Title: How To Speak Wufei-ese In Eight Easy Steps!
Author: CleverYoungThief
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Light Wufei-bashing, implied 1x2x1 and 3x4x3, swearing,
13x5 jokes made in the *worst* of taste...^_-
Pairings: implied 1x2, implied 3x4, implied 13+5
Genre: Humor
Archive: Ask.
Notes: Also known as "Wufei's Handguide for Dummies (aka Men)" Give it up, Wuffers. We all know you're a feminist, little-boy marshmallow under the justicey exterior. And here's the evidence to prove it!

How To Speak Wufei-ese In Eight Easy Steps! by CleverYoungThief

1. "That's just the kind of thing a woman would think of. But I follow my own path!"

   1. "How come *I* didn't think of that?!?
   2. "I follow my own path... but it will probably run into yours. Not that that's what I have in mind, mind you!"

 

2. "I will decide justice."

   1. "Faster than a speeding cricket... "
   2. "Able to leap curbs in a single bound... "
   3. "More powerful than a bearded lady... of *course* I'm more powerful than an onna, are you kidding?..."
   4. "I am the one, the only... Justice Man!!!!"

 

3. "Those who are right have to be strong."

   1. "And that makes you *wrong,* you weak little onna."
   2. "Which means, heh heh, that *I* am always right."

 

4. "A woman? Now it makes sense."

   1. "Stupid onna! You scratched my motorcycle!"
   2. "And now you know why I ran away instead of turning around and fighting you... an innate terror of the opposite sex."
   3. "That... doesn't make any sense." *melodramatic sob* "I'll never understand women! Why!?! Why do we have to put the seat down on the toilet for you!?! Why does it take you two hours to leave the house!? Why do you want us to talk about our feelings!?!!! WHY!?!?!?!?!?"

 

5. "I lost, to someone stronger than me."

   1. "Not only is Treize sexy, he can kick my *ass*. Talk about a turn-on."
   2. "No faaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrr!!!! He cheated! I was too busy watching his muscles flex to concentrate! I demand a rematch!"

 

6. "I don't kill bleeding hearts or women."

   1. "AHHHHHH!!!! IT'S A WOMAN! DUCK AND COVER! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!"
   2. "I could kick your weak little ass right now, but I refuse to get... *shudder*... *onna- cooties* on my precious Nataku. So I'm sorry... I cannot do you the mercy of ending your pathetic life today."

 

7. "Kisama!!!!"

   1. "My ponytail is too tight!"
   2. "There's a stick up my ass!"
   3. "MAXWELL!!!!!!!!!"

 

8. "... "

   1. *walks in on Duo and Heero* "I'm dying from major blood loss due to the nosebleed you two just gave me. I have fallen unconscious. Don't help me. I don't want to wake up and have to even *think* about that again."
   2. *walks in on Quatre and Trowa* "Walking away now with *entirely* too much information... "

The End

(:./cyt/howto5)