3 Jan 2001
Treize talks to Anne.
DISCLAIMER: All Gundam Wing characters are property of Sunrise, Bandai Visuals, Sotsu Agency, and Asahi TV. This work is not written for profit, but for entertainment purposes only.
PAIRINGS: 6x5/5x6, 13x6/6x13, some very mild 4x9
WARNING: AU/modern day San Francisco; implied yaoi will turn to yaoi and eventual lemon in later chapters
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: To Alfred Hitchock who directed the incredible film, "Vertigo."
"Dreams are the Royal Road to the unconscious."- Sigmund Freud
Monday morning, at 10am, Treize managed to snag Anne for a half hour coffee break. They walked to a nearby coffee house and sat amongst fragrant bins of Arabica and Colombian beans as they sipped at their mochas.
"Well, Treize," Anne said finally, "not that I don't love having coffee with you, but I've the feeling you have something you want to talk about."
He nodded, slowly, taking another long sip of the creamy drink, praying for courage. "It's... it's about this client that I have. Zechs Marquise. I've been seeing him for about two months now. He came in with horrible nightmares that were keeping him up. We've been working on why he might be having them and he's taking a fairly strong sleep agent so he can get *some* sort of rest. I *think* he's beginning to feel better..."
"Yes," Anne said slowly, keeping her eyes locked on his, "so if everything is going smoothly why talk to me?" She gave him a kind but knowing look, waiting for the answer she knew would have to come at some point.
Well, you see," Treize began, running his hand through his hair, "it's - well it's a little difficult to put into words..."
A faint line appeared between her eyebrows. "Treize? What is it? What's going on?"
He rested his forehead against his hand. "I'm having these... *feelings* for him. I want so much to help him, and sometimes it seems the best way to do that would be... well - to be closer... than we are now." He looked up, miserably. "Sometimes I think about that," he added.
Anne regarded him for several moments, saying nothing. Then she took a datebook out of her handbag and flipped it open. "Perhaps it might be best if we asked Andrew to take over for you on this particular case," she said, reading down a list of her therapists. "Do you think he would work well with Andrew's style?"
Treize held up a hand, a look of disbelief on his face.
"Whoa - just a minute here. I come to you for some advice on feelings I'm having and you simply take the case away from me? That's *not* why I asked for your help, Anne. I know the Ethical Principles as well as anyone and I'm not about to start sleeping with my clients, all right? I just wanted some advice on how to handle this kind of situation." He stared at her, heart pounding, and realized that he'd just argued with his supervisor. /That wasn't the best thing I could have done to inspire her confidence in me.../
Anne shrugged, eloquently. "I thought that was the easiest way, considering," she said. "Most therapists who start developing feelings for a client are best served by sending the client to someone else, but if you think you can get a handle on the feelings, we can certainly try that." She sipped her coffee and sat back in her chair, regarding him thoughtfully. "Tell me a little bit more - when did you first notice them?"
"Oh, maybe a month ago," Treize said, trying to sound casual. "I just find him very... well, *compelling.* I'm very drawn to his story and what he's been through..."
"Yes, well -" she murmured, "a troubled person can seem very romantic from a certain perspective. But it's the job of a therapist to not succumb to such notions, but to see the reality of a client's situation and therefore help him in a way that someone closer to him couldn't."
"Yes... yes I know..." Treize looked down at his mocha unhappily before taking a long sip.
"So far you've just described rather lofty feelings towards him," Anne continued, "but have there been other thoughts? Are you feeling attracted to him romantically? Sexually?"
A quick flash of anger passed through him. "Are you asking that just because I'm gay?" he snapped in a voice harsher than he intended.
"No," she countered calmly, "I would ask it of anyone. People are people, Treize. Even straight therapists have been known to fall for same sex clients, and vice versa. You have to recognize the power of the therapeutic relationship. You and he share a bond because of the disclosures he's no doubt been making, and because you are in a position of helping him to heal. That's a very powerful dynamic, and one that is easily mistaken for other emotions. But it's dangerous to allow it to slide over into something else. He's in a very vulnerable position. Even if he 'consented' to something more with you, *you* would still hold the position of power and therefore it can be considered unethical."
"So how do I stop thinking of him this way?"
"Well, I think the easiest way would be to give the case to someone else. Aside from that, minimize the contact you have with him. You haven't been meeting him outside your office have you?" Her gaze was steady on him.
"Only once or twice," he muttered down into his nearly empty cup.
"Treize, that *has* to stop. You can make both him and yourself *very* confused that way. Only office visits from now on, all right? And I'd like to meet with you weekly to assess how things are going."
Treize nodded, feeling a strange kind of emptiness inside. It was only good, ethical practice, but the thought of it felt like a knife through his stomach. /Zechs... I want to do what's best for you... even if it's the worst for me, but oh, it *hurts*..../
They walked slowly back to the clinic, bundling up against the chilly wind coming off the bay, and Treize tried not to look as sad as he felt.
At 4:50pm, Treize said goodbye to the client he'd been talking with and pulled out the document he'd had memorized since graduate school: the Ethical Principle of Psychologists, written by the American Psychological Association. He turned to the section on therapy and glanced over the familiar lines.
4.05 Sexual Intimacies With Current Patients or Clients. Psychologists do not engage in sexual intimacies with current patients or clients.
4.07 Sexual Intimacies With Former Therapy Patients.
(a) Psychologists do not engage in sexual intimacies with a former therapy patient or client for at least two years after cessation or termination of professional services.
His eyes moved from the paper to the sketch Zechs had done of himself. Treize had brought it out earlier in the day and kept it discretely hidden on his desk. Achingly beautiful blue eyes stared out at him, and it was a fight to tear his eyes away.
He rested his forehead in his hands for a moment. /This is wrong. The thoughts I'm having are wrong - immoral even. No matter how right it feels it just can't happen... Then why do I feel like I'll die if it doesn't...?/
He fought down the rising feeling that Anne was right - that it would be better for everyone involved for him to hand the case over to someone else. After all, Zechs needed - deserved really - the best therapy he could get, and it was widely recognized in the psychological community that having your therapist fall in love with you was bound to give you substandard mental health care.
/It's for his sake, really. It's the best thing for him, and if I really care about him.../
There was a knock at the door and Hilde looked in. "I'm leaving for the day and your 5 o'clock is here."
"Thanks," he said to her departing form as he stood and stretched. Walking to the door, he looked out at the now deserted waiting room - deserted that is, except for Zechs, who was standing at the window, looking out at the late afternoon. He held a small, dark blue book in his hands.
/The best thing for him.../
"Hello., Zechs - come on in."
The blond man turned and smiled at him, following him into the office and settling down on the sofa in his familiar place. Before he could say anything, Treize sat down opposite him and began to speak.
"How are you doing today?"
"I managed to make it until 5:30 this morning without a nightmare," Zechs answered, a little shyly, but obviously pleased.
"That's wonderful." Treize told him, "so you got a little bit of rest, at least."
Zechs nodded thoughtfully. "Mmm - not sure my body knows what to think, though. It's been feeling jumpy all day."
"It might take some adjustment getting onto a new sleeping schedule. Listen, Zechs... I want to bring up a possibility with you - just to see what you thought. Can I talk to you about it?"
Zechs looked puzzled, but nodded again. "Sure, what is it?"
"I've been talking to my supervisor," Treize began, "and... well, she was thinking that you might work better with... one of our other therapists."
There was long moment of silence.
"What...?" Zechs's voice was stunned, barely audible."
Treize could feel a horrible tightness building in his stomach and he couldn't bring himself to look at the other man. Taking a deep breath, he stumbled on. "She was thinking that you might like working with Andrew - he's our resident Freudian, a really nice guy -"
"You don't want to work with me any more?" Zechs said, voice barely above a whisper. His expression was half way between shock and hurt and Treize cursed himself for bringing it up.
/I want to work with you... I also want to get to know you... to hold you and kiss you... ah, Zechs - I think I'm in love with you.../
"That's not it, Zechs. It's not a matter of not wanting to..."
"Have I done something to make you mad at me?" Zechs asked, truly bewildered. "Am I not getting better fast enough? I *am* improving, you know. I can tell..." He stared at Treize for a long time and then murmured, "What did I do wrong...?"
"No, no - Zechs please, it's nothing like that." Treize tried to smile at him, but could feel it dying before it reached his eyes. "I'm just not sure that I'm the best person to be helping you right now." The words stung as they left his lips. He could hear every bit of rejection that Zechs would pick up from them and he was helpless to stop it unless...
Zechs was on his feet, looking down at Treize, his expression almost angry now. "I don't *want* someone else!" he said defiantly. "I don't want to start over with a new person. I don't want to try to trust someone I don't know again." His hands, hanging loosely by his sides curled into fists, but his voice was suddenly quiet. "I don't need someone *better*, Treize... you're the best there is."
/Oh God, Zechs, don't do this to me... don't look so good and tell me exactly what I want to hear.../ "Well, we'll forget it for now, all right?" he said at last. "It was only an idea. Anne thought that I... that I might be getting too involved in your case. But if you're comfortable with things right now, and you think you're getting the help you need to get, that's fine."
/Until I go insane trying not to think about you.../
A look of visible relief crossed the blond's face and he sat down again. "I *am* sure you're helping, and I really don't want to work with anyone else." He sighed and then looked down at the book in his hands. "I brought this," he said, offering it to Treize. "It's Wufei's diary from the last four months we together. He kept one every year since he was a kid..."
He ducked his head, staring at the diary. "I'm not sure why I brought it, just... maybe you could get some insight into Fei..."
Treize turned the book over in his hands. It was covered with a dark teal colored rice paper and bound by a black elastic band. There was a small Chinese chop character at the top of it.
"It's not in Chinese, is it?" Treize said and Zechs looked up and smiled.
"No, he could read and speak Mandarin like no one's business but he had a lot more trouble writing it."
"Well, thank you - it may prove to be very helpful. I'll take very good care of it and get it back to you as soon as I can. Now, tell me about this dream you had this morning..."
The session had gone well after that, and Zechs had left, secure in the knowledge that it would be Treize he'd see for his Thursday appointment. Treize, dreading the thought of going home to an empty apartment, stretched out on his sofa and opened Wufei's diary.
The handwriting was small and precise, somehow looking almost like kanji even though it was English. Treize turned to the first page, dated January 1st.
[Hangover today - just a small one to greet the new year. We didn't go to the parties we'd been invited to - just stayed home and got pleasantly high on champagne... and screwed each other silly. What a great way to celebrate! Still nicely sore and Z has a smile on his face that refuses to go away. That's my man...]
Treize smiled sadly, wondering why it was that times like the one described couldn't last. He kept reading and found an interesting entry on January 19th:
[Went with Zechs to see S today. She was very talkative, and wanted to hear what he'd been up to. She really seemed to light up when I told her about his mission project. We must have talked for an hour about it while he was having to deal with paperwork about taxes. She invited me back and said I didn't have to come with Z. I may take her up on it. She seems lonely.]
/'S'? Who is 'S'? Hmm... I'll have to ask Zechs.../
His long day was finally getting to him, so he put the diary on his desk and got on his coat. "Talk to you tomorrow, Wufei," he murmured and turned out the lights in his office.
End of Chapter 10
(:./kumiko/rr10)
