12-Feb-2001
Title: "Letters I've Written, Never Meaning to Send" (that's a lyric from "Nights in White Satin" by The Moody Blues)
Author: Siberian Tiger (siberiant@hotmail.com)
Disclaimer: Duo and Heero, much to my chagrin, do not belong to me - but that doesn't stop me from borrowing them from time to time!
Warnings: None, really. No, I take that back. Don't read this. It's dumb. It doesn't make any sense. I'm just trying to smack some conciousness into my muse - this was all I could think of!
Pairings: 1+2
"Heero?"
I turned my head slightly so I could see my braided lover sitting at the desk in his favorite pair of boxers. I couldn't tell what he was doing, his back facing me, but earlier he had been rummaging around through some boxes in the attic.
"Hmm?" I replied.
"You know I love you, right?"
"Of course koi, you tell me many times every day."
"And you love me, right?"
I smiled. "Would I put up with you if I didn't?"
"Then what's this?"
My stomach dropped through the floor. In his hand was a small envelope that I thought I had disposed of before we had moved in together. It had "ai" printed elegantly on the front - nothing else marred it's still perfect surface.
"What *is* this?" he asked again, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.
"I don't know," stupid of me to lie but I don't want him to know the truth. "What is it?"
Tears streaming down his beautiful face. Just whatever you do, Christ, don't open it... Don't open it... Oh sweet Jesus he's opening it... My stomach feels weird. Sort of like that saying "butterflies in my stomach" - only these don't feel like any ordinary butterflies.
"Dear Relena,"
damnit why didn't I burn that damn thing?
"As much as I enjoyed the time we spent together, I promised I'd wait for Duo to return from South Africa. I'll give him a few more weeks, and if he doesn't show, I'm yours.
Love, Heero."
Oh my koi, I never meant to hurt you, and if I could take the time I spent with her back I would.
"Relena? You and... her? Heero, how could you not at least *tell* me? I thought I was important to you! I thought..."
He's sobbing now, I move over to comfort him but he'll have none of that - he shoves me away and continues to cry, balling up his fists and sobbing.
"Duo, I-"
"Just leave me alone - I need some time to think."
"As you wish koi. Look, I-"
"JUST GO!"
And so I did.
That was six months ago. I packed up a few things and left. I had hurt the most important person in the universe and I didn't know how to make things better. I traveled around a lot, doing small odd jobs wherever I landed to keep myself fed and to send letters to Duo. I don't know if he got them or not; I was never around long enough for him to reply because I was afraid of what he might have to say if he did.
I ran into Wufei in one city a few days ago, he offered to get me a job with the Preventers. I accepted.
"Duo,
I had to know if we were meant to be or not, and I wasn't sure if you were coming back. Relena was gracious enough to put me up at her home, though she had an ulterior motive. She had managed to convince me that you *weren't* coming back. Ever. So I made her a deal. She would set me up with an apartment and I would wait a month for you to show up. If you didn't, I'd agree to marry her. If you did, that would be that - you and I would be together.
I didn't get a chance to mail that letter to her because you came back to me the next day. Two weeks earlier than you'd said you'd be back. I don't think I can express how happy I was that you came back.
It was stupid of me to leave, even though I thought that's what you wanted. But I thought I would give you the time and space you needed to sort things out. I should have been there though, but it's so hard to come back to you after all this time.
Just remember that I have always and will always love you, Duo Maxwell, no matter what.
Heero"
~Owari~
(:./siberiant/letters)
