Date: 6-12-1965
Warnings: Lime, 1x2
Disclaimer: Sue me. I double-dog dare you.
This story came to me the other night as I was making meatloaf ( I never did get the ketchup right). Rather like meatloaf itself, it is a jumbled mess, and may or may not taste good. Anyone searching for the genius of Hemingway in the following will be sadly disappointed.
Sister Helen had always let Duo make the meatloaf.
She herself had no patience for the task, as she was usually too busy stopping the children from trying to slaughter each other. And she had not appreciated Duo's suggestion that there would be more meatloaf to be had for all if she did allow an occasional slaughter.
There was something oddly relaxing about kneading a big chunk of slippery meat, Duo mused, but making meatloaf was fun as well. You had to smoosh it hard to make sure it was mixed up properly. It was also a great way to dispose of leftovers; no one thankfully ever looked too closely at what he tossed into the mess.
He tasted a chunk of the raw meat and chewed thoughtfully. "More ketchup." He announced, and added another squeeze.
"That is totally disgusting!" Wufei complained, watching him. "Don't you know you can DIE from eating raw meat?"
"It's good. Try some." Duo offered the bowl.
Wufei backed away. "I will not. I'll wait until it's cooked, thank you."
"No sense of adventure." Duo muttered to himself.
"Who doesn't have a sense of adventure?" Heero asked, entering the kitchen.
"Me, because I refuse to taste his meatloaf until after he actually cooks it!" Wufei explained.
"You want him to eat raw hamburger?" Heero raised an eyebrow.
"And why not? You eat raw fish."
"You know, you actually have a point." Heero sounded amazed. To Duo's surprise he reached into the bowl and pulled up a small chunk of the meatloaf mix and placed it in his mouth. "Very good. But it needs more ketchup."
"Thanks." Duo squeezed the remainder of the bottle into the mixture. He watched Heero lick ketchup from his lips and tried hard not to gawk. Darn, that guy could make anything look sexy.
"Oh, hell." Wufei muttered and stalked over to the bowl. "If I die of food poisoning it's on your head, Maxwell."
"Can I do anything to help?" Heero asked, watching Wufei sample the meatloaf, wrinkle his brow, and take another bite.
"Yeah, you can help me make the mashed potatoes." Duo bent down to retrieve a bag from under the sink. He was unaware of the cobalt eyes that were suddenly glued to his backside. "They're better with the skin on, so we just need to boil them and mash them up.
Wufei was ignoring them as he continued to devour the raw mix.
"How many should we use?"
"As many as we can fit in the pot. We eat a lot, and it never makes as much as I think it's going t... HEY!"
Duo jerked the bowl away from Wufei. Only a few traces of meat remained.
Wufei burped.
"My... meatloaf." Duo said sadly. "You... ate all my meatloaf."
"Very tasty." Wufei commented. "But it had too much ketchup."
Duo and Heero laid tangled on the kitchen floor. Mashed potatoes covered the walls, the ceiling, the floor, and each other.
Heero licked some potatoes off of Duo's ear. "You're a wonderful cook." he purred.
"Thanks. Poor Wufei, though. Ecoli is never much fun to deal with."
"Serves him right for eating our dinner. If I hadn't found that Domino's pizza driver to mug, we would have had to eat all these potatoes instead of playing with them.
Duo smeared the potatoes on Heero's chest, and wrote his name. Then lapped it off. "I picked up another bag on the way home."
The phone rang. Heero picked up the receiver. "If this isn't good, I'll kill you." he said cheerfully.
"He did what? I see. And what are his chances? That bad? Well, keep me posted." Heero hung up the phone.
"What was that all about?"
"Wufei got out of bed and snuck into the hospital kitchen. He ate five pounds of raw meatloaf mix and he's in a coma."
"Yikes. What should we do?"
Heero thought for a moment. "Boil more potatoes."
End
(:./lasha/meatloaf)
