Title: Start Me Up -- 7/?
Author: tkmaxwell777
Category: Shonen Ai/Yaoi
Pairings: 13x6, 6x5 implied, 1+2
Rating: R
Warnings: AU, Angst, Language, Lime
Archived: Yep! Thanks Lev :) Lev's Lair and TK's Violet Haven
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters. Rubbing is racing... do we need any more invitation for yaoi than that?! :)
Wufei made his way to the hotel room. He knew his lover was going to be upset. Losing to Yuy was not something Zechs was going to take lightly, especially since it was Heero's first stock race. The Chinese boy winced as he thought about all of the sulking he was going to have to endure... and then smiled in spite of himself. At least he'd get to 'console' the blonde.
He and Zechs had been together since the end of the last racing season. Although it had been initially against Wufei's ethics to be involved with an opposing team's driver, Zechs had coaxed him into the relationship by promising to keep their job out of their love life. Neither one spoke about their respective teams unless there was a problem that had to do with personally. Wufei knew that tonight would fall into that category.
Walking up to the door, he used the card key that he'd picked up at the front desk to get in. Although he'd told Zechs he'd be by much later, he'd decided to forego dinner with the others in order to get something with the other man in hopes of soothing his lover's bruised ego. He'd learned over the last few months that Zechs had several insecurities, brought on partly by his unstable childhood and subsequent alienation; Wufei had tried to be a stabilizing force in his life because of that.
As Wufei entered the suite, he heard noises coming from the other room. Frowning, he walked over to the door and opened it. The sight that met his eyes both enraged him and tore at his heart. There on the bed, his lover lay... with Treize Kushrenada thrusting into him. Zechs hair was wet with sweat, showing that they had been in the act for a quite a while. Treize was mumbling words of encouragement while the blonde panted in reply. Wufei felt his anger come to the forefront, and he continued into the room, slamming the door behind him loudly. Both men on the bed froze. Zechs pushed Treize off of him, turning his startled gaze to the Chinese boy standing there, furious obsidian eyes staring back.
"Wufei... I can explain..."
"Oh, I'm sure you can, you lying bastard," Wufei ground out.
Zechs pulled the sheet around him. "There are things you don't know, Fei. Things I couldn't tell you. Please... don't..."
"Don't?" Wufei asked, his voice taking on an icy edge. "I don't think you're in a position to tell me what I can or can not do, Merquise." He looked at the other man beside his lover. "I always knew you liked pretty boys, Treize, but I never thought you'd fuck your own driver."
Treize smirked at him. "Zechs has been mine for a long time, Chang. He knows he can't leave me. You were just... well... a little diversion in his off-season."
"Treize," Zechs growled.
Wufei glared at the team owner. "I've never been anyone's diversion, little or otherwise, Kushrenada. If anything, he was mine." He turned to the blonde, seeing the flash of hurt there, but refused to respond to it. "And as far as I'm concerned, this little diversion is over."
Before either man could say anything else, Wufei turned, opened the door, and left. As he walked out of the room and down the hotel corridor, the Chinese boy ignored the hot tears slipping down his face.
Howard sighed heavily as a knock sounded at his door. Looking at the clock, he knew it could only be one person. "Duo, you should go to bed and sleep it off," he called out as he unlocked the door and opened it. He was surprised to see a pair of blue eyes staring back at him instead of violet.
"I need to talk to you," Heero said, his voice uncharacteristically husky.
Howard could tell the boy was upset. "All right. Come on in."
Heero followed the older man inside, noticing the shorts and Hawaiian print shirt Howard was wearing. He noticed the sunglasses were missing. It was the first time he'd seen the man without them. Kind blue-gray eyes looked at him, and he suddenly felt like a little kid for some reason. "I didn't mean to disturb you, but I need to ask you a couple of questions."
"Okay. Shoot," Howard said as he sat down in one of the chairs in the sitting area. Heero sat down in the adjacent one. Silence filled the room until Heero finally began speaking.
"Duo was afraid for me today after that last accident happened... why?"
Howard had suspected the other boy would ask him about it sooner or later, and he'd decided that if Heero did, he would tell him, regardless of what Duo thought about it. "Duo's brother died on that track, under similar circumstances two years ago. When the accident happened today, Trowa told me Duo almost hyperventilated."
Heero frowned. "Howard, this isn't good. I can't let his fear keep me from driving the way I have to. He cost me second place."
"I know, Heero, and I'm not making excuses for him. You asked me why, so I told you."
Heero sighed. "Fair enough." He looked at Howard with a guarded expression. "He was close to his brother, wasn't he?"
Howard smiled sadly. "Even though they were brothers by adoption, they were two peas in a pod. When my brother and his wife, who were their adopted parents, died in a car accident five years ago, Solo and I became Duo's only remaining family. My being in the business only encourage them both to join the team. If Solo had lived, they'd both be racing, loving the competition."
"Why doesn't Duo race anyway? Is it because he's too afraid?"
Howard shook his head. "No. When Solo died, Duo lost all fear of death for himself. In fact, for a few months after the accident, he was under a suicide watch."
"Shit," Heero mumbled, raking his hand through his hair. "So he's got some kind of complex now about putting drivers in danger?"
"Something like that," Howard replied, taking in Heero's nervous motions. Something else was going on. The Japanese boy wouldn't be this upset over what had happened today alone.
Heero looked at the older man, knowing there was more to the story. "Then why won't he race? I can tell he loves it, so there's got to be a damn good reason why he won't."
Howard closed his eyes. The boy had a right to know. "When they pulled Solo out of the car, he was still alive. Duo was with him right before the paramedics got there. He was crying, begging Solo to hold on." Howard looked directly at Heero. "With his last breath, Solo made Duo promise him that he wouldn't throw away his life like he had. Duo took that to mean becoming a driver, though I don't believe Solo meant it that way." Howard looked away, shaking his head again. "Even though he's refused to race, Duo can't stay away from the circuit. It's part of him, and he needs it like he needs air to breathe. Coming here is the hardest thing he has to do, but he does it, trying to remember and forget at the same time."
Silence fell again as Heero thought about what Howard had told him. It helped him to understand quite a few things about the braided boy, but how could it explain what Heero had seen in the garage? "The girl at the track today, Sylvia, she was Solo's fiancée?"
Howard nodded. "Solo's death really hit her hard. Duo tries to see her every time we race here."
Heero debated his next question, not wanting to draw the wrong conclusion, but trying to understand. "Did Duo get involved with her before or after his brother's death?"
Howard's eyes widened. "Involved? What do you mean?"
Heero didn't like where this was leading, but he pressed forward. "I went back to the track tonight because I couldn't sleep. When I got to the garage, I saw them... together."
"Well, they always spend time together at the track when Duo's in town," Howard said with a shrug.
"No, Howard. I saw them..." Heero took a deep breath, embarrassed by what he was getting ready to tell the other man. "I saw them having sex in the garage."
Howard's jaw dropped. "Are you sure?"
"I think I know what that looks like, Howard," Heero replied, a little annoyed that Howard thought he might not. He continued relaying the odd encounter he'd witnessed. "She told him that she was leaving for college and asked it they could have 'one last time' together. I didn't mean to watch..." Heero's face flushed slightly. "But something wasn't right between them... Duo wasn't... he didn't seem to really want to... and she... Sylvia... she yelled Solo's name when she... you know."
"Shit," Howard muttered, shocked by the implications. "What the hell was he thinking?"
"I don't know," Heero admitted, "but after she left, Duo was yelling... at Solo. I heard him say something about Solo making him become his fiancee's whore." Heero swallowed. "He was... crying. I didn't know what to do, so I just came here to ask you about Solo, to try and understand what happened today, and figure out why Duo would... do that." Heero looked at Howard, hoping for some kind of explanation.
Howard sighed heavily. "Sylvia and Solo hadn't consummated their relationship. She was a few years younger than him, and Solo had insisted they wait until they were married." The older man shook his head. "Of course, that never happened. I guess Sylvia figured being with Duo was the closest thing she could get. Solo and Duo were a lot alike, but still, Sylvia shouldn't have used Duo like that. I suppose shared grief can make you do crazy things, but...Duo shouldn't have..."
"No," Heero agreed, feeling his heart twist, "but maybe Duo did it out of some sense of guilt?"
"Probably. Even though the accident wasn't his fault, he felt like he should have done something to keep Solo from ignoring him."
"Ignoring him?" Heero asked, confused.
Howard nodded. "Duo had seen the oil on the track. He'd radioed Solo, but Solo refused to listen."
Heero remembered his own words to the braided mechanic earlier... and felt nauseous. The boy had been so afraid for him, so afraid that history would repeat itself. Heero didn't want to race with that kind of fear hanging over the team, but still... he couldn't blame Duo for feeling that way. There had to be some kind of compromise they could make.
"Howard, I'd appreciate it if you don't tell Duo I came here tonight," Heero said softly, "or about what I saw. I don't think he'll be seeing Sylvia again, so it's really useless to bring it up at this point." When he saw Howard nod in agreement, he continued. "I'm not saying Duo and I are going to be the best of friends, but I'm not going to let myself get upset at him when he's being... himself. I can see it's the way he copes with things, and I don't want to take that away from him. It would be better if he didn't know how I came to this decision, or he might think I'm being nice out of pity."
"Aren't you?" Howard asked, raising an eyebrow.
Heero shook his head. "No. I respect Duo. He's the best lead mechanic I've ever met. I know I argue with him about things sometimes, but that's just because we end up making better choices because of the conflict. Duo can be so stubborn."
Howard smiled. "Yes, he can, but so can you."
Heero snorted. "I know. Believe me, there's not a single shortcoming of mine that I'm not aware of." He couldn't keep the bitterness out of his tone.
Howard heard it and decided to see what he could do about it. "Heero, I think sometimes you're way too hard on yourself."
Heero shifted uncomfortably, looking away. "I don't think so."
"I know, but that doesn't mean it's not true." Howard saw the flash of something in those blue eyes, but the boy remained silent. He knew he didn't have a right to pry, but Heero needed someone to care enough to confront him... and Howard did. "Who hurt you so much that you have to hide your heart all the time?"
Heero glanced back at Howard, the overwhelming urge to leave making him stand suddenly. "I think I need to get to bed. See you in the morning."
Howard stopped him before he could take more than a step. "Heero, I know it's scary to trust someone once you've been betrayed. I also know that you don't really know me. I was just hoping that you see that even though you're not family, I feel like you're a son. All of you boys are the sons I never had."
Heero turned, his eyes burning with anger. "My father didn't give a damn about me. When my mother died, he took me in, but only to abandon me to be raised by people in his household who didn't want me either. Living up to the expectations placed upon me as his son, when I knew what kind of a man he really was, didn't exactly set well with me. I left... and I never looked back. Comparing yourself to being a father to me isn't a very complimentary thing in my thinking."
Howard reached over, laying a hand on Heero's shoulder. Heero jerked, but he didn't try to pull away. "Then how about you think of me as an uncle instead? I know it's hard after all this time. Being ignored hurts like hell, doesn't it?"
Heero felt his mask of indifference slip just a little. "Hai." He'd always reverted to Japanese during the most emotional times of his life. He didn't know why he was even considering what Howard was saying. The anger he'd felt a moment ago had fled; leaving something he didn't want to deal with. He couldn't...
"Your father was a fool," Howard continued, "a fool who didn't realize what a fine son he had. I sure as hell would have loved to have had a son like you, Heero." He noticed how Heero was shaking slightly. "But another nephew would be just as nice. I know we're not blood, but sometimes that's better. You told me it was too late earlier, but I think you're wrong. I think we may be just in time."
Heero shook his head, choked up with emotion. How could he have let this man get to him like this? He couldn't allow it. It... hurt. It hurt too damn much. He reached for his calm resolve, or at least his angry bitterness, but all he could find was emptiness... and loneliness. "I... I can't... Howard... I..."
"Yes, you can," Howard said softly. "All you have to do is try. That's all I'm asking."
Heero closed his eyes, shaking his head again, forcing the tears away even as one escaped to trail down his cheek. "No...I... it won't work... I can't..." It was a small voice, one of a hurt little boy.
Howard recognized the pain immediately. He'd seen it on Duo's face so many times when the boy had first come to live with the Maxwells. He also knew what would help take it away... love and time. He pulled Heero into a comforting hug. Heero tensed at first... then just collapsed against him. Howard could feel the other boy shaking, refusing to give sound to the sobs he was fighting. He rubbed Heero's back soothingly, letting the boy give into the pain he'd tried to push aside for so long.
Heero tried to calm himself, but the warmth of Howard's arms around him made him feel safer than he had since his mother had died. He let his tears flow, ashamed and relieved at the same time. He'd envied Duo and the other guys for having Howard. He had been jealous of the way Howard took care of everyone, and deep inside he'd really wanted to give in and let the older man take care of him too like that. What would be so wrong with that? Why did he have to be alone? Howard was a good man, so why shouldn't he let him be there for him the way Heero needed him to be?
Heero pulled away after getting control over his emotions. Howard just stood there while Heero wiped his face. "Arigato... Ojisan..." he said, using the name for uncle tentatively. He found he liked the sound of it.
"Forgotten," Howard said with a wave of his hand, a smile on his face. "And believe it or not, I know some Japanese, and you may call me that from now on... 'Ro."
Heero grunted, not liking the shortened name Duo kept using, but giving into it anyway. "Aa."
Howard ruffled his hair. "You'll never be rid of me now, you know," he winked. "Once you've been adopted by a Maxwell, that's it. You'll be taking care of me when I'm old and retired."
Heero smirked. "I'll take care of you all right..."
Howard laughed. "Now you get to bed before I ground you. We've got an early morning, and if my suspicions are correct, Duo will be a bear to deal with."
Heero nodded. He was tired, physically and emotionally. He made his way to the door and turned... only to find Howard standing beside him. The older man pulled him into another hug, and this time, Heero didn't resist at all.
"Goodnight, 'Ro. Try not to stay up all night thinking either. It's bad for your health."
Heero found himself hugging back, smiling slightly. "Night, Ojisan."
With that, the Japanese driver left to go back to his room. Howard was still staring at the door minutes later, wondering what Duo was going to think of him taking in the other boy. The wicked grin that spread over Howard's face would have made anyone think he and Duo actually were related.
The next morning, Duo made his way into the garage, blinking his tired eyes at the bright sun. He'd fallen asleep on the concrete floor, only waking around two in the morning. Cursing himself for being stupid, he'd made his way back to the hotel to catch what few hours of sleep he could. Now, his body was informing him of just how little those few hours had done in terms of rest. When he came around the corner to see Heero standing by the car, he groaned internally. He was NOT in the mood...
"Yuy, whatever you want to say to me needs to wait until I have at least two Mountain Dews, a Snickers, and a bag of Cheetos in me," he warned.
Heero smirked. He'd done a lot of thinking after going back to his room last night, despite Howard's admonishment, and had decided to make amends before they left the track. He could see the other boy hadn't slept well and felt partly responsible. "I just wanted to apologize to you for my behavior yesterday."
Duo was walking past the other boy and stopped mid-step, turning to look at him. "What?"
Heero straightened. "I'm sorry for how I acted after the race. I was angry because Hilde passed me, but you were right to put my welfare before winning."
Duo blinked. "Um... okay... who are you, and what have you done with my driver?"
Heero frowned. "I'm being serious, Duo. I shouldn't have said those things to you."
"Okay... well..." Duo fumbled for words, completely shocked and confused. "No hard feelings, I guess." He put out his hand, blushing slightly, though he couldn't figure out why.
Heero took his hand in a firm grip. "No hard feelings, and I'll try to think before I react next time."
Duo smiled slightly, enjoying the feel of Heero's hand against his. "I shouldn't have second-guessed Quatre," he admitted. "You were right when you said that he is your spotter, and you should listen to him."
"But you were right too about him not having as much knowledge as you," Heero countered, still holding Duo's hand, even though he knew he should let go. "I think you should help him until he has more experience. Just don't... I mean... Duo, you need to learn to trust me, to trust in my abilities."
Duo nodded, seeing real emotion in Heero's blue eyes for the first time. What had happened to the other boy? "I'll try," he whispered.
Heero let go of Duo's hand. "That's all I ask. Thank you."
Duo just stared at him for a moment, before replying, "You're welcome."
"And how are my two nephews doing this morning?" Howard asked as he walked up to them.
"Two nephews?" Duo asked incredulously.
Howard threw an arm around Heero, noticing how the Japanese boy blushed. "Yep. I've adopted him."
"Wait a minute," Duo said, glaring at his uncle. "What'd'ya mean you've 'adopted' him?"
"I've adopted him," Howard replied with a grin, taking great delight in how shocked his violet-eyed nephew was. "You can consider him your 'kissing cousin'. He doesn't have any family, and I've decided to take him in."
"Not officially," Heero interjected, noting the look on Duo's face. "Just... emotionally."
Duo looked at him. "Emotionally? Since when do you have emotions?" Duo regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He saw hurt surface in Heero's eyes before the other boy looked away. Duo wished he could take it back, but it was too late. Why had he done that? He wasn't jealous... was he?
Heero felt like he'd been slapped. He hadn't expected Duo to react like that. After all, wasn't it the violet-eyed boy who'd wanted him to be 'part of the family'? He tried to ignore the hurt those words had caused, but he'd been caught with his guard down. All he knew to do was get away from Duo until he could regroup. He did manage to reply softly, "I've always had them, even when I didn't act like it," before walking away.
Howard watched Heero leave then turned to Duo, anger in his voice as he spoke. "Don't you ever do that to him again, Duo Maxwell. Do you know how hard it was for me to get through to him?"
"No, but that doesn't mean I have to act like he's family now just because you decide to make him a member," Duo said sharply, not sure who he was angrier at, himself or Howard.
"You know, Duo, I've always been impressed with how you look beyond the exterior to see the real person inside of someone. You did that with Trowa and Wufei, even Quatre. Why is it you can't do it with Heero? Why can't you see that he hides behind indifference because he's afraid of getting hurt?"
"Listen, Howard, I've tried to get along with him, but every time I think we're making progress, he gets all pissy with me," Duo countered, truly angry now. He didn't need Howard taking Heero's side in this... whatever it was. "If he's so damn fragile, then maybe he shouldn't be racing for us." Duo walked past the older man, intent on getting the stuff packed up so they could get the hell out of there.
Howard shook his head and went to look for Heero. He didn't know what was wrong with Duo, but he suspected there was a whole lot more to it than even the braided boy understood. He found Heero behind the garage, sitting on the ground, leaning against the metal siding. The lost look on his face made Howard's heart ache.
"He didn't mean it that way."
Heero shrugged. "Doesn't matter. I had it coming."
Howard sat down beside him. "No, you didn't, 'Ro."
Heero was fighting to repress all the feelings inside of him at the moment, but when the older man put his arm around him again, he couldn't keep from letting his head go to Howard's shoulder. After all, Howard was his Ojisan. Heero knew Howard took family seriously, even if he'd only been adopted last night.
"Why does he do that?" he asked suddenly, "Why does he use humor to keep from being serious and anger to hide his discomfort?"
Howard smiled; gratified that Heero could see Duo so clearly. "I don't know. Probably for the same reasons you use indifference to keep from getting hurt and anger to keep people from liking you."
Heero pulled away, looking into those knowing blue-gray eyes. "We're the same, aren't we?"
Howard nodded. "I think you would be best friends... possibly even more... if you both would quit hiding from each other."
"I can't get involved with him, Howard," Heero said softly.
"Why?"
"Because..."
"Because why?"
Heero sighed, glaring at Howard. "Because he'll only end up getting tired of me, and I can't let myself fall in love with him if he's just going to leave me." He blushed at his own words. Damn it! Why did this man have the ability to make him talk to him? Maybe they really were related...
"Heero, you're already in love with him," Howard replied softly. "Both of you fell as soon as violet met blue, and you know that. Why fight against destiny?"
"Because fate has always been unkind to me, Howard. I can't trust her. I can't."
Howard smiled. "Ah, fate can be unkind, but destiny..." he looked up at the sky, remembering. "Destiny can be unbelievably wonderful."
Heero didn't know what to say to that, so he just laid his head back on Howard's shoulder. They watched the clouds for a few minutes, Heero finally calming down as Howard pointed out various shapes and figures in the fluffy white, actually gaining a smile now and then from the Japanese boy.
"Well," Howard sighed after a while, "stuff's not gonna get packed by itself. Think you can face the braided terror now?"
Heero smiled in spite of himself. "I think so. Thanks, Ojisan."
"Anytime, 'Ro. Anytime."
They got up and made their way around the building... neither one noticing the boy that had been watching them from around the corner.
End Part 7
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