27-Mar-2000
Standard Gundam Wing fan fic disclaimers apply. C&C welcomed. Subject matter relates to M/M relationships. If that freaks you out, go away.
Feedback appreciated as always. :)
~~ Trowa ~~
He is no longer angry with me.
We spoke. Yes, two people with so little to say to the world in general, and each other in particular, would still be able to hold a conversation if the subject matter was important enough.
He came to me that day, expressing a desire to put that matter behind us. I look into his eyes and I know that he is at peace with the world, and perhaps more importantly, with himself.
No longer do I see the swirl of confusion and turmoil in the cobalt blue depths when he turns to look at Duo. Before he left, he was struggling to come to terms with the strength of his inexplicable feelings for the braided young man, struggling to resist the power Duo had over him.
But I see that now he has come to accept it, and instead of being weaker for it, is stronger. I suppose that the irony of love is that sometimes, in accepting the possibility of losing yourself by giving up the struggle for control, you actually find yourself. And I think Heero has found himself at last in his love for his braided partner.
And I am happy for him. And for Duo. They have found destiny in their love for each other.
~~ Quatre ~~
I suppose I never would have expected this. No, I'm not naturally cynical, and I have always wanted the very best for them, but their restored relationship has transcended all my greatest hopes.
Just looking at them, at the type of people they are, it seems natural to believe that Duo - the lively, rambunctious partner - is the one holding the relationship together with his passion and his obvious love for Heero. It's just the way Duo is: all bursting energy and light, exuberant hugs and dazzling smiles, while Heero remains ever curt, sulky and silent. If you only skim the visible surface of their relationship, it may seem like Duo Maxwell is the one giving everything to the relationship, bravely struggling against hope to see Heero return his affection and love.
And that assumption would be wrong...
Duo's love is sweet and very strong, vital and alive - never doubt that for a moment - yet, it is, strangely enough, Heero who loves more deeply and more fully. I feel it in my heart. It was love that brought him back to Duo, ready to forgive anything and to give whatever it would take to keep the relationship alive and strong. His love began, and will complete, the healing; and the love they bear each other will see them through the hell of the war and into the peace of the future we seek.
Looking at them, and seeing the perfect peace and joy in their eyes, I wonder if perhaps this love was meant to be from the very beginning of time... Destiny can only be delayed... never thwarted.
~~ Wufei ~~
It would be impossible to go back. Impossible to face up to Duo's joy and Heero's stoic relief that they are back together, back where they belong.
But I know I cannot stay out here forever. My place is with them... with the people I call friends.
Are they still my friends?
Sometimes I wonder where I fit in. Trowa and Quatre have each other. Heero and Duo have found each other again. What place is there in their perfect happiness for me? They reach for me, welcome me to their fellowship, yet hold back what I really need... their love.
I lost an early chance at love, and it appears that I have lost my second chance yet again. I know that Duo and Heero belong together... that I was only keeping them apart, but honor and justice are little comfort to me now. They belong together, and if I keep telling myself that... perhaps someday I would come to believe it too.
It is so cold, so dark now. The streets so empty. The stark reminder of how akin I am to the night jolts me back to reality. I turn around from my aimless wanderings; it is time to go home. Quatre's car is waiting for me. Waiting to take me back home, where my friends are waiting to welcome me back into their presence. It will be awkward, but ultimately, I expect that it will return to its status quo. It always does... life seeks its natural equilibrium.
And from the car, I watch the rising sun on the horizon. It is true... the curse of a dreamer is that he can only find his way by night, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before anyone else.
And my dawn will come too... someday... the love, the peace and the joy that has so long eluded me...
I just have to keep believing.... Just believe in destiny...
The End
(:./danyale/paths4)
