10-Dec-2000
Title: On a Sunday
Author: Asuka
Category: One-shot, Songfic
Pairings: 1+?, 1+2
Warnings: Shounen ai, Angst.
Notes: This one's for my RL older sister. ^-~ And thanks to Asahi for beta-ing! *hugs*
Italics&Emphasis in *...*, Lyrics in [...], Thoughts in /.../
[ On a Sunday I'll think it through ]
The sun shone merrily, its rays casting shadows across the earth. Streaks of light bedazzled the moving car. The engine emitted a soft hum as it was driven down the winding dirt road. Clouds of dust emerged behind the rolling tires, an occasional rock bumping the automobile along its path.
[ On the drive back I'll think it through ]
Trembling hands clutched the steering wheel, white from the intensity. Cobalt eyes were dilated, senses unaware of the tears trekking down his cheeks. They were focused on nothing, save for intently fixated upon the road ahead of him.
He was trying to run. Run away from the problems that faced him, yet they were implanted in his memory. Too recently...
[ What you wish for won't come true ]
But he couldn't stop from thinking. It was all there, splayed in the back of his head, playing itself over and over. He thought he was going crazy, but knew that was too much hope to ask for.
No, insanity wouldn't be kind to him that day or the next. It let him wallow in his grief, his regret, and most of all, his love.
[ Live with that ]
A hand gruffly raked though his hair, his elbow propped against the window for support. The tears choked him, and the car jerked from off-path to back again. He drove further, towards a dream he'd never find, nothingness his only promise.
[ On a Sunday she thought it through ]
He thought back to only hours before, to the words he had spoken and whom they were spoken to. It played back and forth like a recorder, rewinding and playing in his mind countless times.
He recalled how the breeze gently ruffled her satin dress, played with the tendrils of her hair, caressed the slight blush across her cheeks. He recalled how he stood beside her, her expectant cerulean blue eyes looking into his. Recalled how easily the ring slipped onto her graceful finger...
[ Now as I drive back ]
And through it all, his mind was too unclear of his actions, of the promise he made. And though it was a promise he'd thought through before, he now wished that he had reconsidered.
But it was too little, too late as the minister declared them husband and wife, as the girl before him reached up to gently kiss his lips.
[ There's thirty-six less hours ]
He'd given away eternity in a minute. He felt like a fool: rushing into a contract before reading the small print...taking medication before consulting a doctor. Proclaiming vows before he had truly taken them and considered them in his heart.
The car veered suddenly towards a new road, a new and freshly engraved memory shifting in his head.
[ I have to change the course I send myself ]
He'd never seen the figure lurking in the background, watching silently and from view. If he had, perhaps things would've been different now...
He could faintly remember a flash of a braid disappearing behind applauding spectators and a haze of flower petals and rice. He had thought at the moment it was only a hallucination, but he was mistaken.
[ Live with that ]
He was sitting beside his bride when he saw it - a familiar figure hovering by the drinks table and grove of trees. He was looking at something in his hands, his face glum.
[ On a Sunday go once around ]
Heero excused himself, venturing out towards the other man. The sun hit just so that his chestnut hair shone like a sparkling aura around him, contrasting the black suit he wore.
Crisp green grass crunched lightly below his steps. He peered hesitantly from a tree's long trunk, his hand still grazing across it as he moved into view.
"Duo?" came the tentative call. The said man's head shot up, broken from his trance.
Violet eyes captured him for a moment, frozen in a gaze that held too much hurt, too much pain... The light was gone, covered by the shimmering of tears surfacing.
[ Because when the ride's done ]
After a moment, Heero released the breath he was unaware of holding. "Duo, I...What...?"
But as he stumbled to find the words - any words, - Duo quickly turned on his heel, dropping what he had still held in his hands. In seconds, he was out of view, leaving a stunned ex-pilot behind.
He crouched to pick up the object. It was a tiny slip of faded midnight blue paper, folded neatly in fourths but slightly crumpled from the owner's grasp.
[ The hopes that you have carried ]
Heero slowly opened the note, smoothing the creases out in the process. Little dark splotches dotted the paper, presumably from tears. And in it, scrawled in black pen, was written:
'Be happy.'
[ They fall out from your hands back to the ground ]
He felt a sinking in his chest as he tightly crushed the paper in his hand, grinding his teeth to block out the pain. Two words. Two simple words had shattered his life as he knew it. 'Be happy...'
[ Live with that ]
He was prepared to spend the rest of his life with her. He had thought Duo held no more than platonic feelings for him, and so he gave up after the war. But now... Now things had changed. He knew from the display he had just seen, witnessed with his own eyes.
Duo had probably loved him. And he did too, but he had abandoned those feelings long ago... Why must they come forth now? Why, after he had put it all behind him?
[ Learn as the drugs leave ]
He could hear Quatre's words again, ringing in his ears. They had spoken shortly just after the war had ended. At the time, he didn't understand what the blonde had said to him, but he was certain now... It all made sense.
/"If you want him, you could have him."/
[ Learn as you lose it ]
Quatre had known, known the whole time. Why hadn't he told him?
Heero rebuked himself for such a thought. Why hadn't he told him? Because he should have known. It was so evident in those amethyst gems, the way he acted around him, talked to him, smiled at him.
Someone had told him to act accordingly with his feelings once. He cursed himself mentally. It was advice he should have taken long ago.
[ You will ]
So there he was, a mass of broken sobs and emotions, driving nowhere, just wandering as the puzzle pieces had all come into place.
He'd lost him. And he would've waited forever if he had known, but he was another's now, and he'd never break her heart. Not even for his own happiness. He was bound by a promise...
The scenery drifted past him with each mile he traveled. He knew no longer how far he had traveled, nor how long he had been gone.
/Damn you, Duo.../
The ring on his finger glittered in the sunlight - a reminder of what was waiting for him. Of his future.
/...And damn me for loving you still./
[ The haze clears from your eyes on a Sunday ]
OWARI
(:./asuka/sunday)
