25-Jul-2001
Title: GW: Final Accounting
Author: Hotaru
Archives: GW Addiction; anyone else...just ask first
Rating: PG
Pairings: none really; hint of 1x2
Warnings: slight lang., insipid fluff
Disclaimers: Sadly, I cannot claim the GW boys.
Note: Just a silly diversion while I mull over the next
parts of "Egalite" and "The Rose Masque"...^_^;;;
"My god," Quatre murmured. His face had gone the pale dun color of sand. "How can this be possible?"
"I don't know how," Duo said, and swallowed hard. "They were in the mail this morning. I suppose the old guys thought we were ready to tackle this ourselves--"
Wufei cut him off harshly. "Don't deceive yourself. We aren't ready, not remotely."
"Nothing in our training ever prepared us for this," Trowa agreed in a wondering tone.
Heero stepped forward and seized the sheaves of paper, eyes scanning the data. His brows contracted in confusion. He started at the top again. "It's... not like any mission I've ever seen," he admitted finally.
Duo snatched the documents away, then flipped through until he came to his own pages. He stared at the frightening, incomprehensible jumble of information for a few moments before slapping them back onto the table. "What I don't understand is, *how*?" He grabbed the end of his braid and gave it a frustrated tug. "How do you pay personal property taxes on a *Gundam*?!"
Quatre was wringing his hands. "So far as I know, they don't have registration papers..."
Wufei nibbled the end of a pencil. "Whoa. We were supposed to record mileage? What for?"
"Some of it is deductible, evidently." Trowa scratched his head. "Heero, is ammunition deductible if it's used to annihilate a government complex?"
But Heero wasn't listening. He picked up the papers and held them in front of his face. "Initializing new data inquiry," he said in a robotic monotone. "Subject: Vehicle Taxation, Federal. Searching... searching..." His eyes flew over the figures on the tax form like a cursor over a computer screen. A series of weird whirrs and clicks emanated from his throat.
Duo recoiled, staring at the Japanese pilot. "Oh, gimme a break," he said nervously. "Are you *kidding*?"
"Yes." Heero stopped making the noises, tossed the papers onto the table, and slumped dejectedly into a chair. "How should I know what we're supposed to do with these?"
"All my family's accountants are on his corporate payroll!" Quatre wailed. "We can't tell them we're Gundam pil--Duo, stop that!"
The braided boy glanced up, looking vaguely ashamed. He was folding his tax forms into paper airplanes.
"That's reckless and stupid, Maxwell," Wufei growled. "We're not talking about some pantywaist organization like OZ, here. This is the *IRS* you're screwing with."
Quatre trembled.
"Dependents?" Heero narrowed his eyes at the form. "What is this 'dependents' stuff? I have no dependents. I *kill* anyone who depends on me."
Duo smiled. "I depend on you, Hee-chan."
"Really?"
"Uh-huh."
"Well..." Heero looked smug as he picked up a pencil. "Okay. Then I'll claim you, Duo."
Duo struck a provocative pose in his chair. "Claim me, Heero," he said throatily. "Claim me *hard*."
Trowa burst out laughing. Blood spattered onto Wufei's tax form; he clutched his nose and darted from the room, swearing.
"God, Wufei!" Duo shouted after him. "If you think this is bad, wait 'til we're audited!"
~~owari
(:./hotaru/acctg)
