28-Apr-2004
Title: Tetractys
Author: Sol, but archived as Zefyr on FF & MM
Chapter 18 "Tiphareth, II" --- ONGOING
Genre: Semi-AU, AU-in-AU, Drama, Sci Fi
Pairings: Wait and see.
Rated: R for the time being
Archived: fanfiction.net and gwaddiction.com
Warnings: Violence, language, adult situations, butchered scientific theory
Archiving: Ask permission for each story separately, please.
Critiques: Always welcome, especially constructive.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, in case this wasn't obvious. What, do I LOOK like a
Japanese mangaka? Sure, if they regularly import mangaka from SCOTLAND!
Hehehe.
"You did it," Hilde said, for the fourth time.
"Uh, yeah, Hil," Meiran replied, leaning back in the chair and propping her booted feet up on the conference table. She let her head fall back, and turned to look at Hilde, who was still staring blindly at the table. "I won't lie. It wasn't easy, and we lost a lot of good people in the effort. But one last trip, and Viveka got us the Gundam pilots."
"That you did," Cat said, from her position by the wall. She was watching the door with a pensive face. "I wouldn't have thought that they'd even dress the same as the ones we knew."
Meiran shrugged. "Well, Quatre doesn't wear that vest... "
"Duo," Hil breathed, her look shifting to one of excitement. She started to stand, and Meiran on was on her feet as well, instantly.
"Don't," Meiran said, putting out a hand to block Hil. "Their lives... well, they're nothing like what you'd expect. And they have... " She paused, making a face. "I don't know how to put it. They have talents."
"They're Gundam---"
"Not what I mean, Cat," Mei retorted, over her shoulder. "Heero is telekinetic. Duo is pre-cognitive. Trowa can read minds. Quatre is empathic, and Wufei knows if you're lying or have malicious intentions."
"Duo is... " Hil's eyes went wide, and she stared at the doorway with longing.
"There are repercussions," Meiran said, stepping closer and turning Hil to look Meiran in the eyes. "They have to have physical contact in their sub-teams, to get a break from the stimuli."
"Physical contact?" Cat frowned. "More than just sleeping togeth---"
"Heero's been without his partners," Meiran answered. "No, I'm not positive of the extent of the physical contact, and I wouldn't say if I did know."
Hilde shook her head, as if she were trying to clear it. "Sub-teams?"
"Heero, Trowa and Duo are front line infiltrators," Meiran said. "Quatre and Wufei are the strategic and planning team."
"What the hell?" Hil gave Meiran a baffled look. "What the hell were they doing in their world?"
Meiran dropped her arms, and turned away, hugging herself. "Killing people on Treize's command."
Heero woke slowly, reveling in the feeling of two bodies pressed against him, and the utter safety of their presence. He smiled a little, and someone chuckled. Heero's face was against someone's chest, and the body rumbled with the sound of the laughter.
"Sleeping beauty wakes up," Duo said, but his voice was thick, and he coughed a few times.
"Should you be talking?" Heero tilted his head back to look up at Duo, and rolled his eyes when Duo grinned and shook his head. Heero snorted. "You didn't look good, and they said your lungs were damaged... " And I was worried, he wanted to add. And I was afraid I'd lost you, he wanted to say. And I... he closed his eyes, and considered going back to sleep. Perhaps when he woke up, he'd be able to think of what to say.
A second hand stroked his cheek, and Heero sighed, opening his eyes and twisting in place to see Trowa's contented smile. Heero smiled in return, and raised his arms, stretching broadly.
"I want to check on Lena," he whispered. "She was---"
"Bad," Duo replied. "But okay, now."
Trowa glared at Duo over Heero's head, and pointed to Duo's throat.
Heero sighed deeply, clapped a hand over Duo's mouth, and crawled out of the bed. "Shower."
"Least you have---mmmf!" Duo glared at Trowa over Trowa's hand, which had replaced Heero's.
"Clothes," Heero guessed, looking at Duo's and Trowa's hospital gowns. "I'll be back after I check on Lena, and I'll give you news."
Duo paused in his attempts to get Trowa's hand off his mouth, waved, and went back to his muffled protests.
Someone had set up a bed sheet to cover the door, and Heero pushed it out of the way, making a mental note to fix the door once he was completely recovered. He asked directions of one of the nurses, who pointed him towards the showers, and loaned him a towel and some soap. It didn't take Heero long to find the showers, strip down, wash himself off roughly, and get dressed in the same clothes. They were probably filthy, but he reassured himself that they were definitely better than hospital gowns that opened in the back.
The hallway in the med area was deserted, and Heero poked his head into several rooms before almost running into a doctor coming out of one. Beyond the man, Heero could see Lena's still form. He raised his eyebrows at the doctor.
"No, young man," the doctor said. "She's fine, but sleeping. She was awake for a meeting last night, after surgery, and we put her under again. Miss Darlian should be coming around in an hour or two. No point in you sitting and staring at her."
Heero realized the doctor was waiting for him to leave, and he hid a smirk. He wasn't going to sneak in, he knew, but the old man didn't look the most trusting. Shrugging mentally, he headed back down the hallway towards the room at the end, where Duo and Trowa were. He'd just put his hand on the temporary door when he heard Duo whisper. Heero frowned, displeased at the liquid sound, as though Duo's baritone was being heard through water.
"One way to shut me up," Duo was whispering, and Heero recognized that teasing tone. He'd been on the wrong end of it enough, but it wasn't the sly or malicious note Duo would get when provoked. It was... Heero paused, trying to figure it out. It sounded vulnerable.
He put his hand on the bed sheet, about to pull it out of the way, and heard something else. It was a soft sound, of murmurs and something else, like lip-smacking or perhaps... Heero frowned, realizing, and before he knew it, he was slowly pulling the bed sheet out of the way, peering carefully around the edge.
Duo was straddling Trowa, whose hands were on Duo's hips. Duo's hands were in Trowa's hair, and they were kissing deeply. Duo pulled away, his eyes closed, and Heero could see the tip of Duo's tongue running along Trowa's lips. Duo's weight was supported on his far leg, while the one nearest Heero was moving, sliding up and down, the bare foot rubbing against Trowa's calf and thigh.
"Trowa," Duo murmured, and Heero was frozen, watching, stunned. Trowa broke off the kiss to whisper something, a smile lighting his face as he looked up at Duo, who chuckled. "I'll be quiet later, I promise... "
Heero dropped the sheet, and turned his back to it, uncertain. Should he make a show of knocking? He'd never knocked before...
I never *needed* to knock before, he thought, and remembered Trowa teasing about needing an invitation to see him. Heero glanced up and down the hallway, but couldn't move. His feet wouldn't budge, and his back arched instinctively at the sound of a low groan coming from the room, muffled against something.
"God, Trowa," Duo said, sounding surprised and pleased. "I've never... god, are you sure? I mean... "
"Still sure," Trowa replied, and there was silence for a few seconds, then a gasp. "Keep asking, the answer's the same... "
"Ah." Duo whimpered, and the bed creaked. Duo chuckled self-consciously, almost nervously. "God, Tro... I've never been this hard---"
Heero tensed. They're a couple, he thought, his mind flashing back to Quatre and Wufei; all those quick glances and small touches. They'd been discreet, but the rest of the team wasn't stupid. The discretion simply meant it wasn't open for discussion. Heero's chest felt tight, as Duo's moan went through his ribs and spiraled down into his groin.
"How much longer to wait---" Duo's words ended in a giggle.
"Too long," Trowa replied. The bed springs creaked again, and Trowa laughed softly. "Here... "
Any response from Duo was swallowed in a low groan, lust-filled and taut.
They've been waiting to be together, Heero thought. We made that agreement, and now... He swallowed hard, his eyes searching the hallway as a part of his brain insisted that he was standing guard so his teammates wouldn't be embarrassed if a stranger entered without knocking.
"Please, fuck, please, *yes*... "
The words ended in another low moan, barely filtered by the single bed sheet in the doorway. Heero found himself turning, pulling back the sheet. He wasn't sure why, but he had to know. He had to look.
Duo was positioned over Trowa, his hands braced on Trowa's thighs, his head thrown back. Trowa was smiling, Heero thought, but it wasn't a smile. It was... Heero chewed his lower lip, trying to figure out the expression while ignoring the dull throbbing in the pit of his stomach, the waves of pain going through his ribcage.
"Yes, that's it... yeah," Trowa was muttering. His eyes were fixed on Duo, his mouth open, tongue licking upper lip as though tasting the air. Trowa looked... excited, thrilled, fascinated, delighted, hungry... and Heero's eyes reluctantly followed the movement of Trowa's arm, jerky rapid gestures that ended under Duo's dressing gown.
"God... *Tro*... I want... I want... *please*... " Duo's hips were shuddering, thrusting, his hands white-knuckled on Trowa's thighs, his body taut and bent like a bowstring. Duo's mouth was open, his eyes staring up at the ceiling, quick panting gasping breaths, his face creased, a grimace of pain or ultimate pleasure.
Heero clutched the sheet in his hands, twisting it unconsciously, his entire body tensed as he watched. Duo's back arched, further and further as his hips thrust against Trowa's hand, and Trowa was smiling, his entire being fixed on Duo. Heero swallowed convulsively and dropped the sheet, spinning to place his back to the room. Right then Duo cried out, a quiet, drawn-out moment, relinquishment and release and completion.
The room was silent, broken only by panting. Then a low chuckle, which sounded like Trowa.
"No, stay there, I---"
"Oh, fuck, what a mess," Duo said, interrupting, laughing. "Sorry, I---"
"No apologies... " Trowa was silent, and Duo gasped, a shocked sound. Heero braced himself, wondering what had happened, too terrified and confused to look. Waves of pain were passing through his chest, and it felt like he was crying again, grieving the loss of his friends, but his cheeks were dry, and it didn't make any sense. Trowa laughed, a low, wicked sound. "I like the way you taste," he said.
They're a couple, Heero thought. I should... I should... He shook his head, not sure. I should go somewhere else. Give them privacy. He wanted to kick himself, for sleeping between them. I wonder if they thought I was in the way, he wondered, and frowned. No, but maybe they thought--- and I was--- he shook his head again, hearing Duo whimper, and the noises of kissing... Heero forced himself away from the temporary door, his fists clenched.
I'll go see Lena, he said. I want... No, he corrected himself, refusing to want anything. It's better to just be happy. It's good they have each other. I want my teammates to be happy. They sound happy. They... they were... Heero frowned, and nodded absently as someone passed him in the hall. He kept his eyes half-closed, his face turned downwards. His entire body was still throbbing, shaking from what he'd heard, shuddering with the aftershocks of Duo's pleasure. He kept hearing that voice cry out, remembering the utter fascination and joy on Trowa's face.
They're happy, Heero thought. He nodded emphatically, not caring if anyone saw him. They're happy and this is good and I just need to... He didn't know how to finish the sentence. Sighing, he paused, leaning against the wall to catch his breath, and wondered why he suddenly felt like crying.
No, he told himself sternly. You were in the way for long enough; they've waited all this time. Now you have Lena and they don't feel sorry for you, they're not holding back so you won't feel abandoned. You're not in the way, you won't be in the way... he repeated that, his mental tone firm and strong. You have Lena.
Frowning as he set his jaw, Heero shoved away from the wall and stalked towards Lena's room, his head held high.
I'm not alone, either, he assured himself. Lena still wants me. *I* have someone, *too*.
Duo grinned at the ceiling, laying flat on his back. He'd had the worst coughing fit, and Trowa had ended up pounding him on the back to help him clear his throat. When it passed, he'd laid down, next to Trowa, and didn't give a damn about the sticky mess on Trowa's gown, now covered by the blanket. Let the shipmates wonder, he decided, and turned to give Trowa another goofy grin.
Trowa rolled his eyes, but couldn't keep from grinning back at him.
There was a soft tapping against the doorframe, and the bed sheet fluttered a little. Trowa looked at Duo, who shrugged, and Trowa sat up, clearing his throat before whispering, "come in."
A young woman pushed the sheet aside, one arm wrapped around what looked like a bundle of clothing. She was petite, and boyish, with short blue-black hair and wide blue eyes. Duo frowned, trying to remember, then smiled politely, as he recalled she was the woman who'd passed out in their room, a few hours before. He waved, and pointed to his throat, earning a pleased look from Trowa.
"I'm Hilde," the woman said, and smiled nervously. "Everyone calls me Hil. I... " She held out the bundle of clothes. "Meiran asked me to bring you these. Your own clothes were cut off you, when they were checking for injuries."
"Thanks," Duo said, but didn't move, instead pulling the blanket up a little higher. He felt flushed, and worried that it was too obvious. One look at Trowa, and he was sure he'd either blush deeply or starting grinning like an idiot again. Fortunately, Hil started backing up.
"I'll let you change," she offered, and stepped past the curtain.
Trowa dug through the clothes, pulling out jeans and checking the size before handing a pair to Duo. Quietly they dressed, although Duo couldn't help but steal a kiss as Trowa was about to pull the shirt over his head. The sticky hospital gowns were balled up and thrown in a corner, and Duo laid back on the bed, on top of the blankets, with his hands behind his head.
"Human again," he ventured.
Trowa nodded, and sat up, stretching. Putting on the socks Hilde had brought, Trowa leaned over, grabbing his boots. He pretended to glare when Duo ran his fingers across the small of Trowa's back, a finger across the strip of skin revealed as the shirt rode up. Duo raised an eyebrow at Trowa's look, and chuckled evilly when Trowa did that long-suffering sigh.
"Winner and Chang," Trowa said. "Get news," he added, conserving his words, but Duo understood. He paused, then held out his hand, and Duo stared at it for a second before cautiously reaching up to take a hold of Trowa's fingers. They didn't interlock or clasp; it was more like an odd handshake, a fingershake, a gesture that meant so many things but Duo didn't have words yet to describe. Trowa smiled, ducking his head as his hair fell in his eyes, then turned, pushed the curtain out of the way, and was gone.
A second later Hil entered, and Duo wondered if she had been waiting in the hallway. She smiled as she entered, looking around curiously. Duo motioned to the empty bed next to his, and she nodded again, seating herself neatly on the edge. Her legs swung, not quite long enough to reach the floor.
"Hi," Duo said. He wasn't sure what else to say, but at least he wasn't wearing a hospital gown any longer. He yanked on his shirt to indicate his meaning. "Thanks."
"Sure thing," Hil replied. "How's your voice? You don't sound too bad."
"Better," Duo agreed. He moved to sit opposite her, and noticed his socked feet met the floor without a problem. Hil was wringing her hands in her lap, and Duo stared. When she noticed his gaze, she made a face and separated her hands, tucking them under her legs. Duo gave her a friendly, if confused, look. "You okay?"
"It's a shock," Hil said. "You're... you're Duo Maxwell."
Duo grinned and shrugged, pretending to look modest. Hil giggled.
"And you have a lot in common with the Duo I knew, I can tell already," she observed. "Sorry about fainting before. I don't normally do stuff like that."
"Yeah." Duo shrugged again. "Yeah," he said, not sure what else he could say.
"So... " Hil stared down at her lap, stealing quick glances at Duo from under her eyelashes. "Did you know the Hilde Scheibeker in your world?"
"No." Duo shook his head, and tried to look rueful. "Sorry?"
"No, nothing to be sorry about." Hilde rolled her eyes. "Just curious. Ah... do you mind me asking?"
"Sure." Duo frowned, and grinned, putting a hand to the back of his neck. "Ah... no, I mean. Sure, ask."
Hilde was silent for several seconds, and then shook her head, a light flush staining her cheeks. "Now I don't know what to say!"
Duo grinned, absently letting his mind drift so the threads could start playing across her features. After a heartbeat, when he realized nothing had happened, he tried again, but could only see flickers. He frowned, realized Hilde was staring, and tried to smile, afraid it probably looked more like a grimace.
"You okay?" Hilde hopped off the bed, coming closer, peering into his face.
"Fine," Duo said, concentrating harder. He could see pinprick images in the corners of his eyes, but nothing cohesive, nothing he could follow. It wasn't that he wanted to, he told himself; it was that he couldn't, suddenly. He wasn't sure whether to be excited about it or worried, and decided he'd wait and ask Trowa, or maybe Quatre. Of all of them, Quatre and Wufei had done the most research on the changes Treize had put them through. One of them might know... or maybe it was a result of the drugs he'd gotten to counteract the poison gas. Duo decided not to worry about, but to enjoy the momentary lull. "Fine," he said again, and attempted a small chuckle.
"I bet ice cream would help that throat," she said, and cocked her head at him.
Duo perked up, with a smile.
"Thought so." She gave him a satisfied smirk, and grabbed his hand. "Come on, I'll show you to the kitchen." Hil waited while he slipped his boots on, not bothering to lace them, and then dragged him from the room. "Ice cream," she whispered in a conspiratorial tone, "is kept on every base and every resistance ship. We *live* on ice cream, after battles."
"Better than beer?" Duo chuckled.
"Almost... no, better," Hil amended, and tugged Duo's hand, clasping her fingers with his. "This way for double-chocolate fudge ripple... "
"With macadamia?"
"Of course," Hil said, casting him a sideways glance. "I know your favorites." She stopped, suddenly, and Duo almost ran into her. He looked down at her, and she shrugged, a rueful look flashing across her delicate features. "Sorry. I meant, my Duo... I knew my Duo's... "
"It's okay," he assured her. "It's my favorite, too."
"Good," Hil said, relaxing her shoulders in an exaggerated sigh of relief. "Otherwise I'd have to eat it all by myself... "
Duo grinned, getting the picture, and Hilde squeezed his hand. They turned down one of the side hallways, and he looked up to see Trowa heading towards them. Trowa gave him a puzzled look, and Duo opened his mouth to explain, excited. Trowa wasn't big on macadamia nuts, Duo knew, but he liked fudge, so maybe Trowa would like that part, and Duo could have all the--- Duo realized Hil was speaking, and he stopped daydreaming about ice cream and Trowa's long fingers on a spoon and Trowa's lips on...
"It was nice meeting you," Hil was saying. "I'm just showing Duo the ship, and he can tell you about it later." She poked Duo in the chest with her free hand. "When he's allowed to speak again."
Trowa nodded, raising his eyebrows at Duo, who shrugged, and let Hil pull him down the hallway.
Heero stared at Lena, watching the blanket rise and fall as she breathed the deep, even sleep of sedation. The bandage on her face was fresh and clean; he'd been present and helping when the nurse had checked the stitches in Lena's shoulder and cheek. Fifty-three stitches, over seventeen holes; gundamiam and alloy shrapnel extracted from the muscle tissue. Lena hadn't moved or responded, and Heero had sighed in relief that she'd not had to be awake for the prodding and poking. Now he sat, perched on the edge of a chair by her bed, and watched the fingers of her hand. There was grease under her fingernails, and it made him smile.
"So you're the other Heero Yuy," a voice said, and Heero looked up to see a woman walk into the room and take the chair opposite him. The woman's hair was shoulder-length, a deep coppery red that curled just a little at the ends. She was wearing jeans and an old sweatshirt, and seemed on edge. She stared at Lena for several seconds, before leaning forward and pushing a strand of honey-blonde hair out of Lena's face. The woman noticed him looking, and gave him a tired smile. "Cat Bloom. I'm the Heavyarms pilot."
"Oh." Heero nodded, unsure of what to say.
"Heard you did some amazing flying the other day," Cat began.
It took Heero a moment to place what she meant. He shrugged, rolling one shoulder minimally, both dismissing the compliment at the same time as avoiding providing a response.
"I'd say history repeats itself," Cat murmured. She leaned forward, and took Lena's hand in hers, stroking the back of Lena's hand with slim fingers. "But I don't think that qualifies if it's two different worlds."
Heero simply stared at her, hoping she'd either explain or leave him to his vigil.
"In our world, my brother died when Quatre shot him down, while he was under the influence of ZERO."
"He---" Heero cut off his words, frowning. "I thought your world's Winner destroyed a colony."
"That, too," Cat said, waving one hand. "And then Duo and Trowa went to stop him... and Quatre shot Trowa down."
Heero waited.
"Duo chose to go after Quatre," Cat mused. She tilted her head, giving Heero an appraising look. "Which is the same thing you did, I hear."
"Yes." Heero kept his voice flat.
"Instead of going after Trowa." Cat's eyes narrowed. "Your teammate of ten years... "
"Yes." He gritted his teeth, tempted to make the clock fly off the wall and hit her in the head. He didn't need to hear that he'd let Trowa down. He knew it well enough on his own.
"But Duo went after him." Cat sighed, and turned Lena's hand over, running a finger down the palm. Her voice was quiet, but something dangerous moved beneath the surface of her gestures. "Maybe it's karmic? That the first time, Duo chose wrong, and the second time, he chose right."
"I don't think it's possible to qualify right or wrong."
"Is your Quatre a good man?" Cat didn't look up, her gaze fixed on Lena's hand.
Heero blinked, and considered that carefully. "Yes. He's a good leader, and true to his word."
"Even when he promises to kill innocents," Cat replied, calmly. "You'd still follow him."
We all make mistakes, Heero wanted to say, fully aware of the thought's seeming flippancy and the deeper meanings in his own history. He suspected that wasn't what Cat wanted to hear.
"Always Quatre," Cat said, her lips quirking, but the smile didn't reach her eyes, which were coldly gray. "Never Trowa. Ironic."
I had to make a choice, Heero thought. And now I have to live with that knowledge. My guilt, Quatre's guilt...
Cat was still for several seconds, then shrugged. "Maybe I'm just having trouble seeing my brother's face on someone else's soul."
Heero looked pointedly at Lena. "I understand."
"It's hard," Cat whispered. "I'm talking to a ghost. I see ghosts. It's like... being tortured." She shook her head, and her smile faded into regret. "I could spend the rest of my life knowing this Trowa, and he will never be the brother I lost. But seeing him in the hallway, seeing him in that med-bay, it's like... having the visual reminder of my loss, walking and talking and always just a bit too far away."
Too far away, Heero thought: right there, and miles away. He nodded. "I know that feeling," he said.
"Oh, right." Cat lowered Lena's hand to the blanket. "You and Lena, in your world... ?"
"First crush, I think is the phrase." Heero was sure his expression looked abashed. Cat's eyebrows went up, and she chuckled softly.
"It wasn't a crush for our world's Lena," Cat replied. She leaned her elbows on the side of the bed, and stared at Lena's sleeping form. "It was love, of the kind that only comes along once in a lifetime, I think. She spent months trying to find out if he'd survived... "
"He self-destructed," Heero recalled.
Cat nodded. "Trowa picked him up, brought the body back with him to the caravan. Heero... died not long after Trowa arrived. The injuries were too severe."
"Caravan." Heero said it flatly, rolling the word on his tongue. It wasn't the normal word for a home, he knew.
"Migrant vineyard workers," Cat said. She shrugged. "My parents ran a vineyard, until OZ decided martial law was better than Italian independence. So after that, I started the migrant lifestyle, going where the vineyards had jobs." She shook her head, and leaned back in the chair, her gaze traveling across the room before coming to rest on Heero, as though it was a casual conclusion. "And you... how are you adjusting to this brave new world?"
"I... " Heero lowered his brows, and gave it careful thought. "It's overwhelming, sometimes," he finally said.
Cat's bark was a quick, delighted sound. "To say the least, I'd expect. Hell, it's overwhelming and this is my world." She glanced at Lena, then back to Heero. "But... ?"
"Lena has been a good person to know," Heero replied, slowly.
Cat nodded.
"But being separated... " He pursed his lips, and Cat nodded, just once; he realized she had probably been debriefed, if only to explain why he, Duo, and Trowa had been piled up in one bed when there were two empty ones in the same room. "It's a lot, at once."
"Thrown into the deep end?"
"Yeah." Heero reached out, tentatively, and picked up Lena's hand, running his thumb over the blunt fingernails. "Our lives weren't perfect, in our world, but I knew what to expect. Now it seems as though every time I start to figure things out, it changes on me again." He set Lena's hand back down, and pulled away, bracing his hands on his thighs as he lowered his head to stare at the white sheet, hanging unevenly along the side of the bed. "I can't keep up."
"Mm."
"I like Lena," Heero said, not entirely certain why he was talking to this stranger. "She's... she answers my questions. And laughs even when I don't mean to be funny," he added, and realized Duo did the same thing. It made Heero's throat constrict, and he figured it was sympathy pains for his teammate's experience with the poison gas. Perhaps he'd spent too many years around Quatre; that would explain a great deal of his reactions, he thought. "But it's all very new."
"New?"
"These things... " Heero shrugged, absently, and reached out, straightening the sheet. "I'm still not sure who we're even fighting. Or who we're helping, or if we can even help. It seems like it never ends. People just keep fighting, and arguing, and dying... "
"That's war."
"That seems to be life," Heero corrected. "My life. I am a weapon of war. I fight, and I kill. We fight, we kill, all five of us. I don't know if there's an end. The night before the mission - to rescue you and the other woman---"
"Hil," Cat said.
"Yes. You and Hil... I dreamed that when peace came to this world, we'd be swept away, to fight elsewhere. No end. Just... decades of blood." Heero raised his hand, and laid it over Lena's. "The Relena I knew was a pacifist. She believed in peace, believed that war was not necessary to resolve the issues in our world."
"This Lena did, too, once," Cat replied, gently. "As did I."
"This Lena is like... a ghost," Heero whispered. "I see her, and I see the Relena I knew, but she says different things, wants different things... she's willing to fight and kill to win. It's like... a stranger, who just happens to be identical to the one I knew, but only on the outside. The beliefs she held, the ideals that made me respect her. I respect this Lena, too, but... it's not the same."
Cat nodded, and said nothing. Her gray eyes were steady, her expression inscrutable.
Heero swallowed hard. "I was relieved, for just a second, when I thought she'd self-destructed. That now I would not have to look at her and see what I lost... what she lost, too." He lowered his head, and his voice dropped to barely a whisper. "Is that wrong? To feel that way?"
"Sometimes you can't qualify the right or wrong," Cat replied. Heero looked up sharply, but her eyes were sad. She gave him a crooked smile, and stood up, leaning over to kiss Lena on the forehead. "It's not wrong to want an end," she told him as she straightened up. "Just so long as the end is peace, and not eternal war."
"I'm tired of killing," Heero whispered.
"So am I," Cat replied.
End Part 18
(:./sol/tetra18)
