26-Jun-2000

Title: Trying to Change
Category: Songfic
Pairings: Rx1, 1+2
Warnings: Shounen ai, Angst, POVs
Notes: "We're Not Making Love No More" is by Dru Hill. Takes place after the war ends. I personally don't think this isn't one of my best fics, but what the hell...?

Trying To Change by Asuka

(Relena)

[Sure I've been in love a time or two
But in the end I still chose you]

Heero... I knew you'd always come back to me. Even though you had once claimed to love that braided Gundam pilot, I knew it was just a phase. And although you always threatened to kill me, you could never bring yourself to do it. Time and time again I've asked myself why you couldn't end my life. And time and time again I've come to the same conclusion: You must love me. That's why you're here with me, not Duo; why you married me, and didn't choose *him*.

[No one could ever make me feel this way
That's why it's killing me, what we're going through
Somehow thought 'tween me and you
Our love would stand the test of time and never ever fade]

You're the only man I love... *could* ever love. I know you know that. And that's why I'm trying to salvage what little relationship we have left. I believe our love is true; that we'll survive this ordeal. Despite all the reassurances you give me, somehow I can't shake the feeling that you never forgot the pilot of Gundam 02. Yes, it's silly of me to think that. I know you could never love him, especially since you're both males.

So now I've taken on another duty - to try and save our marriage. Somehow, we've gone downhill... We were happy, weren't we?

[But we're not making love no more
We're not even trying to change
Tell me how it slips away
Does it ever stay the same
We don't even talk no more
We've ran out of words to say
Tell me it don't have to change
Won't it ever stay the same]

And now we don't even share a bed. It's bad enough that I'm constantly away on meetings, but whenever I *am* home, nothing happens between us. No conversations, interaction, love making. Nothing. And what's worse of it is that you're not even making an effort to change the situation.

I realize your job takes a lot of time, work, and effort, but God, Heero, can't you make time for *us*? I want things back to how they used to be...

[I know that things aren't going right
But don't you think it deserves a fight
A love like ours don't happen everyday
And we're losing it right as we speak
And if we don't wake up, it's a memory
A time gone past, a love that sailed away]

Heero, if we don't do something now, I fear that all we had built together - our friendship, our trust, our love - will be lost. Oh, Heero, I dont want that to happen! Not to us! I've put in too much effort for this to fail.

You're the love of my life, Heero. My one and only. Can't you see that?

You keep on trying to deny that anything is wrong. It's time to face reality, Heero. We need to talk about this. About everything.

[But we're not making love no more
We're not even trying to change
Tell me how it slips away
Does it ever stay the same
We don't even talk no more
We've ran out of words to say
Tell me it don't have to change
Won't it ever stay the same]

I'm already aware that we need... help. I'm not ashamed to admit that. It's only natural with all the stress and responsibility in our lives that we cross a few bumps in the road. And I think we can make it; together. I need you to help me, Heero. Please. For us.

(Heero)

[I dream of lovers past and
I see a girl so sad cause
She lost the only man she loved]

Relena, you just don't understand. I don't love you. I never have. I married you out of obligation. It was only expected of me. My new mission, and I've accomplished it. I'm sorry if I hurt you.

There's something else, too - someone else... whom I always loved. You never took he and I seriously. I assume you thought we were just close friends. But once again your naivety blinded you.

I've realized that I want out. Out of this marriage that meant nothing to me, that was just a fraud.

You don't need me anymore. I don't want to grow old without ever have told Duo how I really feel about him. He told me he would wait forever for me, and that time has come.

I guess I should thank you, Relena, because you're the person who made me realize just how much I love him. And that's why I'm leaving you.

[He went away
Well it's not too late for us
To change]

(Relena)

Tears. This was not the way I had expected to react when you truly kissed me for the first time in months. But there was something different about it. So melancholy, so bittersweet. Heero, what's the matter? Why this sudden change? As I gazed into those cobalt eyes of yours, blazing with a passionate flame for the first time in years, you whispered the one word I would rather have died than to have heard.

"Sayonara..."

The End

(:./asuka/change)