15-Apr-2001
1x2, 3x4. (2+Squiggly)?
I own no one depicted in the complete and utter nonsense that follows. And I'd like to thank my father for the inspiration; he got us banned from Chuck E. Cheese for doing what Duo does in this story. Thanks Dad. I'll never forget THAT birthday party. *mutters*
"Look, as the guy you're sleeping with, as a friend, I am asking you to PLEASE reconsider this. Please. Quatre can get us reservations at any restaurant we want. Let's go somewhere nice. Please don't do this to me!"
Duo stuck out his lower lip. It quivered slightly. "I want Squiggly's." He said in a choked voice. Violet eyes filled with tears. "You said we could go anywhere I wanted, since I've never had a REAL birthday party before. But I don't want you to be mad at me. We can go somewhere else." He sighed and turned away, hiding a grin.
Heero caved. "Okay, okay, we'll go to Squiggly's. If it means THAT much to you."
Duo grabbed him in a fierce hug. "Thanks, Heero. You're the best. You'll like this place. They have great pizza and cool games and have you ever played Skee-ball? You'd be good at it..."
Heero listened and made appropriate comments in reply, wondering if he was going to survive.
"Get in that car NOW!" Heero folded his arms, glaring at Wufei."I'm not buying it and if I have to suffer through this so do you."
Wufei muttered something in Chinese, probably very nasty about Heero's ancestry, and climbed into the limo. Next time he had to get a better excuse. He made a mental note that when claiming you need to take your dog to the vet it helps to actually own a dog.
"They say that every few hours Squiggly goes up to someone and hands them the special green coin." Duo was saying. "And they get to go up on stage and sing a song for everything if they get it. I really hope I get one. Thanks guys, this is the best birthday present ever."
The limo pulled into the parking lot of Squiggly's a half hour later. Heero grabbed hold of Duo's shirt as the braided boy started to leap out of it.
"First of all, wait until we park." Heero suggested. "Second of all... behave yourself. Please? This place is going to be full of little kids and we should set an example."
Duo pointed. "Like that?" He gave Heero a wicked grin.
"I repeat there are SMALL CHILDREN inside of there." Heero glared at Quatre and Trowa. "No one leaves this car until everyone is wearing pants and everyone's tongue is inside of his OWN mouth." He turned to give Wufei a dirty look. "And I'd like to remind anyone who tries to run upon leaving this car that I'm a very good shot."
Wufei swallowed. Heero smiled and patted a bulge under his shirt. He sincerely hoped he'd remembered to put it on vibrate; his credibility would never be the same if his "gun" started ringing.
"Can we go IN already?" Duo was bouncing in the leather seat. "I might miss the coin give away!"
The five pilots left the limo and headed toward a seedy-looking establishment covered in neon. Pictures of a smiling shrew were everywhere.
Inside the doorway were more pictures, most of them featuring Squiggly Shrew meeting famous people. Heero rubbed his eyes; the man sitting on Squiggly's lap in one of the pictures looked disturbingly like Treize. He looked closer. Well, what do you know? It WAS Treize.
They passed under a gaudy Entrance sign into bedlam.
Toward the right video games bleeped and buzzed and Skee-Balls thundered down their lanes. In one lane, a small girl had come up with a novel way to win tickets. She stood above the fifty-point hole dropping the balls in one at a time.
Wild children ran everywhere, and into everyone, and slid down a bright blue slide to a pit of multi-colored balls.
Wufei looked faint. Trowa and Quatre were eyeing the ball pit with interest and Heero was hoping against hope the man in the thread-bare shrew outfit wouldn't notice them.
Duo was beaming.
"Isn't this GREAT? Look at all the games. Hey, it's Squiggly. HEY SQUIGGLY!" He waved frantically.
Squiggly skipped over to them. "Welcome! Is everyone here to have fun??"
"Yeah, it's my birthday!" Duo replied.
"Well, than means YOU get a Squiggly Squeeze!" Squiggly announced. He hugged Duo so hard he lifted him off the floor. Heero's eyes narrowed to see one paw move toward Duo's rump. Over the braided boy's head, Squiggly noticed the look and quickly moved his hand.
A few minutes later they were all ushered to sit around a sticky table. To Duo's delight it was right next to the stage. A group of robotic puppet rodents strummed banjos to "Darlin Clementine" and "Little Brown Jug."
"This is pizza?" Quatre poked at the slice on his plate dubiously.
"I'm not even sure this is FOOD." Trowa replied. He dropped the pizza on the table and it bounced in the air, landing back on his plate.
"Gweatpizza." Duo muttered, his mouth stuffed with his fifth slice. "Thisisdabest."
He jumped out of his seat. "I'm going to go play some games. See you later." He race off into a crowd of small children.
"We might as well play too." Wufei sighed. "It's not as if we're going to be busy eating." He stared down at the remains of the pie; he would have sworn he just saw it move.
"Come on, Mister. Quit hogging it." A little boy whined.
"Stuff it kid." Duo said cheerfully. "It's my birthday and I've got a lot more coins." He shot the basketball and whooped as more tickets spewed out of the slot. "Oh yes. I am GOOD!"
"You're mean!" the little boy stamped his foot.
"You know." Duo didn't glance down. "That if you throw pop on those puppets on the stage they'll come alive and do whatever you want?"
"Really?"
"Yup. But it has to be a whole pitcher. Throw pizza at them too. That'll work." Duo advised. Just go away, he thought. You're messing up my concentration.
"Okay, thanks Mister." The little boy raced off.
Heero took a breath and concentrated, and then released the little wooden ball. It raced up the lane, circled around, and slid into the 20 point hole.
"K'SO!" How did those children make it look so simple? He felt his pockets. He was out of coins, too. He waved down an employee and threw a hundred in his face. He was the Perfect Soldier. He had a reputation to protect. And if it took every last cent he owned, he was going to make that blue light on the top of his Skee-ball lane spin around. It was a matter of pride now.
Duo lay in the back of the limo, a blissful look on his face as he slept. The other pilots, however, were wide awake.
"How COULD YOU?" Wufei snarled at Trowa and Quatre. "The BALL PIT? That's... I don't have any words for how dishonorable that is!"
"It was fun though." Quatre sighed at the memory. "We were buried under them. It wasn't like anyone else could see us. We thought."
"That glass window on the side wasn't something we considered." Trowa admitted.
Heero snorted.
"Oh, like YOU made a greater impression." Quatre retorted. "You spent 500 dollars on Skee-ball, didn't win once, and almost gave Squiggly a concussion with one of those balls!"
"It was a matter of honor." Heero said stiffly. "After he gave Duo his 17th Squiggly Squeeze I lost my temper."
Wufei glared at the sleeping Duo and rang Pepsi out of his shirt.
A few hours after their arrival, Squiggly had shoved a gaudy green token into the Chinese boy's hand and pulled him up on stage, sticking a microphone into his face. He had ordered Wufei to sing, and soon the entire crowd had taken up the chant.
"Sing what?" he had protested.
"The first song that comes into your head!" Squiggly urged, then he had vanished.
Wufei floundered for a minute then blurted out.
"I wanna be the very best!
Like no one ever was!
To catch them is my real test.
To train them is my causeeeeeee."
A slice of pizza hit him in the head.
"HEY!" He sputtered.
A second later a tow-haired little boy had flung a pitcher of Pepsi at him. Brown liquid covered the Chinese boy, who had howled in rage and jumped off the stage after the child.
"You were right, Mister! It works!" The child called over to Duo as they had ran past him. Duo waved at them, and went back to trying to pull Heero's hands off of Squiggly's neck.
At was at that moment that someone had happened to notice that not all of the balls visible through the ball-pit window were made out of plastic.
Heero had released Squiggly and yanked the other pilots out of the pit, snagged Wufei, snatched Duo away from the nefarious paws of Squiggly, and herded everyone toward the door. The last thing they had heard was Squiggly shouting after Duo. "CALL ME."
Duo sat up as the limo pulled into the driveway. "Oh man, that was SO cool. I'll never forget this birthday. I can't wait to go back next year."
"Next year will be impossible for me." Wufei stated. "I'm purchasing a dog and I'm having it castrated that day."
"We're not allowed back in." Quatre said sadly. "But I got a great souvenir!" He held up a red plastic ball.
"I don't even want to know where you were keeping that." Heero muttered.
At that moment, Heero felt a buzzing against his chest. He pulled out his phone. "Who? How did you get this number?!? Oh, is that a fact? Well, let me tell YOU something you long-nosed freak..."
"Hi Squiggly!" Duo shouted into the phone. "We had a blast! Heero's birthday is next month. We'll see you then!" He glanced at his friends, touched.
They were so happy they were crying.
The End
(:./lasha/squiggly)
