13-Nov-2001
Note: The arc is currently under a massive revision, and will be under revision for at least another four to six months, so there will be some discontinuities until I can get everything fixed.
Author: Dan
Genre: epic AU
Pairings: NA
Disclaimer: not mine, don't sue.
Warnings: AU, a positive plethra of OCS, high
supernatural and yech factor, angst
Further Note: terms from such literary gems as Laurel
K. Hamilton are used and then twisted beyond all
recognition.
I'd managed to get everyone to go home with as few explanations as possible. Dorothy had given me that long calculating look that I remembered from the war. Duo agreed to go home only on the condition that he and I have a long talk, soon. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone so bad that I would have agreed to anything just to make them go away. Aidan refused to leave me, and strangely enough, I didn't want him to go.
I sagged against my kitchen counter feeling drained and a little shaky, as if I had managed to jump a deep chasm in the dead of night. Aidan stood in the entryway of my apartment looking oddly hesitant. Our relationship had shifted tonight in ways that I did not yet fully understand. I was praying that I wouldn't have to prove my dominance again because, truth be told, I wasn't sure if I was up to it. All I really wanted to do was hide under the covers until someone came to tell me that it was all right, and there were no monsters under the bed. Only I knew that wasn't true, because I was the monster under the bed.
"Come in," I half-snapped, half-sighed. I didn't really have it in me to be catty and snide the way I normally was with him. "You're not a freaking vampire; it's not like you need an invitation to enter my home."
I realized that was the wrong thing to say as soon as the words were out of my mouth. The lines of Aidan's face tightened, and his eyes went into that very careful blankness that victims have. I wanted to apologize, but that would have only made things worse. I walked to him, the panels of the skirt switching around my legs, to cup his face in my hands. "What the hell did the old Master of the City do to you?"
Aidan stared at me for a long time before blinking very deliberately to clear the thoughts from his eyes. "You don't really want to know."
I made a disgusted sound low in my throat and glowered at him. "Whatever it is, it's interfering with your ability to be my Skoll."
"No, no it is not." His eyes were very serious, which was almost disturbing, as he stared at me like he would see through to my soul. "Nothing will interfere with me acting as your Skoll."
There was a conviction in his words, a quiet strength, which humbled me. He reminded me of Noin, all those years ago, when she swore that she would protect me and the peace I was trying to bring about. The memory made me inexplicably sad. I shook myself out of the grasp of that memory, and turned to focus on Aidan, using irritation as a shield to hide the pain his statements brought.
"I wouldn't ask the bloody question unless I wanted an answer," I replied waspishly. Aidan sighed, scrubbing his face with the palms of his hands as if he could wash everything away, before raising his eyes to meet mine.
"You might as well sit down," he said as he started to kick off those lovely, pettable boots. "Or find some coffee. I don't know a short version that doesn't make me feel like some sort of cheap whore, and the long version will definitely require coffee."
"The short version makes you feel like a whore?" The emphasis just sort of crept into my voice, and my eyebrows tried to join my hairline.
He gave me a closed look that would have been one of anger if it had been anyone other than Aidan. "I doubt anyone enjoys being passed around like a piece of meat."
I shuddered from my own memories, and couldn't help but give him a look of incredulous horror. "Victor allowed that to happen?"
"Victor wasn't our Ulfric at the time." The look in his eyes made him seem very young. "Like I said, it's a long story."
"I guess I'm calling in sick tomorrow," I muttered in heatless frustration. I was privately relieved that I had an excuse not to go. I didn't think I could pretend to be human, not with the weird shit claiming more and more of my life.
"You mean today," Aidan replied in amusement. I liked the humor in his voice; it made his voice warmer, richer, like a flannel blanket.
I looked out the window and couldn't stop myself from groaning as I watched the faint light, as pale as Dorothy's hair, creep across the horizon. As I watched the light move across the sky I felt an exhaustion sweep over me with a sharpness as keen as pain. I think I must have made some sound, or jerked, or something because suddenly Aidan was there, holding me up. I leaned back against him. We watched the sunrise, and I felt safer. I realized with a start that it wasn't my emotions that I felt, but his.
I looked up at him in shock, and he gave me a small, rueful smile. "You claimed me as yours last night. The munin took that to be a literal truth."
I could feel my eyes widening. "How long is this empathy with you going to last?"
He gave me an irritable shrug of his shoulders. "How should I know? No alpha had the power to claim me before."
The feeling of helpless ignorance overpowered me, and I slowly sank down into my couch. It was an old couch that I kept for sentimental value more than anything else. It was uglier than sin. Most of the springs were probably broken. But it had been the first piece of furniture that I'd bought on my own. No one told me to buy it. No one bought it for me. No one haggled with the shopkeeper for me. It had been a very simple act of independence, and I hung onto that memory with a tenacity that would do a pit bull proud.
Aidan sat down next to me, careful to keep his distance, but his eyes were needy. "What do we do now?"
I rolled my head so I could see Aidan clearly. He was sitting sideways on the couch so he could look at me without twisting his back. His arms were crossed over the back of the couch, and he lay with his cheek on the back of one hand just watching me. His eyes had darkened past that startling cat-green into the green of wet pine needles. It was a vivid color that sucked you down past his superficial flirting, teasing, and arrogance to the bitter pain that he kept hidden. There was an angular set to his shoulders that I'd never noticed before.
I reached out and ran a hand over one of those high cheekbones. He didn't move, didn't murmur a word. I suddenly realized that I could do whatever I want to him and he would not protest. Not right now. There was a still sense of waiting about him that you only find around those who have been abused for so long that they don't question if the blow is coming; they ask when.
"You know I don't own you, right?"
"Yeah."
There was something in his voice that told me that he didn't quite believe what he was saying. The thing that scared me was that I didn't feel the urge to press the matter. I might not own him, but some dark part of me claimed him as mine in ways that were medieval and crude when I put them into words.
I slowly withdrew my hand, and we sat there breathing in each other's breath, each other's scent. I hate to be trite, but it was a silence full of things better left unsaid; at least, it was better for me if we didn't talk about it. I don't think my sanity could have handled an inspection of what was going on in my head.
"I would never have thought anyone other than Victor could claim me like this." He didn't look at me as he spoke, but talked like he was dreaming. "I'm damned careful not to let anyone in, but here you are with these traumatized blue eyes, those careful hands, and all this power you don't understand."
It didn't seem like he needed a reply, so I didn't say anything. I didn't think that there was really anything that I could say. I should have known that he would be going through as much turmoil as me. Victor had pretty much tossed Aidan into this mess without much of an explanation. And now our emotions were getting complicated. I sighed without realizing it, and Aidan opened his eyes slowly to look at me
"I can't figure out a way to get at you, to get to you." Aidan sounded frustrated and tired, which was a nice change from traumatized and fragile. I didn't think I could handle Aidan when he was fragile; it was too strange. "And you don't want me to get to you, do you?"
That made me blink at him. I opened my mouth, ready to deny it automatically, but stopped. No, there would be truth between us. No matter how sharp and stinging it was, there had to be truth between the silences. "No, I don't want you to get to me."
Aidan sighed, but it wasn't a negative one--more like he finally let out a breath he'd been holding for far too long. "I figured as much, but why?"
That made me pause. I didn't really know why I had to keep everyone out. Couldn't let them have a handhold on my soul. It would have been easy to blame it all on Heero; to say that it was his fault that I've closed myself off, but I knew that it wasn't true. I had always keep something back, hidden away a part of myself for safekeeping. I frowned him, surprised. "I don't know."
A small strange smile snuck across his face. He closed his eyes as the first tentative sunbeam crawled across my living room floor. For the first time since he'd walked through my door this evening he looked relaxed, content. And it bugged the hell out of me that I didn't know why.
"Why does that make you so pleased with yourself?" I asked waspishly.
He opened his eyes in that slow, sexy way that I had gotten used to, and smirked at me. "If you don't know why you're trying to keep everyone out, then maybe I can still find a way to get to you."
If I hadn't been quite so chickenshit, I would have asked him why it was so important. But I couldn't do anything more than stare at him in stupefied shock. And, dammit all, I think I blushed as I sat there staring at him.
End Part 13
Next part: Relena meets the rest of the pack. wheee, hand to hand combat ala Jet Li
Relena: >.< No more all night Chinese Kung-fu movie marathons for you!
(:./dan/wolf14)
