Title: When Stars Collide - 1/1
Author: tkmaxwell777
Category: Shonen Ai/Songfic
Pairing: 1+2
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimers: Bandai, Sotsu, and Sunrise own Gundam Wing; I just play with the boys :) Elton John owns the song 'The One'... I just borrowed the lyrics because they inspired this whole fic while I listened to the song!
Warnings: A little Angst, a little Lime, and a whole lotta Sap, Sap, Sap!
Archived: Yep! Thanks Lev :) www.satinflame.net\levlair
Notes: This takes place after EW... Heero POV... Song lyrics in //***//
Synopsis: Heero is on the beach watching the other gundam pilots enjoying the sand and surf. What happens when he sees that his destiny has been right in front of him all along?
"Come on, Heero! The water's great!" Duo's voice carries through the hot July air.
I look at him and shake my head, giving him a semblance of my former glare to let him know I'm serious. He shrugs his shoulders, stepping out of the waves. Quatre is throwing a Frisbee with Trowa, and Duo gives me a wicked grin as he begins to run towards them. It doesn't take long for him to intercept the object and take off with it, Quatre and Trowa running after him; Duo's laughter rings out over the beach.
We had been there for a week. It was unusual for all of us to be together for a vacation, but Une had managed to work it out, saying we all needed a break. Quatre and Trowa had been swimming with Duo till just a few minutes ago, and Wufei and Sally had opted to walk down to the pier; that left me sitting alone on the beach towel. I told myself that I needed to stay where I was to guard our belongings. I knew that wasn't the real reason why.
"Heero! Help! They're gonna... ahhh!"
I watch with a small smile on my face as Quatre and Trowa, having caught Duo, throw him into the water. He surfaces immediately, sputtering, a look of vengeance in those violet eyes of his, in spite of the fact that he knows he deserved it. Usually, he's good-natured and never stays angry about anything for very long, especially when something is done in good fun. Apparently, he didn't think this was one of those times. His outraged gaze falls on me, and he points an accusing finger.
"You let them do that. I thought you were my partner. Why didn't you back me up?"
"Because you interrupted their game, and they had every right to retaliate," I respond evenly as I watch his expression change to one of indignation. He places his hands on his hips as he glares at me.
"Humph. I'll remember that next time you need rescuing from Relena at a party," he counters, his voice sounding deadly serious.
I blink at him, stunned for a moment. Was he really mad at me? Before I have time to panic, he grins and winks then bounds off after the other two boys again. I feel relief flood me, and not just because I realize that he had indeed intervened several times when Relena had been demanding my attention at recent social functions we had been assigned to. Leave it to Duo to understand what I need from him without me even having to ask for it. Not for the first time, I am reminded that I depend on him more than I should; that thought bothers the soldier in me, but I can't help but smile a little.
//I saw you dancin' at the ocean, runnin' fast along the sand, spirit born of earth and water, fire flyin' from your hands//
I watch as Duo tackles Quatre, tickling the blonde until he pleads with Trowa for help. Trowa stands by, laughing, as his blonde partner is reduced to begging for Duo to stop. Duo finally hops off of Quatre, who in turn begins chasing the longhaired boy to administer the same treatment he'd just received. Trowa takes off with them, apparently deciding to assist the blonde since he'd failed to do so just a moment before. It's a scene that I try to etch into my memory. Their laughter, their joy, and their love of life make me long to be a part of it; I fear I never will be. I look down as I bury my big toe in the sand. It's been months, and even though I'm satisfied with my life in general, I feel like there's something missing that even I can't define. Even though the war is over, the soldier still refuses to let go of me; and I hate him for it.
"Hey."
I look up to see Duo standing in front of me. He's no longer grinning or laughing. His eyes are serious, and his voice is soft and reassuring. "I wasn't really upset with you, you know," he says as he leans over to place a hand on my shoulder.
I nod in response, wishing I could tell him what I was really thinking about. It's not that I'm afraid he won't understand; I'm afraid he'll understand all too well. Duo is not the braided baka he pretends to be. I should have known I didn't even need to say anything for him to see what's bothering me.
"I know how hard this is for you, Heero. Just remember, you have people who care about you. You're not alone anymore. The soldier needs to give it a rest. And you need to take back your life from him."
I stare at him in shock as he gives me an understanding smile. It's not his manic grin or his humorous smirk. It's something just for me, and for a moment, I forget why I'm not having a good time. I watch him rejoin the others, hearing him laugh again at something Trowa says, and I feel something for the braided pilot that I've always pushed away before, something the soldier would never allow. He had repressed those emotions before they could even be recognized... but not this time.
//In the instant that you love someone, in the second that the hammer hits, reality runs up your spine, and the pieces finally fit//
I let my thoughts go for a moment, exploring them instead of dismissing them. During the first war, I told myself that getting attached to someone was the worst possible thing to do, but I became Duo's friend anyway because I couldn't help myself. Duo has a way of getting inside you, whether you want him to or not, but after the war ended, I was lost. I thought it was because I missed the fighting. When the Mariemaia Incident happened, I was once again in my element, even though I didn't want to kill anymore. After it was over, I felt lost again. I just kept thinking it was because I was a soldier without a battle to fight, so I joined the Preventers. Duo signed on not long after me, and we were partnered. It wasn't until then that I felt some measure of peace. I had thought it was because I felt like I had a purpose. Looking at the chestnut haired, violet-eyed God of Death running up and down the beach laughing, I'm confronted with the truth I've been ignoring all along. I hadn't missed the fighting, the endless missions, or the battles for peace; I'd missed the one that gave me the reason to want to live without them.
//All I ever needed was the one, like freedom feels where wild horses run, when stars collide like you and I, though shadows block the sun, you're all I ever needed, ooh, baby, you're the one//
The friendship that Duo and I share is the most important thing in my life, and yet there is more to it than that. His laughter, his spirit, his very presence is what gives me the will to get out of bed every morning. His eyes give me hope, his smile gives me comfort, and his voice gives me courage to face life when I'm so afraid of just living it. I don't know what I'd do without him. As that realization hits me, I look at him again, like it's the first time.
Long chestnut-colored silk in a partially unraveled braid, sparkling violet eyes, rich laughter, a sultry voice, an incredible body, an amazing wit, unbelievable charm, an exceptional sense of loyalty, an unparalleled code of friendship; these are the things that make Duo Maxwell who he is, and I can't believe it's taken me this long to realize that I want him. Not just as a friend, not even just as a lover. I want him as a soul mate for the rest of my life.
The immediate question that fills my mind is 'what does he want?' and I don't know the answer. Could he care about me like that? I feel my heart constrict. I don't know, and it suddenly occurs to me that there's a lot about him that I don't know. I was trying so hard to keep him out of my heart that I never tried to see into his.
//Then what caravans would follow, drunken nights in dark hotels, when chances breathe between the silence, when sex and love no longer gel//
I was already on L1 when Duo and the others blew up their Gundams. Trowa told me later that Duo went back to the scrap yard, but apparently that wasn't what the braided pilot needed. He began clubbing a lot, drinking even more, and going home with people he didn't even know. Hilde finally contacted Quatre when Duo showed up after a night out. From what Quatre told me, Duo had been beaten up, apparently during a sexual encounter with someone he'd left the club with. Quatre went to L2 and stayed for a while, helping Duo get control of his life again. He managed to convince Duo to join the Preventers. Duo didn't go clubbing now unless we were with him, and he never went home with anyone except me; of course, that's because we share an apartment. Once we'd become partners, we'd agreed that moving in together would not only be economical, but convenient as well, since we would be able to leave from the same place when assignments came up and work on projects at home together. Looking back, I wonder if Duo just needed someone in his life the way I did.
Suddenly, it occurs to me that Duo hasn't even dated since we moved in together. All this time, Duo has been telling me that he's here for me, that he understands, and that he cares about me. Could it be that he's been hiding how much? Was it possible that he was as lonely without me as I was without him while we were apart? Did he sleep with all those people because he wanted someone he thought he couldn't have? Emotional clarity is such a painful and wondrous thing.
//For each man in his time is Cain, until he walks along the beach, and sees his future in the water, a long-lost heart within his reach//
He's in love with me. As I catch his eye and see him give me a wide grin, I know for certain that the braided baka has been in love with me from the beginning. I guess I'm the one who's really the baka. A feeling of completeness washes over me much like the water rushing over Duo's feet as he stands there, laughing at Quatre chasing Trowa with a Frisbee full of water. He turns his head and looks at me longingly. I'd never noticed that before, but it was there in his eyes all along, and suddenly, I don't care anymore about being the person I've always been. Suddenly, I want to be who I was meant to be. I want to be the person Duo needs. The Perfect Soldier be damned.
//All I ever needed was the one, like freedom feels where wild horses run, when stars collide like you and I, though shadows block the sun, you're all I ever needed, ooh, baby, you're the one//
I get up and begin walking towards him. Duo turns slightly, a huge grin on his face, until he really looks at the expression on mine; it must be something he's never seen before, because shock chases the grin away. Our eyes lock, my blue meeting his violet. He stands immobile as I approach him, a confused look knitting his beautiful eyebrows together.
My heart is beating so loudly that I know he can hear it as I stop right in front of him. He searches for some indication of what I'm going to do. All I know is that I want what I've always been afraid to ask for; I want him. Without saying a word, I reach out, bringing my right hand up to gently touch his face. He gasps, and I feel the excitement run though me, as time seems to stand still. I softly brush my thumb over his cheek while burying the rest of my fingers in the shorter hair that frames his handsome face. His eyes hold a mixture of fear, hope, desire, and love as I look deeply into them before I lean forward to brush my lips against his.
//All I ever needed was the one, like freedom feels where wild horses run, when stars collide like you and I, though shadows block the sun //
It's like finding everything I'd ever wanted... and more. I move my mouth against his, closing my eyes. The softness of his lips take away all of the jagged edges of my life, smoothing them until they are pieced together for the first time. Can anything really feel this good? Have I really been denying myself what it feels like to taste this bliss, know this wonder, and feel this indescribable peace that is enveloping me?
I open my mouth, flicking my tongue over Duo's bottom lip to ask for permission to enter heaven. His lips part as I'm admitted into a paradise I haven't even been able to dream about. Duo's tongue meets mine, intertwining as we deepen the kiss. My hand slides to the back of his head pulling his face closer, as my other hand wraps around his neck. I feel his arms go around my waist, pulling me against him, and it's like finding my place in this world as I surrender into his embrace.
For how long we stay like this I don't know. The only thing I'm aware of is Duo. I don't notice Quatre and Trowa standing nearby, smiling happily at our display. I don't notice Wufei and Sally standing a few yards away, shocked as hell as they watch us kiss passionately. All I know is that I'm holding my whole life in my arms, breathing in my very existence as our lips move over each other's, accepting the destiny that I have been refusing to acknowledge for far too long.
When our lips finally part, Duo looks at me with uncertainty and hope. He caresses my cheek as his tries to find the words he wants to say to me. I know he has a million doubts and another million fears; but he has something more that I've always admired about him - faith.
"Heero, I... why?"
The question is whispered with such awe and longing. I know what he needs to hear. I know what I need to say. I smile at him, finally freed from the prison of my past. The soldier has been defeated.
"Because I love you, Duo."
//You're all I ever needed, ooh, baby, you're the one//
The End
(:./tk/starscollide)
