"At last!" a voice said dramatically as I came around the corner, still chuckling at the image of Wu Fei awash in a mass of pink and blue fur. "Someone is here to review my troops! Well, you will be amazed to see the forces that I've assembled - Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!" That smug, slightly insane sounding voice could only belong to Dorothy Catalonia and, sure enough, there she was, her cleavage-revealing evening dress spread out around her and on it, more little green army men than I have ever seen, in mass formation, apparently ready for inspection before their great battle.
"You are going to inspect my troops, aren't you?" she murmured dangerously, raising one forked eyebrow. Knowing the eyebrow meant business I nodded and peered at the little men, lined up in neat rows. She was watching me carefully, ready to pounce on any mistake I might make, so I admit I was a little more harsh than I wanted to be. "You there!" I shouted, pointing at a little man clutching a machine gun. (I swear I could almost see him tremble as I did so, but it might have been just Dorothy getting excited at the prospect of someone being yelled at.) "Yes, I'm talking to you, soldier," I continued, "What is that little piece of plastic sticking out of your head for? Back to barracks and trim it, NOW!" Dotty was so pleased that she clapped and I used that opportunity to run like hell for the relative safety of the Barbie aisle. Looking back on it all now, I should have stayed with Dotty and her army.
Opposite the army men aisle (in more ways than one) was the Barbie aisle, and there, in the middle, blocking all traffic, sat a Princess on a little pink stool. She was seated at an equally pink make-up table and her self-satisfied smile in the table's built-in mirror changed to a disapproving frown when she saw me. "I don't remember inviting you in," she said bluntly. I was thinking up a withering reply when she waved a petite hand and said, "Well, as long as your here you might as well see my collection. That's probably why you came anyway, isn't it?" Discretion being the better part of valor, I simply nodded. Best to keep Relena Darlian/Peacecraft/Darlian mollified.
She had cleared out the long glass case where the really pricey Barbie dolls were usually kept (you've seen them - Renaissance Faire Barbie, Sickly Southern Belle Barbie, Thai Goddess of Fertility Barbie, etc.) In their places were Barbies that had their hair done in little braids on the sides and an odd set of costumes. "This one," Relena pointed out, "is Deserted Beach Relena. Her facial expression changes from dreamy to shocked when you put her next to Deserted Beach Lifeless Heero, but then changes back to dreamy when you take Deserted Beach Lifeless Heero's space helmet off."
"Then down here," she continued, her little fingers digging into my arm to pull me along with her, "is the South Pole Action Set. South Pole Action Relena comes complete with a sweater dress and scarf, and her own plane, and see this little hook on her dress? It attaches to the plane so she can hang out of the door almost all the way and not fall out. She says two things: 'Heero I have an important letter for you to read,' and 'Heero - Kill Zechs!'" Relena giggled (not a pretty sound) and murmured, "That was before I knew he was my brother - and a hottie to boot." Further along the case I spotted Queen of the World Relena and then some sort of Relena and Heero Royal Wedding ensemble and I knew it was time to get away before my stomach turned. I slipped away while she was cuddling the Post-Self-Destruct Heero doll and darted into the electronic toy aisle.
End of Part 3
(:./kumiko/toysrus3)
