16-Jul-2000
Okay, someone wrestle Peter Gabriel away from me (first Lenny Kravitz, now Peter). Any who, here's a lovely 'war is hell' kind of story.
Category: Angst
Rating: PG
Pairings: None
Warnings: Minor bad language
Feedback: C&C
Notes: Yep, another songfic, sorry.
lyrics by Peter Gabriel
reprinted without permission
[--song lyrics--]
'--denotes thoughts--'
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters belongs to Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu Agency and are only being used for non profit entertainment purposes.
[got to get some food
I'm so hungry all the time
I don't know how to stop
I don't know how to stop]
The war had been grueling on all the gundam pilots. However, Duo seemed to be taking it worse than the others.
'Hn,' thought Heero, 'If I had to predict one of us snapping I would have thought it would be Quatre.' He quietly observed as he watched the braided boy gorging on Trowa's terrible cooking like it was haute cuisine and laughing like nothing was wrong.
[got to get some sleep
I'm so nervous in the night
And, I don't know how to stop
I don't know who to stop]
Heero was awakened in the night by another one of Duo's night terrors. They were more than just nightmares where you wake up feeling scared but safe once you realize you were awake. Duo could scream for hours and never wake once. He tried waking him once only to have the smaller boy practically beat the crap out of him. Fortunately others in the house heard the racket and together they found a way to settle the sleeping boy before he hurt himself or anyone else.
[I don't know how to stop
I don't know how to stop]
'Dammit, what the hell is wrong with me?' was a question Duo asked himself daily. But he never let it effect his primary objective of destroying OZ.
[got to pick up the phone
I will call any number
I will talk to anyone
I know I gone to far
much to far I gone this time
don't want to think what I've done
Cuz I don't know how to stop
I don't know how to stop]
"Why the hell didn't someone tell me there would be a church near that OZ facility!" Duo yelled at the others.
"We didn't know," Quatre offered in his most soothing voice. "It's not anyone's fault ..."
"That I wiped out a church full of parishioners? Looks like karma has come to bite my sorry ass. I need some air–" he said abruptly leaving the pilots standing in the safe house wondering what they could do.
"Heero?" asked Quatre.
"There's nothing we can do, Quatre. He needs to step away from all this for a while, but that's not an option for any of us until this war is over," Heero responded to the unspoken question.
"Yes, but how much will Maxwell be able to survive?" Wufei asked.
"Only Duo knows that answer," remarked Trowa sadly.
In the wee hours of the morning, Hilde was awakened by the videophone.
"Duo?"
"You have a minute, Hilde? I need to talk to someone," he said quietly.
[There are always hidden silences
waiting behind the chair
they come out when the coast is clear
they eat anything that moves
I go shaky at the knees
lights go out, stars come down
like a swarm of bees]
"I know I've said I've only believed in one God, Shinigami, but there has to be some absolution somewhere, ne?" Duo said aloud in the night air.
[no self control
no self control
no self control
no self control
no self control
no self control]
Trowa arrived back to the safe house the next day to see Duo tossing all the furniture around the house, breaking any of it that could be broken. He called to Duo who doesn't seem to hear him at all.
Heero had found Hilde and brought her to the safe house to visit Duo. He instinctively thought she might be able to help in some way. They arrived to see Trowa, Quatre and Wufei trying to subdue the boy who was determined to destroy all in his wake. He had the same wild stare they had all seen when he was piloting Deathscythe.
[you know I hate to hurt you
I hate to see your pain
but I don't know how to stop
I don't know how to stop]
Sally Po had given Duo a stronger sedative than she really wanted to. She tried initially with a mild one, but he fought the effects like he had taken nothing. Even with this sedative he should be unconscious but he wasn't. At least he was quieter now. She allowed him visitors.
"I'm sorry, Hilde, Heero," was the first words out of his mouth when the two arrived to visit first. "I honestly don't know what's going on with me."
Hilde smiled, "It's okay, Duo. From what I could tell, the furniture was rather ugly anyway."
Duo faintly smiled. 'Bless her for trying to make me feel better.'
"You are on leave until you are feeling better," Heero stated.
"What if I never feel better?" challenged Duo.
"We'll worry about that when and if the time comes," Heero remarked calmly.
[Street after street
night after night
I walk on through the rain
I walk on through the rain
I don't know how to stop
I don't know how to stop]
It's been months since he had been in Deathscythe. He couldn't say he missed it that much. But he couldn't shake the gloom and doom he felt. He got better at hiding it from the others though.
[No, I don't know how to stop I don't know how to stop]
"Q-chan, I swear I'm ready for duty. I feel much better. Haven't broken anything in a while. I'm sleeping in the night, come on!" Duo flashed his best smile.
"You do seem to be better but I think in this Heero has ultimate say, don't you?" Quatre said, happily letting the buck pass.
[Hey, I don't know how to stop
I don't know how to stop]
Heero gave his best intense stare at the violet eyed boy, as Duo stated he felt ready to go back to work.
'He's completely lying. He's not better, I know this. But we still need him. He is one of us.'
"Okay, you're back in," Heero said. 'God forgive me,' he thought.
OWARI
(:./babaca/noselfcontrol)
