31-May-2005
Title: Offline - Communications Series Fic 3
Author: tkmaxwell777
Category: Shonen Ai/Yaoi
Pairings: 2x1 (1x1, 2x2 implied)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Angst, Language, Lemon, and Sap
Archived: Yep! www.gwaddiction.com AND my new ML at Yahoo! Groups, Bittersweet_Haven at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tkmaxwellbhml
Notes: This story takes place Post EW.
~~~ blah ~~~ = flashback
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing AC or its characters. It is the property of Shin Kidousenki, Bandai, Sotsu, Sunrise, and any other affiliated parties. This story is a parody of its defined universe and is in no way an official continuation of the original anime series. All underage characters engaging in any sexual activity in my stories are considered Emancipated Minors. This story is for entertainment purposes only and should not be read as a realistic representation of actual romantic or sexual relationships. It is not meant to be a commentary on the political, social, or spiritual ramifications of homosexuality. Content neither condones nor condemns any of the lifestyles or views portrayed. I write these stories because of the interesting dynamics between the characters and complex personality types that inspire the exploration of relationships beyond friendship without regard to gender or preference. I make no money doing this, so please do not sue me for writing it. Constructive feedback is always greatly appreciated! This Fic was inspired by my wonderful Hubby and dedicated to Klingonpoo for all her feedback and continued support! *huggles* Sorry it took so long...
Author's Notes: Finally! I've been working on this fic since probably the beginning of last year O.O IT'S DONE NOW! *throws confetti* It's being dedicated to Klingonpoo, who asked for a sequel to 'Making The Connection' eons ago. Thanks for your patience and wonderful feedback - this is for you! My only gripe about it is that it turned out SO ANGSTY, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't rewrite the thing any other way. I hope that it still carries the storyline well enough to fit in with the other two stories and yet show good character and relationship development. The next one (heaven help me, if there is one) should be more lighthearted. Anyway, enjoy!
Duo lay in bed, fuming. He had the covers tucked up around him, trying to get rid of the cold feeling he had inside that warred against his burning anger. 'Damn him!' he thought, turning over to face the closed door. His violet-blue eyes glared at the innocent wood that separated the bedroom from the hall that led out to the living room. He knew that Heero was probably sacked out on the couch, already asleep, and not even worrying about the aftermath of their argument. Duo scowled; just because Heero was leaving for a network cutover off-colony tomorrow didn't give him the right to ignore what had happened and actually try to get some rest. When you argued with your lover, you were supposed to lie awake all night, sulk, and then apologize to said-lover in the wee hours of the morning so you could have makeup sex. Heero wasn't playing by the rules of a meaningful relationship, and that pissed Duo off even more than the argument had... and made pain flare in his heart at the thought that Heero just didn't care about his feelings.
They had been living together for almost five months now. It had taken three weeks for Heero to get moved in after that first night of them being together, and Duo had missed the other man terribly while he'd been away. Heero had decided to take some time off from his freelance consultant job to get settled in, so Duo had taken off from the yard for a while too. Things had been great between them. They had indulged in various dating activities, which usually ended up as inordinate amounts of time in bed too. Heero had turned into an insatiable lover, and that had positively thrilled Duo since he got to see that side of the former Wing pilot when he hadn't even known it existed before their bouts of cyber-sex. They'd tried all kinds of positions, some various sex toys, and even a few rounds of role-playing, which had all been very satisfying. Duo had been truly happy for the first time in his life... until about a month ago.
After four months of cohabitating, it was plain that there was a problem developing. Duo had realized in the past few weeks that Heero was picking up after him and doing his chores around the house if Duo didn't get around to them right away. At first, he'd thought Heero was being considerate since Duo was working a lot of hours at the scrap yard, doing manual labor while Heero had done remote programming instead of off-site networking for the time being. Last week, Duo began noticing how the dark-haired man sighed in exasperation after encountering dishes still in the sink from the night before, dirty clothes in a pile on the bedroom floor instead of in the hamper Heero had bought recently, or takeout being ordered on Duo's night to cook because the braided man was just too exhausted to do more than dial the vid number. Duo had even heard his lover grumbling one morning about the toothpaste being squeezed in the middle, even though Heero was guilty of it too.
The final straw had been that night after dinner. Heero had made spaghetti and garlic cheese bread, so it was Duo's turn to do dishes, even though the braided man had spent ten hours lifting heavy scrap and busting knuckles trying to get parts loose. Duo had been tired and wanted to relax, especially since Heero was leaving the next day and would be gone for the next few. He could still hear their conversation in his mind as he closed his eyes.
~~~ "I'm tired, Heero. I'll get them in the morning. Tomorrow's Saturday, so I'll have time."
"Duo, that garlic is going to be terrible by morning."
Heavy sigh. "I know, but I'll deal with it, okay? I just don't feel like doing them tonight. You're leaving tomorrow morning, and I wanted us to spend some time together... you know, since this is your first cutover away since we got together. I don't want chores to take away from something more important."
Frustrated sigh. "It won't take that much time then we'll have the entire evening."
"Look, quit being so worried about it. It's not like you'll even be here to deal with it. Let it go."
"No. I'll just do them."
"Heero, I said I'd do them later."
"Yeah, you said you would, but they'll still be sitting there tomorrow night just the same. They might even be there when I get back if you take care of them the way you usually do."
Violet-blue glare. "And just what the hell do you mean by that?"
Dark blue glare. "Exactly what it sounds like I mean. Look, I know you hate doing chores, but we live together now and you need to carry your weight around here. I've been doing more than my fair share, and it's not right."
"I didn't ask you to do my chores, Heero! Just because I don't do them when YOU want me to doesn't give you the right to take over and then complain about it! I've been working hard at the yard these past few weeks because of this new contract, and I just have to do things as I get the chance. This is the way it always is in the beginning of a new job, but things will settle down, and I won't be so exhausted. Shit, I've been working myself to death, and you can't even cut me some slack? You said you'd be traveling more in the next couple of months, and I want to make sure we take time for us in between your trips. Chores will always be there, but you won't be."
"Duo, doing the things you need to do, even if it means putting off the things you want to do, is just a part of life. When you have someone else involved, you can't just blow it all off and expect them to go along with you. I know you're tired, but things won't get done by themselves, and being an adult means that you have to... "
"Fuck you, Yuy! I didn't ask you to move in with me to teach me about being an adult! The last time I checked, I was running one of the best scrap yards in the business, but it takes work, so you need to give me some damn credit!"
Aggravated snort. "Then maybe you should take some of your business practices and apply them at home."
Indignant huff. "Hey, if you think I need you to give me lessons on how to manage my life, think again!"
"So you don't need me? Is that what you're saying?"
"Not to tell me when to do the fucking dishes! I don't need you doing it, and I sure as hell don't need you telling me when I should! I'll do it when I get damn good and ready!"
"Fine." Spoken in a cold even voice.
"Fine!" Spoken in an angry loud voice. ~~~
Duo had stormed out of the living room then, slamming the bedroom door loudly behind him. He'd thought about packing for a moment, but had reminded himself that this was HIS damn apartment; if anyone would be leaving, it would be Heero I-think-everything-should-be-fucking-done-my-way Yuy. Duo had finally thrown himself down on their bed, sulking. Heero could be such a pain in the ass at times - an overbearing, anal retentive, nit-picky pain in the ass. With a firm nod of his head, the braided man had settled back onto the bed, waiting for the other man to come to his senses and apologize.
That had been three hours ago.
Duo shifted in bed again, staring at the clock. Make that four hours ago. He sighed, his anger now giving way to hurt the longer he laid there alone. How could Heero go to bed without at least trying to talk to him? The other man knew that Duo's temper was something that burned hot at the moment then died quickly. Why hadn't Heero come in there yet? They'd argued before but had always settled things before going to bed. Duo had calmed down enough to admit that what Heero had said had been partially true; Duo did need to consider that there was another person under his roof now and not act like things only affected him. Still, did that mean that he had to do things the way Heero thought he should? Wasn't he allowed to be his own person and do things in his own timing?
Duo raised his head and slammed it against his pillow a couple times. He'd promised himself after the war that no one was ever going to tell him what to do again, especially in his own home. That stubbornness, fueled by so many things from his past, rebelled against being forced into something, even if it was for his own good. He felt stupid for letting it affect him now, but he couldn't help it. He'd already promised Heero that the past was something that he'd let go. How would Heero feel about him letting childish fears interfere with their relationship? It wasn't as if Heero would get angry, but would he understand? Duo held back his tears as a familiar feeling of being unwanted washed over him. Why had he let anyone get close to him? It always ended the same way - they left him eventually. Burying his face in his pillow, he simply tried to ignore Heero's scent and keep from sobbing.
Heero lay on the couch, thinking. Ever since Duo had slammed their bedroom door shut, the dark-haired man had been trying to reason out exactly what had happened. He'd never known his braided lover to be anything less than fair, so Heero was confused by Duo's behavior... and really hurt at his words. He knew that how he thought things were supposed to be done was regimented, even downright rigid by some people's standards, but Heero had really tried to compromise now that he and Duo were living together, and it wasn't right for him to be the one who had to do all of the giving now. This wasn't really about who did the chores; it was about the way Duo was acting like the situation wasn't important - that his LOVER didn't have any right to say anything about what Duo did or didn't do, even though those things affected Heero. They were supposed to be partners, and Duo wasn't treating him like one.
What upset Heero the most was that Duo would 'say' he would do something then wouldn't, which made Heero feel like he couldn't rely on the former Deathscythe pilot. In the war, Heero had come to trust Duo implicitly once they'd begun fighting together, knowing that the braided man was honest. When Duo didn't do what he promised, it made Heero feel like Duo was lying to him. Why couldn't Duo see that this was about more than just the damn dishes? It was about respecting the other person and being open about your feelings. Duo didn't seem to understand that, and Heero became more agitated the longer he thought about it. It hadn't been easy for him to open his heart to Duo. It had taken more faith than the dark-haired man had ever had in anyone. For Duo to disregard it, to tell his lover - his partner - that he didn't need Heero, hurt more than anything the former Wing pilot had ever felt.
Heero sighed, trying to rein in his feelings and look at things logically to figure out what he needed to do about this. He had some idea of Duo's upbringing, but most of the details were sketchy at best. Duo didn't really talk about his childhood, except for a well placed 'Sister Helen said' or 'Father Maxwell would have' comment every now and then. Heero didn't begrudge the other man his privacy; he understood it, especially since there was quite a lot in his own past that he'd never shared with anyone. A lot of the things that had happened to him were what had shaped the way he thought things needed to be done, but he'd told Duo that he'd left all that behind, and he was afraid Duo wouldn't want him anymore if the braided man found out that some things couldn't be easily forgotten. They needed to talk, but how could he explain his feelings without losing the one person he couldn't live without?
Looking at his watch, Heero saw how late it was getting and knew they couldn't get into this until they'd both had some sleep, or they'd just end up arguing again. He decided to try to discuss it in the morning before he left. "Why are you so upset about this, Duo?" he whispered to the ceiling. The only answer he got was from the refrigerator in the kitchen kicking on noisily. The dark-haired man closed his eyes and tried to get some rest, but his dreams were filled with visions of Duo yelling derisively and ordering him to never come back.
Duo sat in the office at the yard, feeling miserable. He hadn't been able to sleep, so he'd gotten out of bed to try to talk with Heero. When he'd seen Heero sleeping without a care in the world, he'd snuck out of the house as fast and quietly as he could manage. It was childish, he knew, but it had hurt so much that he just hadn't been able to face the other man. Heero would be back in four days, so maybe it would be good to give each other some space to think on things. Looking back at the computer where he was inputting receipts, Duo sighed at that decision. He wanted to go home and crawl back into bed under the covers until the world just went away. He felt more alone now than he had at Maxwell's Orphanage, and that was almost unbearable. Why hadn't Heero tried to set things right between them? Was he tired of Duo already? That thought made the braided man lay his head down on his desk and take deep breaths to keep the pain away before he gave into the tears that threatened.
Heero woke and sat up, rubbing his eyes wearily. He'd managed to get all of two hours sleep according to the time on the DVD player, and he had to get going soon to make his shuttle. Glancing at the bedroom door, he noticed that it was open. Taking a deep breath, he got up and walked into the room, then frowned when he saw that Duo wasn't there. Heero checked the bathroom, the computer room, and even the kitchen, but there was still no sign of his lover. Hurt and anger filled him as he went to stand in their bedroom again, looking around helplessly. 'Why did he leave without even saying goodbye?' Heero wrapped his arms around himself. He should have talked with Duo last night, even if it had been late. He knew that Duo had a temper, but underneath that was an insecure young man who was hurt so easily. The dreams from the night before filled his mind and he shuddered at them. Was this Duo's way of telling him to not come back? Was it all over because of a stupid argument? That made Heero's heart clench painfully, but instead of giving into his emotions, he got ready for work... because he had to.
All the way to the shuttle port, he thought about the past four months. When Duo had first suggested that they live together, Heero had been overwhelmed that someone really wanted him around on a permanent basis. His shyness hadn't only been about sex; it had been about being in close quarters - being intimate with another person on a daily basis. Duo had taken that fear away, giving him something solid to count on in his life. Seeing the other man in a state of vulnerability with him only made Heero's feelings stronger. It had been a long time since he'd felt security, and now he didn't know if he still had a home to come back to because of Duo's actions. Even having a home had been a concept the former Wing pilot had been forced to adjust to, and keeping that home well ordered gave him a sense of accomplishment. To feel like Duo didn't share in his joy of having a home together left an empty place inside of him that he didn't know how to handle.
They had promised each other 'No running, no hiding, and no masks' the first night they'd been together. How could they have forgotten that? Heero knew that he was as much to blame as Duo, since he'd been masking his upset for weeks now instead of talking with his lover about it. He hadn't known how to express his anger without endangering their new relationship since part of him was sure Duo would tell him to leave if he demanded too much of the other man. Last night had just opened up all of those feelings before Heero could repress them. They'd had fights before; disagreements about what to eat for dinner, what movie to watch, or even what sexual position, but nothing like the one from last night. It was obvious that dealing with significant others wasn't as easy as planning mission objectives. Heero didn't know when their ability to communicate had broken down, but it was affecting them negatively, and it had to stop before things got worse. Duo had been hiding because of something that was bothering him. It wasn't really caused by the current situation, yet was somehow related to it. It was no wonder that things had exploded like they had with both of them running away from each other.
Heero didn't know how they would solve this, but he knew he had to at least try.
Duo walked into the house a little after six-thirty, tired and completely drained emotionally. It had been a hectic day, and knowing Heero wasn't going to be there made it even worse. He changed clothes, feeling a little better in a worn tee shirt and pajama bottoms, and then went into the kitchen for a nice cold bottle of soda. His eyes took in a list of chores held on the refrigerator with a chicken magnet, written in Heero's neat script. It had obviously been tacked up there days before, probably as a reminder for Heero.
Put trash bags on grocery list so Duo doesn't forget them
Clean out garbage disposal since you've been cooking so much
Make sure Duo has work clothes in case he forgets to do laundry
Place dishes in washer if they aren't done by Friday...
The list went on, some other things pertaining to him or his chores, all of them pointing out what Heero took care of and all that Duo failed to when he was supposed to be the one responsible. Duo's eyes flicked over to the dishes he'd left the night before, and suddenly, the anger and hurt that had built all day erupted violently. One moment he was by the refrigerator, and the next he was screaming and smashing dishes all over the floor.
"Why the hell didn't you stay and talk with me?" He yelled as glass and stoneware went flying. "Why did you have to leave?" He felt the tears coming and couldn't stop them this time, as he continued to shatter the objects that were witnesses against him. "Why did you leave me?" He leaned against the counter when the sink was empty, hanging his head as he took gasping breaths. Heero's words came back to him.
'Look, I know you hate doing chores, but we live together now and you need to carry your weight around here. I've been doing more than my fair share, and it's not right.'
Duo slammed the drawer beside him. "I let something so stupid tear us apart. Why am I such an idiot?" Looking down at the broken handle, he began laughing, but there was no mirth in it, and it ended in a broken cry of disgust. "Look at me! I don't deserve anyone to love me! I don't deserve anyone to put up with my stupid temper, and my stupid ideas, and my stupid fears, and my stupid... " The anger left him as suddenly as it had flared, and he looked around sadly, surveying the broken dishes at his feet. He just wanted Heero to hold him, but if the other man had been there, he would have been angry at Duo's childish tantrum.
'So you don't need me? Is that what you're saying?'
Duo's breath caught at the memory, tears running down his face. "I do need you, Heero... more than anything. I'm just so screwed up, no matter how much I pretend not to be. Please don't be angry with me anymore... please," the braided man pleaded softly, even though he knew his lover couldn't hear him. Why had he left this morning instead of staying with Heero to talk? Why hadn't Heero at least sent him an email? Duo had checked all day, but nothing had ever come. It had just made Duo feel even more unwanted, like he wasn't worth the effort because Heero was upset with him. Why had Heero abandoned him?
It was then that he spotted a piece of paper on the table and carefully made his way through his mess to pick it up.
'Duo, I'm sorry that we didn't get a chance to talk before I left. I don't know exactly what happened last night, but I do know one thing: I love you more than anything. I don't want to lose you because we can't communicate with each other over an argument that never should have gotten so out of control. There are things I need to tell you that might help you to understand why I reacted like I did. I hope that you will be able to tell me what is really bothering you, because I know it's not about doing the dishes. If it's about your past, I'm willing to listen. You helped me through becoming your lover; let me help you through whatever it is that has you so upset. There has to be a way to work this out. I'm going to messenger you around seven. Please be online. Love always, Heero."
The former Deathscythe pilot let the paper fall from his fingers before dropping to his knees to sob his heart out.
Heero logged onto his messenger and looked for Duo. When he didn't see him, he felt his heart crumple. He waited for a while, hoping against hope that Duo would at least talk to him this way. He thought about signing off when a Duo didn't show up, but refused to do so. Duo might have worked late and not found the note yet. He wasn't going to be petty; he would stay right where he was until his lover showed up. Duo should have calmed down by now, so there would be no reason for the other man to avoid contact... unless he really didn't want Heero to come back home.
"Stop it," Heero said out loud to himself. "He loves you. He knows you love him. You can work this out."
He sat there for a half hour before he saw Duo come online. A window opened immediately, and Heero sighed in relief. At least the communications channels were being opened again.
<junkyard_prince> hey...
<hardware_slave> hey...
Heero faltered, not exactly knowing where to start. He wanted to apologize, but Duo responded before he could.
<junkyard_prince> guess there's no need to say i'm sorry since you're just gonna be even madder at me when i tell you what i did
Heero frowned. What could Duo have done that would be that bad?
<hardware_slave> what happened, Duo? i promise i won't get mad
There was a pause, and then another line appeared on Heero's screen.
<junkyard_prince> i broke all of the dishes in the sink... i don't know what happened, but i just... i'm sorry
Heero stared at the words, a little frightened at the mental image of Duo trashing their plates and glasses. What could have made Duo do such a thing? He knew the other man had a temper, but still, such a violent reaction?
<hardware_slave> why, Duo?
There was a long pause before Duo replied.
<junkyard_prince> i just... i don't know... I didn't get your note until after i... i did that
<junkyard_prince> just don't leave me... please... i'll do anything you want, Heero
<junkyard_prince> i'll do the dishes... whatever you want... i promise... please
The dark-haired man sat there stunned for a moment. He didn't know what to say. He'd never thought of leaving Duo, not once through this whole mess. He just wanted to have a life with him. He began to worry when his lover quickly typed another reply before signing off abruptly.
<junkyard_prince> i guess i've really messed up this time... i won't blame you for not wanting me now
Heero swallowed hard at the disconnect message. What had happened? Duo was acting like he'd fallen apart. How could the man Heero knew be so insecure after all they'd been through? Then again, how could Heero have been so insecure? They had both acted like a couple of idiots.
"I guess we both need to learn how to trust each other all over again," Heero said wearily. Making a decision, he set his laptop aside and walked over to the vid-phone. Running a hand through his hair, he then made a call.
Duo threw himself into the bed, pulling the covers up. His tears were long spent, leaving a hollow feeling inside. The braided man just lay there, feeling cold and lonely. Heero didn't want him anymore because Duo had been so stupid. Why had he let his fear control him? Why did he always let his anger override everything else? He should have talked with Heero and told him all of the reasons why he was still fighting his past. Could it have been as bad as this was turning out to be? He didn't think so. At least, Heero would have had a chance to understand it before passing judgment on him. This way, Heero just thought he was crazy. Of course, with him standing in the kitchen and breaking up housekeeping, Duo couldn't blame him. That was excessive even for him. In fact, he hadn't had an episode like this one since...
Duo took a shaky breath. He couldn't bring himself to clean up the mess he'd made, too afraid he'd do something irrational with the pieces of broken glass at this point. He smirked sardonically, wondering what the other pilots would think if they knew about the raging fits he used to throw and the deep depression he'd fall into. That wasn't something good ole' Doc G would have put in his psyche file since it would have raised too many questions with their L2 supporters. His emotions were sometimes so powerful that they led him to act before thinking it through. He'd created his Shinigami personality to try and control those intense feelings, and it had worked during the wars. Between wars, he hadn't been close enough to anyone to have to deal with those feelings again, so he'd been safe. Finding himself in an emotionally volatile situation, without his coping mechanism, had apparently caused those reactions to surface again. So, instead of tempting fate, Duo had left the shards of his broken life in the kitchen to sort out in the morning. Now, under the sheets that still had the lingering traces of Heero on them, Duo thought about how hard it would be to live without his lover now that he knew the person that was inside Heero Yuy.
Yeah, Heero had a stubborn streak a mile wide, set ideas on how things needed to be done, and a single-mindedness that drove Duo to distraction sometimes; but Heero was also caring, giving, and devoted. All of those were things that had drawn Duo to Heero, and the former Deathscythe pilot knew that sometimes the very things that attracted you to a person became the things that frustrated you the most at times. Was it possible that Heero felt that way too? Could Heero be annoyed with Duo's actions, yet still admire him for his other qualities at the same time? It was a hope Duo was afraid to have, especially now. If only...
Duo reached over and dialed Heero's mobile number on the vid-phone. When he went directly to voice mail, it felt like a physical blow, but he left a message anyway. "Heero... you were right last night. I shouldn't have yelled at you for telling me how you felt, and I should have stayed this morning. You don't know how much I want you to be here right now. I do need you, more than anything. I don't want you to leave, but I know you will, because I'm not what you thought I was. We both... promised each other... to put the past behind us... I just... I guess I couldn't for the long haul. I'd managed to convince myself that the past didn't matter anymore, but being with you... in this kind of intimate relationship... it just... I don't know... I'm sorry." Duo felt the tears flowing down his face. "I do love you. I just wanted to let you know that."
Pressing the disconnect button, he lay back down on the bed and buried his face in Heero's pillow.
Heero opened the door of the apartment. The stillness made him wary, and his eyes scanned the room as he walked into the kitchen. The sight of broken glass and Corelle made him want to cry. Pulling himself away from the mess, he walked towards the bedroom. Opening the door, he found what he'd spent the past couple of hours on a shuttle for. His throat constricted as he came closer. He could see the evidence of Duo's tears on his face. He could also see that the braided man had Heero's pillow in a tight hold. It broke his heart to see something being used as a substitute like that, and he decided to do something about it.
Stripping down to his boxer-briefs, Heero lay down beside Duo. He snuggled close to his lover, working his arm underneath Duo's head and scooting to where their faces were almost touching. That Duo wasn't awake yet alarmed Heero a bit, but if Duo had been as emotionally exhausted as Heero had been all day, it was understandable. The former Wing pilot had heard Duo's voice mail just before boarding the shuttle, and those words have given Heero a lot to think on. He knew they could get past this now. They just had to be open and honest with each other.
Sighing at the warmth of his lover in his arms, Heero nuzzled Duo's nose with his own. "Duo. Wake up, love."
Duo felt like he was in a dream - a lovely dream where Heero was with him and still loved him. He snuggled into the warmth he felt and let it banish his loneliness. When he heard his name spoken in such a soft voice, it helped to ease the hurt away, but as he woke, he knew it was going to be taken away, and he struggled to stay asleep. He felt arms tighten around him and blinked his eyes open to see Heero staring back at him. Was he still dreaming?
"Heero?" He asked tentatively, hoping that he wasn't losing his mind.
Heero brushed Duo's bangs from his eyes, reveling in getting to touch him again. "I'm sorry, Duo. I'm so sorry. I had to come home and check on you. I was so worried when you logged off. I got your email at the shuttle port."
Duo had never cried in front of anyone before, so he was a little embarrassed that tears were flowing down his face, but Heero didn't make fun of him or tease him. The dark-haired man pulled him close and just held him, not asking for an apology, but continuing to offer his own for what had happened. Duo couldn't believe that he'd come home.
"I'm sorry, Heero. You were right. I need to help you, but I... " Duo faltered. He needed to tell him, but he was just so afraid, and he didn't know why. "I used to... it was because I... I can't. I just can't."
"You don't ever have to wash another damn dish if you don't want to," Heero replied softly, stroking Duo's back comfortingly, "but you have to tell me why. You have to let me know what happened to make you feel this way."
Duo pulled away to look at Heero. "You'll do them?" He asked but then shook his head as he thought about it. "No. That's not going to help. I mean... it will, but... that's not it."
"Then what is it, Duo?" Heero asked, his heart thundering in his chest. What could be so bad?
Duo bit his lip for a moment before finally answering. "When I was at the orphanage, we had to do some chores to help out. Most of the time... " Duo looked away, tears filling his eyes again. The memory still hurt, even after all those years. "Most of the time, when it was my turn, no one wanted to do them with me."
Heero ran his hand down Duo's braid, fingering the twists soothingly. "Why not?"
"They... they said I... smelled... and they... didn't want to be... around me." Duo's voice quivered, filled with the remembered pain and anger that had filled his life then. "They would tell me that they would just do them alone." He looked back at Heero, tears falling down his face. "Even though I got out of doing the chores, it hurt because I knew they just didn't want me around. I tried so hard, but it didn't matter. No one wanted me."
Heero wiped the tears away. "And when I said I'd do them myself, it made you feel that way too?" When Duo nodded, the dark-haired man grimaced. "But Duo, you know I want you. I love you for the person you are."
"Then why are you trying to change me?" Duo almost shouted. "I don't have a problem squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle! I don't mind leaving my clothes on the floor! I don't want to clean house except on weekends. It's just me, and I want to be me! Why can't you accept me for who I am?"
"Duo," Heero interrupted, his voice incredulous. "I'm not asking you to be someone else." The former Wing pilot sighed heavily. "Listen, I just want you to feel like we're a team, working as partners to make our life as good as it can be. I don't expect you to do everything the way I do. I know that I'm... " Heero searched for the right word and finally snorted at his own derisive view of himself, "difficult to deal with sometimes." He paused, trying to decide where to start. Finally, he just said, "I think it's time I shared a little of my past too so you can understand. Duo, I was trained to do every important task before I was allowed to do anything else, and that's why I get so upset."
Duo frowned. "What do you mean?"
Heero shifted uncomfortably, but he was determined to do this. If they had shared these things before, maybe this problem never would have happened. Taking a deep breath, he told him. "I wasn't allowed to have any downtime until I finished my assignments and simulations to satisfactory standards. That sometimes meant hours of training time, resulting in missed sleep and meals." He shuddered at the memory. "I was just a kid though, and one time... " The dark-haired man hesitated, trying to maintain an objective perspective of something that had been... traumatic. "One time, I got caught reading a children's fantasy novel when my homework wasn't done... and they threw all of my non-training books into the incinerator." The look of horror on Duo's face told Heero what his lover thought of that, and Heero felt something inside of him begin to hurt. "They wouldn't... let me eat candy either, so I snuck in some after a practice mission one time. There was an inspection the following day, and when they found it in my sock drawer, they took away my eating privileges for the next two days."
"Son-of-a-bitch!" Duo snarled, but his hands were gentle on Heero's arm where he was unconsciously stroking it. "Those bastards! I can't believe they did that to you!"
Heero shrugged. "It made me understand the importance of following orders and getting necessary jobs completed before doing anything else." He smiled sadly. "Of course, I broke my candy abstinence once on earth, but some things are harder to unlearn."
Duo shook his head. "That was wrong of them to do that to you, Heero. You know that, right? It was just as wrong as what those kids did to me. Some things are more important than 'getting the job done'. Duty will always be there, but what about us? Life is not a promise we have forever. I know we have to take care of things, and I need to be more mindful of that, but Heero, sometimes you need to put off the missions you give yourself too."
Heero looked into violet-blue eyes and realized that what the other man was saying was completely true. He nodded slowly, the hurt he'd felt lessening as Duo began rubbing his neck gently. Heero then understood that he'd needed to share his pain just as much as Duo had. He'd already known that his reactions had all stemmed from his training and that he had tried to make Duo live according to those principles because he felt that he still had to, but what he hadn't worked out yet was that he had to make the decision that he didn't want to be controlled like that anymore.
Duo was finding it easier to talk about the things from his past now that he knew Heero wouldn't leave him over it. "When I became a pilot, I vowed that I would never let anyone make me feel like those kids had again. I worked hard to be part of the team, to make other people want me around, but that also meant that I had to do what other people told me to do to get along with them - a compromise I was willing to make to be accepted. When the war ended, I promised myself that I'd do things the way I wanted to, and only spend time with the people who really wanted me around, and if anyone complained about how I was, I'd tell them to go take a flying leap."
"Which is what you did to me last night," Heero replied evenly, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice.
"I know, and I'm sorry, Heero," the braided man apologized. "I'm not excusing it, but at least you know why now."
"So what do we do now?" Heero asked. "How do we compromise without losing our freedom to be who we are?"
Duo thought for a moment. Compromise didn't have to be a bad thing. Heero had offered to do the dishes, one of the chores Duo hated because it reminded him so much of the orphanage. Maybe he could do the laundry? He didn't mind that. He didn't really like to cook though, even though he could do it. Being so tired didn't help inspire him to create culinary masterpieces. He sighed. If only there was a way to make chores not be such a... chore.
Heero was thinking too. Like he'd said, he was willing to take over doing the dishes. He would even do all of the cooking if the other man would pick up around the place. They could divide the tasks so that each one of them had set jobs if that's what Duo wanted. There had to be a way to balance work, fun, and rest. They'd developed mission plans to infiltrate the most heavily guarded installations with minimum sleep and supplies, so they could do this.
Duo took a deep breath. Time to choose his tasks. "I'll do the laundry if you do the dishes."
Heero smiled, glad they were thinking alike. "I'll do the cooking if you pick up around the apartment."
Duo grinned. "I'll help with the trash if you help with the bathrooms."
Heero kissed him on the nose. "I'll mop the floors if you vacuum."
Duo leaned in then, his mouth brushing against Heero's. "Deal." Then he closed that last bit of distance.
The maelstrom of emotion they had endured converged in that kiss. Heero tugged down the braided man's pajama bottoms as Duo slipped off Heero's underwear. They both knew that their passion was fueled by mutual hurt and longing, but as Heero's hand grasped their erections and began stroking, neither one cared. This was important - more important than any chore, any fear, or any memory of the past.
"Heero... yeah... just like that... oh yeah!"
"Duo... right there... so good!"
"Love you... love you so much... "
"Love you too... couldn't imagine being without you... "
Duo slid his fingers down to Heero's entrance, tracing it gently. "Let me?"
"Please," Heero groaned, quickly rolling onto his back. "This way. I want to watch you."
Duo nodded and retrieved a familiar tube. It wasn't long before he had Heero crying out for more. When Duo felt like he'd stretched his lover enough, he positioned himself, pressing his tip against the quivering muscle. "I don't ever want you to leave me. I can't promise you that I won't get upset with you if you tell me to do something, but I can promise that I'll never stop loving you because of it."
"I won't leave you," Heero replied huskily, moving his hips in blatant invitation. "I'll try to be more understanding, especially since you're working so much." He met his lover's violet-blue gaze, feeling the last barrier between them slipping away. "Just because we talk about the past, Duo, doesn't mean we have to live in it. I might complain about things sometimes, but I'll try to make spending time with you my primary mission."
"Good. Because we should have been doing this earlier today, and I'm going to make up for it now," Duo growled out sexily before thrusting completely inside of Heero's body.
The pace was rough and demanding, both of them needing to re-establish the connection between them. Duo moved in and out of Heero, enjoying how the dark-haired man's body clung to his length, gripping Duo with possessiveness that he needed to know again after all that had happened. The physically symbolic act of penetration, of taking and being taken, was not lost on the former Deathscythe pilot, and his feelings broke free, perhaps finding a haven at last as they were accepted and reciprocated with equal measure.
Heero focused on Duo as the other man took him, claiming him with a fierceness that took Heero's breath away. It was as if Duo was giving him even more of himself than he ever had before. That was enough to make Heero reach deep inside and give as much as he could in return. Their climaxes kept building and building until Heero reached down and began stroking his own arousal, meeting Duo's thrusts with abandon.
"Make me... short-circuit... hardware_slave," Duo panted out, his hips moving against Heero almost frantically. "I need a complete... systems overhaul since... my tech has been... away... "
"Roger that... junkyard_prince," Heero replied with amusement, enjoying the banter that seemed to accompany their lovemaking at the oddest times. During the most intense moments, Duo's technical humor surfaced, and although it was hard to keep up with it sometimes during such a mind-blowing event as intercourse, Heero tried to indulge his lover as much as possible. "Initiating... reboot... program... ahhh! Duo! Yeeeeeees!"
Heero came hard, his semen erupting to land on his stomach and coat his fingers. He jerked from the pleasure of it coursing through him, his hips crashing into Duo's as the other man slammed against him, burying his length inside Heero as far as he could. The dark-haired man could feel Duo swell that last bit more before warm wetness released into his passage, Duo's heartbeat throbbing within Heero as he reached his peak.
"Yeah! Heero! Oh yeah, baby! That's it! That's it!" Duo cried out as he surrendered to it, feeling Heero's muscles clench around him, milking him of his seed. He shuddered and groaned, reveling in the feeling of their unity - their connection - that not even their past could sever. When it finally ebbed, he rolled onto his side, facing his lover, needing to see that satisfaction shining in those blue eyes staring back at him.
"Now that's what I call making up," Heero announced in a sated voice.
Duo laughed. "Yeah. Damn fine making up, actually."
The dark-haired man rolled over and kissed Duo tenderly. "Sorry I missed it this morning, shi-tenshi-koi."
"Me too," Duo replied softly, leaning in to initiate another kiss. "Mattaki-koi."
"Not perfect, or we wouldn't have been in this situation," Heero stated simply with another kiss.
"My fault," the former Deathscythe pilot countered as his mouth brushed an apology over Heero's once more.
"Enough with blaming ourselves," Heero said as he pulled away slightly, that determined look in his eyes that always made Duo sigh and prepare for technical specs. "We just need to talk about things before it gets to that point."
"Yep," Duo agreed, taking those lips again.
"We need to walk away for a while when we're angry, but not let things go like we did last night," Heero went on, gasping as Duo licked his ear, and then scowling at the other man's apparent lack of attention. "Duo... "
"Walk away but don't let things go," the braided man acknowledged before licking one of Heero's nipples. He was determined to do a little more making up before Heero headed back to the other colony.
"No hiding... no ignoring... the problem... be honest... say what's... oh, bothering... oh, right there." Heero decided to talk about that later when his mind was working better. At the moment, he could feel his processors whirling again, and he wasn't going to pass up another interface. Damn, if Duo didn't get him thinking like a computer geek again about sex. "No more using jargon while fucking," he managed to get out.
Duo stilled his ministrations and looked at his lover in surprise. "What? Why not? Don't tell me it doesn't get you hot, Yuy. All I have to do is start talking about hardware, and you go wild!"
"Maybe so," Heero conceded, but then flushed. "Problem is, when I'm working, I have to use that same language and well... I can't help but see the innuendo now! By the time I get to my hotel room, I'm ready for... but you're not there, and I... "
The braided man smirked as he moved back up to kiss Heero's mouth. "Don't you remember how we got in this relationship in the first place, lover? Why don't you just... get online?"
Heero blinked. "I didn't think you would want to do that now that we've... well, you know, been together-together."
Duo shook his head. "I am a man of many kinks, Heero Yuy, and fucking you online happens to be one of them."
"Oh," Heero said, his face flushing more. "Well, since I'll be gone, I guess I can... I mean, if you want to... "
Duo laughed at his lover's adorable shyness. As much as they'd been together, it would come out at some of the most unexpected times. He rubbed Heero's nose with his own. "You should know that I'm always willing to spend time with my hardware_slave... in the bedroom or on the computer."
The dark-haired man smiled then, thinking about the different things they could do that they hadn't done in the past few months. "Okay. I'll see if I can arrange some quality communications time."
Duo logged on to see Heero waiting for him. It had been a couple of days since the fight and subsequent making up session. They'd talked online every night since Heero had gotten back at his job site. They had also fooled around, rediscovering the joys of cybering. Tonight, Heero had asked to use his vibe again. Duo was looking forward to it.
<hardware_slave> hey. right on time
<junkyard_prince> wouldn't miss it. ready for some fun?
<hardware_slave> ready when you are, sexy
Smirking, Duo continued typing.
<junkyard_prince> i'm always ready, lover
<hardware_slave> then i want a finger... now
Duo laughed out loud, pleased and aroused by Heero's obvious need.
<junkyard_prince> impatient, are we?
<hardware_slave> had to train today... lots of networking terms
The braided man could almost feel Heero's excitement. When his eyes went to his new toy, his smile turned into a wicked grin. He had to test it out for his lover, right? Just to make sure it worked properly? No out-of-box failures would be acceptable. Chuckling to himself, Duo reached over and got the lube and the silver-colored item that he was sure would become one of their favorite pieces of 'equipment'.
<junkyard_prince> wait until you see what i have for you when you get home...
End Part 3
(:./tk/reach3)
