25-Jul-2001
Title: The Babysitter - The Sleepover
Authors: Wufei is WHAT?!? Productions (Yoiko and Tzigane)
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Type: Humorous Fic-stuffs ~_^v
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG-13? Not sure.
Pairings: None, really. ^_^
Warnings: Cuteness. Wistful longings of a yaoi nature.
Uncontrollable teenage hormones. Chef Boyardee ravioli.
Disclaimers: We don't own Gundam Wing, and the Gundam Wing characters are used here without permission. This is a work of fanfiction, intended solely for entertainment purposes, and is not meant to be taken as a claim to copyright for the elements in the story which were not created by us. Also, we intend no disrespect whatsoever towards the creators and rightful owners of Gundam Wing.
Archive: Gundam Wing Addiction
C&C: Please, feel free. ^_^
Meanwhile, Wufei and Heero were embroiled in a serious theological discussion in the kitchen. The Chinese boy was still slurping apple juice that he'd poured himself and, rather unfortunately, spilled upon the floor, but he hadn't gotten it all over him, so *that* was good. Heero, on the other hand, was still munching his sesame cookie.
"All girls don't have Cooties," Wufei said.
"Yes, they do," Heero replied, taking another bite of cookie.
"My Mommy doesn't have Cooties."
"Except Mamas. They're special."
"RELENA!!! MIRIALDO!!! Clean up this mess RIGHT NOW!!!"
"See? She probably got Cooties all over your Mama and Dad's bed," Heero said, and calmly took another bite of cookie.
Wufei paled. "Cooties on Daddy's *BED*!? Oh, Daddy won't like that. It's all white. He gets upset, sometimes, when Mommy is 'womanly'. I don't know what that means, except that she's cranky, too."
Just then, Treize walked back into the room, furiously contemplating whether anyone would *really* notice if he killed Relena and buried her under the rose-bushes... nah. They might not want to pay him his babysitter's fee.
"Oh, thank goodness," he said when he caught sight of Heero and Wufei placidly munching on sesame cookies. "Here, have some more cookies, just *please* don't make a mess," he said, and handed over a double- fistful of the treats.
"Mister Treize? ...Are you mad?" Wufei asked, wide-eyed.
"Not at you two," Treize answered. "You just keep being good, Ok? As soon as I get the Peacecrafts settled, we can all watch a movie."
"The Terminator?" Heero asked.
"Lady and the Tramp?" Wufei asked at the same time.
"We'll... decide in a little while," Treize replied, turning a little green around the gills at the thought of children Heero's age watching The Terminator. "Enjoy your cookies, okay?"
"Ok!" two happy little boys chirped, and Treize braced himself before heading back into the Disaster Area.
The two siblings were still squabbling, and Treize paled as he eyed the pile of once perfectly white bedding and the once-pristine white carpet that was now marred with ravioli stains. "Mirialdo," he interrupted tiredly, "take your sister into the bathroom and bathe her and get her ready for bed. *I'LL* take care of the stains." Ah, it hurt his heart to think that Chang Wynn would find him irresponsible upon seeing the white bedclothes!
"Bathe a *girl*?" Miri asked, nose wrinkling.
"Bathe your *sister*," Treize corrected, frowning.
"Sister or no sister, that's still a *GIRL!*" Mirialdo said, crossing his arms and glaring at Treize defiantly. "I won't do it."
"You'll do it or else I'll..." Treize tried to think of an appropriate threat, his eyes narrowing slowly, "I'll make *YOU* bathe *DUO* the next time he gets into something." The fact that Duo *would* get into something else before the night was over was... well... inevitable!
"You can't MAKE me," Mirialdo replied, eyes narrowing in ire. "The only thing you can do is make me stand in a corner, and that's better than trying to wash either Relena OR Duo!"
"Then make your way to the corner," Treize ground out. "And do so *rapidly*!" Huffing, he picked up the still-shrieking Relena, wondering if she ever had to stop to breathe, and headed out to the hall to deposit her in a corner there. "You stay here," he said, "while I clean up your mess!"
"You are the world's WORST babysitter," Mirialdo snarled, and with a huff he stomped over to the corner and crossed his arms to pout. "It's not *my* fault Relena's a brat."
"I heard that and I am NOT a brat!" Relena shrieked from the hallway. "I'm gonna tell my Daddy on you! All of you! You'll be sorry, Treize Khushrenada! Do you hear me? YOU'LL BE SORRY!!!"
Treize groaned. /What on Earth did I do to deserve this? I must have committed some sort of grievous sin in another life,/ he thought bitterly as he went back into Chang Wynn's bedroom and began to gather the glorious white bedding with its orange-red stains into his arms. "It might not be your fault Relena's a brat," he told Miri as he wadded all of it up so that it almost covered his head, "but it wouldn't hurt you to help control her!"
"How am I supposed to do that?" Mirialdo asked, not turning his head as he spoke. "She's been like that ever since they brought her home from the hospital. *You* try explaining to Mom and Dad that the Little Princess is actually the one who carved *my* name into their bedside table! They *still* don't believe me, and it's been a whole year!"
"She can *spell* Mirialdo?"
"She can spell ANYTHING!" Miri replied bitterly.
Well, didn't that just go to figure. By the time he got back to the hallway, she'd probably have *his* name carved in a wall! "I'll be right back," Treize announced, "to try and get the stains out of the carpet..." If he could just figure out how to bleach the sheets...
"Do you think he killed them?" Wufei asked, taking another nibble.
"Haven't heard from any of them," Heero replied grimly. "Even Duo. If he was alive, he'd *have* to be making noise."
Wufei nodded seriously, slurping the last of his apple juice. He wasn't thirsty anymore -- after all, it *was* his third glass of juice! "Yeah. I hope he didn't kill Duo in *my* room." Much like his parents' room, Wufei's bedroom was also solidly white. Each toy had its place and, unlike most children, each toy was *in* its place unless he was playing with it.
"I'd really hate to see what he'd do to it," Wufei finished.
"Maybe he buried him under the rose bushes," Heero suggested. "Mister Treize likes roses."
"Oh," Wufei said, nodding thoughtfully as they went back to eating cookies. They were almost to the bottom of the pile Treize had given them. "That's true."
Treize gazed despondently at Chang Wynn's bedroom, and the orange- splotched stains from the ravioli. It was time to get serious. Yes... it was time to call for expert help.
~"Hello?"~
"Mother?"
~"Treize? What's wrong, darling?"~
"Oh, Mother!" he said almost tearfully. "Relena... And the white sheets... And the white *carpet*... And there are Chef Boyardee stains... And I don't know how to bleach the sheets, and I can't get it out of the carpet with just water and liquid soap!"
"Tell her whose fault it is for trying to make *me* do the babysitting, Freckle-Snoot!" Mirialdo piped up from the corner.
~"What was that, darling?"~
"Nothing, Mother, just... How am I supposed to get it *out*!?" Treize asked, gnawing at his lower lip. "I mean, it's so white, and I don't want them to come back and be upset with me, I couldn't bear it! I mean, I do so much babysitting for h...them. Can you tell me how to get it out?"
~"Get a little *detergent*, darling. Surely they've got some kind with a bit of bleach or something. Use a bit of water and make a paste of it and smear it into the carpet with a damp cloth."~
"And that will work?" Treize asked, worried.
~"If you didn't think it would work, Treize, why did you call your mother? Hm? Do what I told you, then. Let it sit a bit, and then brush it up."~
"And how much bleach do I put in with the sheets...?"
~"Did you pre-treat them?"~
"Ah... no, Mother. I put them in the washer, and they're soaking," Treize answered.
~"Well, it'll have to do, I suppose.... Add half a cup of bleach, darling, and that might take care of it."~
"Might!?!?!"
"Or, he could have put him in the garbage disposal," Wufei said, and both he and Heero turned as one to gaze at the sink.
"We were in here the whole time," Heero said. "We would've seen him do it."
"Oh, yeah."
Listing to Relena shriek in the hall made Treize *very* glad that he'd shut all of the doors leading into and out of it as he knelt on the floor and scrubbed with the cloth. It looked like it was actually doing some good, maybe, but the frantic worry that all of it wouldn't come out was making him rather tearful. He hated the thought of disappointing Chang Wynn, of seeing that lovely face pucker into a frown and...
SPROING!
Sometimes it was really tough being a fourteen-year-old boy.
"He could be drowned in the bathtub," Heero said.
"But Trowa and Quatre are in there."
"Oh, yeah. They would have noticed."
Quatre sneezed.
"Bwess you," Trowa said solemnly, one pruny hand working once again on the soap sculpture that had been blown to bits by that violent release of breath.
"Ekthcuthe me!"
"I bet he's just hiding in my room," Wufei said, his brows drawing together in an ominous frown. "I bet he's messing with my TOYS!"
"We can go look..." Heero suggested, but then he remembered. "Oh, no we can't. Mister Treize told us to stay right here."
"I bet he's making a MESS!" Wufei said, growing truly distraught.
"Or he could be dead," Heero said.
"Oh, yeah, that's true," Wufei agreed, and cheered up.
With a sigh, Treize finished wiping up the paste. Well, there was the very faintest of marks there, but... it wasn't really noticeable, and he thought it would be even less so when it dried. "Okay, Mirialdo. You can come out of the corner now," he said tiredly.
"I'm still not washing her," Mirialdo said, stepping out warily. "That's just gross."
"You don't have to wash her," Treize said. "*I'LL* wash her, only could you check on Duo and see if he's managed to destroy himself or the room next door? And if he has destroyed it..." Well, asking Mirialdo to strangle him just wasn't an option, no matter how nice it sounded. "Ah, could you maybe try to get him to put it all *back*?"
"Fine," Mirialdo said, smiling as soon as Treize had turned his back. The smile vanished, though, when he opened up the door to Wufei's room.
"MAXWELL!!!"
"What?" Duo asked, grinning up at him from a pile of stuffed animals. The order and balance that was Wufei's bedroom had become one big disaster area, thanks to that one little kid! Puzzles had been dumped out in a pile on the floor, there was a page in Wufei's Bugs Bunny coloring book that was completely covered in black (Duo's favorite color), and the black crayon was broken. Every book and toy from the bookshelves had been tumbled onto the floor, and there sat Duo in the middle of all this disarray, grinning like it was Christmas morning.
"Clean this up right now!" Mirialdo cried, waving his hands in distress. Freck- Treize would be *so* unhappy with this...
"I don't wanna," Duo said. "It's all white stuff. See? Blends in with the carpet. No mess!"
"No MESS!?!?" came the shriek, Mirialdo's voice reaching into fairly high ranges of soprano. "You call this no *MESS*!? Do you ~know~ what Treize is going to say when he sees this!?"
Duo blinked huge violet eyes up at the older blond. "Well, he *did* say, 'Duo, you stay here and play'. Or was that, 'Duo, you stay here and out of the way'...? I don't remember! Hey, do you think you could bring Heero in here? I'm bored!"
"ARGH!" Mirialdo cried, shaking his head. "You've got to clean this mess up!"
"No, I don't," Duo said right back, "it's not my room!"
"You are a BRAT!" Mirialdo cried, scooping up a pile of white stuffed animals and cramming them into the shelves.
"Am not! Mister Treize told me to stay out of trouble, and I am!"
"YOU CALL THIS STAYING OUT OF TROUBLE?!?!?!"
"Yes!" Duo shouted cheerfully. "Nobody got hurt, and there's no holes in the yard! I'm being good!"
Mirialdo groaned. How in all that was holy had *he* gotten conned into *THIS*!?
Treize held a wet, screaming Relena a full arm's length away from him. "Be *still*! You've got ravioli in your hair!" he said sternly, thinking, /How in all that's holy did I get conned into this!?/ He really should have gone to check on Duo instead...
"You're a BOY!" Relena squealed. "Don't LOOK at me!"
"I have to *bathe* you whether you like it or not!" Treize said.
Relena shrieked. "I'm telling my mommy that you LOOKED at me!" With a growl, Treize brought up the full plastic cup he usually used to wash Wufei's hair with and dumped it on top of Relena's head. That stilled her screaming momentarily, but then it started back again, crying added into it.
"I WANT MY MOMMMMMYYYY!!!!!!!"
"There's always my daddy's bathroom," Wufei said contemplatively. "Mister Treize could have drownded Duo in there..."
"That's true," Heero said. "We did hear him stomping around in there, and lots of yelling..." Oddly enough, the idea that their babysitter was a murderer didn't really bother him much; or at least, it didn't bother him to the point where he'd disobey Treize's orders and leave the kitchen. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his little feet swinging. "I'm bored. I hope they finish killing Duo soon, so we can watch movies."
"*I* hope he doesn't do it in *my* room and get blood on the carpet..."
"Duo," Mirialdo growled, "GIVE... ME... THE CRAYON!"
"No!" Duo said, jumping up onto the bed. It gave a tell-tale squeak that sounded of rubber sheet, but he didn't pause, only jumping up and down on the soft white comforter. "You can't have it! I want it!"
"GIVE IT HERE!"
"NO!" Duo said again. "And you're putting everything back WRONG, anyway!"
"What do you mean by that?" Mirialdo asked in the excessively-polite tone of someone who has Had Enough.
"I mean Wu-chan always has everything *just so*," Duo said in between bounces. "And you put it back wrong."
THAT was news to Miri, and it left him blinking wide azure eyes. "How would he even notice? I mean... it's all WHITE." And how *any* kid could have a room and toys that were all *white*... Well, it was beyond him!
"Yep," Duo said. "He's gonna notice. The duck goes in the top left corner of the shelf, and the memory cards go in the middle of the desk and the..."
Oh, Miri was definitely getting a headache....
"OW!" Relena screamed. "You're SMOTHERING me!!!"
"I'm not smotheri... OW!" Treize cried as Relena bit him. "You little *BRAT*!!!"
"I'm not a brat, I'm a LADY!!!" Relena shrieked.
"Ladies," Treize bit out with precision, "do not scream, shriek, bite their babysitters, or spread ravioli over someone else's white bedroom! Nor do they call names or say 'poot'!"
"I *AM* a lady!" Relena screamed back at him, her face red from the effort. "And you are a pooty-butt meany!"
That didn't help her case any, as Treize just buried her once again in the white towel and ruffled her hair some more. "Hush!" he said. "After this, I'm brushing your hair and putting you to *bed*!"
Whatever response Relena made, probably something along the lines of pootiness, was muffled by the towel, and when Treize removed it she glared at him poisonously. Stifling the urge to do something regrettable, he grabbed up the comb and began dragging it through long, snarled blond hair.
"OW! STOP THAT!!!" Relena shrieked, slapping him before bursting into tears. "That HURTS! You made it all tangly on PURPOSE!"
"No," Treize explained patiently as he turned her around, legs pinning her arms to her sides while his hands worked on holding her still and getting the comb going again. "YOU made it tangly by fighting your bath."
"No, YOU did it because I made a mess in Mr. Chang's bedroom!"
Treize wished she hadn't mentioned Chang Wynn because...
*SPROING!*
"R... Relena!" he stuttered. "You shouldn't have smeared ravioli all over everything! It was bad! But I certainly didn't tangle your hair because you were bad! Only you had to be bathed!"
"I WANT MY MOMMY!!!" Relena wailed. "I HATE you! I HATE you! And my daddy's gonna beat you UP!"
Treize sighed. This was going to be a looooong night.
End Part 3
(:./yoiko/sitter4)
