15-May-2002
Title: Painted Horse
Author: Ebonydove
Disclaimer: The song was written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney, and the
version that inspired this fic was done by Tuck & Patti, and are both
copyrighted by those artists. I in no way intend to misrepresent the song in any
way, but I heard it and this wrote itself.
There are places I remember,
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, but not better
Some are gone, and some remain
In my life, I loved them all.
The day held the kind of excitement that you'd feel on Christmas morning, and I was on pins and needles. It was my self-proclaimed birthday. I was nine years old.
We had all been hitting the streets hard making ready to move to my favorite hiding place on L2. Solo had rounded us all up early that morning, corralling us all together in a tight circle with him in the center like a ringmaster on opening night at the circus. The reason it was my favorite place on L2 was because of an old, broken down Carousel in the middle of a park that our winter hold up was nearby. In fact, the park was no more than two blocks away from the small abandoned house that Solo had found for us to stay in during the winter months when we needed a roof over our heads, however badly in disrepair said roof was.
The park had been closed long ago when the neighborhood started to turn bad. Parents wouldn't let their kids go there anymore to be prey for the dealers and bullies or the worse elements lingering in the shadows of the alleys and street corners. But to our little band of miscontents, it was a perfect playground. There were all kinds of places to play hide and seek, tag and dodge ball, and at night me and some of the younger kids would climb up on top of the horses and imagine we were in places like earth. Riding through fields, or forests, or deserts. It was a break from the every day harshness of the reality we dealt with, and one of the very few times I remember feeling like a kid.
It took us all day and half the night to carefully negotiate our way out of our spring and summer stomping grounds to where our winter place was. When we finally got there, Solo had disappeared to make his rounds. By the time he returned everyone but me had fallen asleep on our cardboard boxes or blankets. He was gone so long I thought he had forgotten all about me and my birthday. And that was something that never happened in the entire time I knew him. After all, he was the one who gave me the day to begin with. For him to forget was unthinkable. I was about ready to give up waiting up for him when he squeezed through the hole in the bottom of the boarded up door and smiled at me.
"Come on kid, let's go."
"Where are we goin' Solo?"
"I got a surprise for ya kid. Come on, before the others wake up and wanna tag along."
"But why can't they come too?"
"'Cuz kid, it's something special just for you."
We took the long way around to the park after seeing some shady guys shaking down a prostitute on the street we would have regularly taken. We climbed over the chain-linked fence that ran from the street to the huge cast iron gate at the entrance of the park that was locked tight with a thick metal chain. We walked silently through it, past the half dead rose bushes, and down the stone path with our hands in our pockets and our backs haunched over to fight off the chill. It was the dead of night now, and we had relaxed into an easy banter once we got far enough away from the main gate. No one used the place but us. I guess to everyone else it was just a waste of space.
Solo stopped us in the middle of the park and sat me on a nearby swing. Then he told me to sit tight and wait there before he started off towards the Carousel. I was about to ask why when he jogged back over to me and told me to close my eyes too. I waited for about ten minutes before I started feeling antsy and was about to get up and look for him, when the noise and lights coming from the Carousel starting up sent me flying off the swing backwards to the ground.
It was a whining sound that slowly warped into a happy little tune as the horses began to dance up and down and the Carousel began to turn. I remember being amazed it worked at all. Some of the horses had lost a leg or had broken ears. They all had lost their brightly painted colors, and only two had the horse-hair tails and manes left. There were no jeweled mirrors or brass rings. The banners had long been torn off from harsher weather, and there was one spot where there was no horse at all, just an empty rusted pole that groaned as it tried to move up and down along with the rest. The dull yellow lights at the top were almost all broken and the song sounded like it was playing on a dying record player that didn't have enough juice to get up to speed, but to me it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
I raced to it and saw Solo as he came around on one of the horses whooping and laughing with his arms in the air. I jumped on and scrambled onto my favorite horse. It may have been white at one time, but now was a dirty gray and speckled with flakes of rust. But the black mane was still soft, his dark eyes still shone in the dim light, and despite the fact we were barely moving, I felt like I was flying.
We went around five times before it started to slow down enough for me to notice. Soon the car battery that Solo had rigged to the motor died out and the whole thing came to a slow grinding halt. The lights flickered off, and the horses stopped prancing. But my heart was still flying like we had never slowed down. Solo hopped off his mount and made his way over to me. He held out his hand and helped me slide off of my beautiful painted horse. He gave me a fierce hug as soon as I had hit the ground. "Happy Birthday, Duo." Was all he said before we headed back to the hideout.
It was one of those moments you'd never forget. And I still think of him when I see a Carousel or hear that amusement park type of music today.
All these places have their meaning,
With lovers and friends I still can recall,
Some are dead, and some are living,
And in all my life, I loved them all.
My eyes slip closed and I try to remember the way he looked. How his lazy, arrogant smile made me feel braver somehow. It's strange how certain things will bring memories long forgotten back with the vibrancy that made you hold on to them in the first place. I opened my eyes and looked at the rusty frame of the Carousel horse again as it lay in the pile of scrap metal at my feet. It was Solo who really taught me how to fly.
"What are you doing here?"
I turned and saw the odd expression on Heero's face and shrugged. We had only been on L2 for a few days, but as soon as I could get the chance to break away, I came here. I should have known he would come looking for me when I didn't come back immediately from the supply run for our current safehouse. Either that, or Wufei sent him to come looking for me. We weren't staying in the best part of town.
The house that Solo and the gang and I had all stayed in two blocks away had been demolished. All that was there now was an empty lot and some old wood pallets. I walked the short distance to the park and sighed at the sad state it was in. I mean, it was a dump when I was a kid, but now is was depressingly bleak. Everything was overgrown and weedy. The fence with the roses was gone and so were the swings. The cast iron gate only had one door left that swung with a stiff metal sound in the breeze. All that was left of the Carousel was a few piles of twisted metal, and one rusty horse with a black mane and tail.
I could hear Heero shift his weight behind me and let out a small huff that I hadn't answered him yet. "They used to be beautiful once."
Heero stalked up next to me in silence and glanced at the ground and the horse that lay on it. "What is it?"
"Just a piece of childhood everyone forgot about."
But of all these friends and lovers,
There is no one that compares with you,
And these memories lose their meaning,
When I think of love as something new
I crouched down and ran my fingers over the stiff bristles of the horse hair mane. I turned back to Heero and saw the concern and confusion written on his face. With a deep breath I tried to put what I was feeling in words he'd understand. "Solo reminded me what it was like to be a kid here. He taught me how to fly on this horse." I stood and willed the stinging behind my eyes to stop, and gave up on trying to make sense. "It was a very long time ago."
Heero glanced from me to the horse and then back to me again. I thought he was going to say some thing by the expression he was wearing, but he just moved closer and gave me a stiff hug. Then he gathered up the box of supplies and headed toward the gate. I swear as I turned and followed him that I could hear the soft sound of the music playing along with Solo's laughter in the chilly air behind me. I turned back to take one last look. When I turned back around Heero gave me a soft smile that told me once again it was time to go.
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before,
I know I'll stop and think about them often,
But in my life,
I love you more.
fini
(:./ebony/horses)
