8 June 2000
DISCLAIMER: All Gundam Wing characters are property of Sunrise, Bandai Visuals, Sotsu Agency, and Asahi TV. This work is not written for profit, but for entertainment purposes only.
WARNINGS: Shonen-ai (will become lemon); angst; some sap (my fault, not Tzi's) Pairing: 6x5/5x6 (Implied 13x6, 13x5)
>>I can feel the pain
That won't go away
We can't change that he left us
But it's up to you to stay<<
Another day, another visit, this one in a downpour of rain. The grass was wet, spongy with spring beneath Wufei's feet as he came with the habitual wreath of of blood roses, rambling wild and thorn-tipped and placed them lightly atop the stone after removing the others. Rain slid down the back of his neck as he knelt, drenching the tanktop he wore, hadn't removed since he'd seen Zechs the day before -- or had it been longer than that? /Marquise.../
He realized, somewhat, that the other man had been concerned in his own way. No one much worried themselves with him -- he could take care of himself -- and so that stuck rather forcefully in his mind. /Was I rude? I don't recall... but I don't suppose it matters. He won't come back./Red petals from the wreath of the day before fell with the water droplets to pool on the grass at his knees. There was something almost childishly fascinating in that as he watched them, drawing in a deep breath.
Zechs stood away from the gravestones, under a black umbrella, watching the boy approach and kneel. /Funny, I've come here several times and seen no one. Now I see him twice in two days time. What a beautiful little jest someone is playing on me.../ He didn't speak, not wanting to interrupt the boy's thoughts, so he focused his eyes on his own headstone and wondered about what it would feel like to finally die. He had come so close, so many, many times, but had never actually crossed that threshold. Who would he see when it happened? Treize? Or perhaps his father, who he had adored? /And Treize was, in many ways, very much like a father to me... now both are gone, and I can't do anything about it.../ He looked again at the dark-haired boy. /Was he a father to him, too, I wonder?/
"You're here again," Wufei finally intoned solemnly, not looking up. "I wasn't sure you would come again. I don't think I was very polite yesterday."
"No, you weren't. But I come here every day, or have since I returned to Earth." Zechs walked a few steps closer to the boy, still kneeling on the ground with his back to the tall blond. "You shouldn't be out here with no jacket on. You'll get sick and that will just add to your misery. I have some towels in my car. Why don't you come sit for awhile and let yourself get warm."
After a moment of silence, Wufei surprised himself by answering. "Xie xie."
Zechs led the way to the car, a small two-seater with a tiny space in back of the seats for cargo. They got in and Zechs reached back to grab a large towel. "Here -- dry your self off and then wrap it around you. I'll turn on the heater."
Obeying quietly, Wufei pulled loose the rubber band holding his ponytail back to get the excess water out of his hair as he shivered, finally getting most of the cool summer rain dried off of him and wrapping the towel around him. His eyes were half-closed as if it wouldn't take very much to lull him to sleep. /Have to remember to get something else to help me sleep... the last pills aren't working anymore.../ Especially not since every time he closed his eyes, a bright Tallgeese with blue accents inevitably exploded behind the lids.
The rain pounded on the roof of the car, making a pleasant, steady drumming sound that alleviated the silence that followed. Zechs stared at the little streams of water that spilled down the flooded windshield, relaxing, as he always did, at the feel of warm air on his face. /He used to dry my hair... move the dryer around and cover me with heated air... God that felt so -- Stop it now, Zechs. It's no good and it won't change a thing. Just stop./
>From out of nowhere, Zechs heard his own voice, speaking to the shivering boy next to him. "Where do you go, Wufei? When you leave here everyday. Where is it you go?"
That question woke Wufei from his almost-doze and so he answered honestly, before he could think. "Back to the Romafeller estate where Treize stayed." Suddenly, it felt as thought the air had been sucked out of Zechs's lungs, so startling and painful was the information. /More proof. Proof that the one he really loved was this boy. I'm the intruder here. I'm the imposter, thinking that he still had feelings for me. Who the hell am I kidding.../
"Ah, I see," he managed to get out. "That doesn't seem to be the best place to come to terms with things and get on with your life." /Why am I surprised? Why is any of this shocking? He got rid of all of his old baggage and started fresh with a new enemy, a new outlook... a new lover. All fresh and shiny and new./ "Tell me, Wufei -- why do you stay there?"
"Because there's nowhere else to go," the younger of the two said finally, eyes squeezing tightly shut. "I never saw it before... I came back to Earth. That was after.... after it ended... it wasn't like you think... it was done a long time before... before you even left Earth for space, I think," Wufei said sadly. "But it was the last place he was, sort of. One of them. And I... and there's nowhere else to go..."
Zechs turned to look at the boy, eyebrows drawn, frowning with a sudden concern he didn't understand. "Wufei," he whispered. The world became just a little unreal as he reached his hand out to cup Wufei's cheek, turning the tired face towards him and staring into the boy's eyes. "You shouldn't be doing this to yourself. What happened... was entirely out of your control, surely you must know that. Treize -" Zechs voice broke a little on the name, "- Treize wanted to die. He thought that it was the only way that peace could be realized. And as horrible as you think it, he wanted that last, intimate act to be done by the one person he loved more than anyone else." The blond was fighting back tears at his own words. Words that felt torn from him rather than offered. "That was you, Wufei. You may hate what he did, but at least try to recognize it for what it was."
Perhaps it was in that moment that something vital in him was lost, or maybe regained; afterwards, he could never quite tell why he did what he did or what caused him to do it. Perhaps it was the touch of Zechs's hand on his face; perhaps the azure blue of his eyes and the shining sincerity in them, the pain that echoed his own, deep and true.
Perhaps it was only that he knew there would be no better opportunity to stop the descending madness that seemed to eat at the depths of him, alone as he was. "I'm afraid," he whispered shallowly, a hot tear dripping down a cheek and trickling over those fingers. "I don't know what to do." It was the closest he could come to asking for help.
"You only have to do the hardest thing in the world," Zechs answered softly. "You have to accept the fact that he's gone and be proud that you were his, for however long a time you had." The blond leaned in closer and held the dark-eyed boy's gaze through sheer will. "He blessed you with his life and he blessed you further with his death. And no matter how much you would have wanted him to stay, his heart was always willing to make that sacrifice. Nothing, Wufei, *nothing* you could have done would have prevented that." Zechs watched in shock as his own thumb brushed the tear-dampened lips. "Nothing..."
The link with that dark-eyed gaze was cut off slowly as black lashes lowered and Wufei sniffed, drying strands of black hair falling forward to caress Zechs's hand. The feel of his lips moving against those fingers was somehow soothing as he murmured huskily, "I want to. I want to, but...." Another of those silvery damp streaks fell and struck against those fingers, and then a third. "I can't even control this anymore. I can't even control me anymore... and he's gone... and we're alone... you and me..."
Zechs dropped his hand for them moment and pulled the boy close. "You're not alone, Wufei," he said, stroking the silky black hair. "You're not ever alone."
He hadn't slept in so long and the touch of those fingers was soothing, the presence of someone else, someone who understood, seemed to hold the images that flickered through his mind at bay... "I'm tired, Zechs," he finally said, head too heavy to lift anymore as he pulled in a deep breath, almost asleep with the pounding of the rain on the roof of the car, the warmth of the heater... the warmth of Zechs's touch.
He'd never called Marquise by his name before, had he? He couldn't recall... but it seemed the thing to do, considering.
The next moment, Zechs heard slow, steady breathing. /God... what am I supposed to do now?/ He looked down at the sleeping boy and came to a decision. There had to be a reason they kept meeting, something beyond mere coincidence. And in this place... /Treize. You always asked the impossible of me. And this is nothing less. And I always did the impossible because it was you who asked.../
There was a small frown on the blond's face as he eased the boy off of his shoulder and buckled him into the seat. Then he got out of the car, leaving it running, and walked slowly back to the grave. He knelt in the wet grass, the water pounding off of his umbrella, and kissed the wet stone passionately. Putting a hand up and once again tracing the name carved there, he whispered what he remembered of a childhood prayer and then murmured, "For you Treize... I'll do this... for you." Behind the clouds, there was a flash of lightning and the tall man turned and walked back to the boy he'd just accepted responsibility for.
End of Part 2
(:./kumiko/lvvs2)
