July 2000
Title: Do Angels Fly Away?
Category: Songfic Series
Pairings: 1x2
Warnings: Angst, Yaoi, Sad
Notes: "Just Say You Love Me" is by Jay Gruska and Linda Sennett Thomas. The
opening poem thingy is part of a song that I heard on "Passions." I don't
know the artist or the title, but it's a beautiful song.
Emphasized words in *...*, italics/thoughts in /..../
Thanks to Lizard-chan for beta-ing this for me!!
~*I had a broken heart
Loved you right from the start
Wish you could stay with me for always
Is it true -
Do angels fly away?*~
-unknown-
[We try to read each simple touch
Too careful some would say ]
The ground went rigid as the metal bird landed, bumping noisily along the path. Yellow and orange lights glimmered all around, reflecting off the cool steel of the shuttle. A mass of people stood and walked, baggages occupying their hands. Slowly they progressed along the tunnel, anticipation thick in the air. As the florescent white spilled over them, their speed increased, eager bodies embracing loved ones. The entire picture was like this, save for one person. The man continued on his way, ignoring the affectionate people around him. He proceeded down the hall, pausing only to be checked by security before exiting the building and hailing a cab.
[At times I think we think too much ]
After settling in the yellow vehicle, he pulled a tiny slip of paper from an inside pocket of his slate blue blazer. He stared at it, mouthing a few words to the driver. Heero gazed out the window, admiring the view of a panning landscape, the sky's blue yielding to the coming sunset. The metropolis went by in a blur as the car sped down the street, turning here and there to venture out on other paths. The dark haired man lost himself in his thoughts, his eyes and mind miles away from where he was, vision staring out into the infinite sky. His thoughts were haulted as he was catapulted back into reality as the vehicle came to a stop. Heero absently gave the driver a wad of money - more than what he had spent, but Heero could've cared less. Money wasn't anything to him. Only one thing mattered.
[While the romance slips away ]
The ex-Gundam pilot was greeted by a brick apartment complex, slightly aging but beautiful nonetheless. Clutching that same piece of paper in a death grip, he tenatively entered the building, proceding down the hallway until he reached the nearest elevator. Ignoring the irritating elevator music, he thumbed a level button, heart racing as the apparatus ascended.
[Caught between belief and doubt ]
/513...514...515...516...Aha!/ The Japanese man stopped in front of room #517. Duo's room. He stuffed the sheet back into his pocket, slowly pacing in circles. What should he do? After everything he had gone through the past few years, all he wanted to do was to barge in and sweep the chestnut haired angel off his feet. But no, he couldn't do that. It wasn't his style, not to mention Duo might not appreciate it. He could've changed. Hell, what if this wasn't even the right Duo Maxwell he was looking for?
[We search for signs of proof ]
Heero softly knocked on the door, mustering up every bit of courage within him to not turn and run away. When no responce came, he lightly rapped on the door again, bobbing up and down as his feet rocked from heel to toe and back again. He paused as he heard a tiny mumble of a "coming" and the fidgeting of the lock. He held his breath.
[And end up where we started out
No closer to the truth ]
The door hesitantly creaked open, a familiar smell of incense wafting through the air. Violet eyes met cobalt ones as time stood still. "Heero..." the figure in the doorway breathed, unable to say another word.
Heero eyed the man in front of him. Oh, it was definitely Duo all right. And he had changed in the years of his absence. Duo had grown a good half foot, tall, but still not as tall as the Wing pilot. His shiny braid was down to his calves, and he had more muscle now, filling out his body to proportion, but still lanky with a feminine touch. Amethyst eyes gleamed as ever, a touch of sadness lingering behind the sparkle. Duo was more beautiful than Heero had remembered.
[When all we need to do ]
"Hi," he mumbled the unfamiliar greeting. He wasn't one for salutations, usually he got down to business. But in this case, he didn't know what else to say. How do you greet a lover whom you hadn't seen in over three years? The silence was unbearable.
Duo cast his gaze aside. Running a hand through his long locks, he mumbled, "Aw, shit. Come in, come in," motioning for Heero to enter. The latter said nothing, simply obeying the command. He eyed the place, noting the dimness of the rooms. Duo had a quaint little apartment, not big and extravagant, but sophisticated in its own way. It was clean and tidy, antiques decorating the place, pictures and the sort giving a lived-in feel. Oh so different than what his apartment was like.
Duo motioned towards the couch, inviting Heero to sit. As any good host, he asked if his unexpected guest would like anything to eat or drink, but Heero politely declined. As if he wasn't feeling sick enough, the food definitely wouldn't help him. The braided man plopped down on the couch opposite the one couch Heero occupied, a glass and slate table separating them. The tension was undeniable between both figures. They sat, statue-like, unable to face each other.
[Is trust our feelings ]
"It's been a while," Heero broke the silence.
"Yeah. Three years..."
"Three years, two months, and nineteen days to be exact."
Duo smirked. "So you kept track, ne? I thought you would've forgotten me by now." He turned his head to the side, a hand brushing through his jagged bangs, coffee mug perched on his left leg.
"Is that what you want?" Heero asked, almost unable to hide the hurt in his voice. He had searched... thought... traveled... so long, and yet Duo didn't even know if he wanted him back anymore.
[Just say you love me ]
Blue violet eyes looked up at him, promptly turning down. Duo couldn't keep his gaze fixed on the man in front of him. It was too unnerving, too painful, too embarrassing. He had survived a troubled childhood, training, a war, and now he didn't even have the courage to look the man he had loved for so long in the eye. "I honestly don't know," he answered back. And it was the truth. With every passing month, hope for his lover's return diminished. He had almost given up completely, willing to hand himself over to rejection.
Heero didn't understand. Didn't Duo know? Wasn't it he who had told Heero to find him in the first place? Isn't this what he wanted? "You...don't know?" He was stunned.
[And that will be enough ]
"No, I don't," Duo said, matter-of-factly.
"How...?" Heero trailed off.
Duo chuckled lightly, a bitter edge laced through. "How? It's simple, Heero. Can't you see?" He paused, violets staring directly into cobalts. When he received no response, he continued. "I lost hope, Heero. I thought you'd never return. I gave up. Each day was hell for me. I waited, waited in anticipation for you. A knock on the door, a letter, a phone call, hell, even a postcard, and received nothing. These things can get to you, Heero. Each passing day with nothing was enough proof that you weren't coming. So I tried my best to move on."
[All of the questions ]
/Tried? That means...he hasn't gotten over me yet. Maybe there's still hope.../ Silence crept back into the room. And yet again, Heero shattered it. "So why L3? I don't recall you ever living here before. Not even showing any relative interest or ties to this colony."
[Are answered by your touch ]
Duo sighed, that same tiny smirk crossing his mouth. "L3 was the only place I *could* go. I couldn't stay on Earth, and I couldn't escape to L1... They reminded me too much of you. L2 wasn't even an option. God knows I might never be able to step foot there again. And L4... Well, let's just say I didn't want to inconvenience Quatre. If he knew or found out that I was on the same colony as him, he would've wanted me to stay with him. I didn't want to disturb his and Trowa's time together. I didn't want to be selfish like that. So this was the only choice left." Duo set his mug aside, popping his knuckles and beginning to figit with his hands. "I tried to forget you, but every damn thing reminded me of you some way or another. So I gave up on that, too. I was only able to force you to the back of my mind. Just when I thought I was finally over you, this happens. Here you are again, and I don't know how to deal with this."
[Your love can take me where I want to go
Just say you love me ]
Heero felt his chest constrict, tightness clutching at his heart. He began to realize the extent of his foolishness, and the effect it had on both of them. He thought of the pain, their current position... They wouldn't have been in it now if it weren't for the three words Heero wished to say. And even worse, he still didn't know if he could say them now.
[That's all I need to know ]
Once again, silence impregnated the room. Discomfort weighed heavily on each man's shoulders. Neither knew what to say or do. Not even a glance was exchanged between the opposite figures - they were too wrapped up in thought, waiting for the other to break the irritating silence.
[What lies beyond the here and now
Only time reveals ]
With both parties not saying a word to each other, there was nothing else to do but escape into the recesses of their respective minds.
Duo wondered why Heero was there. It seemed like he had something to say to him, but something was holding him back. The braided man wished he'd just come out and say it, whatever it was. The silence was too unnerving.
[But all that matters anyhow
Is how much love we feel ]
Heero debated with the annoying voice in the back of his head. It pleaded with him to express his feelings to Duo - if not in words, then actions. He tried to push the whisper aside, but it persistantly re-emerged. In the end, Heero gave up, letting the voice continue begging, but blatantly ignoring it.
[So all we need to do
Is trust our feelings ]
Heero could've submitted to the voice's wishes, but he didn't. His heart screamed to, but his head refused to listen. It argued that now was not the time. The emotion that hung in the air was high enough. Why add more to the intensity?
[Just say you love me...But, when *would* the right time be?
And that will be enough ]
[All of the questions
Are answered by your touch
Your love can take me where I want to go ]
In the meanwhile, Duo had averted his gaze out the window, its soft blue light slowly fading. The sound of a passing train snapped him out of his reverie, turning his attention back to the situation at hand. He cleared his throat slightly, intent on getting the other's attention.
[Just say you love me ]
Heero turned, eyes locking on to Duo's.
"Tell me, Heero. Why are you *really* here?"
[That's all I need to know ]
End Part 4
(:./asuka/angel4)
