Title: To Fly On Broken Wings - 5/?
Author: tkmaxwell777
Category: Shonen Ai/Yaoi
Pairings: 1+2/1x2x1
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing does not belong to me, but I'm borrowing their characters so I can write stories that are naughty and lemony and just plain hentai... please don't sue me for loving bishonen together J
Warnings: Angst, Language, Lemon, Sap
Archived: Yep! Thanks to Lev :)
Heero lay in bed, trying to will himself to fall asleep. He would have to get an early start in the morning, but he just couldn't get his mental processes to shut down. 'I can't let him go, even though I know he doesn't want me,' he thought to himself sadly. He had been on emotional overload all evening, but Duo walking out on him had taken him past the breaking point. Even though Kyle had said he would get through to Duo and find out what the problem was, Heero wasn't counting on it; Duo was as good as dead to him now. He just had to make himself give him up.
He thought about how he'd felt when he'd seen the drawing Duo had done of him. He had been amazed at how well Duo had seemed to know him, yet Duo had proven that he was a stranger. Heero had trusted the violet-eyed boy to be what he needed. Duo knew that Heero wasn't as good with words in person as he was on paper; that's why he'd written that dedication to Duo in the copy of the book he'd given him. That dedication was supposed to tell Duo how he felt without him stumbling over his words. It wasn't that Heero was unable to tell Duo that he loved him; it was just easier to write it, and he saved himself the embarrassment of looking like an idiot. That's why he had waited so long to see Duo, to try to develop the ability for teasing and seduction; that's why he had gone to the club to begin with. Duo always said the right thing at the right time; Heero wasn't like that. He had proven as much just a few hours earlier.
He could understand Duo being shocked about the previous night; it wasn't as if Duo had ever seen this side of him before. Heero could even see how Duo could be a little upset that Heero had danced with him like that, but he'd never guessed that the longhaired boy would be so angry. 'Angry enough to walk away from the love I offered him,' Heero thought as he stared at the ceiling. 'How could anger destroy a love that was supposed to last forever?' Duo had said 'Always', and that's what hurt Heero so much; Duo had lied to him. Heero had counted on Duo being the one person who would always be truthful with him, and now he felt like he had been betrayed.
Heero sighed, reaching over to the bedside table to get a drink of water. He fluffed his pillow again, lay back down, and began thinking all over again. Wasn't it better to just apologize to Duo even if he didn't understand completely why Duo was so upset? Couldn't he try one more time to tell Duo how he felt? Wouldn't begging on his knees be better than being alone? Heero shook his head. He was pathetic. It was no wonder that Duo didn't want him. Maybe it had all been just a chase to Duo, a game to see if he could get Heero to fall for him. The pain of that lanced through Heero's heart like a knife. How could it be though? Duo had promised him! How could Duo have drawn those pictures of them together like that without meaning it? It didn't make sense; then again, when did Duo ever make sense anyway? Heero groaned as he lay in misery, wishing he could just find a way to forget it ever happened, knowing that his wish would never be granted.
A knock at the door brought Heero out of his thoughts, his heart beating faster in spite of his silent commands to calm down. It had been a couple of hours since Kyle had left, so it was probably just him coming back to tell Heero that Duo didn't want anything to do with him anymore. Once that confirmation was made, Heero would accept it and just walk away. Heero was halfway across the room when he realized that he might not have enough strength to do that. He took a deep shuddering breath and walked the rest of the way to the door, unbolted it, and then opened it to admit his visitor.
The first thing that Duo noticed was that Heero looked like shit. His eyes had black circles underneath them, and Duo could see a little red around the edges confirming Kyle's outlandish claim that the stoic pilot had indeed been crying. Heero's face was pale, and he was shaking visibly; but that wasn't what almost brought Duo to his knees. When Duo looked into Heero's eyes, he saw that Heero was in his own personal hell. Duo had been to that place, more than once in his life. It was a place where you felt like everyone you'd ever cared about had betrayed you, everything you'd ever believed in had failed you, and every hope you'd ever held onto had faded from your grasp right before your eyes; and Duo had sent Heero there.
Heero just stared at the other boy in shock. Duo's hair was loose, his clothes rumpled from apparent haste in putting them on, and his eyes red from obvious crying. Although he didn't want Duo to be in pain, it did make him feel better to know that Duo had suffered too; it was a selfish kind of satisfaction to know that Duo wasn't taking this lightly either, but Heero hurt so bad inside that it was the only thing that he had to cling to at the moment. He waited for Duo to speak; he didn't have the voice or the words himself.
"Hey," Duo offered, wishing he could let out all of the words that were screaming in his head, but afraid that he would only hurt Heero more if he did. He had to take this one step at a time.
"Hey," Heero responded, his voice husky and low. He opened the door wider to allow Duo into the room. Once Duo was inside, Heero closed and bolted the door back. It took him a moment before he could turn around to face the other boy.
They stared at each other for what could have been a lifetime, both afraid to speak. Duo battled the anger that called for explanation, the fear that called for retaliation, and the doubt that called for confirmation. He didn't know exactly what to say, but he knew he had to say something.
"I don't want you to leave..."
"Why?" Heero interrupted, pain evident in his voice. "I thought you made it pretty clear that you don't want me." Heero wasn't about to beat around the bush. They had done enough of that already. He wanted to get all of it out in the open so they could deal with it. Maybe then it could all be over.
Duo bristled. "I want you, but I want all of you."
"What are you talking about, Duo?"
"I don't just want you for sex, Heero!" Duo yelled, hurt and anger tingeing each word.
"And you think that's all I want with you, Duo?" Heero asked angrily. The very thought that Duo could think that made Heero livid. Hadn't his poetry and dedications shown Duo how much he meant to him?
"I don't know," Duo replied hotly. "All you've talked about are those damn doujinshi's since you walked through my door, and that's what they're mostly about. What am I suppose to think? You danced with me like you were sure I'd just spread my legs for you without you even telling me how you feel. How do I know you didn't just decide to see exactly how good in bed I really am just because of what I drew?"
Heero blinked. This was something he had not been prepared for; the disgust in Duo's voice clearly showed that he actually believed what he was saying was true. Heero was dumbfounded. "You actually think I would write all of that poetry for you, move to Japan to be closer to you, and publicly dedicate my new book to you, all just to get a few quick fucks?" Heero saw Duo flinch at that and added, "You have one hell of an ego, Duo Maxwell!"
Duo swallowed. Somehow this wasn't going like he had planned. Why hadn't he reminded himself that Heero had written the poetry before he'd read the doujinshi? Duo already knew why; he had been so focused on the fact that Heero hadn't told him point blank that he loved him, he hadn't paid attention to all of the other ways Heero had shown him. Duo was beginning to get the feeling that he was missing a piece or two of additional pertinent information as well.
"What do mean 'publicly' dedicate?"
Heero walked over to the table where a small stack of his books lay. He turned to the main dedication page in one of them then walked back over to Duo, pushing it into the other boy's hands. Duo felt his heart break from the enormity of the words as he read them aloud.
"This book is dedicated to my best friend, Duo Maxwell. In the war, he was my faithful comrade, the best soldier a person could have fought beside, and the most talented individual anyone could have ever had for a partner. In writing, he is the inspiration for my stories, the subject for my poetry, and my reason for being able to share my emotions with others. In life, he has become the one person who not only has taught me how to live, but how to love and enjoy all of the beauty around me. He once told me that whatever I need, that's what he is, and he's right. My world would be a dark place without the bright sunshine of his smile, a cold place without the fiery warmth of his eyes, and a lonely place without the loving steadiness of his heart. I love you, Duo. Thank you for loving me, my baka. Aishiteru, Always."
"I personally dedicated your copy right before I came over," Heero said sharply, the words Duo had just read cutting deeply into his heart all over again after what had happened. "I wanted you to know that I had read the doujinshi's and that I was willing to accept the sexual aspect of a relationship as well as the emotional one that I thought we already had."
Duo closed his eyes. "Heero, I didn't read this. I didn't know..."
"Didn't know what, Duo? You should have already known how I feel!" Heero yelled, realizing that Duo had thought the worst of him. He was so upset he was trembling. Never before had he been so out of control, but the emotions he had been dealing with all day were finally taking over. "I never would have come to see you if I didn't love you. I wouldn't even read the letter until I understood what you wanted from me. It took me a month after I did read it to even get enough courage to be near you without you knowing it!"
Duo's eyes flew open. So what Kyle said had been true. "You read the letter?"
"Two months after I got here," Heero replied evenly. He suddenly felt the anger seep out of him as he noted the change in Duo's voice. The way Duo had asked that question made Heero realize that Duo thought he hadn't accepted his love for him. Heero tried to put himself in Duo's position. He could understand why Duo would be so distant if he only thought that Heero was there to sleep with him. Even though Duo should have known better, it had been ten months, and Heero couldn't blame Duo for being cautious; a broken heart was not pleasant, and Duo was so much more emotional than he was. At least, more emotional than Heero used to be; Heero had cried himself for only the second time in his life just that evening, confirming just how much Duo meant to him.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Duo asked brokenly. "When you didn't say anything about reading it, I just thought you'd forgotten about it. I thought you'd just seen the drawings and wanted that and nothing more."
Heero sighed. "Reading the doujinshi's made me realize that you really meant Aishiteru, that you wanted everything a relationship is mean to be. I should have told you when I first walked through your door, but I wanted to surprise you with how I had changed. I wanted to seduce you, to tease you the way you had always teased me. I wanted you to feel like I was worthy of you."
"Worthy of me? Why the hell wouldn't you be worthy of me, Heero?" Duo asked incredulously. He could sense the change in Heero's demeanor, like the other pilot finally understood why Duo was so upset, and they were finally talking like they should have in the first place.
Heero looked down, feeling exposed for the first time to the other boy. "You were always so sexy, Duo. You seemed so unattainable. I never thought that you could ever truly want me, but you told me that your love would never change, so I had to believe you because you never lie." Heero raised head again, and blue met violet. "You are so beautiful, and I wanted you to see that I could be what you wanted. I wanted you to see the person I discovered inside of me that you fell in love with months ago. I wanted you to know that the wait was worth it... that I was worth it."
"You've always been worth it, Heero," Duo choked out. "I love you for all of you, not just the part that you buried. Heero, I love the 'Perfect Soldier' just as much as I do the poet. It's me that doesn't deserve you! I was just so afraid that... I didn't know if I..." Duo clenched his fists as he fought to keep from sobbing. He was afraid to tell Heero the real reason why he had reacted like he had... afraid it was true.
Heero moved closer to the longhaired boy and placed a hand on his shoulder as he spoke softly, "What are you afraid of, Duo? Tell me, please. I don't want to hurt you anymore, but you have to tell me."
Duo reached deep inside himself and clung to the tiny shred of hope that still managed to exist in his soul. "I was afraid that you... that I wouldn't be able to... to be... what you need. I p-promised, but I d-didn't know if you would get t-tired of me and l-leave." Duo was shaking by the time he finished speaking, his breath coming in sobs. He had finally voiced his fear. He felt vulnerable, completely naked in front of Heero, and his eyes begged for acceptance from the dark haired boy. He would never survive if Heero turned away from him now.
Heero felt his heart ache as he realized what Duo meant. He pulled the other boy into his arms in a tender embrace, trying to convey through it what he couldn't say in words at that moment. Duo collapsed against him, and Heero picked him up and carried him to the bed. Silent tears escaped to fall down Heero's cheeks as he positioned them so that he was leaning back against the wall at the head of the bed, holding the boy he loved as close to him as he could. He had taken Duo's love for granted, never thinking that Duo would need as much reassurance as he himself did. He certainly hadn't thought that Duo would be so afraid of him leaving. Heero vowed to prove to Duo that he was all Heero would ever need.
"I will never leave you, Duo," Heero whispered as he rocked him in his arms. The words began pouring out of him as he comforted the one who owned his heart. He allowed them to fall like a cleansing rain upon him and the sobbing boy he sheltered. "As long as you love me, I will be here for you, loving you with all I am and all I will ever be. Whatever you need, that's what I am. I understand what you meant by that, and I can make you the same promise. Aishiteru, always, my Duo. I love you with my life, and I will spend every day of it showing you how much you mean to me."
Duo awoke feeling completely contented. He snuggled against the warmth that enveloped him and sighed. He had never thought he could ever be this relaxed. It was as if he was safe within someone's arms...
The events of the previous night flooded his memory, and Duo slowly pulled away only to find himself looking into deep cobalt blue eyes.
"Good morning," Heero said softly, leaning down to kiss the end of Duo's nose.
"Mornin'," Duo greeted, a sheepish smile on his lips.
Heero smiled back at him. "Did you sleep well? It would be a shame to have to sleep in separate rooms now that we're going to be lovers, especially since we spent all that time being roommates during the war."
Duo grinned, a mischievous glint lighting his eyes as he moved his head to capture Heero's lips in a tender kiss. "I slept better last night than I have my whole life. Sorry, Yuy. You WILL be sharing my bed."
"Mmm... I was hoping you'd say that," Heero replied as he scooted down into the bed then leaned over to claim Duo's mouth in a gentle kiss. When their lips parted, Heero caressed Duo's cheek softly as he spoke.
"I meant everything I said to you last night, Duo. I love you, now and always."
Duo smiled. "I love you too, Heero. I'm sorry I was such an idiot. I doubted you, and let my fear overcome my faith in you. I was wrong. Forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive," Heero whispered as he kissed him again. "I'm going to try to make sure you never have reason to doubt my love again. I'm not complete without you, Duo. Remember that."
"Complete me, complete me," Duo quoted from the poem that had so inspired him, as he nipped Heero's jaw with his teeth. "Love me, love me. I remember, and I will do my best to make that poem a reality."
Heero lifted Duo's chin so he could look into his eyes. "You already have."
Duo felt his heart overflow with joy. He rolled over on top of Heero then gazed lovingly into Heero's eyes. "Whatever you need, that's what I am," he said, reaffirming his vow as Heero had to him. "Even if I have to walk through hell itself to love you, I will. Nothing will ever take away the love I have for you. My anger can't destroy it, my fear can't lessen it, and my doubt can't silence it. I love you, Heero Yuy. Aishiteru, always."
Heero's heart took wings at Duo's words, and he kissed Duo with a passion that took Duo's breath away. Their lips moved against each other's tenderly as their bodies pressed together. Their hands moved to touch each other, caressing soft skin, tangling in silken hair.
"Duo, I think we should take our time," Heero said when they broke for air. "I want you to know that we are making love and not just having sex when we do."
Duo frowned. "I know that already. Besides, I don't think I can wait much longer, Heero. I've been waiting for you for too long already."
Heero laughed. "I didn't mean that we can't 'please' each other, Duo. I just meant that we shouldn't try to do everything at once. I want to take my time in exploring you, and I want you to do the same. We both have changed, and we should get to know each other as well as our bodies. This is all kind of new to me, so I want to take it slow. I haven't done these things before and I want to share them with you as we discover each other."
"Man, Heero, I think you've said more to me in the past couple of days than you did in the past couple of years. I'm hoping sex will keep you occupied enough so I can at least contribute to a conversation."
Heero smacked him on his ass. "Baka. Be serious."
"Okay," Duo conceded, a smile still on his face at the familiar endearment. "But I really thought that I was going to have to tell you that we couldn't just have sex. Can you imagine me refusing to sleep with you?"
Heero chuckled. "Actually, that is a pretty far-fetched concept."
Duo snorted. "Tell me about it. Now it looks like I'm going to be the one trying to get some." He winked at Heero suggestively, causing the other boy to laugh again. Duo didn't see the gleam in Heero's eyes.
"Well, like I said, we can do things to please each other..." Heero allowed his sentence to drift off as he unbuttoned Duo's pants.
Duo raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh, really? Well, hmm... let me see if I understand what you mean."
Duo managed to get his pants off, but kept his boxers on as he positioned himself back on top of Heero again. He could feel Heero's boxer-clad erection pressing into his thigh, and he was sure Heero could feel his as well. He began rocking his hips, creating enough friction to pleasure them.
"Something like this?" Duo gasped out.
Heero nodded then moaned loudly. "Mmm... Yeah. Something just like this, Duo."
They were both panting as Duo increased his pace. Heero was soon thrusting with him, adding to the sensation of their arousals within their boxers and against each other.
"Nnn... Duo... if you keep this up..." Heero was silenced as Duo kissed him thoroughly.
"Just enjoy the ride, baby. I'm gonna make you come without even touching you with my hands."
Heero groaned at the other boy's promise. He had never felt anything so good in his life. Just the feeling of Duo against him, the feeling of the other boy's boxers sliding against his skin, the feeling of Duo's silky hair caressing him everywhere it touched, all intoxicated Heero to the point where he couldn't think. He moaned as Duo kissed him over and over again, feeling himself move towards the edge.
Duo had never been able to get off by just rubbing against someone. He was already close, and the noises Heero was making were driving him closer and closer. He plundered Heero's mouth, kissing and nipping at Heero's lips, relishing the moans the other boy uttered at his teasing, loving the way Heero's hands tangled in his unbound hair. Duo pulled back to look at the vision underneath him. Heero was sweaty, his eyes were bright with desire, his heart beating wildly; it was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen, and Duo knew he would never get enough of it.
"Come for me, Heero," Duo whispered softly as he moved his hips harder against Heero's arousal. It didn't take long for Heero to comply with his request.
"Duo! Duo! Duuuooo!" Heero came so hard he thought he was going to black out. Wave after wave of pure pleasure engulfed him as he shot his passion inside his boxers and against Duo.
Duo felt his lover's erection shudder then wet warmth erupted against Duo's thigh. It was enough to take Duo with him. "Heero! Oh, yeah, baby! Yeeesss!" Duo screamed as his seed released, pulse after pulse of ecstasy overwhelming him. He collapsed on top of his dark haired lover, still trembling from the intensity of his orgasm.
Heero was still trying to recover from his own release. It had been incredible. If sex with Duo was going to be anything like that, he would be sure to remind himself daily of all of the time they had wasted when they could have been fucking each other senseless. He smiled to himself at that thought. Even though they loved each other, he knew the other pilot well enough to expect a lot of sex for the sake of sex too. He was beginning to really look forward to that aspect of their relationship.
Duo regained a sense of control and rolled off to Heero's right. He laid on his back thinking about how wonderful it had been just to experience that with Heero; he had a feeling that every act they would share would be like the first time for him again. Sex with Heero was going to be something to anticipate. He was beginning to really looking forward to that aspect of their relationship.
"Duo?"
"Yeah, Heero?"
"I love you, but I don't know how long I'm going to be able to keep from screwing you silly."
Duo laughed. "Yeah? Well, that's okay. I don't know how long I'm going to be able to keep from screwing you silly either."
Heero looked over at him. "You mean you want to..."
Duo smiled. "Yeah, Heero. I'd like for us to enjoy it both ways, if that's okay with you."
Heero smiled back. "Hell yes, it's okay with me. I just didn't know if you'd want to."
"Are you kidding?" Duo asked as he propped himself up on an elbow. "I've been admiring your ass for way too long not to pound into it, Yuy."
"Oh really?" Heero responded, his eyes flashing with humor. "So my ass is yours now?"
Duo sighed happily as he lay back down. "Yeah. Your ass is mine, and mine is yours. Pretty fair exchange, don't you agree?" Duo winked.
Heero felt his heart swell with love for the longhaired boy. This was how it was supposed to be. "Yes. Although I still can't help but feel I'm getting the best part of the deal."
Duo snorted. "Believe me, I am no prize to live with Heero, even if I am good in bed."
Heero smiled, looking into Duo's eyes as the other boy watched him for some kind of response to his confession. "Just as long as you don't play any of that Gregorian chant music first thing in the morning, we'll get along just fine."
Duo threw his head back and laughed, causing Heero to smile even more. They lay in companionable silence for a while after Duo quieted, both of them lost in their own thoughts and the secure feeling of being with each other. For once, Heero broke the silence.
"I don't think I would have been strong enough to leave, Duo."
Duo turned his head to look at his lover. "I don't think I would have been strong enough to let you go."
Heero nodded, his eyes shining at that acknowledgement. "I can't wait to really begin living my life with you. I can't wait to see what happens next."
"Yanno, this is going to be a hell of a ride, don't you?" Duo asked, mischief flashing in violet eyes.
Heero chuckled, his mind recalling something Duo had once told him about. For some reason, the analogy seemed fitting. "Duo, we just entered the theme park. There are lots of 'rides' we still haven't been on yet. And I can't wait to get you on MY roller coaster."
"Heero!"
Laughter filled the hotel room as Heero rolled over on top of Duo, pinning him underneath him. "So which ride do you want to do next?"
Duo could see the love and desire shining in those blue depths. He grinned widely. "How about a go at the tilt a whirl?"
Heero raised an eyebrow at him, but the smile on his face only grew. "What's that?"
Duo flipped them so he was on top again. "By all means, let me show you. I only hope you're 'tall' enough..." Duo mumbled as he slowly began licking his way down Heero's chest.
"Nani?"
Duo snickered as he continued his journey down to Heero's bellybutton. By the time he reached Heero's boxers, Heero had figured out exactly what the other boy had meant... and he was definitely 'tall' enough.
End Part 5
(:./tk/fly5)
