A melancholy story with mild angst about Heero's thoughts when Fuyuka needs to go to the hospital
"Fuyuka, lunch!" Duo yelled.
Fuyuka walked into the kitchen. Duo looked at her and thought, She's growing up... Even though she was still very much a girl, she was in the 6th grade and starting to look more like a teenager, taller and more awkward. She was beginning to worry more about what other people were wearing and starting to like songs by the hot boy band of the week. But she hadn't reached the age where kids become cranky and rebellious yet.
"Fuyuka, I thought you liked my cooking," said Duo as he watched Fuyuka pushed her food on the plate. He had already finished his second helping of spaghetti and meatballs, and wondered why there were still three meatballs on her plate.
"Eat," said Heero.
"Daddy?"
"Yes?"
"I've got a lump in my breast."
Heero put his fork down. "Lump?"
"I wait and wait, but it doesn't go away," said Fuyuka.
Duo pasted a smile on his face and said, "How big is it and where is it?"
"Well, it's as big as this much of my thumb," Fuyuka said, pointing to the first joint of her thumb. "And it's in the left one. It doesn't hurt, but... " Then she pointed to her chest.
Duo took his index finger and pushed. It's like a small rock is in there, he thought. "Well, I suppose we should go to the doctor, Fu. In the meantime, I'll call Aunt Sally or perhaps Iria knows what it is. It doesn't hurt?"
Fuyuka shook her head.
Heero had cleared the desk in front of him and immediately hit the medical databases. After a few minutes, he said, "It's probably a cyst. It's like a little hollow swelling with liquid. It just probably needs to be drained. I'll call the doctor to make an appointment."
"Now, will you eat lunch?"
"Ok," said Fuyuka.
"Duo?" Heero said as they both sat in the bathtub.
"What?" said Duo as he gently scrubbed Heero's back with a washcloth.
"Suppose it's not just a cyst."
"What?"
"Suppose it's something malignant?"
Duo dropped the washcloth and wrapped his arms around his man. "Look, Heero. It probably is a cyst. There's no use worrying until we actually take her to the doctor. Even if it's something more, we have to be strong for her. She's scared enough as it is. Our job is to reassure her and be there for her, no matter what the news is." He kissed Heero on the neck. "Want me to take your mind off things for a while?"
"Duo?" Heero said, turning around.
"What?"
"Arigato," said Heero, kissing him on the lips. Then they touched foreheads.
Dr. Achebe smiled at the girl reassuringly, who was sitting on the examination table wearing a flimsy paper gown on top. "We're going to check to see if there's any fluid in the lump." She took out a syringe and uncapped the end. "We've already done a scan."
Duo stared at the needle. Sally recommended her, he thought. I'm sure she knows what she's doing. Heero even went to the trouble of hacking into medical records to make sure there were no "unexplained" problems in this doctor's history. He watched as the needle plunged into the tumor and mentally winced. Still, it hurts to watch.
Fuyuka frowned but didn't say anything.
"Hm, no fluid. Guess we should take a blood sample," said Dr. Achebe.
"And then what are you going to do with it?" said Duo.
"We'll put it through some tests and we'll call you with the results in a week." A nurse stuck a needle connected to a tube into Fuyuka's arm, after wiping the area with alcohol and wrapping a rubber tourniquet above her elbow. After the tube was filled, the needle was slowly taken out and a little band aid was put on top of the puncture site after the tourniquet was released.
"After the results come in, then we can start talk about what actions can and should be taken."
After Fuyuka got dressed, Duo said, "You did good, Fu. If it's embarrassing for me to be there, I could get Sally to... "
"It's OK."
"Did it hurt?"
"Not much."
She's got a little Heero in her, Duo thought. He ruffled up her hair.
Fuyuka, Heero and Duo went to the doctor together next time.
"The results are in. What your daughter has is a cluster of benign tumors."
"A cluster?"
"Yes, behind the main tumor are two tiny ones the size of a pea."
"So, it's not cancerous."
"No."
"Doctor Achebe," said Heero. "Isn't it unusual for a girl so young to have breast tumors, even benign ones? And does that mean that ten, twenty years down the line, that she's much more likely to have... " The words faded from his mouth, but the meaning was clear.
"It's not that common. Has she started her period recently?"
"Just this year," said Duo. We should know, had to start buying pads.
"Perhaps the sudden surge of estrogen and other hormones triggered this growth. However, hopefully, her body will adjust and this will not reoccur. As for whether or not it's an indicator of possible future malignancy, well, it's hard to say, but my personal opinion is that her risk factors have not significantly increased."
"Oh, I see," said Heero.
"But she will have to have an operation to remove them because they will keep on growing," said Dr. Achebe.
"Growing... " said Duo.
Fuyuka looked uncomfortable, but didn't say anything.
As the doctor began explaining a non-intrusive way of excising the tumors by cutting along the circular areola, Heero turned to Fuyuka and said quietly but insistently, "Why didn't you say anything earlier?"
"It's not my fault," said Fuyuka, pouting and looking very irritated.
Duo frowned, but decided to talk to Heero later. He took notes while Heero quietly memorized the drawings and the explanations.
"Any questions?" said the doctor.
"I don't," said Heero, "Do you?"
"Not right now," said Duo.
"We need to talk about this," said Heero.
"Please make an appointment with the receptionist," she said as she shook hands with both of them.
"Heero, you didn't have to say that," Duo said as they were both lying on the bed, about ready to get to sleep. He had turned so he was nestled against his back, like two spoons in a drawer.
"Say what?"
"Asking her why she didn't say anything earlier."
"I don't understand it though."
"This coming from the guy who set his own leg! She probably thought it would go away like a cut or a bruise. Maybe she just found it one day by accident, then she got scared. It is a scary thing when you don't know what it is. Even a few grown women are scared of it to the point that they don't tell anyone. It's crazy but that's how some people are. They're afraid the news will be bad, but it only gets worse if you wait."
Duo sighed, then continued, "It probably didn't help that both of us are guys. It's really hard to talk girl stuff with guys. I mean when she turned to me and asked why her underwear was staining funny, well, that was hard enough. We should be glad that she told us."
"Duo?"
"Yeah, what?"
"Having a kid, I didn't know it could hurt like this. Worrying all the time about her," said Heero.
Duo took his index finger and caressed the back of Heero's ear. "Are you saying you wish that we never had her?"
"That's not what I meant," said Heero. "And you know it. I just never expected... " That I'd end up caring this so much, he thought. His left hand reached back and ran down the side of Duo's thigh and hip, not so much to excite him but because the presence of his warmth made him feel more secure.
"Kinda like us, huh?"
"Ah."
Pause.
"I guess I should make it up to Fuyuka."
"Good idea. Do you know what would be another good idea?"
"What?"
"Sleep."
The videophone beeped insistently.
Heero turned it on. A familiar face with blue eyes and blonde hair appeared. "Hello, Quatre."
"Heero, it's so good to see you. How's Fuyuka?"
"She's fine, why?"
"I just heard about the tumors."
"Who told you?" snapped Heero.
"Oh, I heard it from Duo. I was just checking up on her. Do you need anything?" said Quatre.
"No."
"Heero, you sound angry."
"It's nothing. We don't need anything. She's going to be OK, so you don't have to do anything. I'll call you later. Bye.'
"Sure, bye."
Heero went to where Duo was washing his car on the driveway with a sponge. "Duo, you told Quatre about Fuyuka's problem, didn't you?"
"Well, I'd already told Sally about it when I asked for some recommendations for doctors. I was surprised they didn't already know."
"What did you do that for?"
"Heero, I don't understand why you're so mad."
"Duo, this is strictly a family matter. It should be kept private. Fuyuka may not want people to know."
"But it's not a shameful thing. It's an illness. There's nothing to hide."
"It's not about shame. It's about privacy and deciding who you want to tell and not tell. It's information that nobody else needs to know. I just don't see any reason for anybody but us to worry about this. This is our problem; we're going to fix it. Don't you understand?"
"I consider Quatre, Trowa and the rest family. If Mulan or Juni were to get sick, wouldn't you like to hear about it?"
Heero hesitated. "But I don't want to burden the others."
"It's not being a burden. It's all about helping each other. Anyway, if I were the others, I would feel hurt if I wasn't told about something like this."
"I would understand it," said Heero.
Duo sighed. "Well, they know now. What do you want to happen now?"
Heero frowned, then said, "Don't tell them anything more until after the surgery. I wish you had told me before this."
"I didn't know this would be an issue before this! Damn!"
Heero went back into the house while Duo threw the sponge into the bucket.
Fuyuka was lying in the hospital bed, the night before the operation. "They didn't want me to eat anything, why?" she asked her parents.
"Well, because they want your stomach empty during surgery. Maybe they don't want to deal with a couple hours of really bad breath," said Duo.
"Can I see the tumors when they're taken out."
"Ah, I don't think so," said Duo, knowing that the tumors would probably be dumped into medical waste as soon as they were taken out.
"That's too bad. I wonder what they looked like."
Heero said, "Even though we won't be there for the surgery, you know we'll be thinking of you. Ah, here you go." He held out her favorite teddy bear.
Fuyuka smiled. "Thanks, dad."
"Everything will be fine," said Heero.
"When you get back home, I'll fry up some steak," said Duo.
"Mmmmm."
"Well, see you later," Duo said, giving her a hug.
"I'll drive straight here after work," said Heero, smiling down at her.
Fuyuka nodded.
Duo and Heero then left the hospital room.
That night, Heero found himself awake in the middle of the night. Why can't I sleep? He thought. It's not just the surgery. What is it then? He looked at the little tableau he had made on the dresser next to the bed when Fuyuka was born. It was of two big bears, dressed in Preventers uniform, looking over a smaller one, sleeping, dressed in a yellow nightgown and a sleeping cap.
It's because she's growing older and someday, she'll go away, he thought. There're a lot of things that I can't protect her from. He felt a sadness fill him. The passage of time is inevitable. He turned to look at Duo, sleeping next to him, his river of hair lying on top of the sheets. I wish he was awake so I could talk to him.
He turned over so he could look at Duo's sleeping face. I wonder if he feels the same way that I do?
He quietly slid out of bed and went to the kitchen and turned on the lights. He quietly then poured himself a glass of wine when he heard "Is there any left for me?"
He turned to see Duo standing in the doorway. "Did I wake you?"
"The bed got cold."
Heero poured Duo a glass and handed him one. They sat down at the table.
"Duo?"
"Yeah?"
"Sometimes, I think about the fact that Fuyuka's growing up. It's going to feel empty around here."
"Are you kidding? She'll be right back asking us to take care of her kids. Then we'll have to diaper, give piggyback rides and read stories over and over and over again. You'll see. And her going away is a long ways off."
"I know, but that day's coming. It's just that I remember when she was just learning to walk. It doesn't seem so long ago."
"I know what you mean, Heero," said Duo. "It just feels so strange... but I'm here, Heero. There's so much to look forward to and I'm going to be here for you. Let's just enjoy what we have now and let the future take care of itself. After all, when we first saw each other, I don't think either of us thought all this would be ours. So, let's not worry."
Suddenly, Duo lightly put his hand on top of Heero's lap and started stroking it gently.
"What are you... "
"Shhhh... " Duo unbuttoned Heero's pajama pants and reached inside his briefs. "I'm going to help you sleep." He got down on his knees and pulled Heero's shaft out of his pants. He gave Heero a bit of a smile before taking the tip into his mouth and swirling his tongue around the tip, then slowly moved his lips downwards. After years of doing this, he knew exactly what to do.
"Duo, Duo... " Heero said, closing his eyes and brushing Duo's hair back from his face. He felt Duo's fingers softly massaging his balls and his tongue insisting on his coming. Finally, he came and suddenly felt a very contented sort of tiredness. He looked down at him with half-open eyes and a sleepy smile.
Duo got up and drank the rest of the wine in his glass. "Feel tired?"
"Ah."
"Feel happy?"
"Ah."
"Go to sleep?"
"Ah."
The next day, they went there to check up on her.
Heero sat on the chair next to the bed and looked at his sleeping daughter. "Fuyuka," he said. "I've got some oranges for you."
Fuyuka opened her eyes and said, "My hand... my hand... " She gestured towards the hand where the various tubes were inserted, then she closed her eyes.
"Come on, Heero, it's no use. She's too out of it. I'm sure she'll be up tomorrow." Duo put his hand on his arm and pulled him gently off the chair.
"First thing tomorrow."
"Yes."
"How's my little girl?" said Duo.
"Daddy," she said in a scolding tone. "I'm not a little girl."
"OK, OK," said Duo. "How's my big girl?"
"I'm fine. Can we go now? The hospital food is really bad."
Duo stuck out his tongue at her, then put it back in his mouth.
"Yes, we're here to pick you up. We even got your medication. There's no pain, is there?" said Heero.
Fuyuka shook her head no. "There's some blue thread and some knots though. It's weird, but it doesn't hurt. Has Mulan or Juni called?"
"Well, we told them you were sick. Have you told them about this yet?" said Heero. He had asked both their parents not to tell their children, to let Fuyuka tell them if she wanted to. Both sets of parents had thought it an odd request, but abided by it.
Fuyuka shook her head. "Uh, uh. I didn't think they needed to know so I didn't. But I guess I'll tell them if they really get curious."
"Just tell as much as you want to," said Heero. "We'll have to come back to pull out the stitches, but I'm sure it'll be OK."
"Were you here yesterday?"
Heero nodded.
"I remember seeing you but I was so sleepy."
"It's all right now. Let's go home."
As she changed into her regular clothes in the bathroom, Heero turned to Duo and said, "I feel so relieved."
"So do I."
They looked at each other for a while. They were leaning towards each other when they heard "Smoochie, smoochie!"
They turned to see Fuyuka standing by the door, all dressed, and smiling mischievously. Duo said, "Now, you've spoiled the mood!"
"Oh, I think it'll come right back," she said teasing. "It always does."
"She truly has my sense of humor," said Heero.
"Yours?"
They argued about it on the way home.
The End
(:./mk/fym19)
