29-Nov-1999
Inspired by a single word & Dickens' A Christmas Carol.
"Heero... it was nice of Quatre to have all of us on his winter lodge. And since the beds are a lot larger than the ones at the dormitories, well... how about we split one?" Duo said with a wink to the guy sitting next to him on the couch.
"No."
Duo looked surprised then said, "Well, come on, I can't snore that loudly. It's been a while. I've missed you." He leaned over to kiss him, but Heero turned his face away.
"While I'm here, I prefer my own room. I'm sorry."
"Oh, if that's how you want it," Duo said. "I guess you're not as pleased to see me as I was to see you." Duo then stood up and walked down the hall.
Heero closed his eyes. No matter what I do, I hurt people, he thought. I don't want to hurt anybody anymore. I know that the last time we were together, you had such a hard time trying to get through to me. Even when we're together, I know that I frustrate you. Perhaps someone else would make you happier. But I really am glad to see you're all right. He clenched both his fists and closed his eyes. It's just that I don't want to give you a false sense of hope, the idea that I'll be able to give you all the things you deserve.
"Are you OK?"
He opened his eyes to see Quatre with a mug of cocoa in his hand. "I'm fine. I just need to sleep." Alone, he thought.
"If you need extra blankets, there's plenty in the linen closet."
"Thank you." Heero got up and went to his own room. Inside was a king-sized bed with a down comforter on it. He shut the door behind him, slipped in his bed and went to sleep.
"Wake up... "
Heero frowned in his sleep. Something was so familiar about that voice...
"Open your eyes."
Heero opened his eyes to see the face of a man he hadn't seen in years. "Odin? You're dead."
"I know that," said Odin, looking very sad. "Tonight is Christmas Eve. I'm the first of the ghosts come to show you that you have to open your heart. I'm the ghost of Christmas past." He was dressed in the soldier's uniform he'd been wearing when he had died.
"This is a dream," he breathed. "I saw you die."
"Dream or not, you have to come with me." He reached out his hand to him.
Heero hesitated.
"Heero, in all our time together, have I ever wished you harm?"
He stared at it for a second, then took it. No matter how rough Odin had been to him, he had never been cruel or vicious. Just really hard on him to do things right.
The room started to go out of focus, then disappeared altogether. He found himself and Odin standing in a corner of a room. In the corner of one room was a beautiful Douglas fir tree with hand crafted ornaments and tinsel already decorating it and several wrapped presents.
"Where?" Heero asked.
"Just watch. They can't see us or hear us, just watch."
A short man with wild brown hair and blue eyes walked into the room. He turned back towards the door. "Fuyuka, let him open his Christmas presents."
A delicate, graceful woman with long black hair and brown eyes came in holding a child who appeared to be three years old. He had wild brown hair and blue eyes and a smile on his face. She put him down and he ran to the boxes.
They watched together as the child ripped open some of the presents. One was a robot that the man took and turned into an airplane by carefully twisting its arms and legs.
"I don't know about that gift," said Fuyuka with a frown. "It might teach him the wrong lesson."
"Oh, Fuyuka."
"How about this?" She picked up another shiny box and put it in front of him. He snapped the ribbons and flung the paper this way and that. Then he pulled out a teddy bear that was almost as big as he was. "Teddy," squealed the child, holding it close to himself. His mother stroked his hair, then got up.
"Where're you going?" said the boy.
"I'm going to make breakfast. Want a waffle?"
The child nodded eagerly.
A tear went down Heero's face as he watched the love and attention his parents were lavishing on the child he used to be. "I barely... barely remember this." He wiped it away then turned angrily at Odin standing next to him. "What happened to them? Why... "
Odin sighed, then the room around them dissolved to show another room. Fuyuka was standing in front of an auditorium, dressed in a white suit, eyes flashing and back straight. "The colonies must unite and stand up for their rights. Our interests are the same."
"Just because you are the sister of Heero Yuy doesn't give you the automatic right to take on his mantle," said one man.
"You are right. It's the message that is the most important. But I will do my utmost to spread that message all the way from L1 to L5. We must unite and not let the Earth government play us against each other."
After she had concluded her speech, she walked off stage and bumped into Odin Lowe. "You!" she said.
"Yes, it's me," said Odin Lowe. "No words can express my regret about what I did to your brother."
"I'm assuming that you're not here simply to apologize."
"I'm here to warn you. The men who were behind your brother's death are now ordering your own."
"You can't scare me off." She glared at him, her eyes dilating out of anger, her brows furrowed. Small as she was, it was obvious she intimidated the man.
"That's not my intent!"
"When I undertook this, I knew I could be assassinated. But ending this war is my mission in life. It's not something I can give up because I'm afraid of dying. I would feel like a coward." She looked away. "I dreamed last night that my son was living in a world without war, holding my grandchild in his arms and telling her a story. For that dream, I would do anything. And if you're truly sorry, you should devote yourself to making things right. My brother could probably forgive you, but I can't." She brushed past him without looking back.
"Fuyuka... " said Odin as she walked away from him.
The scene shifted and it showed the room where the Christmas tree had been. This time, his father and mother were lying on the ground, shot through their hearts. From the way they'd fallen, it appeared that the man had tried to protect his wife by standing in front of her. Unfortunately, it had been a futile gesture.
A nearby cabinet door slowly opened and the child crawled out. "Mommy, wake up," said the little boy.
Suddenly, the door burst open. "Fuyuka... " The little boy looked up to see Odin Lowe. They stared at each other, both afraid of the other.
The man then reached out his hand and said, "Come with me if you want to avenge your parents."
The little boy walked over to him. He was smart enough to know that his parents couldn't help him anymore. Odin Lowe picked him up and left the house. .
"Why did you take me?" said Heero. .
"I took you because I figured it was too dangerous for you to remain where you were. I raised you with the idea I could have you somehow avenge their deaths. But as I raised you, I realized that I was weighing you down with my own guilt, my own sin. I was wrong. You see, I was the one who killed the original Heero Yuy."
Heero blinked at the news. "You killed him? But why?"
"Because I followed orders blindly without listening to my heart. That's why I shot a man who never hurt anyone, someone who trusted me. I don't want you to make the same mistakes that I did. I spent the rest of my life trying to atone for what I did. You feel like you don't deserve anything because you accidentally killed an innocent. Well, I killed an innocent on purpose."
Heero looked down, deep in thought.
Odin sighed. "I didn't show this to you to make you sad. I showed this to you because I wanted to tell you that you weren't abandoned. Your parents loved you. While I regret having to take you, I don't regret taking care of you. Because of you, the last years of my life meant something. I wasn't just a killer."
"Odin, I've missed you."
Odin put his hand on the boy's head and mussed his hair. "I've missed you, too. But right now, there's someone else who's missing you right now. Am I right?"
"Duo." It was not a question, but a statement.
"That time you broke him out of prison. Instead of just putting a bullet in his head, you helped him even though you could've died. You did what you felt was right. You were stronger than I was. Go to him."
"I don't think I have anything to give him."
Odin smiled, "There will be a second angel coming, representing the present. Listen to her, she has a lot to say." With that, Odin faded along with the rest of the room and Heero was back in his bed.
"Oni-chan, you are lost again."
Heero's eyes popped open. This voice, this voice he recognized. He sat up and saw the little purple-eyed girl dressed in the same dress she'd been wearing that fateful day. "You... " Then he realized that he never knew her name.
The girl said, "My name is Mary and I'm the ghost of Christmas present."
"I killed you. I... "
"That night when my apartment building collapsed, I was asleep. I didn't see my death coming. I didn't suffer. To be honest, I was mad that I died. But then I went to heaven with everyone else in the building. When I got there, the angels explained why you did what you did. Your perspective tends to change once you get to heaven."
"I didn't mean for the mobile suits to... "
"I know. I've been watching you and I know you think about it a lot. Hurting yourself won't bring me back to life and it'll only hurt you more. Anyway, I'm not here to yell at you. I was told to show you something." She held out her hand to him.
He took her hand. The room around them dissolved once more and they were sitting in the living room of the estate. Duo and Wufei were sitting on the couch at opposite ends drinking cocoa.
"Wu-man."
"Wufei! Treat my name with a little respect! I thought you'd gone to sleep."
"I just couldn't. I'm not used to such a big fluffy bed." Then he said, "Wufei, sharing your bed with anybody?"
"Absolutely not!"
"Maybe you should ask Sally."
"Kisama!"
"Just kidding. But seriously, why don't you go skating with her tomorrow?"
"She's a good woman, but... "
"No buts about it, Wufei. Be with her. Enjoy the time you have with her. It might be a while before you see her again."
"I decided before I joined this fight that I didn't want to get involved with anyone. I didn't know whether I'd ever see them again. I don't... "
"What, Wufei?"
"I don't think I deserve to be happy."
"Why do you say that?"
Wufei was quiet for a moment, then said, "I told you that I was married once, but I let her down. I couldn't protect her. I couldn't save her."
Duo shook his head. "Wufei, if Sally were to die today, right here, right now, are you saying that you wouldn't feel unhappy?"
"Of course I would!"
"Are you saying that you wouldn't feel regret that you didn't get to tell her everything that was in your heart."
"Of course, but if I were to allow myself to become closer to her and something did happen, then I don't think I could stand it... "
"Either way you feel regret and pain. Damn it, Wufei! It's the here and now that counts. Hell, you and I could die tomorrow because we break our necks skiing. The point is that we take what we can get now because it'll hurt worse if we break our hearts trying not to get hurt. That's the problem with Heero."
Heero widened his eyes.
"Problem with Heero?"
"Yeah, he thinks he's Jesus Christ, that everything in the world depends on him doing everything right. But it's so stupid. All we can do is the little we're doing now, but ultimately it's really up to everyone else to make things happen. He doesn't have to keep hurting and hurting himself. I wish I could figure out what to do to make him realize that. I want to tell him that no matter how long we have, I want to spend it with him and only him."
"You love him, don't you?"
His eyes caught the light from the fireplace and they blazed a beautiful purple. "Yeah, I love the baka. But I wish he'd realize how hard it is for me to open up to him."
Heero frowned. "Open up to me?"
"Shhh," said Mary.
"I've lost people, too, Wufei. They burned down my church and my friends, more than two hundred people. After that, I just drifted. I tried not to let anything bother me. Just smile, smile, smile. I thought the meaning of friendship was not to burden people with your problems, just cheer them up. Heero's one of the few guys who demanded more from me."
Wufei snorted. "What is it about that guy you like? He's so grumpy."
Heero scowled. "He's the one who's grumpy!"
Duo had to laugh at that. His face got red.
Wufei protested. "It's true!"
"The first time I saw him, I couldn't believe half the crap he was doing. He just didn't give a damn about his own life. It bothered the hell out of me. The fact that he was the most amazingly good-looking guy I'd ever seen also helped. He was the first guy in a long time I couldn't forget about. I don't know. I just had this incredible urge to save him from himself. There's a lot to him besides what you can see." Then he laughed. "He really made an impression when he stole my stuff."
"Is he still complaining about that? That silly baka," said Heero, the soft affection in his voice contradicting the words he was saying. His eyes were shining and a small smile creased his lips.
Wufei narrowed his eyes. "I truly do not understand your relationship."
Mary giggled.
Duo sighed. "Sometimes I don't either. Go skating with Sally in the morning. I think she'd like that."
"You think so?"
"Yeah. I'm going to sleep," Duo said. "Good night."
"Good night."
Duo got up and walked out of the room. Wufei continued to look into the fire.
"Don't you care about him?" The girl frowned. It was obvious she was puzzled.
"I... very much."
"You're still afraid, aren't you?"
"Afraid?"
"Yes, afraid. But if you don't open your heart to him, even scarier things will happen."
A look of worry crossed Heero's face. "What kind of things?"
The little girl looked away and sighed. "It's not my place to say. That's for the next angel to tell you."
"Mary, I'm sorry."
The little girl closed her eyes and smiled. "I know. I have to go now. The next angel's going to be here soon."
With that, he found himself back in bed, watching as Mary disappeared.
He felt a little hand stroke his cheek. He opened his eyes to see a little girl with a baseball cap on, overalls, a dark brown ponytail, blue eyes and a smile that stretched half way around her face. He frowned. "I know I've never seen you before." Though she is very familiar, he thought. Why is that?
"That's because you haven't. I'm from the future."
"What's your name?"
"Whatever you want my name to be."
"How about Fuyuka?"
"Sure."
"Where are you taking me?"
"To a place where you'll end up if you don't open your heart."
He got out of bed and took her hand. They were standing in the middle of the cemetery, before an open grave. "Ah, just as I thought," said Heero. It was as I expected, he thought, I'm going to die.
She shook her head. "You don't understand."
Two workers put a plaque at the head of the grave. It took a second for Heero to understand what he was reading. It wasn't his plaque; it was Duo's. He turned violently to the little girl and said, "What is this? Why is this his grave, not mine?"
"Why do you care?" she said.
"Because he's not the one who should die! Who did this to him? Tell me!" Heero growled. I'm going to kill the person who did this to him.
Suddenly, the cemetery faded away to reveal outer space. Around them blazed millions of stars, a familiar sight to Heero. Beneath their feet was the Earth. Heero looked down on the planet that evoked such contradictory feelings for him. Earth was the source of so many of the problems facing the colonies, but it was also the place he had met the people he had come to accept as friends and... where he'd met Duo. He felt the sudden, irrational urge to cradle it in his hands.
"Pretty, huh?"
"Ah."
Suddenly, a shadow swept over them and chilled them. Heero looked up to see Wing Zero, holding the Buster Rifle. Suddenly, the Gundam turned as if it had just noticed a target.
Heero looked to see what had attracted its attention, then his eyes widened. It wasn't a mobile suit from OZ; it was Deathscythe. "What the... "
Suddenly, they were looking into the cockpit of Deathscythe. Duo was gripping the controls so hard that his knuckles were white and the expression on his face was grim. "Hey, if Trowa can talk Quatre out of Wing Zero mode, lets see what kind of miracles my mouth can produce." Duo then slipped on the com and said, "Hey, Heero. It's me, Duo. You've got to listen to me. The target you just blasted wasn't military. It was a colony. Damn it, are you listening to me, you bakayaro!" Then he muttered to himself, "Oh, yeah, antagonize the guy... Real bright. It's not like anything I ever said made an impression with him in the first place."
Heero looked at Duo and said, "You're wrong. I've been listening to everything you've been saying even though it doesn't seem like it some times. But all the times you thought I was ignoring you, I was just listening because I didn't know what to say... "
"It's useless, he can't hear a word of what you're saying. Words don't do any good unless the other person hears them," the little girl said. "And in this case, they won't do any good." With that statement, a blinding white light filled the cockpit.
When Heero's vision finally cleared, he found himself, again in the middle of the space. He looked around for Deathscythe, only to see it begin its descent into the atmosphere, turning a dull red as it heated up on its way down. Suddenly, Wing Zero let go of the Rifle and plunged after the falling Gundam, like a diver trying to rescue someone drowning. It was in vain.
Heero sank to his knees in shock. I shot him? Heero thought. I was the one who killed Duo? I don't believe it. He turned to the person he knew had the answers. "This is a lie! Why would I fire on him?"
"Because he threatened you just by being himself. He made you afraid that you were going to be hurt if he kept trying to get you to care about him. This made you feel vulnerable and you hated it. You decided to shut your heart to everything including him because you thought that it meant you were safe. But he wouldn't give up on you, he's not that kind of person. The closer he tried to get to you, the more afraid you became. When you were under the influence of the Zero system, that made him a threat. That in turn made him someone you had to destroy."
Heero shook his head. "I won't allow it to happen. I'd rather die."
The little girl looked exasperated. "You don't have to die! This isn't the only future. There are other futures if only you'd open your heart... Why can't you just... " Then she started to cry.
Heero knelt in front of her and began wiping the tears from her face with his shirt. "What are you crying for?"
"Because you don't understand!" she yelled, shutting her eyes. Tears spilled from her shut eyes and made their way down her face.
With her eyes closed, he finally saw why she looked so familiar. He'd seen the exact same expression on Duo's face when Duo was trying to shout some sense into him. From where he was, he could see that she had some of Duo's features like his mouth and his nose, but the color of her hair and her eyes were... "Fuyuka, who are you, really? Are you?"
The little girl wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "If you can find your way to him, I'll be waiting for you... " said the little girl. With that, it seemed like all the stars went supernova, then he saw nothing but darkness.
Heero woke up and saw nobody. He got up and walked out the door, then down the hallway to Duo's room. He knocked on the door softly.
"Yes?"
Heero opened the door and saw Duo sitting on the top of the bed in his pajamas, brushing the ends of his hair. "It's me. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind if I slept in the same bed with you tonight."
"Of course I wouldn't mind! Come on over," Duo said, putting down his brush on the dresser besides the bed.
Heero shut the door behind him and walked over to the bed with a smile on his face. He got on top of the bed, and crawled over to where Duo was. Then he wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly. He's real and he's all right, he thought. He just looked at him for a while, then gave him several long, passionate kisses without pause.
"Heero, what made you change your mind, all of a sudden?" Duo said. "Not that I mind."
Heero held Duo's face in between his hands and caressed his cheekbones with his thumbs. "I had a bad dream."
"Want to tell me about it?"
"Maybe later. Right now, I want to sleep with you."
"Hey, no problem with that," smiled Duo. He quickly unbuttoned his pajamas while Heero threw off his top and slipped off his pants. Duo began pulling off his undershirt over his head when Heero pushed him on the bed and playfully licking his way from Duo's hip to the bottom of his ribs.
"Gyah, that tickles." Duo turned to get away from the soft, moist tongue that was driving him crazy.
Heero ignored his little protest and helped him pull the rest of the shirt off from behind.. The hair spilled around Duo's chest and down his back. Heero pushed some of the hair aside and used the tip of his tongue to follow the arc of Duo's spine before gently biting the crook of his neck.
"Are you trying to torture me?" Duo moaned.
"Yes," said Heero just before he began nibbling on his earlobes and hungrily attacking his neck while caressing his chest and teasing Duo's nipples, alternately gently squeezing them and brushing against them with his thumbs.
"Chi, you're definitely the bad guy, Heero Yuy." Duo turned around and licked him on the tip of his nose before sealing Heero's mouth with another kiss, their tongues sliding over and under each other. "Mmph, ah, nnh." Duo sat down in Heero's lap, then began giving him a slow, hot lap dance, rubbing his the smooth skin of his fine tight ass against Heero's cock and balls. He smiled as he felt a rise coming out of Heero.
"Hn, you're the one who's bad," he said with a smile as he found the little jar of lube under the pillow and got ready to make slow, hot love to him.
The End
(:./mk/unmei)
