29-Sep-2004
Title: The Most Precious Gift
Author: Mookie
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Pairing: Heero/Quatre
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 4,730
Warnings: spoilers for series, semi-graphic male/male sex, mild angst
Notes: Response to le_finesse's request on fic_on_demand
Heero nodded in greeting to Duo, who had been circulating the room with the same flute of champagne he'd picked up an hour ago. Duo plopped into the armchair next to Heero's and set the glass down on the small table between them, then stretched out his legs.
"I can't believe you guys talked me into this," he complained.
"You should be used to these functions by now," Heero pointed out.
"Yeah, and last month I was pretty used to that toothache too, before the dentist figured out what was wrong. Since when did acclimation equate to liking?"
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Duo gave out a bark of laughter. "You are the absolute last person I'd take that sort of advice from."
Heero canted his head to the side briefly in acknowledgement before replying, "I don't always give unsound advice."
Duo's eyes swept the room before alighting on Relena, who was in the corner with her mother and several young women close in age to the bride-to-be.
"It's hard to believe sometimes," he said.
"All of it is," Heero agreed, drumming his fingers on the armrest.
"Sometimes," Duo said slowly, "I wake up in the middle of the night, and I have to reach out next to me, to touch her."
"And she's still there, Duo."
A broad smile lit up Duo's face. "Yes. She is."
Heero's gaze moved from Duo's face to the reason for the softness that had entered his voice. "Why me, Duo?"
"Huh?" Duo turned to look at his companion. "You mean, why did I ask you to be my best man?"
Heero nodded, his eyes still fixed on Relena and her mother.
"Shit, Heero, don't you know the history of the best man? I need you to watch my back, to fend off all those who might try to take her away from me."
"That was back when men used to take wives by force," Heero chuckled. "You didn't exactly kidnap Relena, nor does her mother disapprove."
"You're ruining my attempt to be all sappy," Duo grinned at him.
"I'm not trying to," Heero said, finally meeting Duo's eyes with his own.
Duo wanted to shake his head but resisted the urge. For some reason Heero seemed to have a slight trace of an inferiority complex at times. It was only obvious to Duo now; if Heero had ever displayed any of the traits during the war then he'd been too blind to recognize the signs.
Or maybe, Duo allowed, Heero was just hesitant to really believe that he was allowed to have friends.
And, he amended as a newcomer arrived, a lover as well.
Quatre Winner's attire was just right for the occasion, Duo noted. The perfect balance between casual and formal. Even the colors were appropriate, neither too bland nor too garish.
The Winner heir worked the room, taking the time to stop and greet everyone, both groups of people and lone individuals. One would receive a firm handshake, another a touch on the shoulder. When he finally reached Relena and her mother, he smiled at them both and at Relena's friends before they drifted off to mingle with others.
Relena put her hand on Quatre's forearm and leaned in to graze her lips across his cheek briefly.
It had been almost a year ago, Duo realized, at a party not quite so formal, when he'd received the shock of his life.
That Catherine had warmed up to all of them had been a surprise. She'd been friendly to Heero, although always with an air of caution, as if she expected him to suddenly drag Trowa off to regions unknown. Wufei wasn't around often enough for her to dislike, although she had apparently met him a time or two during the war. Duo only saw her because Hilde had developed a sudden fondness for the circus, and in particular a certain circus performer.
Perhaps it was the friendship that had formed between Hilde and Catherine that had helped win Catherine over to seeing Quatre as more than just a threat to Trowa's well-being, or maybe it was because Trowa had shown that he wasn't a transient wanderer, and that he did have ties to the circus - and to her.
Whatever it was, however it had come about, Catherine had wanted to do it, and therefore a trip to see the circus had really been nothing more than a ploy to get Quatre to the appropriate venue.
It was the first surprise party any of them had ever attended, even Relena, whose experience had included very formal affairs.
Quatre's reaction was evident on his face - he'd been stunned when he'd seen the banner, and his face had clearly shown how very touched he was. Duo had asked Heero and Trowa what days they'd selected for their own birthdays - more out of bureaucratic necessity than for any contrived reason to celebrate. Trowa had taken the birthday Catherine had given him, and whether Triton Bloom was one and the same person as the young man now using that birthday was never brought into question.
Heero's selection of April Fool's Day had amused Duo to no end, especially when Heero had merely shrugged and informed him that he'd obtained it via a random number generator.
It had been a relaxed event, Duo remembered. The animals far outnumbered the guests, and he'd been pleased to bring Relena. He'd flirted with her mercilessly, complimented her legs in the shorts she'd been wearing, and had spent most of his time competing with Trowa in the art of throwing knives at a cardboard cut out.
He'd been running a finger along the edge of one of the blades when he'd seen something out of the corner of his eye that had made him start. He'd sliced the skin enough so that Relena fussed over him endlessly, enough so that he enjoyed the attention, but not enough that he could ever forget the sight of Heero Yuy leaning in and brushing his lips against those of the birthday boy himself.
Duo knew how best to answer Heero's question. He asked, very seriously, "why Quatre?"
Anger sparked briefly in Heero's eyes, and he opened his mouth to answer, then closed it and smiled. "Thank you."
"Glad we see eye to eye on some things, buddy."
"We do," Heero agreed, flicking his eyes over to Quatre briefly.
Duo stood up and tugged on his left sleeve for a moment, then grinned.
"I think it's time for me to play the part of the jealous lover - unless you'd rather?"
"They wouldn't believe either of us," Heero said, but he stood as well, and the two of them walked over to join Relena and Quatre.
On the drive home from the engagement party, Heero looked over at Quatre, at his hands on the wheel and then his profile, and replayed Duo's words in his head.
"Why Quatre?" he'd asked.
The point had been made - anyone who didn't think Duo knew how to do subtle and direct all at once was sadly mistaken.
Why not Quatre?
It had taken Heero a while to appreciate Quatre's own brand of strength during the war. He'd started to warm up to the blond after the unfortunate incident with Zero. By the time he'd installed it in Sandrock, he'd known that Quatre could handle it - but he had to be ready for it and willing to believe in what it could do.
Quatre had looked almost betrayed when Heero had told him what he'd done, but he'd also recognized the logic behind Heero's actions. And, as Heero had fully anticipated, Quatre not only initialized the starting sequence for ZERO, he'd used it to their advantage.
Heero admitted to himself that he was at times a bit slower on the take when it came to some things, but when he'd recognized a lot of the signs, mainly from spending a fair amount of time with Duo and Relena, he'd been tempted to make an overture. It had taken a long time to manage cornering Quatre alone - which had been a feat considering he was the guest of honor - Heero had glanced at Quatre's lips and then back to his eyes, waiting for any signal that his next act would be a mistake. He'd been nervous when he'd leaned in, pressing his lips softly against Quatre's. It was much different than watching the quick pecks exchanged between two of his closest friends, because rather than an accidental observer, this time he was an active participant.
Quatre had licked his lips afterwards, and Heero had tried it again, not quite sure what to do other than moving his mouth against Quatre's, but then, he wasn't eager to carry it too much further considering that at any moment someone was bound to be looking for them. Heero wanted time to sort out where they might go from here without worrying about announcing it to all and sundry - especially as it was something that he and Quatre should probably discuss first, lest there be any misunderstandings.
Quatre and Heero both had rooms at the same hotel, so it was only natural that Quatre would offer to give him a ride back after the party had wound down. Duo had already taken Relena back to their hotel suite, Hilde was apparently staying with Trowa and Catherine, and Wufei had needed to leave early.
Heero still remembered the very slight quaver to Quatre's voice as he invited Heero to his room for something to drink, and Heero had ended up staying all night.
It wasn't how Heero had expected his first time to be. Not the place nor the person, but when Quatre had initiated the kiss inside the hotel room, Heero had followed his lead eagerly, pulling Quatre's shirt out of his pants as Quatre's fingers busied themselves with the buttons on Heero's.
They'd both been clumsy as they'd stroked each other to completion, but it had been the most intimate thing Heero had ever done with another person. With anyone else, he would have felt awkward afterwards, but Quatre looked just as dazed as Heero had felt, and after making the observation that they could both use a shower, he'd added that perhaps they should do their part to conserve water on the colony.
Under the steaming shower spray, Heero had soaped Quatre's back and run his hands up and down Quatre's spine, nuzzling Quatre's neck as he did so. In return, Quatre's hands nervously kneaded Heero's buttocks.
Heero had wanted to ask all the questions that swirled around his mind, but instead he tilted his head back and parted his lips in invitation rather than inquiry, and Quatre had eagerly responded.
Their hands had roamed over each other in the shower until the water started to run cold, and they'd both retired in the king-sized bed, still slightly damp. Neither of them had bothered to get dressed, although the towels they'd wrapped around their waists had ended up kicked toward the foot of the bed, one of them entangled around Heero's legs.
When Heero had woken the following morning and looked straight into Quatre's eyes, he'd thought he had never seen anyone he'd found more attractive. The blond hair was sticking up comically, and Heero imagined his own wouldn't look much better, but the idea that they were both lying on their sides, face to face, with the worst case of bed head ever seen was something Heero found endearing.
"I could get very used to this," he'd said, running his palm softly over Quatre's flyaway hair and watching as the static charge caused it to follow his hand.
"I want to," Quatre said quietly.
No further words were said, but Heero had rolled over and sidled closer to Quatre, sighing contentedly as Quatre's arm draped over him and pulled him closer so they were what Duo had referred to as "spooning."
Heero had liked it very much indeed.
They'd waited several months before moving in together, although it was more of a technicality as Heero had found he no longer enjoyed sleeping alone. He'd always wondered how Duo and Relena did it without smacking each other in the face or elbowing one another in their sleep.
He realized that the answer was - they probably didn't. He'd woken up with Quatre's fingers practically up his nose, and on another occasion Heero had rolled over to get up and use the bathroom in the middle of the night, his arm smacking Quatre in the side of the head as he did so.
The elbow that Quatre had jabbed into Heero's eye socket had been the most painful of any of these accidental assaults, but even that was a small price to pay for the joy he received when he pressed his body against Quatre's backside and breathed in the scent of his hair, or when their positions were reversed and Heero could feel Quatre's breath on his ear.
Except for that time when Heero had discovered that feeling his own hair flutter against the inner part of his ear was annoyingly ticklish, but these were things that Heero held dear, for it was part of being with another person. Not just any person, but Quatre Winner.
For this reason, Heero wanted to show Quatre just how much this past year together had meant to him. He wanted to show Quatre the answer to Duo's question.
His concern over the appropriate gift made his response to Quatre's kiss needy. He thrust his tongue into Quatre's mouth and placed his hands on Quatre's hips, grinding their lower bodies together meaningfully.
Quatre groaned, a low, sexy sound in his throat that went straight to Heero's cock. He wanted Quatre with an intensity that was unfamiliar. If Quatre realized how desperate Heero felt, and he probably did, he didn't let it interfere with his guiding them to the couch, his hands unfastening Heero's pants and his fingertips sliding underneath the waistband of Heero's briefs.
"Here?" he breathed into Heero's questing mouth.
Heero shucked his pants off and leaned over Quatre, biting his lip as he recognized the answering need in Quatre's eyes.
Once Quatre, too, had shimmied out of his slacks, Heero covered his body with his own and kissed him, threading his fingers through the golden hair as their tongues danced along each other. He almost reluctantly pulled away, his eyes riveted on Quatre's lips, shimmering from their shared saliva, before tucking his head under Quatre's chin and softly pressing his lips against the exposed skin at Quatre's collarbone, then dragging his mouth down to Quatre's left nipple. He nipped at it once, then swiped it with his tongue before sliding further down Quatre's body, his hands running up and down Quatre's sides as his mouth continued its downward path.
Heero's tongue swirled around Quatre's navel before he poked the tip of it in the small hollow, and he clamped his hands on Quatre's hips as he laved the sensitive area a few times, reveling in the way Quatre's back was already lifting off the couch cushion.
He worked his mouth down Quatre's length, first along one side, using just his lips, and then returning to the head after trailing his tongue along one of the blue veins before he took the head of Quatre's cock into his mouth and sucked.
One of Quatre's hands came to rest on Heero's head, and he squirmed impatiently. Heero's tongue swirled around the tip, toying with the slit, before he took Quatre entirely into his mouth.
It had taken some getting used to; he'd heard the concept of "deep throating" but that hadn't helped in the execution of such an act. He'd figured out that breathing was important, as was the angle at which he approached the act. It was easier if he was on top and was in complete control of the depth of penetration.
Quatre regretted being unable to return the favor, but it wasn't important to Heero. Quatre had his own tricks with his tongue, usually something he'd tried by accident and pursued relentlessly whenever Heero practically bucked him off in reaction.
Heero's tongue laved the underside of Quatre's cock and his cheeks hollowed as he sucked, then he pulled back and rotated his head on the return, slithering his tongue as best he could manage. His tongue wasn't as flexible as Quatre's, but he used it as often and in as many ways as he could during oral sex.
He held Quatre's hips as steady as he could as he moved his head up and down, sucking and licking and lightly scraping his teeth against the flesh in his mouth.
"Heero," Quatre's shaky voice warned, and with that, Heero's right hand moved from Quatre's hip to his sac, fondling the taut and ridged flesh there gently. He'd once squeezed a bit too hard and although it hadn't been terribly painful for Quatre, it had slowed down their foreplay enough to make Heero exceptionally cautious around Quatre's family jewels.
Quatre gasped as he came, filling Heero's mouth. Heero tried to catch as much of it as possible in the back of his throat, but some of it dribbled out of his mouth and down Quatre's shaft. Heero's hand moved to the base of Quatre's cock and he moved it slowly up and down, milking the rest of it as Quatre's body bucked and then shuddered.
Heero wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, trying to clean as much of it off as he could, then kissed Quatre again.
It was one of Heero's favorite things to do, to kiss Quatre afterwards, to know that Quatre didn't consider it dirty or foul. Quatre had tried to swallow, several times, but had gagged often enough that it was just easier to bring Heero to the edge and then pull his mouth away and stroke him a few times to bring him off.
He didn't know why that bothered him so much. It wasn't that Quatre couldn't do it; that he understood. He knew part of it was because Quatre wanted to do it and felt like he was cheating Heero out of something, for failing to please him enough.
They'd been together a year and were still working through a few unresolved sexual issues.
Heero wished it were the other way around. If he were the one who couldn't swallow, or if he were the one who had issues being on the bottom, he'd work to overcome it and surprise Quatre with his newfound determination on his birthday.
Choosing a gift for Quatre was more difficult than choosing for anyone else. Heero liked his gifts to say something to the recipient. When Relena had told him that she'd accepted Duo's proposal, Heero had given her a red and white rose with their stems entwined together. Trowa had received a personal voice recorder for his birthday, and Sally had gotten a stress relief ball shaped like a Cancer after Wufei had mentioned that he had been assigned as her partner.
He knew that Quatre would genuinely like any gift Heero selected, but that wasn't the issue. The problem was that there was nothing that could convey to Quatre just how much the other man meant to him.
It was ludicrous to put so much stock in material goods, but Heero nonetheless found himself wanting to find that perfect gift, or series of gifts. Every idea he had was dismissed as too ostentatious, or too cliche, or just didn't capture what Heero had hoped.
It would help if he knew what message he wanted to deliver that he hadn't already.
If not for the fact that Heero was stubborn when he had a mission in mind, he'd have given up on the idea.
He didn't know why this seemed so important to him. Maybe it was because it was the first time he'd had anything worth celebrating on a personal level. He wanted it to be special, and memorable.
And it was driving him nuts.
Heero should have expected things to come crashing down around them, but he'd gotten comfortable with how things were and hadn't realized that he was taking his relationship with Quatre for granted.
The problem started when Quatre came home after a meeting with some of the colonial figureheads. He wouldn't talk to Heero about it, just closeted himself away with the computer and refused to come out before dinner. He wouldn't talk to Heero about it, either, just wolfed down his meal and announced he was tired and that he was going to retire early.
Heero blinked at him in surprise as Quatre got up from the table and walked into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.
He was stunned. Quatre had never been like this with him before, but Heero supposed that everyone was entitled to their bad days. He winced as he remembered the day he'd discovered that J had died. He hadn't wanted to talk to anyone, not even Quatre. It had taken him nearly two weeks to confess that he'd not known how he felt about it. J had been his mentor, his commander, and, Heero acknowledged, at times the closest thing he'd had to a father since Odin had been killed in front of him.
J had survived so many things, Heero found it hard to accept the man's mortality. Quatre had made love to him that night, reassuring him without words that not everyone Heero cared for was gone.
Heero hoped that things with Quatre would be no different, but he couldn't shake the nagging feeling that he should be doing something to help.
But things didn't get better the next day. Or the day after.
It had been a full week since that meeting, and Heero had had enough. Quatre had gotten up from the dinner table and announced he was going for a walk, leaving Heero once again staring after the man he loved as the door slammed shut.
Heero stood up and clenched his fists as he stared at the door, feeling like Quatre was trying to tell him something without really telling him. He took a few deep breaths and cleared the table, then set the combination on the door before pulling it shut and heading for the nearby park.
It took him twenty minutes to track down Quatre, who was standing near the pond. Heero slowed his approach and watched Quatre reach into his cupped left hand, pick something out of it, and throw it into the water.
When all the pebbles had been sent into the pond, Heero walked up to him. He knew that Quatre had known he was watching, but Quatre didn't mention it.
Quatre took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before bending down and scooping up another handful of pebbles. He let one fly out and watched it sink before speaking.
"We are rebuilding that colony," he stated flatly.
There was no question in Heero's mind what colony Quatre was referring to. He watched Quatre hurl two more pebbles into the water.
"It wasn't your fault."
The next rock was a bit larger and covered a greater distance before sinking below the surface of the water.
"Easy for you to say."
Heero felt as if he'd been sucker punched. He knew Quatre carried the guilt around, and likely would for all of his days, but wasn't this part of a relationship? Relena and Duo would soon be exchanging vows, part of which promised in good times and in bad.
He might not be planning to marry Quatre, but that didn't make his commitment any less, nor did it weaken his resolve to do what he could to make things better.
"It is," Heero agreed, shoving his hands in his pockets and watching the small splash the next stone created. "Because it's true."
"I killed them, Heero. They didn't do anything to me; they weren't posing any threat to anyone, but I killed them. You couldn't stop me, Trowa couldn't stop me."
"We've all killed people, Quatre," Heero said, surprised to hear the rising anger in his voice. "Why are you making this different for you?"
"An entire colony, Heero," Quatre snapped. "When you know what it is like to destroy the equivalent of a small planet, you can empathize with me. Until then, maybe you should keep your mouth shut."
Heero was stunned speechless at the stream of words coming out of Quatre. How had Heero not seen this coming? Quatre hadn't really had time to grieve. He'd tried to execute Heero, had fired on Trowa instead, and hadn't denied Heero's right to kill him.
That had been before Heero had fully placed his trust in Quatre, before he'd offered his heart up on a silver platter.
Heero knew this was part of Quatre's coming to terms with what he'd done. He understood that, and recognized it as something Quatre needed to do. He did.
However, knowing that and accepting it quietly were two different things.
Heero had had every intention of letting Quatre vent his anger, but Quatre's words stung.
"New Edwards, Quatre," he replied softly.
Quatre laughed, a harsh bitter sound that made Heero flinch. "And you were misled into killing them, Heero. You acted on deliberate misinformation. Besides, you managed to save the base in the end."
Heero grabbed Quatre's arm and jerked him around so they were facing. His eyes were blazing with fury as he met Quatre's calm, unruffled expression.
"You don't know anything, Quatre," he ground out. "You dare make assumptions about the number of innocent lives taken? What makes the blood on your hands more significant than mine?" He swallowed, overcome with emotion. "I never thought we'd be keeping score, Quatre."
He turned and walked away, his strides lengthening the further he went until he broke into a run.
He kept going until the stitch in his side made him aware of how much time had passed, and he stopped, leaning a hand against the nearest building as he tried to catch his breath.
He had hoped one day to share with Quatre his own nightmares - the things that woke him up in the middle of the night and had him clinging to Quatre. He was angry, damn it. He wiped at his eyes and cursed. What the hell where they doing living together if there was nothing between them but sex?
He stared at the cigarette butts on the pavement. He didn't blame Quatre for carrying the guilt around, but damn it, wasn't it a burden to be shared rather than shouldered alone?
He sighed. He'd have acted the same way, although perhaps he wouldn't have come out and said that's what he was thinking.
Quatre never spoke like that to anyone. He pushed away from the building and turned around, retracing his steps and mentally berating himself the whole way home.
He looked up at the door and saw Quatre standing there, the porch light giving his skin a sickly glow.
Quatre started to open his mouth, and Heero knew without a shadow of a doubt he was going to apologize. Heero shook his head.
"No, Quatre," he said firmly, taking the steps two at a time. "Don't. There's no need."
"Heero," Quatre said, running his fingers through the dark hair at Heero's temple.
"Love means never having to say you're sorry," Heero quoted. "I know you want to, and it means a lot to me that you do, but it's time for you to forgive yourself."
The light reflecting off Quatre's eyes reminded Heero of the Gundams and the green glow of the vid screens.
"You've had mine all along," he said softly. "I would never have installed ZERO in your mobile suit otherwise."
Quatre smiled tremulously and pulled Heero forward until their foreheads were touching.
The town clock striking midnight broke the silence, and they stayed like that on the porch until the last chime sounded and the air still buzzed with the sound.
"I couldn't ask for a more precious gift, Heero," Quatre said quietly, "if I were to live for a hundred years."
Heero closed the rest of the distance between their faces and kissed him.
"Happy Birthday, Quatre."
The End
(:./mookie/gift)
