Urd-sensei Does Sex-Ed...
Saitou Hajime was a man who prided himself on efficiency of routine. He was a methodical man, for the most part. He entered his classroom at seven o'clock, his accustomed hour, and opened all the class windows. Then he lit up a cigarette and began to smoke while grading papers, angling one eye at the long-since disabled fire alarm. The papers were boring, for the most part, and without much imagination -- barring Recca's attempt at a graphic recreation of Hitokiri Battousai's fight with one of the Shinsen Gumi, and Urameshi Yuusuke's outlandish array of off-kilter Bakumatsu facts. Where had the damned kid found out about First Captain Okita's preferences? --or perhaps it had been mere speculation. Saitou contented himself with devising a suitable... punishment... for Yuusuke-kun.
Classes would begin in an hour and a half. Papers should be finished by then. Three history and one homeroom to deal with. Saitou hated homeroom. He thought freshmen should be tossed into the shark-infested waters to fend for themselves. Anyhow, homeroom, then the history classes. For lunch, he would have yakisoba.
Saitou shifted in his chair and stifled a yawn. A life so easily predictable grated on his nerves at times.
The door flew open without warning and Saitou snuffed his cigarette out quickly. Une-sensei and sometimes Kaoru were prone to trying to catch him in the act, on the hopes that Treize-kouchou would punish him or something. He looked up and gleaming golden eyes met deep brown.
"Temee ra," a deep voice growled, as a rangy body ambled into the room, hands buried deep in his pockets. "So this's where you got to. Yarou."
"Ahou," Saitou greeted the intruder with perfect calm.
Sagara Sanosuke shoved the door shut with his heel and stared at the lean-featured sensei. "Bastard. Have you forgotten our fight so soon? You walked away, so the win is mine."
Saitou shrugged, withdrew another cigarette from his pocket, and lit up.
Sanosuke reddened. "That's it? You give up?"
"Actually I didn't walk away," Saitou corrected in a clinical tone, exhaling a plume of gray smoke, "I woke up, climbed over you, and grabbed my clothes on the way out."
"Without even a note." Sanosuke's neck was a dull angry red.
Saitou raised an eyebrow. "We are men of action. Words do not become us."[1] He rose from his desk and took another deep drag, then flicked the cigarette into the ashtray. In one lithe movement he crossed the space between them, seized Sanosuke by the arms, and fitted his mouth to the younger man's.
For a long moment Sanosuke went still, letting Saitou work his lips open.
Then he shoved violently at Saitou's chest, beginning to struggle. Saitou caught his wrists and smirked as Sanosuke pulled his face away. He did so enjoy the ahou's token struggles.
"Let go! You're not fighting fair!" Sanosuke blustered at him, glowering fit to kill.
Saitou raised one pencil-thin eyebrow. "You don't enjoy this more?" He released one wrist and slid an arm around his ahou, caressing downward to cup one buttock. Sanosuke jerked in the circle of his arms, brown eyes torn with lust and the promise of violence. Saitou made a hungry noise and applied his lips again.
Saitou's fingers found a nipple beneath his shirt and he trapped it between two fingers and cloth, stroking, worrying it to a hard little bit as their mouths locked and fed. This time Sanosuke opened his lips to a tongue-twining invasion, a low groan escaping as his arms stole around Saitou to clutch at his back. Saitou purred his triumph and slipped one eager hand into the band of the younger man's pants.
Sanosuke writhed under his hands then jerked his mouth away, eyes flaring. "Yamero," he growled, but his eyes fogged half-shut again when Saitou squeezed his rear.
"What, suddenly shy?" Saitou inquired with raised brow as Sanosuke averted his face. He pulled Sanosuke closer in a possessive sort of grip. "There's an hour and a half until school starts, if you're worried."
"Not *here,* dammit!" Sanosuke glared. "We're in a school and I'm not gonna help you christin' yer fuckin' desk!"
Saitou released him abruptly and straightened his clothing. Sanosuke eyed him, wary, then snorted and turned to go.
One hand snapped out to claim the ahou's wrist. "Where do you think you're going?"
Sanosuke half-turned, features blurred with surprise. "I thought..."
Saitou snorted. "Hn. There's the problem, ahou."
Sanosuke began to bristle and Saitou stopped it with his mouth, catching the rangy muscular body in his arms again. Saitou smirked against the younger man's lips... perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to break routine for one day, after all.
The two boys walked into the classroom side-by-side, continuing a loud (on Duo's part) conversation that had obviously been carried on up the hall. Duo flipped his bag over his shoulder. "I'm NOT saying I'd jump right in bed with him!" he protested hotly, responding to some comment of his companion's. "You're taking my words SO out of context, Rin-kun! I'm just saying, I think Kurama-kun would be a really... great..." He trailed off and blushed red to the roots of his hair.
Kurama lifted fine auburn eyebrows and smiled, a sweet expression with wicked undertones. "Do go on," he invited with that little half-smile fixed on his face.
"N-nan demo!" Duo stammered and made a beeline for his desk. But he was wearing a somewhat goofy grin.
Rin just sighed and made a 'tsk'-ing noise, his own smile slightly wicked as he shook a finger in Duo's direction. He slid into his seat next to Dorothy and rummaged around in his bag, expression all artful innocence.
"What were you badgering him about?" Dorothy peered over at him curiously, flicking her wide crystal-blue eyes in Duo's direction.
"I think they should just do it and get it over with," Rin shrugged, "but Duo's been dancing around the issue even though Kurama seems pretty willing."
"Well, Hiei would be enough to make anyone nervous," Dorothy observed, referring to the stoic, fierce little transfer student from Japan, who for reasons no one wanted to find out had to wear substantial warding on his muscular right arm.
"Sou ka na," Rin admitted. "But as far as anyone can tell, Hiei hasn't touched Kurama yet, either."
"Which must make for one very frustrated kitsune!" Dorothy laughed, tossing back her cascade of white-blonde hair. They both looked over at the composed red-haired student, whose flame-brilliant locks and almost vulpine air had earned him the nickname of 'fox.'
"He wouldn't show it if he were.....unless someday we heard about a model student getting paddled for a sudden plant growth nearly swallowing some hapless boy alive," Rin joked with a darkly delighted expression.
"Oi, minna!!" A dark-haired boy whose haircut strangely resembled Kurama's skidded to a halt in the middle of the room. "Oi, Saitou-sensei won't be coming to class today! We've got a substitute!"
"Something happened to Saitou-sensei??" Duo demanded, expression disbelieving. "The world's grating to a halt, right? Are we all gonna die? What happened to him?"
"I dunno -- something about a sick-day and right-left[2]," Recca shrugged, "that's all I could hear before I figured I'd better get my ear away from Treize-kouchou's door."
"Recca-kun, you were eavesdropping?" Yanagi blinked at him from her seat.
"Iiiee..." Recca scratched his head then gave her a bright grin, "I was just polishing my skills as shinobi!"
"So who's the substitute?" Keiko inquired, then looked puzzled. "You know, I don't ever remember having a substitute teacher before at Wilmington..."
"Yeah, the teachers are all so horribly...healthy," Duo made a face. "And *fit.*"
"Ne, Umi," Yanagi turned to the girl next to her, "who do you think the substitute will be?"
The blue-haired girl flipped her hair back. "Anyone," she stated decisively, "would be better than *Saitou-sensei.*"
The bell rang and everyone seated themselves promptly, Recca scampering and skidding to claim the seat on the other side of Yanagi before anyone else could. At the last minute a slight dark-haired figure darted through the door and flitted to take the other empty desk next to Kurama.
Surprisingly enough, *Wufei* crossed the threshold late, hurrying to an empty desk in back with flushed cheeks. His uniform tie was slightly crooked. Duo looked like he was biting down hard on a whoop of laughter.
Keiko was peering around the classroom with a disapproving expression. "I think Yuusuke's cutting class again."
"...so what else is new?" Rin added.
They fell into an expectant silence as clicking heels echoed their way up the hall, closing fast. "I wonder who Treize-kouchou found on such short notice?" Duo ventured, then clamped his mouth shut as Keiko and Minako shushed him.
The door to the classroom opened and all eyes fixed on it. And then five and a half feet of curvaceous eye-dazzling Woman filled the doorway and some jaws dropped, as well. The substitute possessed smooth expanses of golden-brown legs that were barely covered by the almost indecently-short gray skirt. A gray suit jacket and ivory shell completed her outfit and her remarkable golden-brown coloring was complemented by the wealth of milk-white hair pinned up and back in a twisting creation of mastery that wasn't quite a bun or braids but a combination of both. Twin strands of white hair dangled on either side of her face in front of large golden hoop earrings and she tucked one strand back as she entered the room, eyes assessing the class that had been stricken dumb in awe or admiration or both.
The substitute broke into a smile -- warm, uninhibited, with a little bit of uncontrollable sexuality leaking out at the edges. "Ohayo gozeimasu," she murmured in a throaty voice.
"Ohayo gozeimasu!" the class answered her in a chorus, Duo's a little more enthusiastic than normal.
"Hello NURSE!" the boy muttered as the substitute teacher swayed her way to Saitou-sensei's desk. "She can sub for ME anytime..."
"I wonder if *she* paddles you for forgetting your homework..." Yuusuke put a finger to his mouth speculatively.
His seatmates regarded him in dumb astonishment. "When did *you* get here?" Keiko hissed. Then she turned red. "Hentai!"
"Class--" The white-haired teacher turned, and everyone's eyes snapped forward again. "I am Urd-sensei. I'll be taking over for Saitou-sensei for today."
"How 'bout the rest of the term?" Duo offered brashly.
"Duo -- !!" Minako hissed at him.
Duo shrugged and grinned unrepentantly. Urd-sensei gave him a considering half-smile, then opened up her briefcase. She crooked a finger at him. "You, my enterprising young man, have just volunteered to pass out papers for me."
"All right..." Duo sighed, but his eyes were still bright as he flounced to the head of the class. Rin rolled his eyes and snorted audibly when the braided boy managed to make contact with Urd-sensei's long, slim golden fingers.
"Urd-sensei, do you need to know where we were with the assignments?" Keiko asked politely after raising her hand. "We were just finishing with the Bakumatsu--"
"Yeah, it was really *bloody* and there were NINJAS!" Recca contributed, expression eager. "There was this really cool group, Shin--" Yanagi managed to elbow him in the ribs with her pencil case and he shut up.
"That won't be necessary," Urd-sensei interrupted, holding up one slim hand and giving them a sultry smile. Several of the boys could be heard almost audibly melting into puddles...and Dorothy was looking extremely intrigued. "I'm not very good at history or intrigue or tactics..."
"So why are you subbing for Saitou-sensei?" Duo blurted, then cringed and shut up as the whole class gave him a collective dirty look. "Ahhh, not that I'm not pleased! I am!"
Urd-sensei leveled him with a stern Look. "Pipe down."
Amazingly, Duo did.
"Actually, Treize-kouchou asked me to substitute because he thought each class should have the particular lessons my field of study is in, and your staff doesn't seem to have an appropriately-schooled counselor," Urd-sensei continued with an engaging smile.
Kurama was examining the handout. He raised his hand. "May I make a guess?"
Urd-sensei gave him a nod.
"Sexually-transmitted diseases?" he ventured, pointing to the "STDs" logo blazoned clearly across the top. The entire class wrenched their attention away from Urd-sensei (difficult) and picked up their handouts.
"Not quite...." Urd glanced at the seating chart, "Shuuichi-kun. Today, class, I will be teaching you the rudiments of Sex Ed."
Absolute and utter silence reigned.
Finally Duo guffawed. "You're kidding, right? You're teaching us *SEX ED?*" he yelped, gaping at their leggy golden-brown substiture. Didn't Treize-kouchou realize how unnecessary that was? Or maybe he merely found it amusing to send this curvaceous sexpot to do the teaching. Boy, he sure was glad Ataru wasn't here.
"It's a good thing Ataru isn't here," Rin muttered, echoing Duo's thoughts. Then he flushed. "Or Alice..."
"Yes, Maxwell-kun, Sex Ed," Urd-sensei affirmed with a quirk of her brow and a slight hip-wriggle that nearly induced howls throughout the room. "Now pipe DOWN!"
Duo's back snapped straight but there was still an unrepentant sparkle in his eyes. "Are you going to paddle me, Urd-sensei?"
Urd-sensei tucked one long strand of pale hair behind her ear and winked. "I only do that if you're *good,* Maxwell-kun."
The sound of jaws dropping resounded.
"Now," Urd-sensei began briskly, walking around the broad hardwood desk to sit against the edge, "I won't insult you all by going through the basics..."
A slender hand raised.rd nodded to the petite brown-haired girl.
"The... basics...?" Yanagi faltered, a crimson blush feathering her delicate features.
Urd facevaulted. "Y-y-you don't know?" Sensei sweatdropped, mouth ajar. She pulled herself together and half-turned, displaying an excellent view of the fabric stretched over her tight bottom. She put one finger to her lips. "Treize-kouchou assured me these teens were knowledgeable..." she was heard to whisper.
Yanagi had lowered her head and was blushing harder.
"All right," Urd-sensei was nodding, "all right... the basics. Let's say you've got a man, and a woman."
"Can we see diagrams with this?" Yuusuke called out.
"Urusai!" Urd whirled like a tiger.
Yuusuke shut up.
"Yanagi-chan, you *do* know about human anatomy?" Urd-sensei quizzed.
Yanagi nodded but then another hand lifted. Umi-chan's.
"Ano... I've only heard euphemisms," Umi confessed. "According to Fuu, sex is this-and-that and a lot of blushing."
Urd-sensei loosed a gusting sigh and smacked her forehead. "Treize-kouchou has NO idea..." she muttered. Then she squared herself, took an eye-popping deep breath, and marched behind the desk to pull down one of the rolled-up charts that hung above the blackboard.
In the class's previous experience, chartspace contained many dry and detailed schematics and maps that illustrated certain key tactical points and other military strategies of the Bakumatsu. Saitou-sensei had spent many an endless class period expounding on one or the other of his infinite parade of maps and illustrations.
Thus it came as a complete and utter shock when Urd-sensei yanked a string and a bigger-than-life, full-color, luridly-detailed plate of a penis and vagina came unspooling down, the bottom edge hitting the chalk tray with a resounding *SMACK.*
Recca dropped like a felled tree, spouting blood from one nostril.
Duo lasted a full minute longer before he clapped his hands to his nose. Minako hid her face, suddenly tomato-red. There were scattered gasps of shock from the other girls except Dorothy, who merely lifted a brow. "I didn't know they came in economy size."
Rin, even, was beet-red. Finally he gasped out, "It's in Technicolor!" and dissolved into howls of laughter.
Kurama appeared to be stifling something. Yuusuke, in his seat next to Keiko, was utterly silent -- no doubt due to her watchful gaze -- but his dark eyes danced.
Urd-sensei regarded her class with a long-suffering expression. *I have to do twelve more of these....?* "Umi, Yanagi...?"
Yanagi and Umi were examining the anatomy chart with composed, fascinated expressions. "Hai?"
"Shall we continue?"
"Hai, sensei!"
"Now, sex usually begins with hormones but we humans are lucky enough not to depend on those for *our* sexual motivation," Urd-sensei began to lecture, with another hip-wriggle that got the blood going once more. "Now, as you can see, the convex penis and the concave vagina are ideally
suited to fit together..."
"Recca," Yanagi whispered, prodding the fallen boy, "get up and pay attention."
"Yosh'!" Urd-sensei blew out a weary breath. "That just about does it for the sex. Any questions?"
Yanagi had begun taking notes during the lecture on oral sex. After a few minutes when Urd moved on to women, so had Rin and Umi.
Yuusuke waved an airy hand. "Yeah, when do the cigarettes come in?"
Urd glared at him and fitted hands to her hips. "Any not-wiseass questions?" she specified.
Another hand raised.
"WHAT!?" Urd nearly growled.
Hiei stared back at her, unblinking. "You missed a kind of sex," he pointed out calmly.
One slender white brow raised. "Did I, now?" Urd purred. "What was that?"
"Anal," Hiei stated with an unruffled equanimity, crimson-blood eyes fixed sidewise on Kurama.
Half the students crashed to the floor.
Urd twitched.
Yanagi raised her slender hand. "Could we discuss that, too, please?" she smiled, sweetly eager.
"Tell ya what..." Duo drawled, "why don't I just give you the URLs of a few sites I know...."
"Don't you dare, Maxwell, you pervert!" Recca leapt up onto his desk, a few shinai appearing between his fingers.
"Sit DOWN!" Urd-sensei snapped, "or I'll take you over my knee and spank you!"
Recca dropped swiftly into his seat and shut up.
"Why not me?" Duo inquired, expression doleful.
"Because Urd-sensei knows you'd enjoy it too much!" Dorothy shot back.
Duo sank into his seat and muttered.
"I agree, could we discuss anal sex?" Umi waved her hand around anxiously. "I wanna know everything!"
Urd-sensei regarded the class with narrowed eyes. Most of the class already knew about what Hiei had brought up, and half the *boys* had probably already tried it. Hell, maybe even one or two of the girls; who knew? "Yanagi-chan, Umi-chan -- you and I can discuss it after class, with anyone *else* who wants to." She turned and sashayed her way around the desk to pick up her handouts. "Besides, Saitou-sensei knows more about *that* than I do..." she muttered very softly.
"Sensei, did you say something?" Rin prompted with a wicked-smooth smile.
Urd sweatdropped. "Ohohohoho! Nan demo!"
"I wonder if it had anything to do with Saitou-sensei and his tendency to keep Yuusuke after class..." Rin whispered in aside to Dorothy, who nodded solemnly with a wicked gleam in her eyes.
"Now!" Urd-sensei drew another breath, riveting most of the male contingent and a few girls too. "We need to discuss the really important part of Sex Ed. Protected sex."
Yanagi lifted her slender hand.
"Hai~, Yanagi-chan."
"What does STD mean?"
Wufei was looking queasy. "That can happen... down there...?"
"Umh!" Urd-sensei nodded vigorously, golden hoops bouncing. "Be glad I didn't bring any slides."
Duo wobbled and pushed away from his desk. "Good NIGHT! There are *pictures* of that!?" he demanded, looking nauseous. "Ewwww...."
"Yes," Urd nodded serenely, "pictures of the genital area before the laser-burn surgery, and after."
The girls looked like they were about to burst into tears. Even Dorothy looked discomfited.
"So, what's the bottom line, boys and girls?" Urd-sensei tapped a brown finger against her cheek.
"Always use a condom," Yanagi volunteered promptly.
"Always make your partner get tested," Umi added with shell-shocked eyes.
"And remember!" Urd waggled her finger, twelve pairs riveted on its pendulum-motion like a lifeline, "even if your partner doesn't show symptoms, some of those diseases are incurable. They're with you for life."
The class stared at her, wide-eyed and quiet. Even Duo, Rin, and Yuusuke, the notorious loudmouths, were pale.
Urd nodded with satisfaction. She'd driven the message home. She swayed her long-legged way around Saitou's desk and rummaged around, producing first a box, then a carton. She peered into the box and smirked. Still mostly full. "Condoms, anyone?"
Attention shifted away from her and now the class began throwing furtive glances at one another. Everyone looked at Duo. Duo hummed something tuneless and twiddled his thumbs.
"Hai, sensei!"
All eyes snapped at that to the petite brown-haired girl who sat with hands folded, smiling sweetly.
"I think it's very generous, sensei," Yanagi beamed. "I'll take some."
Urd controlled a snicker. Generosity had nothing to do with it -- Saitou-sensei would surely wonder what had happened to his stash. And what was he doing with a stash of condoms in his desk, anyhow? Urd could only conjure up evil thoughts.
"Yanagi," Recca gasped, a strangled sound.
"What?" Yanagi turned that sweet expression on him as Urd handed her a handful of condoms.
"Betsuni," Recca slouched into his seat.
"Anyone else?" Urd raised a brow.
A moment of silence ensued. Rin gulped and finally asked for some. Yuusuke leaned back and just *grinned,* which earned him a whack from Keiko. "As if you'd get any use out of them!" she sniffed.
Expectant eyes returned to Duo, who was now playing with the end of his braid. "Iya~...I'm set, thanks," he displayed a careless grin. "But could we have the banana demonstration for condoms, please, Urd-sensei?"
*BAM!*
"Ooo~oops," Minako smiled a wide, bright smile. "Duo's such a clumsy boy!"
On the floor, Duo twitched.
Sensei cracked open the pale blue carton and a cat's cream smile worked over her face. "Now, for the really fun part," Urd declared.
Duo perked and uprighted his chair. "The spankings?"
"Maxwell!" Wufei yelped.
"Wha~at?" Duo pulled an injured expression. "Wu, you want one, too?"
Wufei shut up, bronze cheeks burning.
Urd held up a hand. "No spankings, Maxwell-kun," she reiterated. "Now, everyone pair up. This is going to be a partnership exercise."
"Partner?" Recca parroted, and turned to Yanagi. "Hime-chan?" She offered blushing acquiescence.
Duo swiveled towards Kurama with a grin.
Rin raised an eyebrow at Dorothy, who nodded with a small shrug.
Hiei turned in his seat to fixate on Kurama.
"Wufei-kun, be my partner?" Umi offered cheerfully as Yuusuke was claimed by Keiko.
Kurama was looking flustered between Duo and Hiei, whose gazes were crackling with barely-suppressed heat.
"Kurama -- " Duo began.
"Oi, Kurama," Hiei put in, a faint wisp of smoke -- smoke!? -- seeming to hover over the heavily-bandaged arm.
Kurama's attention swerved from one to the other and he began to look panicked.
A slim manicured finger tapped his shoulder. "Kurama-kun, care to be my partner?" Minako asked with a brilliant smile.
Duo and Hiei broke their evil dark stares to pin Minako with even more murderous looks.
"Arigatou, Minako," Kurama accepted gratefully.
Duo and Hiei switched their murderous glares to Kurama. They hadn't yet realized...
"Well, Duo and Hiei, you're the only ones unpaired," Urd-sensei's rich tones rolled through the room. "Since you seem to be SUCH good friends, you can be partners."
Duo's and Hiei's eyes widened in shock. Then they growled audibly at each other.
The braided boy's attention was distracted as Urd-sensei began to sway up the aisles, lithe hips moving as she distributed pale spheroids from the blue carton to every other desk. The partners stared at each other. Urd-sensei finished handing them out then faced the class once more, tossing the carton out.
"Nani kore?" Yuusuke demanded, holding the object between thumb and forefinger.
"It's an egg, stupid," Hiei answered with withering scorn. "Hn. Idiot."
"I know it's an egg," Yuusuke shot back, "but what're we supposed to do with it?"
Dorothy clapped her hands over her mouth and turned bright red.
"Insert batteries?" Rin interpreted for her in a side whisper.
Dorothy turned redder and nodded.
"Egg babies," Urd-sensei informed the class, eyebrow twitching. "Your task, as a couple, is to keep your egg baby alive for the next week. As proper parents you should agree on the name of your child, and how to care for it, and split those duties equally. And whichever couple's baby lasts the longest, wins the prize."
"Spankings?" Duo ventured hopefully.
"NO SPANKINGS!" Urd-sensei blasted back at him.
Recca and Yanagi were staring at their egg, and then each other. They blushed. "Can I...name the baby?" Yanagi asked in a very small voice.
Duo wrenched his eyes away from the nauseating cheesiness of the couple and stared at Hiei. "I don't care what the hell you name it, and we are NOT a couple."
Hiei bared tiny fangs at him in a vicious little smile. "If this egg breaks because of your recklessness, I will finish you."
"It's just an egg!" Rin called at Hiei, shaking his head, then turned to Dorothy. He nearly sweatdropped at the intent expression on her face. It spoke of many things that made Rin want to flee. Baby clothes. Frilly female stuffs. Ack... baby talk!!
Then Dorothy looked up. "We'll name it 'Omelette,' " she said, "because that's what I'll make for 'Dachi when we win."
Rin blew out a relieved breath. "You had me worried for a moment there," he shook his head, rubbing at his lavendar hair.
Dorothy drew herself up, scornful. "I have no maternal instincts," she assured him, then flashed him a grin. "We *will* win this."
"We'll name it Keisuke," Keiko was deciding, holding the egg in the palm of her hand, "and you'd better not break it! Or leave it anywhere! Or bring it anywhere near the schoolyard during a fight! Or--"
Yuusuke's face was acquiring a trapped, edgy look... as if he were preparing to make a dash for the windows and the schoolgrounds beyond and make a Yuusuke-sized hole to get there.
Duo and Hiei were glaring each other down.
"Mine," Duo growled.
"*Mine,*" Hiei snarled back.
"MINE," Duo vowed.
"*MINE!*" Hiei roared back.
Kurama had his head buried in his hands and was shaking it slowly, red curtain of hair slithering over his shoulders. Minako patted him comfortingly. "There, there," she soothed. "There's worse things they could've named the egg than 'Kurama.'"
"I have a very busy schedule," Wufei was explaining to Umi, "and since childcare is a woman's job anyhow--"
"WHAT!?" Umi screeched.
Urd regarded the sudden chaos of her class and smiled a smug smile. There was always at least one couple that managed to drop theirs before making it out the door. "I wonder how long before—"
*Crack.*
*SPLAT.*
"WAHH!! YOU KILLED IT! You killed our baby!"
"Woman! It was NOT our baby!" Wufei asserted with a crimson face.
Minako plopped down beside Kurama and contemplated their spheroid 'child.' "So, how about baby names?"
"You're too irresponsible to take care of a rock, let alone a baby!" Hiei snapped at Duo.
"Oh yeah? Well, it's not a baby!"
"Idiot!"
"Shrimp!"
"NINGEN!"
"YOU--" ...a glance at Urd-sensei... "SHORT NINGEN!"
*Crack*
*SPLAT*
"Wahh! Hime-chan, gomen nasai!"
Duo suddenly pulled his attention away from shouting at Hiei and left the spiky-haired Japanese student shouting at the air. "Oi... hey, Urd-sensei... what IS the prize for winning?"
Urd smirked until she had the class's full attention. "A romantic dinner for two, for the winning couple."
Hiei stared at his egg in horror. He promptly launched it at Duo's head.
Duo ducked and it hit Kurama in the face.
*SPLAT.*
"Oh, my," Dorothy murmured, looking at Rin with chagrin. "I don't think 'Dachi would like that 'romantic dinner' thing at all."
Rin grimaced back. "Neither would Alice."
Yuusuke grinned at Keiko and gave her the thumbs' up. "Looks like we've got a chance at winning, Keiko-chan!"
*Crack*
"YUUSUKE NO BAKA!!"
Saitou rolled over onto his side, snatched something off the nightstand, and lit up a cigarette. Sanosuke leaned back into the pillows and scowled at him.
"I wish you wouldn't do that right after... ya know. It's gross and your mouth tastes like an ashtray."
Saitou sucked in a long, deliberate drag then exhaled in Sano's direction. Into his face. Sanosuke caught a mouthful of smoke and began coughing.
"Bastard. Eat shit and die."
"No," Saitou replied after a moment's pause. "I don't think I will. But give me a few minutes and I'll eat *you.*"
Sanosuke's eyes widened.
Saitou ground out the cigarette and reached for his ahou. "I wonder how long Treize-kouchou can hire that substitute for..."
The End
Notes:
[1] I paraphrased Princess Bride's Westley, who said, "We are men of action. Lies do not become us." ^^
[2] -- "Sanosuke" translates in Japanese to "right, left" or so Priya tells me. *giggles lecherously* Kristi and Priya have been bugging me to write a Saitoh/Sano and I did cave, but it's still unfinished. Need to PUT it someplace.
Talya Firedancer -- Please send feedback to the author at: Talyachan@aol.com
(:./knm/wilmington20)
