26-Sep-2004
Title: Moonie Cult Recruiting Pamphlet
Author: Muffie
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, its characters, its quotations, or its plotlines. They belong to the Sotsu Agency who owns their trademark, Bandai who licenses their use, and, of course, the guy who created them. I am neither receiving payment for this work, nor will I accept any. No copyright infringement is intended.
Warnings: Fluffy! And Moonies pamphlets. Post EW.
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG-13 (for For-Play)
Pairing: 5+1 (pick your derivation)
Archives: www.gwaddiction.com,
Notes: Inspired by a post Maldoror made when I introduced myself to the GWA bulletin board. It was written because I liked the phrase and entered into the 2004 Fluff contest at GWA for no earthly reason other than the fact that I find "Moonie Cult Recruiting Pamphlet" fluffy and this is actually finished.
Wufei looked over his shoulder and promised a slow, painful death to the gloating idiot hiding in the bushes. The gloating idiot made several stabbing motions with his index finger and then changed his mind and used his fist in the same capacity. Wufei snorted and did his best not to crumple the piece of paper in his hand. Of all the idiotic, irresponsible, and downright embarrassing things to be stuck doing.
He hoped and prayed to whatever ancestor that might be paying attention to the last son of the Dragon Clan that Commander Une or, worse, that she-demon Sally Po would not get wind of this injustice that Maxwell was forcing him to perpetrate on an unsuspecting individual.
He glared at that gloating idiot one last time. The idiot merely grinned back. Maxwell cheated, that was the only explanation. Squaring his shoulders, he pushed the doorbell and fervently hoped that no one was at home. So, of course, the door had to open. Yuy's startled eyes looked at him in confusion. Of course. Yuy just had to be home. At least it wasn't that Sally woman. He would have cheerfully strangled that gloating idiot if he'd been forced to do this to that beastly woman. Not that Yuy was a much better choice. Yuy would think he was an idiot at best or a weak, contemptible fool at worst. He did not wish to lose what respect he had from Yuy. Such a consequence was, it was--
He glared over his shoulder again. Maxwell was going down. As soon as he located that gloating, braided idiot.
"Chang?" Yuy looked past his shoulder, but probably couldn't see Maxwell any more than he could.
Wufei turned his glare on Yuy. Humiliating. Complete and utter humiliation. Maxwell had done this on purpose. "I am here to discuss the Unification Church," he snarled through gritted teeth. Yuy blinked at him, his eyes widening. He thrust the piece of paper at the former Perfect Soldier. "Here."
"Unification Church?"
"Begun by the Reverend Moon Sun Myung in the latter half of the twentieth century, pre-colony, the Unification Church is, is--" He felt like an idiot.
"The Moonies?"
"It is the--" Honor be damned. He whirled around. "Maxwell! I'm going to choke you to death with your own braid, you sniveling coward!"
"Maxwell." Yuy sounded amused by that.
Wufei clenched his fists and marshalled his thoughts strictly into order. There had to be some way to restore his honor without sacrificing his pride. Of course, it was difficult to think of anything but the best methods of strangling someone considering the suspicious snickering he could hear from the bushes.
Behind him, the door opened farther and he could hear the wooden creak of the door jamb as Yuy leaned into it. "Care to tell me how Duo managed to get you to solicit me with a Moonie cult recruiting pamphlet? Or do I want to know?"
"Maxwell cheated." And Maxwell would pay for such underhanded cowardice with several feet of hair, if he had his way.
"He cheats all the time."
He glared at Yuy over his shoulder. "It is not honorable to cheat in a contest of skill."
"Skill? What kind of skill?"
"Piloting. I am the better pilot. He shouldn't have defeated me so easily. He obviously hacked into and reprogrammed the Preventer simulator for his benefit and that would be so that I would be forced to perform this disgusting forfeit!" Yuy laughed, a carefree, merry sound that was utterly at odds with the man himself. Wufei was too startled by its appearance to work himself into any sort of worthwhile indignation. "I do not see the humor, Yuy."
Yuy's laughter died out, but left an equally startling and surprisingly warm smile behind. "If Duo cheated at all, it's because he knew he wouldn't lose."
Wufei frowned.
"Duo can pilot circles around us. He just chooses not to show off because he's naturally modest."
Wufei snorted. "Maxwell? Modest? Have you been at his snack food drawer again, Yuy?"
Yuy smirked. "So that leaves us with a question."
A question? The only question he was left with was how to gain his revenge on that braided nuisance. He narrowed his eyes. Yuy didn't appear to be interested in revenge. In fact, Yuy appeared to be highly amused. And disinclined to elaborate. Wufei swallowed a few, choice curses and gritted his teeth. "What question?"
Yuy casually opened the pamphlet, glanced at it briefly, then dropped it. "That answers my question," Yuy muttered, snatching the thing up again.
"What question? What in the devil are you babbling about, Yuy?"
"It's a simple question, Wufei. If Duo knew the outcome of his little game in advance, why did he set you up for it?"
Wufei pinched his lips together. "I would like to think that the conclusion of the contest was not so foregone. As for your why, Maxwell did so because he's an evil demon sent to plague mankind."
Yuy's forehead furrowed in thought and his finger slowly traced its way down the left column of the pamphlet.
Wufei frowned. The Unification Church couldn't possibly be so interesting. "Yuy. What in--"
Yuy looked up, a slow grin predatorily working its way across his lips and his suddenly intense eyes boring directly into Wufei. "You didn't look at this too carefully, did you?"
"It's a ridiculous bit of nonsense on a cult that has nearly died out."
"Item Seven: Left front pocket," Yuy read.
Wufei squawked in pure indignation when Yuy's hand stabbed into his--that was Wufei's his--left front pocket. Before he could retaliate, the hand was removed from his person. "Yuy! What are you, what...?"
Yuy held a curious white tube in front of Wufei's nose, precisely balanced between two fingers. He pushed that hand a bit farther away to read the writing, until the tube clearly bisected a set of heated blue eyes. "For-Play Personal Lubrica--Yuy! What is the meaning of this!"
"It was in your pocket. You tell me."
His jaw worked, but nothing came out, which was just as well as his mind wasn't coming up with anything worth saying out loud. The image of Yuy's eyes and For-Play and personal lubricant violently juxtaposed somewhere between his suddenly burning ears and he wasn't sure exactly what he was melting from, other than that it included embarrassment and something he had no desire--desire!--to put name to. "Yuy... it's... I... Yuy!"
Yuy hooked a finger into the waistband of his pants and tugged him forward, through the door. The inside of the pamphlet was waved in front of his face. In addition to explicit instructions, it depicted images of two men involved in--he blushed from the tip of his head all the way down to his--intercourse. Heero tapped a picture of two men, obviously joined, face to face, in the most intimate fashion. "If we're going to do that, call me Heero."
Wufei looked up into a set of gleaming, blue eyes and couldn't stop the small smirk from spreading.
Heero, indeed.
The End
(:./muffie/moonie1)
