26-May-2000
revised 22-August-2004
This is part 1 of 2; the lemon doesn't start until part 2
but that does not mean part 2 can stand alone. For those of you who want to
get right to the sex, I assure you that Duo spends this entire part
thinking about sex, so it should be alright. ^_~
Disclaimers: The only character I own is Shadow.
The rest belong to other, richer people.
Warnings: Yaoi. This fic is basically saturated with sex. Part 2
will be NC-17 bondage lemon; you have been warned.
//blah// = thoughts
{blah} = flashback
*blah* = emphasis
Duo lay awake long after his partner had drifted off to sleep.
This in itself was not so unusual, because he made a habit of staying up as late as possible; he loved the night in all its darkness. What *was* unusual was that he was thinking about his relationship with Heero. Actually, what was *really* unusual was that he *had* a relationship with Heero. He still had a hard time remembering that they had finally done it, and that he no longer had to make sure the other pilot didn't catch him staring.
They'd been sleeping together for four glorious days, and Duo had been singularly satisfied with the world in that time. He'd harbored a casual lust for the other boy for awhile, but he hadn't been particularly inclined to do anything about it--and then suddenly it had happened, like these things sometimes do: they were both angry, and then they were in the middle of a kiss and he couldn't remember how or why. Heero had started like a skittish horse, and Duo had found himself thinking //Okay, shit, so he's a virgin. It's okay, I can work with that. Don't scare him away; now that you've started this you might as well finish it, so just keep your cool before he loses it and punches you into next week.// Which was a real danger, with Heero. So Duo had kept it light. The other boy had been awkward at first, but--incredibly--he hadn't stopped it, and gradually kisses had become a little more, and measured touching had become groping, and pretty soon Duo'd found himself underneath Heero, watching his surprised face as he came.
And then there'd been that night... again that night... and this morning... and right after lunch, on the table of the safehouse... and this afternoon... and a couple of times before Heero fell asleep in his current position underneath *all* of the covers. So Duo was fairly happy with the universe, but something was nagging at the edges of his mind, which was why he was breaking one of his own rules and contemplating the situation instead of just flowing with it.
There was something off about the sex.
It was great and everything, but there was something... they'd tried a bunch of different positions (for which he was very grateful; otherwise he wasn't sure he'd be able to walk in the morning), but Heero's responses were just... not what they could be.
Duo was by no means an innocent, and he'd been in sexual relationships in the past. So while he was flexible, he was a little disappointed that Heero didn't seem to want to let him be top, ever. And more importantly, even though his partner seemed to enjoy what they did--if the fact that he'd been so hot after lunch he hadn't even bothered to clear away the dishes before he pushed everything off the table and threw Duo on it was any indication--he knew that there was a height that Heero wasn't reaching. It was true that Heero was still fairly new to the whole thing... yet, that wasn't it. Something Heero needed to get to his ecstasy was missing. And Duo wanted to get it for him, for both of their sakes.
Sex just wasn't as enjoyable when you partner wasn't satisfied, even if he didn't know enough to know he wasn't.
Closing his eyes and resting his head on his crossed arms, Duo contemplated his past lovers. Mostly one-night or not-even-one-night stands with girls, hadn't they been? There was the blond girl, the Japanese girl, a boy in one of the gangs he'd run with, the other blond girl, the brunette girl, several boys whose names he didn't know that all kind of looked the same, that cute girl who made a funny sort of chirping noise... //Wait.//
Shadow. The lover who'd taught him more about sex than he'd ever known there was. That wasn't her real name, of course; it was her working name. She hadn't trusted Duo with her real one. She'd been fond enough of him to give him his first and only taste of the rich life in her penthouse apartment, but a scruffy street kid like him wouldn't exactly inspire her to gushing romantic sentiment, either.
Shadow wasn't a street whore; she was the discreet sex worker of the rich. Men, and some women, who owned entire colonies came in their pants when they heard her name, and they'd pay anything she asked for a chance to spend an hour or two with her. She wasn't snobbish about it, though; she was a businesswoman. Work was paid, but off-time was for fun, and that was how Duo had met her. He'd lived with her for two months before it went sour. She had been a professional dom, but she'd long since transcended that... she, more than anyone he'd ever known, had been able to spend five minutes with someone and at the end of that time know what would get them hottest, know all of their most secret fantasies, and be able to make them come true. It was a skill, and it earned her one of the most expensive apartments on L2 and the rare privilege of being a whore who took work only when she felt like it. Which was often; Shadow liked what she did. She was the best time he'd ever had. //Even if you probably only kept me around because I'd listen to you talk.// He was a horny teenage boy, but for her sex was an afterthought. And if he were honest with himself, a horny teenage boy was nowhere near her league. But he was with Heero now. And if there was anyone who'd be able to break through whatever invisible barrier Heero'd built around himself, it would be her.
//She taught me everything I know! Now, think, Maxwell. What would she do? It's not the physical act that's wrong, I don't think... wait. What was that she used to say; the one thing that nobody got, the reason she could do all that she could?//
{They'd been at the table, sipping drinks. She'd said, "Most people don't know it, but the mind is the most sexual organ of all. You can have sex without ever touching yourself or anyone else, if you use it to its fullest. That's why they call good sex 'mind-blowing.' What I do differently is I get inside their heads." Then she'd smirked and continued, "Then I let them put their heads inside me... " and the mood had been broken. They'd laughed.}
The mind. The mind as a sexual organ. Duo knew what he had to do. //Get inside Heero's head. Thank you, Shadow.//
He drifted off to sleep.
Over the next few days, in between missions and Heero, Duo thought. //OK, I want to make this good for Heero. So, how am I going to fuck with his mind?// He laughed. //I feel better than I have in weeks. Shadow, I always thought you were just tired of me when you told me to leave, but maybe you weren't just whistling when you told me to go find someone who'd challenge me.//
As he guided Deathscythe into its hiding place at the latest house, he asked himself, //If I'm Heero, what is my most defining characteristic? What overshadows my every thought? Well, that's easy enough. The mission. What does that mean, to be constantly thinking, breathing, living the mission? I'm taking orders from someone else, always... I'm controlled? Repressed? But that's not all of it, because I also take my own initiative sometimes... I make a lot of my own decisions... I order around my braided partner, even though I should know he's perfectly capable of figuring things out on his own... whoops, bad Duo. Don't get off track.// He gave himself a sound mental slap and continued into the little shack they were occupying to make himself a peanut butter sandwich. //Where was I? I am a soldier who follows orders, but I am also perfectly in control of all other elements of my life. I am control in battle; I destroy my enemies; I can bend steel. Am I guilty? I couldn't kill Relena... I gave Noventa's family a chance to avenge him on me... I *am* guilty, sometimes. I have a lot of responsibilities.//
//Responsibilities.//
//Responsibility.//
//So what would get me off? What would free me? Being absolved of all responsibility in the encounter. Having no responsibility entails having no control. I never let my partner be on top... am I afraid? No, I'm not allowed to be afraid... I never let go.//
Duo stopped stock still in the doorway of the kitchen, sandwich arrested midway to his mouth. //I've got it.//
"Duo?" He lifted his head to see Heero walking towards him. "I just got back from a solo mission... Duo? What are you doing?"
He lifted the sandwich the rest of the way and took a bite. //This is going to be hard, isn't it?// "Nothing, just thinking. I'm glad you're here." As he gave his new lover a welcome-home kiss that clearly said he was *very* glad, he began to plan.
//Better get ready, Hee-chan, 'cause the chase is on.//
Against the other pilot's mouth, he smiled.
End Part 1
(:./cutter/bound1)
