05-Feb-2003
Title: The Ashes Stir
Author: Draco
Notes: This story fits into my Relena/Hilde arc, but it stands alone completely (more than any of the other stories). It started out as a snog idea, but then I realized I wanted to write this thing out more than the 800 words allowed for a snog. So here it is... (The title is a line from a Indigo Girls song... can you guess which one? ^___^)
Warnings: Yuri, lemon, angst. (girls in love)
When I get to the shuttle bay, only half of the lights are on. The perfect replica of Wing Zero is lying on in the dimness. It takes me a moment to see Relena. She's standing in the shadow of one of Wing's arms. Relena must have been staring at it for at least twenty minutes.
"Still can't believe it can you?" I ask as I approach her. She turns to me when I put my hand on her shoulder, and she leans in a little into me. I can't believe it either. I'm staring at the Wing Zero replica and I still cannot wrap my head around it. There is something unspeakably perverse about a gundam amusement park.
"Always this fascination with war," Relena moves closer to the Wing replica and brushes her fingers against its metallic surface. The park is funded by private investors and no matter how hard Relena tries she's getting nowhere with them. But she's not giving up. Even as they are delivering the first of the attractions to the park, Relena is still trying to stop the project.
I bite my lips, and resist the urge to march down the hall and just shoot all the damn capitalists. After all sacrifices people made to destroy the mobile suits and gundams, they were now building a gundam amusement park.
"I don't know what's worse, them glorifying war or them exploiting on the pilots, and selling their hero status," I say.
"In the war, they were terrorists, now they are heroes," Relena sighs.
"As you always tell me, whoever wins gets to write history," I say. I'm cold suddenly, and I wrap my arms around Relena. "Then again, I'm not sure who really won. In the end, I wasn't even sure who was fighting who, or what they were fighting for."
"I suppose saying that they were fighting for peace is a paradoxical proposition," Relena exhales slowly.
"Yeah, well, that's what they keep on telling me." I bury my head in her hair. I almost want to live in her hair, under its golden veil.
"What was it like..." Relena asks. Her voice is so soft that I miss half of question.
"Hm?"
"What is it like battling in these things?"
"I wouldn't know."
"You piloted those other things..."
"'Those other things', were a bitch to pilot," I can feel myself stiffening. "The colony's army was so ill funded that most of the mobile suits didn't work right. Equipment malfunctions killed more people than I want to think about."
"I'm so sorry," Relena's hands grasp mine, and I hold on to her tighter.
"Not your fault. No more war, and no more dying," I whisper. "You will see to that."
I'm holding her so tight, I'm sure I'm hurting her, but she lets me. So we just stand there, in the shadow of Wing Zero.
"Is this supposed to be a perfect replica?" I ask after a long moment.
I feel rather than see Relena nodding, "Like a 1/1 model, I'm told."
"I'm going to take a look at the cockpit," I finally release Relena from my arms. I want to see it. I need to see it. I'm almost all the way up Wing's arm when I hear Relena climbing up behind me. She looks at me unwaveringly when our eyes met. I extend out my arm and pull her up rest of the way.
I help her steady her footing before I pop open the cockpit door.
Relena stares at me.
"Not that different from a MS," I answer the unasked question as I crawl into the piloting seat. Relena follows me before I can stop her and we bump heads.
"There isn't much space here," I laugh.
Relena looks at me steadily and then settles in on my lap, "We will both fit."
I do not argue, instead I ask, "Are you claustrophobic?"
"Not especially, why?"
I close the cockpit door and enclose us in semi-darkness. The cockpit has tainted glass where monitors would be, allowing us to see the shuttle bay.
"What are we doing here, Hirde?" Relena asks softly.
I don't know. I close my eyes, and feel the warm weight of Relena's body on my legs.
"You ever seen any recordings of Wing Zero taking on things?" my voice sounds hoarse.
"I've seen Heero piloting--"
"You ever seen him kill with it?" the question falls out my mouth without my mind processing it.
"Yes." I barely hear Relena's response.
"I've seen recordings of Quatre slicing through colonies in Wing Zero," I keep my eyes closed, "And I remember thinking, anyone who could do that had to be a monster... When news came that the pilot of 02 was on our base, I volunteered on the mission to neutralize him. I wanted revenge. I wanted revenge against the pilots who were killing so many people. And then I met Duo, and I realized that he thought he was doing the right thing. He believed it enough that I believed too--" I stop talking for a moment when I realize I'm trembling. I'm trembling so badly that I wonder if Relena isn't clasping on to me that I might shake apart.
"I infiltrated White Fang to help them, to help Duo...because I wanted to believe so badly that we could end the war," I can hear the tremor in my voice, "and then Dekim Barton came along. And it was another war all over again. I couldn't even fight then because I was so damn depressed. I had no idea what the hell we were all fighting for any more. People I knew, my friends, they were with Dekim Barton."
I feel Relena stroking my hair, and the tears that were rolling in my eyes fall out.
"I joined the army with them all those years ago," I whisper, "We fought together once. I thought we were fighting for peace. I was so confused when Dekim Barton waged war... but not Duo. Not Heero. Not any of them. Hell, even Wufei knew what side he was on. And I thought... if I put myself in the pilots' shoes I'd understand more. They knew... I thought they knew exactly what they were fighting for..."
"And this thing... not so different from a mobile suit. Just another metal body controlled by a kid--"
Relena reaches up and brushes away the tears on my face.
"Now, they are building this goddamn park. They are worshipping the pilots are war heroes, and the gundams like idols of gods. And suddenly the wars we fought is some kind of confrontation between good and evil..."
I'm sniffling loudly and but I keep on talking. I can't stop talking. "I was on the other side, Relena. Wing Zero killed thousands of people... What the hell were we fighting for? What hell was I fighting for?"
"You fought to save people," Relena say as she kisses my eyelids. "You always fought to protect others." Relena kisses my forehead. "And even after the war, you saved me." She kisses my nose. "There will be no more war. I... we will see to that..." Relena's lips brush against my mouth and I instantly open up to her and devour Relena in hot wet heat.
I push forward and press Relena against the glass of the cockpit door, and I'm kissing her hard. The surface of the cockpit door is cold, and the unevenness must hurt Relena's back, but Relena lets me hold her there, lets me kiss her. God, I wish I could melt into her and hide inside her. Suddenly she's arching up to me and slipping her hands underneath my shirt.
One of her hand caresses my breasts, and I moan into her mouth. She pushes roughly against me, sending us back into the seat.
"Relena," I'm panting and forgetting to breathe. One of my hands is fumbling at her buttoned shirt, and the other is trying to get into her pants.
God, she's lost weight. My hand slips down her pants with plenty of room. I feel the soft hair, and she's clutching my breast so hard it almost hurts.
I'm aching for her skin. When I finally open up her shirt, and for a moment I'm just staring at her perfect skin and the soft curves of her breasts. Her bra straps and part of one of the sides already slipped off, revealing one pink nipple. I lean forward and greedily suck on the exposed nipple. She moans into my ear, and I can feel myself getting so wet I'm leaking.
My hand finds her clit, and I stroke it.
"Hirde!"
God, she's wet. My hand is soaked in her, and I let my fingers slip inside. She's panting and moaning, and trying to stay in control, but I can tell she's close already. God, I am too.
One of her hand is unbuttoning my pants, and her mouth is all over me--on my shoulders, and on my neck, and wherever else she can reach. Just the pressure of her hand there is driving me crazy. I'm stroking her and fingerfucking her, and needing to hear her say my name.
I lean forward, press her hand between our bodies, and I'm just thrusting against her hand.
"Hirde, Hirde..." Relena moans my name.
I capture her mouth again and I'm thrusting hard, and suddenly she's stiffening against me, and she comes. I bite her lower lip and I'm coming too. And God, everything is hot and burning, and wonderful.
Our mouths finally break apart from the kiss, and her lips are slightly bruised.
"Oh Relena," I touch her lips with my free hand.
"Don't you dare apologize."
I withdraw my hand from her pants, and release her hand from between us. With both arms, I cling on to her.
She kisses my forehead. "Hirde." A benediction and a promise.
And that might be enough to go on fighting another day.
~Owari
(:./draco/ashes)
