12-Jul-2000
Bandai & friends own GW, Crash Test Dummies own "Winter Song", and I don't own anything. Suing would be pointless.
somewhat OOC, but otherwise nothing I think would offend anyone. But what do I know?
// = song
/ = thoughts
//I can't say thatI miss my old dog much,
And I've never looked back since I've left home long ago.
But I hope a trip into the country
Would help remind me all the things I used to know.
And that's what I came for
And that's what I hoped for//
Duo sighed as he stared at the path in front of him. Just one more hill to go. /Shit/, he thought. /I do *not* want to do this./ He stood a while longer, chewing on the end of his braid, strangely indecisive. Finally, he sighed once more before walking up the hill.
When he reached the top, Duo stopped in shock. "I was not expecting that", he said out loud. He looked across the field in front of him. There were young trees and wildflowers, tall grasses and rabbits... and not one damn thing to show that the Maxwell Church had ever been there.
/It's not fair, it's not *right*/ he thought. /Sister Helen, the Father, the children, they deserve to be remebered. Am I the only one who remembers them? Am I their only memorial?/
Closing his eyes, he could see the past so clearly. Sister Helen, her hands soft in his hair, humming quietly while she braided. Father Maxwell, mouth wide with laughter, falling to the ground covered in giggling children. The almost human look of suffering on the face of a stray dog, as the youngest girls played dress-up with it *one more time*. The smell of burning and blood, as a beam ripped through the building, the screaming and death.../STOP IT, DUO!!/
//There once was good blood in the breeze here.
We rode across the lake each new year.
What have I remembered?
What did this used to be?//
/I wasn't there. It's *possible* that it was merciful and quick, that they never even knew.../ But Duo couldn't make himself believe that lie. He tried so hard every night to believe it, but he'd been the God of Death too long to believe that their deaths had been anything less than brutal, pointless, and painful. /Just like the deaths *I've* caused. I feel like *their* families feel./ Duo closed his mind to that train of thought, as well.
He wandered the field, looking for any kind of remnant of the church. /Was it really like I remembered?/ he thought, kicking idly at the ground. /Was everyone really that good and pure, was I *really* that happy? Maybe I just remember it that way, because there's no-one left to tell me I'm wrong./ He laughed derisively at himself.
/Here's the story of Shinigami, and how he wanted to be a Real Boy, with a Real Family, just like a normal child. But it was all pretend, and in the end, everyone lied and everyone died, leaving him alone. Just like always./
"NO!" Duo shouted, startling the nearby birds. "It *was* true, and I *was* loved! They were my family, and I *WILL* remember them!" His shout echoed across the still evening.
//The changes of the year were once like breathing
Well, this year they're the seasons of my discontent.
But I cannot rewrite my old diaries,
I can only recall all the things that came and went//
Duo lay on the ground where he thought the church had been, ignoring the flakes of snow that had begun to fall. /Well, they were wrong,/ he thought. /You *can* go home again. It just sucks. Hard./
/The pathetic thing is, if I had to do it all over again, I think I'd *still* go and steal the mobile suit, hoping to save them. It still seems like the only choice I could make. I just wish it didn't hurt so much. I just wish it didn't feel like I killed them./
Duo rolled over, and pillowed his head on his arms. /The war is over. I'm a killer who has nothing to kill for. I don't know *how* to live a normal life. I can't do it right. I came here to mourn for my family, and I can't even *find* them. I'm not *good* at normal./
He sat up and began laughing. /Baka! This is stupid. I'm the only one who hasn't moved on. Only in my mind is the Maxwell Church still a smoldering ruin. For the L2, for everyone else, it's an event *long* past./ Duo laughed again. /Hell, I can't even find the *church*!/
/That's not true, not really. I'll always have the church in my heart. As long as I try live well, and do as they taught me, I'll have Father Maxwell and Sister Helen with me. They'll *always* be with me./
/I can't undo my actions, and I can't rewrite the past. I have a new life, now that the war is over, and I want to make it a good one. I need to move on, just like the rest of the world has./
Duo laughed one last time. /Heero said he'd wait for me, as long as it took. He said I needed to close the past, before I could open our future. I wonder if he knew I would do it so quickly?/
//But that't what I came for,
that's what I hoped for.//
The End
That's it. What do you think?
(:./hyuy/winter)
