."(2) He stopped as Trowa raised his hand. Duo looked shocked. "What, already? I was just getting started."
Trowa pointed. "Sorry, but I see wood."
Heero looked at Duo in disbelief. "That doesn't count! That's from the *story*, not the fruit." He paused as Duo shook a finger at him. "What?"
"And *what* were those types of stories called?"
"Uh, they were called lemo. . .fuck."
As Duo launched himself into an impromptu victory dance, Trowa turned to Heero. "Weiss Kreuz porn?"
Heero shrugged. "What can I say? It was really well-written."
Duo finished his dance and flicked Heero on the head. "The second item, Hee-chan." He stared in disbelief at the pair of tighty-whiteys Heero slapped down on his palm. "Oh my God! *Where* did you get these?... No, never mind, I do *not* want to know." He looked suspiciously at Heero. "These *are* clean, aren't they?"
"Hn."
"Well, this is *too* easy then." He lowered his voice to a husky growl. "I think these *are* yours, Heero. I think I waited until you left, and I went in to your room. I think I found these on the floor with the rest of your dirty clothes."
Duo started making movements that mimicked his words. "I think I'm lying on your bed, holding them near my face, pretending that you're still wearing them." He placed his hand inside the underwear and began rubbing it against his cheek. "I think I scrape my teeth against your hot, hard cock, teasing you through the fabric. I think ever so lightly, so gently, I bite you, then soothe the bite with a hot, moist, open-mouthed kiss. I think I take my tongue and lick. . ." He broke off as Trowa once more raised his hand.
"Yes!" Duo flashed the v-sign and began dancing again. "Damn I'm good!" He shook his ass at the other boys.
Trowa's eyes widened as he looked at Heero. "Hey! What happened to your stiffy?"
"I willed it away."
Trowa stared at him, without blinking. "That is just *so* wrong on *so* many levels, Yuy." Heero shrugged, unconcerned.
Duo jumped up on a chair and spread his arms wide. "And now Shinigami the Super Stud will reveal the innate sexiness of item number three!" He arched an eyebrow. "And that item is...?"
Duo blinked in astonishment as Heero passed him a 2-foot long pipe wrench. He coughed. "Well, now." He coughed again. "This, uh, certainly is an, uh, interesting item."
Heero crossed his arms and smirked.
Duo's mind raced as he tried to think of something, *anything*, he could do to make a wrench seem sexy. Suddenly, his eyes were filled with an unholy glee. "Okay, kids. I'm only doing this because I really, *really* want to win. Don't try this at home."
Still standing on the chair, he quickly stripped, dropping his clothes on the floor. He wiggled his hips, making his semi-erect cock jiggle.
Trowa covered his eyes. "Oh God, just kill me now. Please."
Both Duo and Heero glared at him. Duo leaned forward and picked up the wrench. Making sure he had both boys' attention, he put his cock in the vice grip and slowly slid the wrench down. They watched with morbid fascination as Duo turned the screw until the wrench was clamped firmly at the base of his erection, handle pointing towards the floor.
Duo closed his eyes and threw back his head, releasing his breath in a hiss. A fine sheen of perspiration covered his body. He reached down and turned the screw a full rotation. "Sometimes." Turn. "A little pain." Turn. "Is a *good* thing." Turn. "And some times." Turn. "A *lot*." Turn. Turn. "Is even *better*!"
Duo licked his lips, hands clenched at his sides, his cock supporting the full weight of the wrench. Fine tremors ran through his body, and he tossed his head from side to side, moaning softly.
Above the wrench, his cock was red and swollen, hot and pulsing. Below it, the base of his erection was slowly turning blue, then white. His whole cock was twitching uncontrolably, wringing further moans and keening cries from Duo.
Trowa suddenly scrambled to his feet. "Yuy loses leaving bye" He was out of the door almost before the other boys could process his words.
Heero stood up and put his hand on the wrench, relieving some of the pressure. He smiled slowly, and it was pure evil. Without warning, he tilted the wrench sharply, causing the handle to smack between Duo's legs, crushing his balls.
Duo bit through his tongue and screamed as a white-hot bolt of pleasure/pain ripped through him. Like a thousand burning knives, his sperm pushed painfully past the constricting wrench to spatter fitfully against his chest.
He hovered on the brink of unconsciousness as Heero quickly released the wrench, letting it clatter to the floor. Duo's body wouldn't stop trembling with pleasurable aftershocks. He couldn't move, he couldn't stand, so Heero gathered him up in his arms rather than letting him fall.
"Hey Heero?"
"Yeah?"
"I win?"
"Yeah."
"You're my servant?"
"Yes." Sigh.
"Great. Put me to bed, I *need* to sleep."
Heero shook his head as he carried Duo up the stairs. "You know what, Duo? You're a fucking idiot."
Duo smiled happily. "Yeah. But right now I'm a fucking idiot with a *servant*."
END END END END
that's it. what did you think?
(don't hurt me!)
NOTES:
(1) i believe 2 things about cosmo. (one) it will be around forever, and (two) it's not *really* about fashion and dating, it's actually a clever satiric parody magazine.
(2) this is an actual fic called "Lemon Express" by jade, but since it's weiss kreuz, you won't have seen it here
ALSO: the wrench-dealie is another thing i have seen in RL. it is quite disturbing.
hyuy
hiding
(:./hyuy/sexy)
