12-Feb-2001
revised: 17-Sep-2002
Title: Need Some Distraction 5/?
Author: Dan
Archive: GWA
Genre: epic. >_<
Timeline: After EW by a few years.
Disclaimers: Not mine, don't sue.
Notes: Sequel to "Prices Paid"
I'm working on the new stuff. But the new stuff requires that the old stuff be revised. So, <shrugs> what can you do?
"A little premature, don't you think?" Dorothy comment lightly as she applied a light layer of aloe to Wufei's arms. He didn't hiss or jerk, but merely watched as she moved, graceful and efficient. "Glaring at Hilde like that?
I scowled at my coffee. "Maybe."
"Relena, simply because Hilde recognizes someone and is pleased does not mean she is forgetting Duo and Heero." Wufei flexed his arm experimentally and frowned at the stiffness and, I would guess, pain in his burned arm. He turned to look at me with mild onyx eyes. "Your desire to help them does you credit, but have more patience."
I wanted to scowl at him, and tell him off. He merely continued to look at me. I blew at my bangs. "Okay, fine."
Dorothy leaned back against the counter as she watched us. What she saw I didn't want to know. Sometimes her perception scares me; most of the time I find ways to use it.
She toyed with one long strand of her hair and then made a disgusted face when her fingers found a clump of soot and sticker things. "One of these days I'm just going to cut it all off. I swear I will. Gyah. I'm going to take a shower."
I laughed and made a little shooing motion with my hand. Dorothy gave me a little salute and a wink as soon as she got behind Wufei. I frowned at her as she turned the corner laughing. Wufei's expression suggested that we were both touched in the head and all I could do was a lift a shoulder in defense. I folded my hands in my lap and took a calming breath in through my nose and out through my mouth.
Wufei watched me with an expression of amusement mixed with something else. I could never quite figure out that something else. It was mildly frustrating, and a little unnerving. I prided myself on being able to read other people's body language, to figure out what they were thinking. But there was so much I just didn't understand about Chang Wufei.
"You want to talk about the bombing now," he commented.
"We should probably wait for Hilde and Dorothy, but," I made a frustrated gesture with one hand. "But, well, maybe having a list of possible suspects would help?" I frowned at myself. What was I thinking? I was definitely no Lieutenant Eve Dallas. Then it struck me and I almost laughed.
Wufei gave me a questioning look as I snorted in amusement. I shook my head, spreading my hands in a gesture to dismiss any concern. "I just can't help but feel like it's all just a bad plot from one of those silly murder-mystery books I used to read. Nothing about the bombing feels real."
He sighed and shifted his weight, his discomfort finally showing. "It's shock, that's all. No one has tried for your life in over three years and this sudden attack seems unprovoked." He shot me a sly look. "And what do you mean 'used to read'? You still read those fluffy things."
"They are not 'fluffy'. Just… escapist, that's all." I diplomatically ignored his snort. I tried to verbalize the thoughts that whirling around in my head. I wasn't a trained detective, and this really wasn't my arena, but I couldn't help but think something was off about the entire bombing.
"The attack wasn't all that sudden, really," I said. Wufei made a little 'I'm listening' gesture with one hand, and I struggled to get the rest of the thoughts out into the air between us. "If the delegates from the colonies had been here they could have been hurt. Killed. Maybe we are wrong in assuming that we were the targets; maybe someone had larger goals in mind than me. I don't do much anymore."
Wufei very gently brushed a stray strand of hair out of my eyes. "Without you so many of us would be lost."
My heart hammered in my chest, and-typical me-I couldn't get the question that was spinning in my head like a whirling dervish. We stared at each other for a while after he dropped his hand. I swallowed a little hard as he continued to watch me with those inscrutable eyes. I knew that each one of my emotions were clear on my face. Not for the last time I wished I had better control over my expressions. I looked down at my hands, which were currently trying to wring the life out of each other. One would think that a politician would have better control over her feelings, but no.
"God DAMN it!!" Hilde slammed the door to emphasize her extreme displeasure.
I jumped and Wufei looked slightly… peeved. I risked a glance at him from under my lashes. Yep, he definitely looked annoyed. I found that rather flattering. The fact that I found his irritation at being interrupted flattering made my heart hammer. Falling for Chang Wufei would be a bad, bad idea. It would be like chasing after the doomsday orgasm. Bad, bad news.
I watched as the petite woman stalked into the kitchen while swearing-I'm guessing it was swearing-in low rolling German. I was a little relieved to see her and a lot disappointed. One of these days Wufei and I are going to have to talk; eventually my awkwardness around him was going to start interfering with our jobs.
Hilde stopped in mid-curse and blinked at Wufei and I, as a fine blush stealthily crept across my cheeks. I was furious at myself for acting no better than a bubble headed schoolgirl. Wufei merely turned to face the irate, bedraggled German and neatly blocked me from her line of view. He does that with too aggressive reporters as well. What distresses me is that I let him.
"Report." All hint of the tenderness his voice held a moment ago was gone. I looked at my hands for a moment. Perhaps I read too much into things.
Hilde gave him a snappy little mock salute before leaning against the counter, sagging really. The neon of the oven clock said 12:30pm, nearly six hours since the explosion. She had been at the scene the all that time. It was obvious that she was exhausted and holding herself by willpower alone.
I made coffee to give myself something to do while they discussed the specifics of the bombing. I closed my eyes, and tried to tell myself that the injury and death toll that Hilde rattled off weren't my fault. I didn't believe myself. I never do. I handed her the first cup to give her something to use to hide the shaking of her hands. She gave me a small appreciative smile.
"We'll find whoever did this." Hilde looked straight at me. "They'll answer for it."
I was grateful to her. If anyone else had said that, almost anyone else, I would have ignored their words as simple verbiage. But Hilde meant it. She always meant what she said. I knew she would stand for those senselessly killed. She would care, and she would stand for all those who had died. I knew she'd protect her people, and in that fierceness I saw what Duo and Heero loved so much. I covered her free hand with mine.
"I know."
"Relena suggested that perhaps the delegates were targets of the bombing, not her or me." Wufei commented as he poured himself a cup of coffee. Hilde gave me an interested look. I knew then that Hilde would never dismiss anything I said to her. Not even my half-baked theories on who had bombed my building.
"Well…" I said slowly, pushing my hair out of my eyes. "I just thought it might be a possibility since the initial discussions about SI's funding and jurisdiction were scheduled to begin today."
Hilde was grinning. "Guess some good came from all the mystery novels you read."
I scowled at her. "How do you know about my collection?"
"Cat told me about it." Now she was being downright cheeky, and, dammit, Dorothy was going to have to die.
Wufei was sputtering so I thumped him soundly on the back. Some coffee must have gone down the wrong way. "Cat...?" He choked weakly, " You call her CAT?"
Hilde just shrugged and commented, "Fits, doesn't it?"
When he looked at me, I shook my head in the classic 'Don't Ask Me' gesture.
"You have a point though, Rel." Hilde's voice was cool and professional, like a switch had been thrown. "It makes sense to at least check them out. Any potential connections need to be looked at this stage. It would be stupid to assume that you and Wufei were the only targets. Neither one of have been any more visible than the average politician lately."
I caught Wufei's small wince at the word politician and smiled slightly. Even after three years being called a politician unnerved him. I think he thought it was some sort of sell out.
"We'll need to see if any of the delegates have been targets before, I'll need jurisdiction at access all relevant documents and records." Hilde scowled. "Shit, why couldn't the bastards pull this little stunt two years from now? This is exactly the reason that SI needs to be up and running as soon as possible."
Wufei and I exchanged glances and were on exactly the same train of thought in that one look. Hilde had a point, a very politically useful point. One I intended to use for all it was worth. I smiled.
"Rel, it scares me when you smile like that." Hilde said as she shot me a wary look.
"She unnerves most people with that look," Wufei commented dryly, "because it's the real Relena peeking through that veneer of civility."
I stuck my tongue out at him, and he gave me a condescending look that said he'd love to respond in kind but he was being mature. Bah. I hardly ever get to be immature so I am when ever I think I can get away with it.
Hilde was watching us with an expression unnervingly similar to Dorothy's. I keep wondering what people see that we don't. Politics was making me insecure and self-conscious.
I watched as Wufei made a mildly disgusted expression over the state of his once immaculate clothes. He liked to wear traditional Chinese scholar's clothes. The media just ate up that image, so I encourage Wufei's choice in wardrobe. It helps that he looks sexy as hell in them. But that has always been my humble opinion.
Now, however, his beautiful clothes were ripped, charred, and bloodstained. I sighed. And he was leaving little black smudges all over everything. I frowned at the marks he was making on my white counter. I really didn't want to have to do housework. Wufei caught my look and rubbed at the closest smear with a dishcloth. Now that was going to have to go into the laundry. I resisted the temptation to rub my temples.
"I'll go see if any of my brother's things will fit you," I said to forestall anything else that would require me to do housework tomorrow. Wufei almost looked guilty. Hilde just looked like she was about to go to sleep standing up. I shook my head at the scene the three of us must have made huddled in my once pristine white kitchen. "We can talk about all of this tomorrow. It's late and despite the coffee soon none of us are going to be up for more detective work."
Hilde's face was that perfect blank that I had seen on so many police officers and soldiers. "It's not your job anyway, Relena."
I have heard all that before. I've heard it a million times before. Heero, Noin, Une, and Sally all repeated it too me so many times after the Eve Wars that it was like a never ending litany in my head. But it was my job to stand for the ideals no one else would. And it was my fault when those ideals did not hold true. I gave her a long steady look. "Perhaps not, but it's still my fault."
And then I walked away from that pregnant silence to sift through my brother's clothes.
I knelt in front of the dresser he used during his far too infrequent visits and wished for him. One small childish part of me wanted to believe that if he was here he could make it all okay again. I never had siblings before and then, all of a sudden, he was the only family I had. It was strange and uncomfortable learning to live with him as my brother-learning to live with a brother-but once I had, I missed him while he was away.
I frowned at the jumble of t-shirts shoved into the dresser drawers. My brother was still taller than Wufei, but not by much. They were almost the same size through the shoulders, but Wufei would definitely need a belt. I found the smallest pair of jeans-he'd have to roll the bottoms up-and a faded t-shirt with a caricature of T.S. Eliot. I smiled at the exaggerated eyebrows. Wufei would like it.
There was a weary type of tension sitting in the air when I walked in with my arms laddened with borrowed clothes. Hilde's eyes were downcast but her jaw was set in determined, obstinate, lines. Wufei just looked tired and more than a little frustrated as he watched her guarded face. I could guess what the topic was. I wanted to ask him who was being premature now.
Hilde turned to look at me with nearly expressionless eyes. But I had gotten good at reading those nearly blank expressions. I've had a lot of practice. She was watching me with a wolf's neutrality. If I attacked she'd respond in kind. If I left it alone, so would she. Now was not a good time to push at her.
I was used to unspoken tension in all its varied forms, but the sorrow that rode on the air hurt like an open-handed slap. I smiled softly at both of them as I forced myself to step between them. Wufei gave me a faint smile in return. I think he understands how much it costs me every time I step into the line of fire when all I want to do is hide. I held out the clothes to him like a peace offering.
He traced the ridiculous eyebrows of the caricature with a gentle finger. When he looked back to me those black eyes were full of humor. "I'll change and come back."
I shook my head. "Go to bed. We'll need to be up early to do media damage control anyway."
Wufei gave me a look that told me he was seriously thinking about arguing with me even though my tone held the note of command. I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. He sighed. Score one for the blonde.
"I'll stay in your brother's room, then?"
"It's the only one free."
He flicked his eyes over Hilde's still glowering expression. But refrained from saying anything. I guess we all were growing up just a little bit at a time.
Hilde sighed when he left, and raked a hand through her shoulder length hair. She rolled her shoulders as if to ease a tension riding there. Then she leaned across the counter with a slow smile of feminine knowing creeping across her face. "So?"
"So?" I tried to look nonchalant as I poured myself a cup of cooling coffee. "So what?"
Hilde gave me one of those condescending older-sister-to-foolish-younger-sister looks. "How does Wufei know so much about your home, hmmmmm?"
"He helped me move in." Actually, he had suggested I move in a way that was more an order than a suggestion. He hadn't mastered the art of subtle hints back then. But he had been right. I needed out of there in the worst way. The silence of the castle was starting to swallow parts of me that I hadn't know existed. So I pretended his bluntly worded suggestion had been an order, bitched about the move constantly, but moved. And was secretly relieved.
"Mm-hm." Hilde had that expression that said she saw more than I thought I was giving away.
"Wufei also helped me pick out some furniture." We had had some heated arguments about that, once I had finally gotten myself out of the shock of the idea that I was actually leaving the castle.
"That explains the décor," she remarked. I think she was making fun of me, but I wasn't sure.
"He also taught me how to cook," I continued to babble. I had been utterly helpless. He had watched me give the cookbook Sally had given me, the vegetables from Une's garden, and Noin's pans a completely blank look. Then I'd turned around and looked at him in panic. He'd called me twelve kinds of idiot and taught me how to be at least proficient in the kitchen. Well, at least I don't burn the water.
Hilde broke out laughing and I frowned at her, flustered. I hadn't meant to say quite so much and didn't know how to take it back. I folded my hands in front of me and took a deep breath.
"Uh-oh, you just retreated," Hilde said in an amused tone that held a deadly seriousness within it. Hilde caught my hands in hers as I started to pull back.
"Don't retreat into your shell and pretend you aren't feeling anything, because you are feeling something," she almost pleaded with me. "Don't retreat, not with this. He's loved you-or would love you if you would let him-for a very long time, I think. But the two of you keep hiding behind your walls." Hilde rubbed small circles across the backs of my hands to make me relax. "Listen to your emotions for once. Trust them, and stop hiding from them. It'll rip you apart if you don't."
I looked into those sincere eyes and asked a question I knew would hurt, but it had to be asked. "And you? Will you listen to your own advice and your own feelings?" Hilde started to pull away, but I caught her wrists. "It's good advice, Hilde. Don't forget them, not when they both love you."
I let Hilde pull back and grind the palm of her hand between her breasts. She stared past me out the window where the city lights sparkled like scattered gems. We stood in silence for a while as she looked at the city. I didn't have anything else to say. I could beg, but wasn't my place.
"Easier said than done, 'Lena," She said finally. It startled me to hear Duo's nickname for me on her lips. But of course she would think of it as well. She turned to look at me, and the look in her eyes held the same devastation and desperateness that I had seen in Duo's eyes and heard in Heero's voice. "But love doesn't conquer all, at least not for me."
I let her go when she abruptly excused herself. Then I turned to watch the city pulse below my window. Suddenly tired, I rested my head against the cool glass. Why did things always have to be so complicated?
End Part 4
(:./dan/distraction5)
