Date: July 14
Flames to: anakerie@cinci.rr.com
Warning: Strange... OOC? Only his hairdresser knows for sure.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. Or Cleveland.
Hilde yawned and entered the kitchen, her Scrappy Doo slippers pad-padding on the linoleum floor. She paused to see Heero Yuy sitting at the breakfast table, pouring Cocoa Pops into his mouth directly from the box. Every few seconds he would pause to grab the gallon of milk and take a swing. Her morning paper had been scattered about on the floor and table, and she noticed that the crossword puzzle had all been filled in in Japanese characters.
Hilde was not amused.
"Heero!" She jerked the box away from him. "We have to talk."
"Give that back or..."
"You'll kill me. Yes, yes, we've all heard THAT little one before."
"What do you WANT? What will get you to leave and let me enjoy my breakfast in peace." Heero snatched up the jug.
"Heero, you don't LIVE here. This is not your house. That is not your cereal. Your ass is in a chair you did not pay for, and that is NOT your milk you are drooling into. GIVE ME THAT!" She yanked the gallon jug away from him. "How did you get in, anyway? We had the locks changed!"
"I threw a bowling ball through your front window." Heero explained calmly. "If you'd left the locks alone, I wouldn't have had to do that."
"I'm calling the police... wait, you've probably cut the phone lines again, haven't you?"
"Yup."
"And I suppose that our dog is..."
"On his way to Cleveland."
"You sent Fluffykins to CLEVELAND?"
"First class." Heero shrugged. "I LIKE animals."
Hilde threw her hands up in the air. "Heero, this has to stop!"
Heero narrowed his eyes. "Then give me back my Duo!"
"Once again, he was NEVER your Duo. Duo isn't into other boys!"
"He is too!"
Heero pulled out a stack of computer print-outs and handed them to Hilde. "Read them. He's supposed to live with ME, not you, you thieving little hussy!"
Hilde flipped through pages. "Oh, this is just sick! Who came up with THIS??" She turned a few more. "I DIED OF A FREAKING BRAIN TUMOR???"
Heero was beaming. "Among other things. I'm partial to the trash compacter myself."
"Who writes this garbage?"
"People who think Duo and I should be together. And they DON'T like you. So there." Heero stamped his foot.
"Get out of my house." Hilde pointed at the door. "And I want my dog back..." She paused. "Heero, sweety. Where's Duo?"
Heero smirked.
"Oh, you didn't! Where is he?"
"He's safe." Heero played with a stray Cocoa Pop.
"You bring him back right now!"
"Nope. He's mine." Heero stood up. "And you can't have him back."
"Duo has a restraining order, you know."
"So?"
"You're going to jail big time for this!"
"By the time you find him, I'll have him completely brainwashed. He'll be my little love toy and you'll be reduced to late nights with the turkey baster."
Heero calmly strolled out of the house. "Oh, yes. Before I forgot, I had your car reported stolen and made you up a criminal record. No, no, don't thank me. Your look of dumbfounded shock is thanks enough."
Then he was gone.
Hilde sighed and went next door to call the police.
And Cleveland.
The End
(:./lasha/morning01)
