06-Feb-2001
Category: Songfilk
Disclaimer: The people who do own GW (and I am not among them,
sad to say) would be appalled by this travesty. The song ("88 Lines
About 44 Women," by The Nails) may be familiar--they used it in a
Mazda commercial a couple of years ago--but if you haven't heard it,
it's just a guy's deadpan patter over a boppy little back-beat. To read
the original lyrics (it's marginally funnier if you know what I'm spoofing),
go here: http://www.the-nails.com/88lines.html
Warnings: Extreme silliness, references to sexual situations
(some of them wildly OOC--sorry, Mrs. Darlian!). Spoilers, if
you haven't seen all of GW and EW.
And now, without further ado, I bring you:
Heero was a soldier boy
He hung on till the bitter end;
J, his doc, was a different type:
Metal hand instead of skin.
Une was a split soul
And I was afraid of a girl like that;
Quatre sipped his oolong
Sitting down like the Buddha sat.Milliardo was a faceless chap,
A blond Sanq Kingdom heir-to-be;
Treize went after global guilt--
He liked that kind of misery.
Sally had a special way
Of twisting hair like a sarong;
Trowa B, who rarely spoke
But played the flute, and played it strong.Meiran was an archetype
The warrior maid, the wife of wrath;
'Fei thought girls were second-best
To masturbating in the bath.
Relena was a pacifist
She really had that gift of gab;
Dekim's point of view was this:
Take whatever you can grab.Darlian was another guy
Who left his mark upon the map;
His missus liked to tie him up
And left him hanging by a strap.
Cathrine had this circus act
That made grown men feel under-age;
Mariemeia, tot from hell,
Wanted the world, but finally caved.Howard liked Hawaiian chic,
Fixed gundams (built 'em once, you know);
An unassuming brawny brain
Was Shenlong builder Master O.
Septum, pawn who knew no shame,
Was pitched out of a plane--so high!
Noventa came and went so fast
He didn't even say goodbye.Otto tried to fly the Tallgeese--
Proto-ZS fried his brain;
That hapless blond kid at St. Gabe's
Saw his chance spiral down the drain.
Pargan drove the big pink car
Kept his head down when shots flew by;
Relena's flock of chirpy pals
Built shrines to her, and watched the sky.
("Over here, Miss Relena!" *they giggle*)Professor G, of L-2 Cluster--
The Deathscythe was his pride and joy;
Rashid watched over Quatre-sama
And scolded his flamingo-boy.
Silvia was a perfect lady,
Always kept her stockings straight;
Dorothy thought peace was boring:
War's more fun, and mechs are neat!Iria, daughter twenty-seven,
Healed the sick, entreated Dad;
Mr. Winner tried to bluster
But knew his boy wasn't so bad.
The Specials' Alex liked to fight
While wearing leather biker boots--
Mueller's dark obsession
Was for certain vegetables and fruits!Quinze itched to drop a Meteor
Until the G-boys foiled his plot;
Father Maxwell took in street-rats,
Let them wear his spare cassock.
Instructor H saw Sandrock off,
Then joined the doc-fest on the moon;
Hilde, sixteen, joined the Ozzies--
Stole a Taurus, fought alone.Odin Lowe, first Yuy's assassin:
Ideal-propelled, or nihilist?
Trant, that jerk, abused 02!
Crammed him into Zero's chest.
Sister Helen's pious smile
Warmed her small flock of orphaned babes;
Abdul made the fez look good,
Peeking over bad-boy shades.Ringmaster-sama hired lions,
Grumbled when their trainer dashed;
Doktor S built Heavyarms
Without sufficient ammo stash.
Noin held out for AWOL Zechs,
Itemizing moments missed;
Duo Maxwell, here's a kiss--
I chose _you_ to end this list. ^_^
<bows> Thank you, thank you. Please don't hurt me!
Wow, any semblance of following the actual verses sorta went out the window there at the end, huh? D'oh! But the last pair of lines is true to the original, at least. ^______^
(:./lilias/88lines)
