Title: Broken Pieces -- Living Free Series -- Fic 2
Author: tkmaxwell777
Category: Shonen Ai/Yaoi
Pairings: 1+2 friendship
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Angst, Language, Heero POV
Archived: Yep! Thanks Lev :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters. 'Who's Got My Back?' is by Creed. This is the first fic in a series inspired by their song 'My Sacrifice'. //lyrics// = the song playing in the background.
I slip the card key that had been left for me at the front desk into the slot, waiting for the little light to flash so I can enter. Grasping the handle, I open the door and walk inside. It's dark, but then again, it's after one in the morning, so I didn't think I would find the room's other occupant awake. Deciding to leave the hospital without my doctor's permission meant no one was expecting me at this hour. I just couldn't bring myself to stay another night in that damned hospital bed.
So I left.
I can hear music playing from the bedroom, and I head towards the sound, muttering 'shit' as I bang my knee on a coffee table I couldn't see. As my eyes adjust, I realize that this is a suite -- the attacking table, plush couch, large television, and mini refrigerator making up the 'sitting area'. I rub my knee for a moment before continuing to the other room. I'm expecting to find Duo lying there asleep with a manga lying forgotten on his chest. The sight that greets my eyes instead makes me stop in my tracks.
//Run... hide
All that was sacred to us
Sacred to us
See the signs
The covenant has been broken
By mankind
Leaving us with no shoulder... with no shoulder
To rest our head on
To rest our head on
To rest our head on//
The song causes a chill to run up my spine as I take in Duo Maxwell, sprawled on the bed in his boxers, hair tangled around him, passed out cold. 'What the fuck?' runs through my mind, and I can only sigh in exasperation at the realization that Duo's bad language is rubbing off on me. Little liquor bottles litter the floor, and I can't help but wonder if idiot drunk them all tonight, or if they are witnesses to a few nights' consumption. I shake my head, muttering 'baka' under my breath as I strip down to my own boxer briefs. I'm tired, and since the bed is so large, I don't think Duo will have a problem with me sharing it with him.
Besides, I know he'll need someone to help him when he wakes up to worship the porcelain god.
//Who's got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
So disconnected
What is the truth now?//
I see a flash of metal just before I start to pull back the covers, and my eyes track to the knife on the bedside table. My heart lurches in my chest as I look back at Duo. What frame of mind had he been in tonight? Reaching over, I carefully slip the weapon into the drawer out of sight, making a mental note to have a talk with him in the morning. The drinking was bad enough, but... this was not okay. If getting intoxicated made him suicidal, the booze had to go -- end of story. With a nod of resolve, I settle myself under the covers, pulling them around the boy beside me as well. He looks so different with his hair unbraided. I find myself reaching out to touch the loose tendrils of chestnut. It's soft... so soft.
//What is the truth now?//
I sigh and turn over on my side towards my bed partner. If it wasn't for him, I'd be long gone by now, but Quatre came to the hospital this morning, telling me that I could NOT leave without seeing Duo. Now I understood why. I think maybe Winner knew that I would find the other boy in this state. It makes me a little angry. Why the hell hadn't the blond done something about this himself? Why did leave it up to me? I sigh again; frustrated that Duo was doing this to himself. I knew the emotions behind it, knew what he had to be feeling. I was going through it too to some degree; only I wasn't running and hiding from it like he apparently was.
I'm facing it and it's the bravest thing I've ever done.
//There's still time
All that has been devastated
Can be recreated
Realize
We pick up the broken pieces
Of our lives
Giving ourselves to each other... ourselves to each other
To rest our head on
To rest our head on
To rest our head on//
I'm surprised by his choice of music. It's not the usual hard driving rock that Duo listens to during battle, or the fluffy club stuff he dances to in his spare time. It's... deeper. As I listen, I let my mind wander. Do we really have a chance to live in the peace we fought for? Can I really believe in the hope of forgetting the memories? Foregoing the nightmares? Forgiving the failures? I don't know, but it's a nice dream.
I haven't had a dream of my own for a long time.
Relena told me today that I had to decide what I wanted. She said I had several choices, and she was but one of them. When I didn't respond to that, she just smiled sadly, leaned over to kiss my cheek softly, told me that she understood, and asked me to not be a stranger. Then she left. I've been thinking about it ever since. What did I want to do with my life? Did I even know what my other choices were?
//Who's got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
What is the truth now?//
I'm thinking about it when Duo groans softly, dragging himself to the edge of the bed in an attempt to head for the bathroom. I slide over to pull his arm around my neck before helping him to stagger in the right direction. He goes to his knees in front of the toilet, and I reach out to gather his hair and cross to keep them out of the way as he begins heaving his offering into the water. All I can do is rub his back in soothing circles with my other hand while I take calming breaths so I don't end up getting sick myself.
//Who's got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
So disconnected
What is the truth now?//
He's shaking by the time he's done, and I quickly flush the toilet before wetting a washcloth so he can wipe his face. After he's done, I hand him a glass of water so he can rinse his mouth out. Nothing is worse than the taste left behind after that kind of an encounter. He accepts both gratefully, and after he's gotten rid of the lingering unpleasantness, we make our way back to the bed, his steps heavy from his bathroom exercises and his earlier overindulgence.
//What is the truth now?
Tell me the truth now...
What is the truth now?//
We climb back in bed, and there's silence for a while until I hear the muffled sound of a sob. I look over to see him fighting for control, trying to keep from giving into the misery that is obviously overwhelming him. I think about all the times that just having him by my side helped me make it through a battle, and I know that it's time I return the favor by being here for him now when he seems to need me the most. I roll over and pull him unresistingly into my arms, settling his head on my shoulder. He holds to me so tightly, like he's afraid I'm going to disappear, and I begin whispering to him that I'm not going to leave him alone. His ragged breathing begins to steady, the tears subsiding to slight catches of breath.
//What is the truth now?
Tell us the truth...//
I begin stroking his hair soothingly. The warmth of my touch seems to calm him, and he snuggles closer to me, his body seeking the comfort of something familiar, even though it's unusual for me to be in this position with him. Although we've shared beds before, he's never sought this from me until now. If I'm honest with myself, I need to hold onto him to keep from falling apart on the inside, and that thought just reminds me of my own confused feelings. I hate to acknowledge it, but I'm afraid. Afraid of peace. Afraid of finding out who I really am.
Afraid of living.
//Who's got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
So disconnected
What is the truth now?//
I tighten my hold on him, very glad that I listened to Quatre. I need Duo as much as he does me right now. I don't know what is going to happen, but maybe Duo can help me make sense of things. I listen as his breathing even outs and feel my own eyes begin to get heavy. I really need to sleep for now; things might seem different in the morning. I give in and close my eyes, and as I drift off to sleep, I realize that the song playing has underlying hope in its lyrics. Then again maybe my perception has just changed.
//Who's got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
So disconnected
What is the truth now?
What is the truth now?
Tell us the truth now...
What is the truth now?
Tell us the truth now...//
I think the only truth I know is that Duo and I have each other's backs -- no matter what happens. We both may be lost and afraid, but we will be there for each other in the middle of the muddle. I know I can count on him. We will help each other get through this, picking up the broken pieces of our souls, and offering a shoulder to cry on. Duo may not ask for it, but I know he needs it just as much as I do.
//Tell me the truth now//
And I'm not going to let him down.
The End
(:./tk/living2)
