Best Friend by Psyche

Part Five

Nothingy day today. Same old work, same old home, same old conversations;

"Hi, Duo. How was your day?"

"The usual. Yours?"

"Fine. Want to go out later?"

"Wasn't planning to. Anything specific in mind?"

"Nah. Doesn't matter."

"Kay."

"Well, I guess that means we're staying in again."

"Yep."

"Want to do anything?"

"Not really. That okay?"

"Sure, fine. Your turn to cook today, right?"

"Yep. Salmon."

"Sounds great. Is that the recipe you learnt from Heero?"

"Yeah, it is. Hey, by the way, you really have to read his book. It's brilliant; really speaks to you..."

"I'll start it this weekend. Unless you want to do anything together..."

and so on and so forth.

Sometimes it leads to discussion--where to go on our annual holiday, what our old friends are up to, favourite films and television programmes--that sort of thing.

Quite often we end up doing something after all. Hilde's always a lot of fun. She's a really great person to do stuff with--we have some great times together.

We'd do that every night, but sometimes I'm just not in the mood. That's the way it is-- for everyone, to some degree or other. It really doesn't bother me like it used to--it's natural to not always be feeling quite so lively.

The only problem is when we get stuck in that endless loop of small talk. Rare, but it happens, and it just kind of annoys me, I guess.

I wonder why people bother with small talk. It's so totally pointless. Maybe it's to avoid the silence... the silence can really be chilling... sometimes.

I promised myself yesterday to write about the party today, but there's really not that much to tell. I started a few conversations with Hilde, but they were always interrupted. And besides, I can't remember the exact words used anymore, so transcribing them now would be less than pointless--I'd only change what was into what wasn't.

(Ten years from now, when I'm trying to recall my past, I don't want to find myself left only with lies.)

(I'd rather have nothing at all.)

There was food (nibbles), there was dancing, there was music, drowned out by noise, there were smiles and headaches, there was wine, there was warmth, there was tiredness and there was weariness, and there was laughter, filling and filling the house.

It was a party.

It made people happy.

Hilde danced and smiled, and drank and smiled, and chatted and smiled some more. She flirted with Heero, as usual, which a little cruel, because it worries him, but by the same token very, very funny to watch. She flirted a little with pugnacious yellow spots, which would have been funny, had it not been for the fact that the silly woman thought Hilde was just making conversation. She flirted with Rob, which was just kind of cute.

She nibbled on the nibbles, told jokes that kept us laughing for hours, and vehemently denied any comments even approaching flattery with charming affability.

She was a little quiet when the surprise was first revealed--I think she may have suspected my true motives--but she good humouredly tossed back a glass of something alcoholic, and was soon having as much fun as everyone else put together. She really did seem to let go. It was great!

Since then, Hilde's really been back in her normal ways. A little more tired, perhaps, but also, I think, a little more relaxed. Things aren't quite so forced with her anymore, and she seems confident that things are going to be okay. _She_ is going to be okay. I'm glad. I'm glad.

Things are fine between Heero and me.

The argument, the cross, the strangeness... all gone--everything is back to the way it was a month ago. The way it was a year ago. The way it's 'always been' since before I was married.

In a way, I almost miss fighting with him.

For a while, I was worried that the... _smoothness_ between us after I shouted at him out on the street while the party was going on inside, while we were tidying up the day after, might only have been temporary. He might have calculated that the best course of action would be to appease me for a while, before bringing back the tension, the confusion, the occasional hurt. Or he might not have wanted to show pain when not in private.

No.

Things are fine between Heero and me.

Everything is good, at the moment. I'm glad.

It's funny, though, the way Heero can just sweep everything away as if it were nothing-- doesn't matter, wasn't real--just always just seems to forget.

Maybe it doesn't matter. It should matter, be real, be something--remember.

So it doesn't really matter at all, because I'll remember it.

?

I'm not making sense--need sleep. Night.

It was Hilde's turn to spring a surprise today. She's taking me rock-climbing in Scotland. We're leaving tomorrow, and will be part way up a mountain by Tuesday afternoon! It's probably pretty obvious that I'm looking forward to it. It's such a long time since I've been on a _real_ mountain, out in the open, and not just one of the climbing walls at work.

Climbing is Hilde's and my shared passion.

We first gave it a go in May AC197.

I was feeling restless. Almost always before, there had been something pressing to be done--surviving, training, fighting...

Even in the year immediately following the War, although for many, it was a time of peace, I was still a soldier--moving from place to place, protecting high-ranking politicians like Relena from assassins, helping with the formation of the Protectors organisation (then called the Preventors), training, preparing for the possibility of another war--Heero and I kept ourselves very busy then. There were a few weeks when we finally felt confident--when we felt complacent enough to send our gundams into the sun. And then there was another war, and the aftermath of another war, and we were busy again.

And then, suddenly, there was nothing.

Heero went away.

I discovered later that he needed to sort himself out--untangle himself, almost. He ended up writing.

It was something he needed to do.

Nevertheless, he went away.

I was living with Hilde again. We'd been seeing one another, on and off, since the end of the War. It was natural enough to be with her. There just wasn't anything it was 'natural enough' to be doing with myself.

Then, a friend of hers went on a rock-climbing holiday, and came back raving about how wonderful it was, so Hilde suggested we give it a go. After all, how bad could it be?

It was absolutely amazing.

I felt... I had _energy_ in my life again.

A few years later, I was a qualified climbing instructor, taking regular trips to the mountain ranges of Earth.

It was more than 'natural enough'--it was my nature.

It's a part of my happiness.

It's a part of my love.

End Part 5

(:./psyche/best5)