April 1998
Standard disclaimers! MKR characters belong to CLAMP, Fushigi Yuugi belongs to Watase Yuu and Flower comics, Gwing belongs to Sunrise & Bandai, and of course YYH belongs to the very talented Yoshihiro Togashi and Shonen Jump comics.
The screen opens up on a brightly-lit, obscenely cheerful, psychedelic forest set in Cefiro, land of will, where dreams CAN come true! Behind four huge mushroom caps sit four couples, screened by the darkness of overshadowing trees. Perky, upbeat music swells and plays in the background as Umi, a cheerful girl with long blue hair and clothes color-coordinated to match, and Hikaru, a sprightly girl with a long red braid and clothes yet again color-coordinated, bounce onstage, grinning and waving at the audience. Both girls are dressed in their magic armor.
"Konnichiwa, minna-san!" Umi chirped brightly, waving at the audience.
"Konnichiwa, Umi-chan!" the audience calls back, refusing to chirp.
"Haa~i! Welcome to our *drumroll* very first episode of... " Hikaru begins...
"Umi and Hikaru's Newlyweds Game!" Umi and Hikaru chorus cutely. Someone makes a retching noise from the direction of the mushroom caps.
"I heard that!" Umi snapped, waving a fist angrily in the air. A chuckle was her only answer.
Mokona bounced onto the soundstage, "puu"ing exuberantly.
"And Mokona's Newlywed game!" Hikaru cried happily, as Mokona jumped into her arms.
"Here comes the puffball who thinks he owns the show... " Umi said sourly.
"PUU!" Mokona puu-ed defiantly from Hikaru's arms.
"Time to meet our contestants!" Umi said, steadfastly ignoring the creature. "Our first couple is... " She shuffled through her cue cards, then looked panicked. "Um, Hikaru... "
The two girls stared at the notecards together, blinked up at the audience, and sweatdropped. Then they face-vaulted, whispering urgently together, and gulped.
"Ano... it appears that most of our couples... um... seem to be men," Hikaru said unsteadily.
"Aaugh! That's so... ecchi! I didn't sign on for a yaoi show!" Umi blurted, blushing furiously.
"Too late," Hikaru said with a note of desperate finality.
"Well our first couple... ano... our first couple... " Umi began thickly.
"Get on with it, you nitwit," growled an anonymous male voice.
"Who said that!?" Umi demanded, turning red.
Hikaru sighed and grabbed the cue card. She gulped. "Our first couple is Duo and Heero, from Gundam Wing."
"Puu!" Mokona cheered, as screams of anguish emitted from the audience from all the disappointed non-yaoi GWing fans. A spotlight shone over Duo and Heero as the brown-braided pilot glomped on the Japanese pilot.
"Arrgh! Duo! Get off me!" Heero growled, shoving him back onto his mushroom cap seat.
Duo pouted.
"Eewww... " Umi managed, then held up the next card. "Our next couple is Kurama and Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho." More screams were heard from the audience, these ones raucous and congratulatory.
"Ometedou, Kurama! Way to go! Pin 'im down and tie the knot!" someone cheered from the audience.
"Who said that!?" Hiei demanded, glowering evilly, batting absently at Kurama's wandering hands.
Kurama just smirked from his close position to Hiei and wound an arm around his waist.
"Right... uh, yeah," Umi said faintly, passing a card to Hikaru.
"Next contestants, Nuriko and Hotohori of Fushigi Yuugi fame!" Hikaru called, as with a sweeping motion of her arm the gorgeous pair of bishonen were illuminated. More screams were heard, some in horror, some cheering ecstatically.
"Nuriko, how *could* you!" Shawnna B. and Mnekov wept, wringing their hands.
Giullia whistled and clapped. "Way to go, Nuriko! I hope he makes you happy as you deserve, my love, my Hotohori-sama!" Nuriko just snuggled up to Hotohori, starry-eyed.
"How could Nuriko resist such beauty as mine?" Hotohori murmured softly.
"PUU!" Mokona blurted in disgust as Umi and Hikaru fell over.
"You said it," Hiei agreed with the little creature, eyeing the sparkling emperor. "I thought *Kurama* was vain!"
"Hey!" Kurama protested.
"Moving on," Umi plowed on determinedly, getting up and brushing off her long blue skirt. Her face brightened. "On to our last couple! They're not yaoi!"
"You got a problem, or something?" Heero demanded in a dangerous tone.
"No, no!" Umi waved her hands frantically, turning red again.
"Our next couple is Miaka and Tamahome, also from FY!"
More cheering was heard, as the genki brown-haired girl and her handsome seishi husband were illuminated in the spotlight. Miaka smiled and waved enthusiastically.
"In the interests of speeding the game along," Hikaru continued smoothly, elbowing Umi who had begun to fight with Mokona, "we have already asked the contestants separately all their questions that their spouses must answer." She elbowed Umi again, who started and clutched her cue card.
"Since... um... most of our couples are M/M, we're differentiating them by longest-haired partner." Umi looked vaguely queasy.
"Hey!" Nuriko and Hotohori protested simultaneously, looking up. "Which of US gets to be the guy?" They both pointedly flipped back their long, glorious hair.
Hikaru and Umi conferred hastily.
"Nuriko, because he used to cross-dress," came the final verdict.
"Okay, minna-san!" Hikaru exclaimed cheerily, fanning out a sheaf of cards. "We're asking the first round of questions to the designated "guys." Your significant other has already answered, and has a printed card in his/her lap. Each correct answer gets ten points!"
Heero glared at Duo. "We had better win this," he growled dreadfully.
"Then you'd better get the answer right!" Duo responded cheekily.
Hikaru cleared her throat, holding up a card. "Okay guys - first question. What was the situation of your first kiss? Heero?" Umi looked faint. "I think I'm gonna be sick... "
Heero glowered. "Well, it started with a game of strip poker... " he began.
"Shut up!" Umi yelped. "That's enough!" She sweatdropped. Mokona puu-ed angrily at her.
Hikaru sweatdropped. "Well, Duo-kun?" she prompted.
Duo held up his card, grinning widely. On it was scrawled messily, *Well, it all began with this game of strip poker... * and squiggled off.
Undoubtedly Umi had squelched him, too.
"Good! Ten points!" Hikaru beamed. Duo gave Heero an ecstatic kiss, which the Japanese pilot permitted with a stony expression. "Hiei?"
The little Koorime scowled, folding his arms defiantly. "Well... I was really drunk one night... and I fell into his room and asked him about kissing... "
Kurama raised his eyebrows, holding up his card. *Kissed me the morning after he stayed with me all night, because I called for him in my sleep, after he'd carried me home from a fight,* it read.
"Nani!?" Hiei spluttered.
"Psst!" someone from the audience called. "You're getting confused with Windlily-san's fic!"
"Oh," Hiei replied, crestfallen. He glared at Kurama, who glared right back.
"Sorry guys, no points for that one!" Hikaru smiled. "Hotohori-sama?"
"A-ano... " Hotohori stammered, flushing. "That's private!"
"Well I'm sorry bu-" Hikaru began, but Nuriko beamed, flipping up his card where he'd scrawled *That's private! <blush>*
Umi and Hikaru conferred in whispers.
"Saa, I guess that's okay," Hikaru chirped. "Tamahome?"
The blue-haired seishi looked up, smiling. "Our first kiss was in Kutou-koku, when I tried to rescue Miaka and Yui. I finally told her I loved her, and kissed her to the sound of a little music box."
The audience sighed dreamily.
Miaka face-vaulted and scowled at him. "Baka!" She held up her card. *When Tamahome rescued me from the Emperor's palanquin guards, he kissed my forehead and I started to disappear.*
"Shimatta!" Tamahome wailed, feeling the prize ryuu starting to slip from his fingers.
"Baka! Baka!" Miaka pounded him over the head with her card.
"Next question!" Umi announced loudly, eyeing her card. She turned red again. "I can't believe this!" she wailed. "Why do *I* have to get the ecchi question!?"
"Just read it," Hiei snapped curtly.
Umi fumed. "The next q... que... question," she stuttered, then gulped.
"Is, what is your significant other's biggest turn-on?" Umi turned green, starting to hyperventilate.
Heero started to smile, slowly. "Well, he seems to like zero G a lot... "
Umi made strangling noises, turning bluer than her hair, and Mokona puu-ed worriedly.
"But I'd have to say tying him up," he finished seriously.
Umi and Hikaru clapped their hands over their ears and fell over. Mokona bounced around merrily, trilling "pu-pu-puu-puu-pu!"
"I didn't hear that. I did NOT just hear that," Umi declared adamantly.
Duo grinned happily and held up his card, flashing a sly grin at the madly-cheering audience. *I like it when Heero ties me up.*
"Look at it," Hikaru reminded Umi.
"You look at it!" Umi hissed furiously.
"Uh-uh! It's your question! You look at it!"
They stood toe-to-toe, glaring, sparks crackling along their line of sight.
Finally Umi peeked at Duo's card between the cracks of her fingers. "Ten points!" she squeaked. "Hiei?"
"Anything," Hiei responded at once, scowling.
Umi blinked. "Excuse me?"
"Anything turns him on," Hiei clarified. The audience whooped raucously. Kurama blew kisses and held up his card. *Everything about Hiei.*
"Awww... " the audience sighed.
Umi conferred with Hikaru.
"Close enough," she proclaimed. "Hotohori-sama?"
"My handsome good looks," the bishonen emperor sighed, and Nuriko gazed adoringly at him. He wiped away a line of drool and displayed his card. *My beautiful Hotohori-sama.*
"That's obviously a winner," Umi shrugged. "Tamahome?"
"Uh... " The Suzaku seishi was at a loss. Suddenly he brightened.
"Whenever I rescue Miaka, and show my strength and fighting skills!" Miaka smiled ecstatically, holding up her card. *When Tamahome fights to save me!* she'd scribbled on it, with little hearts and stars and a red 'oni' symbol.
Tamahome grinned with relief and hugged her as Umi announced, "Ten points!"
"Ahem! Next question!" Hikaru called out, holding up another cue card.
"What is your spouse's favorite food?"
Heero glowered at Duo, who beamed innocently back at him. "K'so."
"Uh... " Hikaru and Umi face-vaulted. "That doesn't count as an answer."
"I know that, baka," Heero sneered. "I'm trying to think."
Duo looked a little crestfallen.
"A hot fudge sundae," Heero guessed. He looked stony-faced. "On me."
Umi gagged.
Duo grinned happily, his faith in his infallible spouse restored. *A hot fudge sundae slathered all over Heero's chest.*
The audience roared its approval. Hikaru looked a little uneasy. "Um, okay, ten points. Hiei?"
Hiei grinned, flashing a little bit of fang. "A Fudgesicle," he replied instantly.
Kurama blew him kisses, holding up his card. *The Fudgesicles Hiei steals for me.* He tossed the card away and glomped onto Hiei, smothering him with amorous kisses. Hiei struggled. Not too hard, it could be noted.
The audience cheered. Some members of the YSML offered some suggestions that made Umi and Hikaru blush and sink towards the ground.
"Okay!" Hikaru proclaimed, making frantic shushing motions at the audience. Mokona bounced on her shoulders, puu-ing. "Hotohori-sama?"
"Sugar cubes," the handsome young emperor replied. "Especially when I feed them to him myself."
"Wai! I'm so shameless!" Nuriko swooned, half in Hotohori's lap, fanning himself with the card. *Sugar cubes that Ho-ri-sama feeds me.*
"Another perfect score!" Hikaru applauded, then turned to the last couple.
"Tamahome?"
Tamahome heaved a huge sigh. "ANY food... "
Miaka grinned and held up her card. *Food! Food! Itadekimasu!*
Hikaru considered it. "I suppose that counts," she conceded.
"Next question!" Umi announced, then she gawked at her cue card. "Why me?" she asked forlornly.
"PUU!" Mokona replied. "PupupupuPUU!"
"I'm gonna smash you!" Umi yelled, pulling a mallet out of hammerspace. Hikaru quickly snatched the creature up and cradled it to her chest, stopping Umi short.
"All right," she sighed. "What was your most exotic date?" She pulled a long face.
"That's not that bad!" Hikaru replied.
"Eh... " Umi sweatdropped, eyeing Heero nervously.
Heero stared back. "Quatre gave us these tickets for Christmas, to this um, place in California where you can... "
"That's enough!" Umi blurted, turning an interesting shade of green. Hikaru got really wide-eyed.
Silently Duo displayed his card, giving a thumb's up to the audience, who cheered. *That really neat S&M place in California that Quatre bought us tickets for a Christmas gift to.*
Hikaru and Umi turned bright red. "Hiei?" Umi squeaked.
"Exotic?" Hiei said dubiously. Kurama gave him a vaguely beatific smile.
"Date?"
"Yeah, stupid, a date!" Umi snapped.
"Look, who are you calling stupid, you fuku-" Hiei began heatedly, until Kurama tugged gently on his arm, frowning. Hiei scowled darkly at his spouse.
"Does the time I took Kurama to that big French restaurant and flipped escargot halfway across the room count?" Hiei inquired hopefully.
"Let's find out," Umi gestured, looking relieved it wasn't anything like Heero's answer.
Kurama flipped his card over. *When we went to a French restaurant, and the stubborn little fire demon wouldn't ask how to eat escargot, flung it halfway across the room, then torched the rest of the appetizers in a fit of frustration. We got kicked out.*
"Hey!" Hiei growled angrily at his mate's description, but the growl was swallowed into Kurama's throat as the red-haired fox bussed him enthusiastically.
Hikaru grinned but Umi still looked queasy. "Next couple! Hotohori-sama?"
The young Emperor looked troubled for an instant, then smiled. "Chichiri pretended to be me, and Nuriko took me for a night out on the town. *ahem* and got me drunk on his 'Nuriko Specials,' " he finally said, while Nuriko grinned mischievously.
"That was our first real date!" Nuriko added happily. He flipped over his card, which read *Chiri-chan spelled the Emperor so we could go out into the capital and get blasted." The audience cheered.
"Hardly exotic," Umi said in a pained tone.
"Ten points!" Hikaru shrugged, turning to Tamahome. "Tamahome?"
The seishi thought about that for awhile. "Well... I was meeting Miaka for a nice date in the park, and we ended up in the Shijintenchisho instead."
Miaka positively grinned. *We met in the park, but Suzaku called us and our date ended up in the book. No kisses!*
Umi and Hikaru conferred, and decided that was close enough.
"That concludes our first round!" Umi announced, while Mokona puu-ed agreeably. "So far, the score is Heero-Duo, 40 points, Hiei-Kurama, 30 points, Hotohori-Nuriko, 40 points, and Miaka-Tamahome, 30 points!"
Duo jumped on Heero, eliciting another yelp from him, and Hotohori allowed Nuriko to hug him ecstatically. Both those couples were in the lead. WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? Will Miaka and Tamahome drown the other contestants in sap? Would Nuriko and Hotohori win a beauty contest? Will Hiei unleash the Kokuryuuha on Mokona? Will Heero wire Cefiro with explosives and blow it to hell, just to win the game?
End Part 1
(:./talya/newlyweds1)
