Disclaimer: Blah blah don't own.
Send flames to: anakerie@cinci.rr.com
Pairing: 2x3x2
Warning: Lime, VERY OCC. If pyschological abuse of toddlers bothers you, this isn't the story for you. (no children were harmed in the making of this nonsense).
Duo's "phone" trick involves a real code. I don't remember what it is, and the person who knew it isn't really in a position now to tell me again (having come down with a severe case of rigor mortis). But I've seen it work...
"Pardon me." Duo approached a well-dressed, middle-aged woman standing behind the counter and held up a silky red teddy covered in lace. "Do you have a fitting room?"
From behind a rack of extra-large bras, Trowa was giggling helplessly as the woman stammered for an answer. "The...err... men's fitting rooms are over on that side, dear."
"Okay, thanks." Duo smiled and trotted off. Once out of range, he joined Trowa in laughter.
"The LOOK on her face..."
"I still say it was better when you did it the drug-store with the box of condoms." Duo tried to be fair.
"Come on. We still have a bunch more stores to hit." Trowa urged.
They exited the department store and went back out into the bustle of the mall crowd. Trowa managed to drop his wallet in a stroller discretely.
"HEY, YOUR KID TOOK MY WALLET!" he yelled at the mother.
"Oh sir, I'm SO sorry." The embarrassed woman handed Trowa back the wallet. "Megan, what have I told you about taking things? You're going to get a spanking when we get home!"
Megan, who appeared about two, gave Trowa a look that promised revenge as soon as she was big enough to hire a hitman.
The two boys continued on through the mall. They passed the wishing fountain, and Duo tossed in special coins. Although they looked normal, they were really cleverly disguised tablets of yellow dye. Within minutes, the fountain appeared... tainted.
"Boy, hanging out with you is lots more fun than getting knives thrown at my head!" Trowa said happily.
Duo, in the meantime, had passed Megan's stroller again and dropped in several more wallets, none of them his or Trowa's. The baby tried to bite him.
"Watch this." Duo urged. "This is SO cool."
They snuck into the mall's movie plex with relative ease, the theater's employees being somewhere between brain-dead and completely dead. Duo picked a suspense and they hid in the back, near the shadows.
Duo whipped out his cell-phone and punched in a few numbers. Then waited.
Seconds later, every cell-phone and pager in the theater went off with piercing shrieks, chimes, bells, and repeated notes of Beethoven. One of the fancier phones, the kind that let you record your own ring, was shouting. "I'm RINNGGGINNG. OH GODDDD, I'M RINGGGINNNNNG!"
That phone happened to be Duo's.
They left that movie and headed for the entrance to the newest Disney release. They passed by, their hands moved quickly, and they heard several people behind them shouting about a wallet-nabbing baby.
"Are you hungry?" Duo asked.
"Starving."
They strolled through the food court hand in hand, nabbing a pizza slice from a plate here, a burger from a plate there, until they were satisfied. They dumped the wrappers in Megan's stroller. One flew out toward Trowa's head, but ended up ironically smacking the head of the original owner of the burger. Who was not pleased.
A quick tour of the Pottery Barn showed the store stocked. "Authentic Chamber Pots." Duo and Trowa tested their authenticity. They concluded that the items were definitely authentic. Then left quickly.
Another few stores led them to Walden Books, where Trowa approached the counter. "Pardon me, but I'm looking for several things. The Marquis de Sade pop-up version, the Kama Sutra coloring book, and the Idiots Guide to Making Your Own Atom Bomb."
The teenage girl typed on the computer. "Those are out of print." she said at last. "You might wanna try Half-Price books or somethin'"
"I'll do that. Thanks."
"What do you want to do now?" Trowa asked.
"Have sex." Came the reply.
"Sounds good to me. Where?"
Duo thought, and then approached a mall directory. "In the store room of..." he pointed to a name at random. "The Sharper Image."
That worked out well, since the Sharper Image sold vibrating recliners. Of course, they would never be able to get the stains out of one of them to be able to sell, but Duo and Trowa weren't about to buy it. After all, they had their own at home.
Tired, they decided to head home. They'd bought nothing, but sometimes window-shopping was just pleasure in itself. As an added bonus, Megan's mother had need to stop at a jewelry store to have her wedding band resized. Duo and Trowa left young Megan with several bracelets, watches, and necklaces.
Then they left the mall, the sounds of an angry store alarm and an angry baby following them all the way back to their car.
End
(:./lasha/mall)
