05-Feb-2001 (revised 02-Aug-2002)
It's not done! It's not finished! I hate posting fics that aren't finished but this is getting to be really long and people have been asking if I was going to continue the 'Prices Paid' arc. Well I am. This is the sequel.
Title: Need Some Distraction
Author: Dan
Genre: epic
Timeline: 3/4 years after EW
Fic Timeline: Sequel to 'Prices Paid'
Disclaimer: I don't own GW.
Notes: I've been working on this fic for waaaay to
long. I'm finishing it this year. That's a promise.
It had been almost four years since my chance meeting with Hilde on the Libra. Since then I had not seen her. My own schedule and her near obsession with her business was to blame. When she stepped onto the tarmac, however, I recognized her immediately. How many other women are built like a pixie, but move like wolf? The German was still almost a full head shorter than everyone else, delicate and ethereal. Most people believed that she was just the sweet-faced girl she looked like, but she moved with too much purpose and pride for me to dismiss her so easily. Besides, during the war I had learned that a sweet face often masked steel determination and conviction.
She came straight for me, and the people just flowed out of the way as if they sensed the force of her will compelling them out of her path. With Heero people would jump and scurry out of his way, staring with fear. Duo moved through the gaps in the crowd that only he could find. But Hilde moved like Wufei; she just walked with her purpose in mind as if everyone else just wasn't there.
"Relena," She glanced around, puzzled. "You came to pick me up?"
I heard the silent question and the soldier's disapproval. It seemed that, like Heero, Hilde believed that I should not be allowed out on my own.
"Normally one says thank you." I commented a little coldly. Hilde had the grace to blush.
Hilde graced me with an impish smile that did not reach her shrouded eyes. "I'm just surprised that they let you out of your gilded cage. I'm not knocking the lift; it beats the hell out of walking."
"Forgive me for the shrewish comments. It's been a long day and I've been having arguments with my new Chief of Security about these exact same issues."
"Ouch." Hilde muttered ruefully. I gave her a small smile of agreement before picking up one of her bags. I scowled at her when she tried to stop me.
"Relena," She protested weakly, "You don't need to do that. I've got it."
"I may not have been a soldier, Ms. Stieberker, but I can most certainly carry a light bag. Besides it's considered polite." My tone was a little colder than usual, a little sharper.
"And you are nothing if not polite."
I smiled in a feeling very close to relief. I had missed Dorothy and her snide little barbs. Ever since she got married to Quatre and was swept away to the colonies I had no one to fight with, no one to treat me like a person, not just a personification of some ideal. Was it so evil of me to say that some small selfish part of my soul had rejoiced to hear that she had gotten a divorce and was back? I must be evil in my heart to be joyful at the news when I know it must have hurt them both so much. It was the same small part that prodded Wufei into having screaming matches with me just because I knew he would do it. At least --he-- would talk to me like I was real. At least--he--would argue with me, respect me. And I was happy--joyful even--to know that Hilde would be the same. I treasured the people who fought with me; they were so rare.
I pulled the baseball cap down lower over my eyes and set off through the crowd. Hilde easily kept pace despite her obvious exhaustion. I wondered how much of that was emotional. The circumstance she had left under could hardly be called comfortable. And I felt sorry for it. I felt responsible.
Hilde stumbled a little when I stopped abruptly at the car. I caught her with one arm and opened the trunk with the other. I'd become ambidextrous over the years. It must be all the juggling I have to do.
"Thanks."
"Since you came all this way at my behest, I should be thanking you. I am very grateful that you have decided to come here."
"Wait a while before you say that."
I shot Hilde a sharp look. It didn't seem like the German girl to disparage herself that way. She held herself with too much self-respect for that to be normal. I closed the trunk and caught her arms so she was forced to look at me.
"Don't let them steal yourself confidence. You can't run from them, but you also can't let this moment of pain steal your life away. You can't let it steal your faith." I knew what I was talking about here. I had spent the past two years taking back my life all because of a few moments of weakness and self-doubt. Anger flashed through Hilde's vivid eyes and I was relieved to see it. I was worried that she might have been too hurt to feel. I let Hilde shove me away with more heat than force.
"Who the fuck are you to lecture me? Especially about running away? What the hell do you know?" Tears and fury lit up her eyes with genuine emotions. Those eyes had been frightening hollow in an expression of emptiness that I had seen one too many times in the mirror.
"I know you have to take a step back to see what you really want. I know that you have to move forward to get what you want." I said perfectly calm. The nice thing about being a politician is that after a few years nothing really perturbs you.
"Are you telling me all this is just for the best?" She was snarling, growling low in her throat. It sounded odd coming from that pretty face.
"It doesn't have to be the worst." I opened the car door for her and the walked around to my side. She stared at me for a while before dropping into the seat. I slid into the car and sighed. "I'm sorry. I crossed a line."
Hilde shook her head. "I can't live in self denial, and I can't live in self-pity either. Besides, I'm the one that should be apologizing, biting your head off when you're just trying to help."
I glanced over at her; a fine blush was covering her high cheekbones. "We'd better fine something other than 'I'm sorry' to say to each other."
"I can see how that can make working together difficult." She commented wryly. Exhaustion was starting to slip into her voice like a heavy cloud on the horizon.
I snorted, inelegant and unlady-like. It was a habit I was learning from Wufei. "It'll make living together worse."
"Excuse me?" The sheer amount of shock made Hilde's voice squeak. I couldn't help but laugh. I tried to keep it quiet but she looked so stunned that I ended up putting my head to the steering wheel while I chuckled. Hilde whapped me lightly across the back in frustration. I looked up at her and composed myself with a sigh of outgoing breath.
"Well, do you have anywhere else to stay? I can't have you staying in a hotel; you'd be too close to the delegates and ministers from the colonies, and things could get... complicated." I didn't say that Wufei had also extended an offer for her to stay with him. For reasons I didn't wish to analyze I did not care for that idea.
Hilde sat in silence as I mentally swore at the outrageous lines to get out of the landing port. The next chance I get I'm going to overhaul the Earth landing ports. These old military complexes are just not made for heavy commercial use. Hilde was watching me as I started to plan; I could feel her assessing me. It was extremely disconcerting.
"Why do I have the feeling that I'm jumping into a political firefight?" Hilde asked, half-rueful, but mostly serious.
I snuck another look at her. Hilde was resting her head against the glass of the window with her eyes closed. I winced a little; the shadows under her eyes were almost as deep a blue as the highlights in her vibrant hair.
"Because you are." I learned a long time ago that the soldiers preferred that you gave them the uncomplicated truth without the pretty words to frame it. It annoyed them when the words got in the way.
Hilde muttered something to the darkness outside the window in a low rolling language that I cleverly deduced was some dialect of German. "Just great, great."
"It's mostly my fight, and Wufei's," I included Wufei as an afterthought. I did that more often now, included him in my political struggles. Somewhere along the line he just started getting himself involved no matter what I did to try to stop him. Now I had started taking his support as a given. I sort of expected him to be there as my soundboard. I scowled at the steering wheel. When did I start allowing myself to lean on people again?
"Whatever the car did, I'm sure it's sorry now." Hilde joked quietly. I smiled briefly at her. Her serious tone made me sigh when she spoke again. "But I am part of it, your political fire-fight that is."
She made it a statement, not a question. It was like she was mentally shouldering part of the responsibility. I frowned. The soldiers had done their part; they shouldn't be asked to fight any more, on any form of a battlefield.
"Not really" Then I amended my statement when she gave me a sleepy, but disbelieving look. "Or at least I'm hoping not to involve you."
Hilde gave a small, sleepy snort of disbelief, and I privately agreed with her. I was currently fighting very hard on a number of fronts to get SI the funding, jurisdiction, and support it needed. Many politicians did not want to fund the department because they believed that the Preventors should handle anything that required a gun. They didn't understand that the Preventors were simply not equipped or trained to do anything close to the type of intensive and individual detective work that I wanted the Special Investigations Department to handle. The Preventors were designed for anti-terrorist and military prevention work than this type of specialized police work.
What was particularly infuriating was the fact that the Preventors themselves did not understand why they could not be trusted with the duties that I wanted SI to do. I was tired of being guilt tripped by Lady Une, yelled at by Sally, and quietly questioned by Noin. Ungh. I mentally slapped my forehead. You would think that they would have a little more faith in me.
And then there was the issue of jurisdiction, which the colonies were especially sensitive about. Not that I really blamed them. For the first time in their history they had true autonomy, and were nervous about anything that looked like a threat to that self-rule. That protectiveness of their newfound independence made their delegates very difficult to deal with. Everytime I had to deal with them I walked away wondering if I had "New Order Tyrant In the Making" tattooed to my forehead.
Hilde arched an eyebrow lazily and just looked at me before closing her eyes again. She seemed to know the thoughts that were running around in my head. Hilde had an amazing ability to read people. Of course, she had probably done some research on her fledging department on the shuttle, so she probably had some idea of the fight that was going on. The pilots could be so stubborn when it came to danger and other people.
"De-briefing when we get to my apartment," I told her.
Hilde gave me a quick grin at the use of the military term and I grinned back. We grinned like a pair fools at each other before dissolving into a fit of the giggles. Sleep deprivation gets to the best of us.
"Apartment? I thought you lived in that big fucking mansion. Whoops, excuse the language." Hilde's exhaustion was starting to catch up to her, slurring her words a little. She didn't bother to open her eyes.
"Castle," I corrected. "Not any more, I bought a condo. I wanted out the castle since the space could be more efficiently used." It was too quiet to live in the castle alone. All the ghosts came out to whisper in my ears when I was alone. And I was always alone. Hilde was watching me with assessing eyes. I was learning that very little got past her.
"Your security?" The all-important question to everyone I knew except Dorothy and Wufei. For some reason both believed that if I was with one of them then I was safe, besides they had more pressing issues to nag me over than the locks on my gilded cage.
"They keep their distance more these days. I just don't want to see them." I tried to keep my voice pleasant, but the fury was in it. I could hear the thrum of it under my breath.
Hilde shot me a look under her lashes, a long considering gaze. I was use to it. The look was unnervingly similar to Heero's stoic assessments whenever I startled him. I pulled into the garage under my condo. I was bringing home another wounded soldier, but this time I would make things right. I would make it right.
End Part 1
(:./dan/distraction1)
