4 Jun 2001
TITLE: Velvet
AUTHOR: Kat & kumi!
PART: 35/42
FANDOM: Gundam Wing
PAIRING: A puddle of Treize, Zechs and Wufei
WARNINGS: lemon, lemon, lemmmmon!
DISCLAIMER: Not ours. *sigh* ^_~
An hour later, Treize and Anne were sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Thelander. A few other patients were there, all adults, and the air had that drowsy, suspended from time feeling that seems to pervaded public waiting areas. Anne stole a look at Treize and wondered if what he had said that morning was true. /He couldn't have meant it... he couldn't have really promised that man he'd come back... or if he did, it was probably to avoid being beaten... or worse.../
To begin with, he was still wearing his collar, shirt collar mostly hiding it, but.... He'd seemed to relax more since he'd given in to the urge to wear it.
Ginger-brows were knitted together as he spared a glance at Anne. "What sort of place is this?"
"He's a general practitioner," she said, eyes not straying from the magazine she was flipping through. "A very good one, I might add."
"Why, again, did you want me to come here?" he asked, looking at her, though she paid him no mind.
"If you insist on knowing, I got a call from the doctor who looked after you in France and she told me it would be a very good idea for you to be under a doctor's care here in Bonn. I am following *her* instructions."
"Herr Khushrenada?"
Anne looked up. A nurse was looking out of the door that led to the inner office. "That's you, love. Do you want me to come with you?"
For a moment, he debated, before saying," Ah, if I need you -- and I might -- I'll ask for you to come in. There are things I'm... not comfortable with," he murmured, a probable excuse as he stood and walked towards the nurse.
The woman led him to a small room and took his temperature and blood pressure. After recording them in a new patient file, she smiled at him. "All right then, Herr Khushrenada. Just take off your shirt and lie back on the table and the doctor will be right with you." Having delivered the standard line, she left the room, closing the door behind her.
Following orders was... easy for him, easier than it had even been before. the silk shirt was carefully un-tucked, folded carefully and set aside, before he swung his legs up onto the bed he'd been perched on and stretched out - still wearing his collar.
Five minutes later, the doctor came in, looking for all the world like someone's grandfather with his salt-and-pepper hair, moustache, and beard, and the small round spectacles perched on the end of his nose.
"Herr Khushrenada?" he said walking up to the edge of the table. "I'm Joerg Thelander, how do you do?" He held out a hand for the reclining man to shake.
Treize sat up a little, soothed by the fact that this was a *very* stereo-typical doctor, and accepted the hand, shaking firmly. "Fine, Really. I've simply been hauled in for further observation, I assume."
"Yes, yes..." Thelander said, moving to the sink to wash his hands. "I understand that you've been in some unusual circumstances for the past several months. I'm going to check the wound, redress it if needs be, and I'd also like to collect a specimen to test for any sexually-transmitted diseases. Then we can talk a little about how you feel now that you're back home. Sound fair?"
He wiped his hands dry and proceeded to press Treize down so that he was lying flat on the table. "Let's take a look at this wound," he murmured, beginning to remove the bandages.
Wincing a little as the tape was pulled back, Treize stayed mostly still. "I was completely tested by my last master, and I'm *very* sure that I didn't receive anything from him," he murmured calmly, becoming ultra aware of his collar just then. /Forgot to take it off. God dammit./ "It's healing up well."
"Hmm, yes," the doctor murmured, "although you've got a small amount of drainage still in this lower corner. Let me put some topical antibiotic on that and then I'll put on a new dressing." Walking to the counter with the sink he rummaged around in one of the drawers. "I'd still like to get a current specimen and do a new round of tests - sometimes these things don't show up for weeks or months. And no matter *how* clean you think the man was, if he owned slaves that he slept with, he could have infected you. Better safe than sorry, if you know what I mean."
He came back to the table and began applying the antibiotic cream. "Any reason in particular that you're still wearing a collar?"
"I've gotten used to, and fond of it," he answered shortly. "It rather suits me, hmn? No, don't answer that. I've been told by enough people of late that I've lost my mind."
"Lost it?" the doctor mused, "I seriously doubt that. You don't appear insane to me at the moment, although one never knows, I guess."
He replaced the old bandages with new ones and now moved to put his supplies away. "Keep the bandages on for another two days - sponge baths only, so the thing will dry up. I'm writing you a prescription for an antibiotic cream - use it." Ripping the scrip off the pad, he handed it over to Treize along with a small cup he'd gotten out of one of the drawers. "Fill this, leave it in the small door in the wall of the restroom, then come into my office, two doors down on the left." He gave Treize a light clap on the arm and headed for the door. "See you in a couple of minutes."
Office -- wonderful.
Treize pocketed the prescription, went into the bathroom and mechanically filled the cup. He'd always hated doctors, hated having to see them, hated *feeling* like there was something wrong with him, when there wasn't -- it was just a physical wound! No 'tests' were needed... He trusted Zechs to have no done *anything* harmful to him.
Because Zechs loved him, or at least he said he did. But to even hear it said was heaven itself.
Soon he was at the office door, knocking on it -- a nurse had intercepted him and his specimen, thankfully.
Thelander called him in to a small, tastefully-furnished office. The doctor sat in one overstuffed armchair and motioned Treize into the other. "I know you're wondering what this is all about, and I don't particularly agree with your fiancee's decision to keep you in the dark until you got here, so let me fill you in.
"I did my residency, more years ago than I care to think, in psychiatry." He held a hand up before Treize could say a thing. "I know what you're thinking - you don't need a psychiatrist because nothing is wrong with you. I don't know you well, so I couldn't say one way or the other about that, but according to your fiancee you've been acting very *different* from the man she remembers and she is concerned. So I'll ask you this: do you feel that the experience you went through has changed something fundamental about you? And was that change good or bad?" He sat back, mild gray eyes thoughtful behind the small glasses, and waited for Treize's answer.
/God damn her.../ Treize crossed his arms, leaning back into that over-stuffed chair. "I don't think it's changed me so much as brought things to light that I was *aware* of, but not admitting. And I was happy with Zechs in a way I haven't been since Leia died."
"Interesting," Thelander said, nodding his head. "So, you had an idea that you were interested in men *before* you were kidnapped. Certainly, that would be something that would argue against the 'brainwashing' that your fiancee is so worried went on." He looked thoughtful again and then finally spoke. "You must feel this "bringing to light" of things that you hadn't admitted to was a *good* thing for you... you were not completely happy with Anne?"
"It has often been... forced, rather than real emotion," Treize murmured, lips thinning a little. /You're a bastard Khushrenada./ "Anne is a loving, loyal woman that I'd thought I could be happy with given time... and then I was kidnapped."
"And what happened then?" Thelander asked quietly. "What was it that made you realize that what you had before wasn't what you wanted?"
"My... latest master. Zechs is a very sensual man who convinced me, slowly, that being with men could be very enjoyable, in spite of what my other owners had done to me, and my previous years with women." All very clinically summed up, but that made it easier for Treize, to keep the roiling emotions about Zechs out of his voice, if not his eyes. They glimmered when he mentioned the man. "But it's different, emotionally, too. He wanted an equal, someone to aid him and be aided in turn -- not a supporter without giving back."
"Do you see your fiancee in that role?"
"I see my fiance in the role of someone who, ah..." He fell silent a moment, thinking of a diplomatic way to say it. "A very stereotypical woman. She's wonderful with Mari, and I love her like a sister, but I enjoy the company of someone who has... fire in them. Who'll challenge me without trying to make me feel guilty, or like I'm doing something terrible."
Thelander nodded. "I see. So you were able to achieve that kind of healthy dynamic with the man who was your owner? That's rather unique, isn't it? For a man who believes in owning human slaves to allow one of them to be treated as his equal? Or *were* you his equal?"
"Not *quite* equal when we were in London, but it was *there* when we were in France." He sighed, shaking his head a little. "He was having trouble with the fact that he couldn't really treat me or Wufei like slaves."
"Hmm... so, you believe that he himself was in the process of being changed by *you*?"
A slow nod. "Yes. He's a different man, now, from the one who bought me. Not that I've changed anything -- but like he did with me, I brought out something underlying."
Easing forward in his chair a bit, Thelander put an arm on the armrest of the chair and propped his chin in his hand. "Then tell me, Herr Khushrenada, if that were so... why did you chose to come back to Bonn?"
"My daughter." A short, assured answer, as if it should explain it all. "I couldn't desert her."
"And what do you plan to do from here? Do you stay here for the good of the child, or go back to your master for the good of yourself?"
The next expression was bitter, a bit tense. "Why can't both happen? Would it be impossible for me to go and take Mari with me?"
"Oh, certainly not impossible," the older man replied. "Do you think that is what would be best for her?"
"'Best' for Mari would be if Leia hadn't died; close to that would be if I could happily fake that I hadn't changed, and marry Anne. But there has to be a compromise..."
A wry smile appeared on the doctor's face. "It's never been my experience that "fake" and "happy" were compatible. One of them usually falls by the wayside..." He tilted his head and regarded Treize. "Do you think your daughter would have a good home with this man you are attracted to?"
"There is a good chance of it," Treize murmured. "Zechs is a good man, and I know newcomers are readily accepted into the estate. They're all very friendly."
"And would you feel comfortable raising your daughter in the slaving community?"
"Not entirely comfortable with it, however... She'd adjust fast, I'm sure," he replied.
"What about it makes you uncomfortable?" Thelander asked, his voice remaining calm and neutral.
"Ah, I'd rather her not see *some* of the things that he does."
"It sounds as though his lifestyle makes you uncomfortable, Herr Khushrenada. Is that the case?"
Refolding his arms, Treize shook his head. "It did -- at first. Then I became accustomed to it. But what *I* don't mind seeing, and what I'd mind my *daughter* seeing... are two different things."
"Good point." Thelander turned his chair a bit and looked over the leafy quadrangle that lay in the middle of the medical center grounds. "Then why haven't you left, mein Herr? Is something keeping you here? You should be back in England from the sound of it."
"I should never have come, from the sound of it," he murmured, "but now that I'm known to still be alive, and to be a free man, there are things I have to take care of. Closing out my part of the law firm; Taxes; Finding my documentation; convincing Mari that it's a good idea..."
"But you yourself have no reservations about going back?"
Lips thinned again in thought, for another flickering moment. "Not really."
"You don't sound very confident about that. I *am* willing to listen, mein Herr. I have a fairly open mind..."
Silence, then, "It's not *him* that I really doubt. It's me."
"What is it you mean by that?"
"I am... not sure how things have changed, or will change, because of Mari's presence -- my own actions, that is -- and if my returning would be good for Zechs, who has another slave who undoubtedly causes him less trouble over time than I have."
"What kinds of changes do you see as possible - in terms of your own actions?"
Another shift, and now Treize stood up, unable to be so *inactive*; long legs carried him to look out the window. "Being Zechs's slave, with nothing around me to remind me of my past, gave me a sort of freedom of action, from my inborn pride."
"And with this pride back in place, what do you think might be different between the two of you?"
"If I'd never left, there wouldn't have been a chance for anything to change," Treize murmured, brows knitted. "I should have dragged him here with me." A heavy sigh dragged it's way out of him as he rested his palms down on the windowsill, looking blankly out of the window. /Zechs. Master, I miss you so much, and I'm so *scared*. Do you really want me at all? Was it just... a facade, convenient to keep while I was at his side? Will you want me now, if I bring Mari with me...? Ah, I need you here *now*./What would Zechs have done just then? Shunned him and his dangerous pride, or come up behind him and pulled him into familiar arms... "Some part of him felt betrayed by my leaving, I know it -- maybe he hates me now. I can't tell."
"Well, there's only one person in the world who can answer that for you," Thelander said. He leaned forward and took a peppermint from a small dish on his desk. "Could you not call him and ask if what you fear is true?"
"I could," Treize murmured contemplatively. "I suppose I may as well. As soon as I can get back. Are we quite done yet?"
The doctor smiled. "Yes, yes, of course. Far be it from me to keep you. Would you like to make another appointment - for after your call? We could discuss what you might do next."
Another moment spent in thought, as he turned around. "I suppose it couldn't hurt. Tomorrow afternoon?"
The older man checked a small appointment book on his desk and then looked up. "I have a free hour between 8 and 9am. Is that too early?"
"Not at all," Treize murmured. "I'll tell Anne that, and I'll see you tomorrow. Perhaps... you should speak with her if there is any extra time left."
With that, he turned and strode smoothly from the room, a graceful walk that was of someone who'd been trained to look alluring when they moved. The door closed behind him with a light 'click'.
Treize had been less brooding on the way back then he'd been on the way too, though he'd voiced his disapproval of her taking him in there blindly.
"I need to make a phone call when we get in," he murmured, looking over to the driver's side of the car, where Anne was.
"All right," she said looking back at him. "Why the meaningful look?"
"I'm still a little irked that you think, or thought, that I'm crazy," he replied.
Anne gave him a mildly shocked look. "I do *not* think you're crazy! I think you're a man who's endured a very difficult ordeal and that sorting out how you feel about the whole thing will probably take some time." She narrowed her eyes a little. "Did Dr. Thelander treat you like you were crazy?"
"Not at all -- he seemed to approve of the choices I was making," Treize uttered firmly. "I'm going to make a phone-call to Zechs, as per his recommendation."
The shock went from mild to severe instantly. "He told you to do *what*?? Well - I hope you're calling to tell the man that you plan to sue! Why on Earth would the doctor want you to call that man?"
He *looked* at her again, gaze level, if a bit strained. "Anne. I *want* to talk to Zechs again."
Her hands tightened on the steering wheel and for several moments she said nothing. Then suddenly she pulled over to the side of the road. "Fine. You talk to him. But you will *not* do it in my house and on my telephone!"
They were stopped along a small shopping street about a mile from Anne's house. "Go on," she said, straining for control. "Get out and make your call. Then you can walk home."
"No, Anne." Treize didn't budge an inch, either way, just *looking* at her. /'My house'. 'My telephone'. Never mind that you've been using my money and that I co-signed the loan for 'your' house./ Bitterness welled up in him as he continued to not move. "You're trying to punish me, in some way, aren't you? Every time something isn't going one hundred percent your way, you do this -- throw fits of guilt at people until they bend."
"One hundred percent my way?" she asked in astonishment. "You've told me that you're breaking our engagement - a promise that you made to me months and months ago - and that you want to go back to a man who bought you like an animal and kept you as a slave. No, quite the opposite, Treize. *You* think you can come back and bring your filthy "new lifestyle" with you? That's one hundred percent *your* way. Or can't you see that with all your new insight into yourself?"
Sapphire eyes were as hard as daggers. "Tell me what's so filthy about it, Anne. Does the slavery part of it really bother you as much as the fact that Zechs is male?"
"The latter is almost as bad as the former!" she answered, her voice breaking. Her eyes brimmed with tears and she let her head sink down to the steering wheel, sobbing gently.
/Oh, gods.../ At least she'd stopped the car! Carefully, he reached over, embracing her gently. "Anne... I still love you. It's just different than before."
"You say that... so calmly, Treize," she whispered through sobs. "But every dream I had about my future... you're saying they're all gone, now..." She let her arms slide around his waist, burying her face against his chest. "I don't know what to do. I *love* you, so *much*... have for so *long*... I know it's selfish of me, but it... it just doesn't seem fair for him to treat you that way... and have you fall in love with him..."
"Shhhh." Long fingers stroked through her hair, smoothing as he tried to soothe her. "I hated him, at first, was afraid of him, and then... things began to change, Anne. My dreams of giving Mari a stable life, of living into my old age with you... are all ruined, replaced with this new and unsure thing that I want so badly."
"What is it about him... that you don't see in me? Does he love you the way I do?." Her tone was quiet now, but fierce. "Will he stand by you... stay with you through anything, like I will? Will he take care of Mari -oh, God, Treize! What kind of person would you be taking Mari to? She's beginning to accept me as another mother. What will she do? There can't be any women in that kind of place..."
"There aren't -- but Zechs is a wonderful, kind man, Anne. You have to believe me... He..." Treize trailed off, thinking. "Did you ever meet Relena's much esteemed brother?"
Anne blinked at him, trying to wipe tears away with the back of her hand. "What? Her brother? No, of course not. I just always heard her talking about him. Seemed kind of like a love-hate relationship if you ask me... but what does that have to do with what we were talking about?"
"Miriald *is* Zechs, Anne," Treize murmured.
She froze for a moment and then pulled away from him, a look of stunned disbelief on her face. "No... that's not possible... Relena - she's not the type to come from a family like that! She's wonderful. You must be mistaken, Treize. That... that can't be right."
"Zechs is wonderful, too," Treize murmured. "'Zechs' is his slaving name -- but trust me, he is Miriald Peacecraft. I've been assisting him with his international business... and it's a job I can do, Anne. You don't *know* how frightened I get in crowds. Let alone in a court-room. It's too much pressure. I like... helping him; serving him. He's so *kind*, Anne, and gentle..." So many incidents of it rose up in his mind, without a way to tell her of them. "He never really acted like a 'master', to me."
"I can't believe what I'm hearing," she said, voice low. "He *bought* you! I've said that so many times and it's starting to feel absolutely *unreal* to have you say that that doesn't make any difference. I'm not crazy, I know it. Buying people like they're animals or objects is abhorrent. Forcing sex on them afterwards is nothing short of a heinous crime. I won't have you try to convince me otherwise, Treize - *everyone* in a civilized society knows these things. That's why I worry so much about what's happened to you - that you can't see how abnormal and perverted it is." She looked up at him, her eyes concerned and pleading. "Can't you see that, Treize?"
His brows were drawn together tightly as he looked at her. "Oh, I can see how abnormal it is, Anne, and how perverse -- I can see how perverse it is to be starved; to sleep on a floor; to not be given clothing; to be raped nearly every day; to be tortured. But I can't see how it's perverse when someone gives you clothing, food, a warm bed, a job to do, treats you like a prized object when you *know* you're useless and dirty, and lets you decide if you want to be with them or not."
"Treize!" she said, shaking her head and putting her hands to her temples. "I *know* the contrast between him and the others who were treating you that badly must have seemed very great - it's even somewhat understandable that you thought you fell in love with him. After all, the way you tell it he was your saviour. But when you look at what he did to you and compare it with living your own life, freely, doing what *you* want to do and not just what he *told* you to do - well then he doesn't seem so wonderful. He may have been the kindest of your 'masters' but he was still a master - still a slaver - and you have no need of him as a free man."
A hand reached for his cheek. "And you're *not* useless and dirty, Treize. No one *here* thinks of you that way."
"But it's in the back of your mind, Anne," Treize murmured, *knowing*. "Zechs never thought that of me, Anne, either. You ask me what I want... and I'll be truthful; I'd like to be a lawyer again, I'd like to re-enter politics. But I know my own limitations now, and I know what I can and can't handle."
"Why are you giving up, Treize?" she said softly. "Why must it all be over? Why can't it be that you'll give yourself time and then try again? Give *us* time, to get back the feelings we had for one another. You loved me, didn't you Treize?" Her face was bleak as she looked over at him, fingering the engagement ring on her hand. "You told me that you loved me - that you wanted to marry me. Was that a lie?"
"I wanted to marry you, Anne. I loved you -- as much as I'd ever known I could love, then," he murmured quietly. "I'm not giving up, aAnne --but... put yourself in my place. I was trained to be scared to *breath* the 'wrong way', for fear of being beaten."
"You learned it," she whispered. "You could unlearn it. If *he* could make you feel better about yourself, then so could I."
"You can't 'un-train' someone, Anne -- you can only retrain them, over the old training."
"Well, then, you can retrain here. You don't need him to be retrained..." A part of her knew this was pointless. She didn't want to believe that he could have changed that much in such a short amount of time - didn't want to believe that he could find a man attractive, especially a man who had forced him to be so submissive.
"I can't train myself, Anne," he murmured softly.
"No, I realize that," she said. "But what about Dr. Thelander? I'm sure he could help..."
Treize winced. "Training is a series of either pleasures for reward, or pain for punishment, depending upon the trainer. It would not work with him."
"You really think that's the only way you function now?" she said, her voice sad. "And... and *he's* the only one who can do that for you?"
What was there to do...? Giving a slow nod, he embellished, "Yes. But it's more than that, Anne. It's not that he's better than you, or more beautiful, just... I fit *better* with him. He pushes my limits, all of them, constantly, but stops before he pushes too far."
Anne's voice was lower, almost resigned. "And I don't stop soon enough? Or I don't push in the first place?"
"Both and neither," Treize murmured softly. "Both and neither. It's hard for me to explain -- you haven't been through it all."
The fight went out of her at those words. She couldn't bring herself to look over at him. "Well... then I guess I'll drive you home and you can make that call..." /And if there's a God in heaven, the bastard won't be there.../
"Thank you," he spoke, barely a whisper as he laid his hand atop her knee, giving it a comforting squeeze.
End of Chapter 35
(:./kumiko/velvet35)
