11-Nov-2003
Title: Meeting Beatrice
Author: Sol (archived as Zefyr on FF & MM)
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Pairings: 1+R (past), 1+2, 3+4...
Rated: PG or PG-13 for mild cussing (maybe).
Warnings: Silliness and fun, mostly at the expense of two canon characters.
Archiving: Sure, just write me at zefyr@hereticstudios.com
Critiques: Always welcome, especially constructive.
Disclaimer: I just like to take them out and play with them. I promise to put them back where I found them.
Spoilers: Takes place 3 years after EW, and may reference some events/past history.
"You three're all Prevent's, too-hunh." The statement was a slurred question, and the speaker leaned drunkenly into his friend.
The three men on the steps of the house's back deck glanced at each other, and one nodded. The second one, a young man with close-cropped red hair, pointed to the name on his jacket, which said Murray. The third waved a half-full beer bottle at the speaker.
Auda blinked at them, and turned to Abdul. "I bet they're goooood guys."
"They shoul' be, if the' guys who wor' wi' Mast' Quat..." Abdul stumbled over the name and tried again. "Kumquat." He blinked. "Quarry." He frowned and scratched his head, and knocked himself in the forehead with the bottle in his hand. He didn't seem to notice, and finally waved the bottle about, a vague motion. "Th' short guy wi' blond hair."
"Yeah," Auda replied, and looked the three Preventers over again.
"Say," the first Preventer spoke up. His dark brown hair was a curly mess. "Aren't you guys Muslim?"
"Las' time I checked," Abdul said proudly. He swayed, and grinned as Auda hiccupped.
"You're drinking," Murray observed.
"Ah-hah!" Auda pointed at Murray, turning in delight to Abdul. "I tol' you these were goooood guys."
"Is oh... kay..." Abdul told the three Preventers, and waved the bottle. "Neither wheat nor... something."
"Something else," Auda agreed.
"But this is mead," Abdul finished.
"Honey!" Both Arab men concluded, their faces a drunken picture of bliss.
The three Preventers exchanged a look. The third man took a swig of his beer and shrugged.
"We charge you to kee' an eye on th' house," Auda announced, pulling himself up to his full height. He bumped against Abdul, who nodded seriously. The effect was ruined when Auda hiccupped a second time.
"Okay," Murray said slowly. "Hugh and Samuels and I will do just that." He winked at his two friends, who rolled their eyes.
"Here's ye' ord'rs," Abdul told them. He pointed a finger in a direction over the Preventers' heads, squinted, refocused, and pointed his finger at Murray. "Yer Preventers and therefor' I char' you to keep a solemn eye---"
"Eyes," Auda interrupted.
"Both eyes," Abdul replied, without missing a beat. "On th' house and its... envelope. Envision." He took a drink from the bottle and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Environs," he said loudly, and grinned, pleased.
"Anyon' go in or ou' then you tell 'em to stan' up and state their business," Auda told the three Preventers, who nodded solemnly.
"What if they won't stop?" Samuels drank the last of his beer, but never took his eyes off the two swaying Maguanacs.
Auda waved a hand in the general direction of the house. "Then let 'em go. If the' won't stop, they're not worth much for bein' so disenchant... disenfranchise... disrespectful." He nodded sagely. "An' you can be glad you're rid of 'em."
"If 'ey won't stop," Abdul said, "they're no' our Master's friends."
Murray glanced at Hugh, who shrugged.
"An' while you're at it," Abdul continued, "no talkin'. Tis a bad thing, talkin' while lookin'."
"Gets ya in trouble, that," Auda agreed.
"We weren't planning on talking," Hugh replied amiably. "Actually, in a little bit we were planning on sleeping."
"Sleep is good," Abdul replied. "An' another thin'... if you see drun' patrons, help 'em to bed."
"To bed," Auda added, nodding his head. He blinked, and hiccupped, then blinked again, as if surprised.
Samuels elbowed Murray, who grinned and spoke up again. "What if we see someone breaking in?"
"Oh," Auda replied, waving his hand about. "Bad, stealin' and breakin' in an' stuff... don' go near 'em. You're gooooood men, right?" He stared owlishly at the three Preventers, who looked at each other, then nodded at the Arab. Auda smiled, pleased, and nearly fell into Abdul. "Let 'em go. I always say, if you lie dow' wit' dogs, you get up wi' fleas."
"A wise thin' to say," Abdul added.
"Dogs, fleas, right," Hugh muttered.
"Sides, we gotta weddin' tomorr' an' ya never know who'll break in, the ni' before," Auda replied.
"Yer orders, men, are to keep the horse... " Abdul frowned and gave the bottle a long hard look. "Haunt... house... safe."
"Safe," Auda repeated.
"No problem," Murray told the two drunken Arabs. "You're off to bed now, right?"
"Bed," Auda said.
"Bed is good," Abdul said, and waved the bottle around a few more times.
There was a long pause, during which Auda hiccupped two more times. Finally they seemed to silently agree to sway in the direction of the house, and made their way past the three men sitting on the steps. Their footsteps dragged until they got to the sliding glass door, at which point they spent several minutes pulling on the door. Hugh got up, slid the door open, and waved the two Arabs into the house. They expressed their gratitude by pressing the half-full bottle of mead on him, and he returned to his seat with a bemused expression.
"Maybe that's why Muslims don't drink," Samuels observed.
"Or maybe we should get them to drink more often," Murray replied.
Hugh scrubbed at his curly brown hair and grinned, leaning back on the steps to stretch out his long legs. "Maybe we should tell Quatre to forget hiring entertainment at his next party, and just get his Corps drunk, instead."
The three Preventers were nearly done with the last of their drinks and ready to depart when they heard footsteps coming around the corner of the house's deck. Murray jerked his head to see, and nudged the two men on either side. Their instincts were all on alert, although uncertain why, and the three men silently crept from the stairs to huddle beneath the deck.
The footsteps stopped just above them, and the person leaned out to stare at the sea. Murray could see just enough to identify the young man as Bart, the Preventer who worked for Dorothy. The redhead elbowed Hugh, who nodded and grinned. Lovelorn, his expression said, and Samuels' grin confirmed their suspicion. They froze at the sound of another set of footsteps.
"Hey, Bart," Conrad called. "Been looking for ya. Good news!"
"What's that?" Bart turned to watch his coworker approach.
Conrad's voice dropped to a whisper, but the three listening men could hear him clearly as he spoke. "Boss ain't so bored, now. She stirred up a fine pickle, and you're in her good graces."
"Me?" The younger man sounded confused. "What did I do?"
"You know that chick you dragged out to the beach... " Conrad chuckled and leered at his young coworker. "Hot babe, too."
"I didn't drag her," Bart muttered, a little embarrassed. "I wouldn't have presumed, but Boss nearly shoved us together and told me to get out there."
"Good thing you did, too," Conrad replied, still amused. "Gave our Boss something to do. And well you know, a bored Boss is a frightening Boss."
"That's true," Bart replied, a bit of sullenness entering his voice. There was a pause, and when he spoke again, his voice was suspicious. "But what does Louise and me have to do with our Boss?"
"You need a haircut," Conrad said. He ruffled Bart's hair, ignoring the younger man's attempt to swat his hand away. "And from the back, you look a lot like Heero Yuy."
"What about it?"
"And Louise looks a lot like Relena Darlian," Conrad continued in the same pleased tone.
There was a long pause. The three men under the deck held their breath, waiting for Bart's response.
"Are you saying... "
"Yup," Conrad said, and laughed. "From what Boss says, that Duo Maxwell jumped right into conclusions! Hot damn, he can leap fast." He chuckled spitefully. "Guess you missed his nearly top-speed exit from the house, hunh."
"He's left?" Bart's tone was bewildered.
"Boss wanted me to bet the wedding would be on, but I said no." Conrad leaned against the deck and stared up at the sky. "Never bet with the Boss. She don't make no losing calculations, y'know."
"Yeah," the younger man said softly.
Murray glanced at Hugh, who nodded. Beside them, Samuels made a few fast gestures, then slowed down and did it again. The three men nodded, and simultaneously burst from their hiding place, launching themselves up the steps to grab the two surprised men.
"You two are bastards," Murray exclaimed, and dug his hands tighter into Conrad's arms. The two men on the deck had barely had time to react before they found themselves pushed against the deck railing, their hands yanked behind them.
"Damn bastards," Hugh added. "We'll make you pay for what you've done."
"Right," Samuels agreed.
There was another long pause.
"What do we do with them?" Murray whispered, vaguely aware that he'd had just enough beers over the course of the night that his brain wasn't reacting quite as fast as he was used to.
"Do with them," Samuel repeated dully. He tightened his grip on Bart, and the younger man whimpered slightly. "Throw them in the surf?"
The other two Preventers stared at him, then Hugh frowned. "I say we take 'em to headquarters, and let our manager figure it out."
"Sounds like a plan," Murray said. "Who's got the handcuffs?"
They had no handcuffs, so Murray and Samuels held the two men while Hugh located several plastic trash ties. With a bit of finagling, he constructed temporary handcuffs, and the two silent men were led from the house's deck and shoved into the back of a squad car. The three Preventers squeezed into the front, and headed with their quarry to the local Preventers office, where an overnight jail and a manager would await them.
End Part 6
(:./sol/meeting6)
