16 Dec 1999
Hello, mina-san:
This is for Stargem, who drew me a beautiful pic of Trowa and an angel Quatre. I wanted to write her a gift fic for her birthday, and she requested that I write one about angel Quatre coming to Earth and falling in love with Trowa. This is the result of that request.
It may be shaky - I still don't have much experience with writing these two - but here goes.
Comments and constructive criticism is gladly accepted. Flames will be ignored.
A gift fic for Stargem, based on the song by Savage Garden
DISCLAIMER: All Gundam Wing characters are property of Sunrise, Bandai Visuals, Setsu Agency, and Asahi TV. This work is not written for profit, but for entertainment purposes only.
WARNING: Contains a shonen-ai scene and a brief scene with non-consensual sex between males. Do not continue if you are uncomfortable with male-male romantic or sexual relationships.
"Quatre."
The boyish-looking being lifted his head and looked into the vast blue sea of stars.
"Did you call me?" he whispered. The firmament seemed, for the briefest of moments, to flare brightly.
A voice seemed to come from everywhere and yet seemed to come from inside as well. "There is someone who needs a message. It must be delivered immediately and it must be accepted. I want you to deliver it."
"I can do that," said the golden-haired creature, slowing stretching out first one wing, then the other. At full wingspan the feathers could be seen to glow from within and here and there the light caught a silvery sparkle at the tips.
The voice that was everywhere was speaking again. "This is a simple mission. Deliver the message, assure that it has been accepted, and return. Now, here is the message..."
The angel shivered as the voice filled him with words meant for one human being only. He himself was only the conduit through which the words would pass. His small but important role was highly circumscribed: he was merely, and importantly, the Messenger.
When he was certain of the message and when the voice that was everywhere had gone, he stretched his wings once more, then held his arms out and looked upwards, asking, as all angels did, for God's blessing to fly. Receiving the grace he sought, the lovely creature stood up on his toes and let himself fall far, far down - into the starry sea.
A.C. 193
"There you are."
A thin, dark-haired boy looked up from the floor where he sat, putting ammunition clips into a cache of guns. His long bangs tumbled into his eyes and hid one of his eyes from the man who approached him.
He could tell that his body was feeling fear. His heart was pounding, his mouth had gone dry, and his hands shook with the extra adrenaline. But he himself actually experienced nothing; not in terms of any recognizable emotion anyway. The body reacted as bodies were supposed to under threat, but inside of him the emptiness positively sang.
"I told you to clean that load of semi-automatics, didn't I? I told you to clean them and have them done by the time I got back or there would be some severe consequences to pay. I said that to you, didn't I?"
"Yes, sir," the boy replied in a soft, toneless voice.
"Well, it's time to pay up, boy." The voice was raw, and coarse with a sick excitement. "The men and I are waiting for you , no-name."
The boy looked down at his hands for a moment, at the weapon that lay exposed in them. Just one flip, one click, and he could take the man out. Just a two-second risk and one of many tormentors would be dead. But tormentors were like worms - cut one down and it only grew into two tormentors. Fighting back caused their numbers to grow. There were still a few men who hadn't been invited into the little society they had with him. Still a few he didn't have to keep away from.
No, as inviting as the gleaming death in his hands was, it was better, after all, just to do what they told him to and survive it. He always did. He could do it again.
Or could he?
From far down inside him, a tiny voice was speaking. It's voice was hushed, rapid, and just on the edge of sanity. /Last time, last time, last time - you can do it, you can do it - move your head so that the blows come to the right spot, the right spot - you know where that is - you know exactly how to make what they do to you lethal - you've fantasized about it for a long time now, for a long time, for a very long time -do it this time, this time, this time, please make it this time - we all want it to be over, you want it to be over, we'll be out of here and free, free, free -you can do it, it's up to you.../
As the man's hand closed around his thin upper arm, as he was led down the familiar hallway to the room at the end that no one technically used, the voice crooned with him as far as it dared. And when it left him, he had almost decided that, perhaps this time, it might just be the right thing to do.
The ecstasy of flight had ended and he knew he stood in his appointed destination. His eyes were still closed - he was always reluctant to open them at first, because what he saw was usually painful. Angels interceded for God when the human condition was extreme, and this was no exception. As he looked around himself, he saw that he was in a very small room, made smaller by the fact that about 8 or 9 men were crowded into it. The walls were dingy and the room itself had an unpleasant smell that he couldn't place. Whatever it was, it was a distinctively *human* smell. There was absolutely nothing of the Divine about it.
Quatre looked back at the men, who were crowded around something on the floor. They all seemed strangely, frantically excited about what was happening down there. He got the feeling they were cheering someone on. He pushed through them, invisible, wondering who in this horrible room he needed to give the message to.
/I'll know him when I see him... but I haven't seen him yet, I know that much... maybe he's down here-"
He had come to the front of the crowd. For a moment he stood in shock, not able to move. He had seen many terrible things as a messenger of God, but this was among the worst.
On the floor was a young boy 13 or 14 years old. He had been stripped and his wrists were being pinned to the floor by one of the men. His legs were held up and apart by another, who was thrusting viciously into him, to the cheers of the other men. Yet another man straddled his face, pushing into the boy's mouth and throat. As Quatre watched the men finished with him and changed places with two more who began their own attack.
He wanted to run. For the first time he wanted to forego an assignment and return to the starry sea. But he had felt it immediately, of course. That boy was the one who had to get this message, and the only one to give it to him was Quatre.
He simply had to stay.
/Alright then, I'll stay, but I'm giving him this and then I'm leaving as fast as I can. I'm not staying in this place one second longer than I have to.../
With that, he retreated to a corner to await the end of the attack.
The light in the room that came through the grimy little window was fading, leaving the small chamber in a silky gloom. The boy was curled up in the corner. He would stay in here until morning - that was the way they always did it. He wouldn't be allowed to wash himself or use the toilet or eat for another 12 hours.
The plan hadn't worked he just hadn't had the strength to maneuver himself into the right position. He was still alive, actually less hurt than he usually was. Physically, anyway.
The sight of a soft glow from the far corner of the room didn't surprise him at first. It was probably a result of a concussion or some other head trauma they'd inflicted. It would go away - they always did.
But this one didn't. It not only stayed in the room with him, it began to grow brighter, and bigger, until he had to cover his eyes at the sheer brightness of it. When he looked up again, a boy his own age stood where the glow had been. The only part of that golden light that remained was the creature's shining, golden hair.
>> Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes,
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes,
I think I've found my best friend...<<
"Who...?" The thin boy with no name stared at the vision in front of him, groping for words but finding none. Quatre was used to this. It was a typical human reaction when confronted with such a strong manifestation of the Divine. No, the boy's reaction was very familiar. What wasn't familiar at all was his own.
/He's... beautiful... in such a tragic way... his face - dirty, smeared with dust and semen but somehow full of grace despite the stain... and look - those eyes... deeper than any ocean and glowing with the green of an undiscovered forest... strange... I'm the angel... but he's the ethereal one...What am I doing? I have a message to deliver!/
"Who... are you?" the boy had now managed to get out. His voice trembled but otherwise was calm.
Quatre smiled at him, and the room glowed softly with serene, golden light. "I'm an angel, a messenger of God. There's something you have to hear."
"Did I die after all?" The battered head tilted slightly and emerald eyes questioned the heavenly visitor. "I thought I hadn't made it," he continued softly. "Guess I really did."
Quatre felt a tug somewhere inside him, to imagine this beautiful boy dead. It was wrong and it was to be prevented - wasn't that, indeed, part of the message he carried?
"No, you're not dead. But there's something God needs you to know, something you have to hear and believe."
"And you - you're here to tell me what it is?" The dark-haired boy let the one eye that was visible behind his long bangs run over Quatre's earthly form and said softly, "It's funny. You look so real, so human... like you belong down here with the rest of us..."
/Ahhh! What was that shiver? Why am I shaking? Why can't I look away from him?/
"I'm just a messenger. God created angels to intercede with humans, not to be them - or be with them..." Quatre's voice caught and he bowed his head for a moment, overcome with thoughts so unfamiliar they frightened him.
"This... this is the message God has for you..." he began, his voice quivering. "For a long time now you have been thinking of allowing yourself to die. You may not want to admit it right now, but you've been looking for ways to put yourself in danger - looking to fall into harm's way. This feeling has been growing strong in you, and was strongest this afternoon, when the men were with you."
The boy ducked his head quickly, and his eyes disappeared behind the long, silky bangs.
/He's ashamed of it. He doesn't like the fact that I know what they did to him. Can't he see... if I could, I would bring the lightning down from heaven to punish each and every man who touched him. I would throw them into the pits of hell if I could for what they've done to him. And I would fold my wings around him... and hold him until he was healed.../
>>I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe...
I knew I loved you before I met you,
I think I dreamed you into life-
I knew I loved you before I met you,
I have been waiting all my life...<<
/Stay with the message... that's what he has to hear... not the things you yourself want to tell him... oh, beautiful boy - I think... I think.../
"God needs you to turn away from this path of self-destruction. God needs your life to be safeguarded - you must not try to throw it away anymore -"
"Of course you would say that," the slim boy interrupted. "If you *are* an angel, and not a concussion, then you have to tell me to stop thinking that way. I know - God doesn't like suicide, right? God doesn't approve of humans deciding when the pain will stop."
"It's not just that," Quatre began.
The boy didn't let him continue, but went on in a harsh whisper, "Well *God* isn't here! You saw what they did to me. Did you see God anywhere? How can some being somewhere tell me to stay and take it? Bring God down here - let him be a boy and spend a couple of hours with the men - *then* I might listen to him."
Quatre's heart was flooding with anguish for the thin, battered creature before him. Anguish for the beauty and grace that still shone there, despite the horrendous life the boy had been given.
/Oh, dear God - don't let him linger here... bring him out of this torture and slow death... dear God, I beg you!/
The boy was looking at him again, green eyes glowing in the fading light. "Was that it? Was that the message? ‘Don't kill yourself.' Well thank you. Go back and tell God that I got the message. i just can't guarantee that I'll follow the advice." The young voice was cold and dispassionate and it turned Quatre to ice to hear it.
"No - that wasn't the entire message. God wants you to know that there's a reason for holding on. You don't know what lies before you. What kind of strength you will be called upon to contribute to the great conflict to come. But rest assured that a conflict is coming - a conflict in which you will play a pivotal role. You will be responsible for thousands of human lives. Were you not to be there - thousands upon thousands will die who should have lived."
The boy looked down at the dusty floor and then up at Quatre again. His thin cheeks were wet with tears. "What on earth could I do that would save people's lives? Don't you see where you are? Don't you know who I am - what I've done? I've killed people - for money. I've killed so many people I couldn't begin to count them. I'm just a shell that looks human. There's nothing left inside, though."
"Don't say that, please!" Quatre flung back. "You're not worthless! You're strong, beyond anything you can understand, and that strength is needed!" The golden boy hesitated a moment before adding, "Don't destroy all that beauty... all that grace..." And then, no more than a whisper, "Don't break my heart... please..."
>>There's just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I've found my best friend<<
The boy was staring at him now. He could feel the luminous green eyes on him, and it made him feel things he hadn't known he was capable of feeling. But he was confused... / I'm not human... human emotions have no place in my heart, created for one reason and one reason only - to worship God. Adoration is given to the Divine... not to a human with a beautiful face and a soul full of sins... why - why am I feeling like this?/
Moving forward, the battered human approached the now-wary angel and spoke. "You said... ‘don't break my heart' ... do... do you care about me, too? Like God does?"
/He's coming closer... I should return... the message has been delivered, my job here is done... no reason to stay... no, no reason at all except... /
They were only inches apart now.
"Do you?" the boy asked. "Does it matter to *you* whether I live or die? Not God, *you*. Tell me what *you* want me to do."
Quatre took a slow breath and then looked deep into fathomless, emerald eyes...
"Yes," he whispered fiercely. "Oh, yes - it matters to me! I... I see something... in your eyes... that I've never seen anywhere else. I want to keep you safe. Stay near you. Be -"
The boy inched closer. "Be what?" he said softly.
"Be your missing piece... the one you've been looking for all these years."
>> I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe -
I knew I loved you before I met you,
I think I dreamed you into life-
I knew I loved you before I met you,
I have been waiting all my life...<<
The boy's eyes widened. "How would you have known... about my missing piece? I never told anyone about that."
Quatre couldn't hold back any longer. With the boy this close, the feelings were just too intense. "Why wouldn't I know - I am that piece... and you're that piece for me... an eternity of praising God - and now I want to sing *you're* praises...make you see how wonderful you are..."
One step closer and they were almost touching. The dark-haired boy kept his eyes riveted to Quatre's and slowly held up one hand, the palm facing the angel. Quatre raised his as well and, as the watched, both fascinated, pale human flesh met golden glow and both of them were bathed in a warm, bright light.
"Can't you take me with you?" whispered the boy, gazing on the angel's lovely face.
Quatre shook his head sadly. "You belong here - I belong in heaven..." but the words rang hollow to his own ears. "But oh, I can see you there, with me... in heaven..."
"I know I can't be there," he said softly... "I know that...but if I *could* go with you, I would..."
"Beautiful creature... beautiful human..."
>>A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you<<
They stood that way, palm to palm, for a long time, neither willing to move, to break the spell that had wrapped its way around them. They simply stood, and gazed into each others' eyes.
/Nothing is like this... I can stop searching... but no! He's human! I... oh, I *love* him.../
"Will I remember this?" the boy asked softly.
The angel shook his head slowly. "You need to remember the message, not the messenger. As soon as I leave, you'll forget about me."
"I don't know if I will *ever* be able to completely forget about you..."
Quatre leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to the boy's. /I want you, my love, I was the one who found you, and I will be the one to give you everything you've ever wanted... there simply *has* to be a way.../
"I can picture you in heaven," he told the boy when they broke the kiss. "I see you surrounded by angels -they would all want to be with you..."
"Funny," the boy replied, "*I* can imagine *you* down here."
"I'll see what I can do," whispered the lovestruck angel.
Another stolen kiss, as moonlight edged it's way up the bare walls of the room.
A.C. 195
The two mobile suits faced each other across a strip of battlefield. As the dark-haired pilot watched, the hatch of the other suit opened and a lovely, blond boy stepped out. His gentle features were clenched in an adorable display of passion as Quatre Raberba Winner screamed, "We shouldn't be fighting each other!"
There was something about him, something so familiar. And yet, Trowa Barton was certain they had never met before. But the feeling was so compelling... the feeling of knowing this person, of needing to be near him. He punched the hatch release and walked out onto the access platform, hands held up in a gesture of supplication, to meet someone he'd already met before.
>>I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life<<
owari
Happy Birthday, Stargem!
(:./kumiko/iknew)
