02-Apr-2000
"Just go back to Relena." The suggestion, which sounded more like an order, was given in a cold, flat tone, fury and vehemence lying just beneath the surface - muted, but evident.
Heero hung up the phone, then slowly turned to face Wufei, gearing himself up for another confrontation. As if the one he had just had with Relena over the phone hadn't been enough. He was ready to accept the blame for that. There was simply no excuse for placing Relena in the embarrassing position of having to cancel the wedding; the embarrassment of which would only be partly mitigated by the soon-to-be very public announcement that the groom's best friend had been involved in a terrible accident, and the groom was consequently called away to be with him.
He was however, not willing to deal with Wufei's hostility, not now... not when Duo's very presence shrieked for all his attention. "Duo needs me."
"I think you've done quite enough for Duo," Wufei corrected, dark eyes ablaze, his lips set into a thin line. "All this happened... because of *you*."
Quatre took a step forward - his handsome face distressed - and ready to intervene, to play the peacemaker as he usually did, but Trowa reached out and gently touched his arm. Quatre glanced over at his lover, and the taller man shook his head slightly. Let them be. This was something Wufei and Heero would have to sort out on their own... Quatre hesitated. Trowa insisted gently. Communication passed between them, stronger than words, yet profound in its silence, then Quatre stepped back into the subtle embrace of Trowa's arms, his blue eyes shuttling anxiously back and forth between Heero and Wufei as they argued.
Wufei's words had struck a hurting, deeply aching part of him, and Heero lashed back, dark eyes flashing fire. "If I am responsible for his condition, then his recovery is also my responsibility. You may warm his bed, but you have no right to decide who stays or who goes!"
A split second of silence as Heero's words sunk in... Then the tension exploded in a rush of raw, angry emotion.
"How dare you cheapen what we have?!" Wufei shouted, utterly furious now. His hands curled into fists, and he seemed to be holding himself back only through a sheer act of the will. "Duo and I are friends, nothing more. We share the apartment - that is all! Sometimes we talk, hold each other when the loneliness becomes too much to bear alone. But we are not lovers! Did you think we are desperate enough to just settle for the first warm body that comes along?! We're both in love with people who can't return our love. At least Treize has an excuse - he's dead! What the hell is *your* excuse, Heero?"
Heero found himself with his back against the wall and no recollection of ever taking those steps. The expression never slipped, but there was something in the dark eyes... a sudden flare of emotion that could have been almost anything before all light vanished back into those damnably dark depths. "Duo... never told me." The voice was a dead, dull monotone.
"Perfect soldiers must not need eyes then," Wufei retorted. An argument was better than doing what he really wanted to do, which was to bash the brains out of Heero's pretty - and obviously empty - head. "Has it only been blatantly obvious to everyone *but* you?! Duo has all but thrown himself at you, but you chose to ignore him; you chose to ignore his presence, disregard his conversation, dismiss his affection like his life meant *nothing* at all to you.
"He gave his love and his body to you, but you walked out on him two years ago. You never looked back; at the very least you could have given him the dignity of an explanation! It took you twenty three months to finally call him - for twenty three months you left him hanging, not knowing what he had done to drive you away, not knowing what to do to bring you back - and damn you to whatever hell will have you, when you finally call, you ask him to be your best man at your wedding."
Wufei was shouting now - anger, hurt and pain in his voice. Trowa had, at some point in Wufei's impassioned tirade, prudently moved to stand beside Wufei, and it turned out to be a particularly wise move, for by the end of that outburst, he was holding Wufei back, keeping the Chinese pilot from leaping for Heero's throat. Wufei gave only a token attempt to yank away from Trowa's restraining hands, but the glare he fixed on Heero was murderous.
"Do you have a soul? Do you have a heart - can you feel *anything* at all, you cold, unfeeling bastard?! Do you have any idea what it was like for me to see Duo force smiles and laughter for *two years* when I knew deep inside he was dying? Duo never came out and said the words - could you blame him for holding back - but how could you have missed everything else when it was as obvious as the very light of day?!"
Was it?!
Quatre nodded slowly, Trowa inclined his head in assent.
Heero stared at them in disbelief. They -agreed- with Wufei?!
'Don't you...?'
'Do you remember that one moment in time when you realized... ?'
[[ Two years ago, shortly after the end of the war ]]
"Heero, sit still!" It's not often that Duo' voice is this sharp.
"Duo -" I protest, unable to complete the sentence or look at him. My body is tense, coiled so tightly that it's painful to me more so, even, than the dozens of shards of glass that are now embedded in my skin.
"I know you can, baka. You can set your own leg, I don't think you'll have any trouble getting a few glass splinters out of your palm, but how did you intend to pull them out - with your teeth? Here, let me!"
Duo stands beside me with a pair of slender tweezers in one hand and mine in the other. His grip is strong, though I could break it, of course. The look in his eyes keeps me from trying, however.
"Hold still and I can take them out," Duo says again, his voice gentle this time, patient. My mind instantly begins debating whether this patience is for or in spite of me. "Heero, please. You need to take care of yourself."
His voice was even softer then. Silently I let him touch me, working out each piece of the wickedly sharp glass inside of me with a tenderness that almost keeps the procedure from being painful. From under my hair I watch him, gradually finding myself mesmerized by the look of quiet concentration on his face. His absolute determination that he will not do it wrong.
"Gomen. I know you were asleep," I whisper.
He sighs, softly, then looks up at me. "Heero, that doesn't matter. You're more important." When his eyes meet mine I'm reminded of how powerful Duo truly is. The smile that he fixes upon me is the most tender thing I've ever seen.
He bends his head back to his task, but I don't think I will ever be able to forget the way he looks at this moment... his voice, his smile, his eyes... The way he looks at me... as if he loves me...
'Remember that moment when you realized you would do anything to keep that smile on his face... that soft glow in his eyes... ?'
'Remember that moment when the realization frightened you so deeply that you left the very next morning without any explanation; left for Earth to be with Relena... to be with someone who did not trigger in you the fear of losing control over the situation?'
'Are you in control of the situation now, Heero? Are you? Standing here watching him die... ?'
"I... "
'Yes, Heero... the answers are in there... just a little deeper... it will not hurt... '
The voice in his heart lied. It hurt. It hurt and it frightened him. He could see it, even if no one else could... the gaping crevasse before him... dark and fathomless... The knowledge that if he let go... if he fell in... there would be no coming back...
'Remember why you are doing this... why you need the answers... '
Duo...
'A little closer... you will not fall unless you let yourself go... '
"I was..." Heero's lips moved like that of an automaton. "I was afraid."
"Afraid?!" Wufei repeated incredulously. "That's a wonderful excuse for killing your best friend and ex-lover! You're the perfect soldier, it's your responsibility to protect others. Is this your definition of 'protection'?!"
That did it. "Enough!" Quatre shouted, raising his normally soft voice to be heard. Wufei - driven by his anger, however justified - was unaware of Heero's swirl of confusion and despair, but Quatre had sensed them all. Heero, who had never before permitted himself to be swayed by emotion, now stood on the precipice of losing control... an endless, terrifying drop. No wonder Heero was terrified...
Wufei was, even at the best of times, not particularly receptive to feedback. He most certainly wasn't receptive to feedback now. "I'm not letting you near Duo again," he grated, his dark glare full of hatred. "You almost killed him before, and you're not going to walk back into his life now and tear him to pieces again."
Duo...
Heero swallowed with a great deal of difficulty, closed his eyes to avoid looking at Duo's pale, battered face. And at that fatal moment, the machines that monitored Duo's heart rate and brain activity shrieked - shrill alarms raced through the ICU as the readings fluctuated wildly. Quatre cast a desperate glance at the machines. "He's going into seizure!"
Dimly, Heero was aware of external noises - the wailing machines, the sounds of the medical staff racing down the corridor towards the room. But deep inside he heard only one voice. 'Choose, Heero. You have to make a choice... Partly for Duo, but mostly for yourself.'
He took one step closer to the vast chasm... and another... and another... and all of a sudden there was no ground beneath his feet and he was falling...
Something in Heero's mind - something reinforced by years of harsh training - snapped with an inaudible crack.
Falling... Only to be caught by gentle arms... a pair of lovely violet eyes, softly glowing yet vibrant with love gazed at him... The smile was gentle, knowing, forgiving... Duo had been waiting there all along...
Heero blinked, an almost startled flicker in the dark eyes as he was jolted back into reality. It almost seemed as if his world was expanding outwards in a great rush. Doctors were pouring into the room, but Heero saw only Duo. "Hush Duo, it's all right," he spoke in low, gentle tones that carried through the chaos, a voice of calm in the midst of swirling panic. His callused hand caressed Duo's cold fingers. "It's not your fault. We're not angry with you. I'm here now - I'll stay with you. Go back to sleep, Duo." Heero's voice caught on the name as he clung on to Duo's lifeless fingers as to a lifeline. Sleep and heal. I love you, Duo. I know that now...
End Part 3
(:./danyale/reclaim3)
