Title: Beyond
Author: tkmaxwell777
Category: Shonen Ai/Yaoi
Pairings: 1x2
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Bandai, Sotsu, Sunrise... yeah, they own the guys. Me, I just write more interesting stories about them... mmm... beautiful bishonen in lovely positions... obsessed? Me? No... not at all!
Warnings: Angst, Language, Lemon, Sap
Archived: Yes! Thanks Lev!!!
Duo shoved the door to the safe house open and stomped inside. Heero followed him, blood running down his left arm. He sat down on the bed as he watched the braided pilot pull out the first aid kit without saying a word. That's what worried him; Duo had been silent ever since they had left the mission site. Heero had never seen Duo this angry.
Duo pulled out all of the necessary supplies to treat Heero's wound. The anger surged again as he was reminded of what had happened to cause the other boy's injury. When he turned around, he looked at Heero for a few moments, trying to calm himself down, but failed miserably. As cobalt blue eyes regarded him indifferently, Duo felt his control snap in two.
"I have never seen you do something so stupid," he began, his voice shaking slightly. "Do you realize that another few inches and you wouldn't be sitting here alive? If I would have pulled something like this, I would have had to listen to you rant and rave all the way here, but since 'Mr. Perfect Soldier Yuy' did it, it's okay. Well that's bullshit, Heero."
"Duo, it was the only way to complete the mission."
"The mission? Is that all you care about, Heero?" Duo's voice was rising incrementally as he spoke.
"It was a calculated risk, Duo. The bullet only grazed me. I probably only need a couple of stitches."
"You don't get it, do you?" Duo asked angrily. "You could have been killed! Do you know what that would do to me? Do you have any idea how I would feel if that happened?"
"We're partners, Duo. We have to accept the fact that it's possible that one of us will get hurt, even killed. It's the job, and if you can't handle it, you need to walk away."
"Walk away? And let you kill yourself? No way, Yuy, I won't let that happen. Not if I can stop it."
Duo shook his head as he walked over, sat down on the bed, and began stitching Heero's arm up. He didn't say anything else until he had bandaged it as well. When Duo finally spoke, his voice was calm... dead calm. "You know, I thought that we'd moved beyond all of that 'Perfect Soldier' and 'God of Death' bullshit. I thought we had become friends. I guess I was wrong. I don't mean anything more to you than I did two years ago. It's really sad, Heero. Even after all we've been through, you still just don't care."
Duo stood up and moved away from Heero. Heero watched him as he put back the supplies, trying to decide what to say to the other boy. He had seen the anger and hurt in the other boy's violet eyes. He didn't like the way Duo's words were making him feel. He had a job to do, and Duo was being unreasonable.
"I do care, Duo, but when we joined the Preventers, we made a decision to place ourselves in danger if necessary in order to maintain the peace. Sometimes that means taking chances in order to complete the mission. I'm sorry if that upsets you... "
"Fuck the mission! And fuck you, Heero!" Duo yelled as he spun around to face him. "You want to know the truth? You want to know why I'm so pissed? Well, I'll tell you why. It's not because of what you did, it's because you did it without any thought for me. That's why I'm pissed! Every time I take a chance I think about how you would feel if something were to happen to me before I do it. It keeps me from doing the really stupid things that I might do otherwise. But you, you don't care how it affects me. You just do it because you're still 'The Perfect Soldier'. Well, guess what, 'soldier boy', I gave up being 'Shinigami' the moment I finally accepted the fact that I love you." Duo saw the stunned expression on Heero's face and felt his heart ache. "Yes, I love you, you bastard! There, I said it, and I can't take it back, and I don't want to. There was a time I thought that loving you meant you'd die like all the other people I've loved in my life, but I don't believe that now. The only thing that can take you away from me is you." Duo pointed at Heero as he said it. "If you keep pulling stunts like the one you did today, then it won't be long until you do something that does get you killed. What am I supposed to do then, Heero? I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll take a damn gun and end it all. That's what I'll do. I don't want to live in this world if you're not in it!" Before Heero could say anything, Duo stalked to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
Duo removed his clothes quickly and pulled his hair free from its braid. He turned the water on in the shower and stepped into the stall. The warm spray did nothing to keep him from shaking. He had finally told Heero how he felt. What was he supposed to do now?
"Nothing," he said out loud to himself. "It doesn't matter. He doesn't care either way. I can't believe that I actually thought that we were making progress. I have got to be the stupidest person I know."
He tried to fight the tears, but there was no way he would be able to this time; it just hurt too much. He slid down the wall until his head was resting on his knees, sobs wracking his body as the water ran down.
Heero sat there stunned; he wasn't even able to process what Duo had just told him. The very thought that Duo could feel an emotion like that for him wasn't a possibility that Heero had ever considered. He thought of them as friends, but something stronger than that had never entered his mind at all. He had always been focused on the mission; now that he took the time to think about it, all the signs of Duo's feelings had been there all along. The problem was that Heero didn't know what to do about it now. Duo had obviously just reached his limit. Heero had never understood emotions very well. He could hear the sounds of Duo's misery, but didn't know if he should go check on him or leave him alone. He didn't know how to get beyond it all.
Duo emerged from the bathroom an hour later. He had managed to get a hold of himself. He had to get some sleep so they could reach their rendezvous point the next day. He had forced himself to finish his shower, telling himself that Heero would just forget about the whole incident rather than deal with it; it would be as if it had never happened. Although that thought saddened him, Duo accepted it. Still, he felt some measure of satisfaction by walking boldly into the room without a stitch of clothing on; he wouldn't let Heero make him uncomfortable with himself.
Heero was turned on his side facing Duo's bed. He watched the other boy walk naked into the room and rummage through his pack for a pair of clean boxers. Heero took in Duo's damp hair, waving around him as he stood there shoving his things back into the bag after retrieving the object of his search. For once, Heero let his eyes appraise his partner. Duo was lean yet well muscled, of medium height and weight, and very attractive in appearance. His violet eyes were something of a rarity, as was his long chestnut hair. Heero found himself wondering how he could have dismissed such masculine beauty; Duo was incredible. In fact, the more Heero looked at him, the more Heero thought that he might not mind some kind of physical contact with Duo. 'If I haven't screwed this up so badly that Duo hates me now,' Heero thought to himself. He decided that he had to find out.
"Duo?"
Duo flinched. Heero's voice sounded so tentative. He had to remind himself that he was angry with the dark haired boy. Duo turned to look at his partner. "Yeah?"
"I'm sorry. I... " Heero hesitated, trying to find the right words, hating himself for not being able to express himself the way he wanted to. "I don't know what else to say, Duo." Heero closed his eyes and shook his head. He couldn't even say what he wanted to say.
"Don't worry about it, Heero," Duo said coldly. "Forgotten, okay? Let's just pretend like it never happened, all right? I think that'd be the best thing to do." With that, Duo got into bed, turning away from Heero immediately before Heero could even reply.
Heero lay there, cursing himself for being so damned closed off all the time. He had really hurt Duo this time, and it looked like he wouldn't even be allowed to make amends. He felt a sense of helplessness and despair envelope him as he whispered to the dark, "Sure. Let's forget about it."
Heero shifted once again in the bed, glaring at the bright sunlight filtering through the window. He hadn't gotten a bit of sleep during the night; all he could do was watch Duo sleep and listen to the other boy's uneven breathing. Each unsteady intake of breath had been a knife going through Heero's heart. Now it was morning, and Heero felt like shit, from not getting any rest and from causing Duo so much pain. If he'd thought it would help, he'd 'omae o korosu' himself.
Groaning aloud, he got up and went to his faithful laptop. Was there any question now as to why he preferred machines to people? Heero frowned, then booted up the computer to check for new mail. They were supposed to remain at the safe house for a week. Heero knew the next few days were going to be a living hell for him; he was not looking forward to it, no matter how much he deserved it.
No new mail, no new missions, no new information; Heero felt like he'd been abandoned. Shaking his head at his uncharacteristic feelings, he powered down. He didn't even feel like typing reports. He quickly got dressed instead. Giving one last glance at his sleeping partner, he turned and walked out of the room toward the kitchen - coffee was a good idea at this point.
Duo awoke to the sound of typing. He knew Heero would be checking for any messages, but when he heard the other boy shut off the laptop, he quickly feigned sleep. When Heero left the room, Duo turned to look at the blank screen. It wasn't like Heero to be on for such a short period of time; the boy lived on the computer. 'What's going on?' Duo thought to himself as he sat up, re-braiding his hair quickly.
Duo replayed the events in his head from the previous night. Although he was still hurt at Heero, he conceded the fact that Heero had tried to apologize, which was something the other boy rarely ever did. Duo felt bad for having been so hard on him, no matter how much Heero had deserved it. Heero had only ever known being committed to the mission; he couldn't just stop being who he was. It would take time. Heero had made great improvements in how he reacted to people; Duo needed to give him credit for that. Heero hadn't upset him on purpose, so really, did Duo have any right to be mad at him?
Duo pulled on a pair of cut off denim shorts and made his way toward the kitchen. The smell of coffee assailed his senses as he neared the small room. Duo took a deep breath. 'I need to get beyond this. Heero apologized. I need to not be a prick about it.' With that thought, he walked through the door.
"Ohayo, Heero. Is that coffee?"
Heero just stared at the grinning baka as he bounded over to pour himself a cup of caffeine. 'He's smiling? How can he be smiling after last night? How can he speak to me as if everything's okay after what happened?' Heero eyed him carefully, trying to understand.
Duo turned to look at the dark haired boy and almost gasped out loud. Heero looked terrible. Duo could tell instantly that the other boy hadn't had any sleep. 'But why? Because of me? Could he have been that upset?' Duo felt guilty, even though it had been Heero's fault to begin with; he didn't want to hurt Heero, but he could tell by the expression on Heero's face and the look in his eyes that he had done just that.
Heero looked away. "No new messages," was all he said. He didn't know what else to say. Duo was obviously going to act as if nothing had happened, just like he had said last night. Somehow, that hurt Heero even worse than if Duo had given him the cold shoulder; Heero couldn't forget it as easily.
Duo watched Heero sit down at the table, eating the bowl of cereal in front of him. He quickly made himself a bowl and sat down opposite the other boy. "So, whatcha gonna do today, Heero? More mission reports?"
Duo's voice was cheerful, and Heero felt like it was a slap in the face. He got up, placed his bowl in the sink, and then turned to face his partner. "You might be able to act like everything's okay, Duo, but I can't. I hurt you last night, and now you're hurting me to get even, and doing a damn good job at it too. I'm sorry that you think our friendship isn't worth more than that. And yes... damn it... we do have one! Maybe I don't act like it sometimes, but we do. Or at least, we did. I guess your love wasn't very strong for me. Forgiveness would exist in a love that was. I may not know how to show it, but I know that much about it."
With that said, Heero stomped out of the kitchen then out the front door leaving Duo to stare after him in shock. It had been the longest string of sentences that he'd ever heard the wing pilot say.
Heero walked blindly into the woods surrounding the safe house. He didn't care if he got lost. He didn't care if he got captured. He just didn't care. He felt like he was dying on the inside. He'd never known how much Duo had meant to him, and now it was too late. He had lost the only love he'd ever had before he'd even known he had it. If it didn't hurt so much, he would laugh. All this time, he had prided himself with the fact that he hadn't allowed Duo to distract him, but when it came right down to it, it had been a lie; he had lied to himself. Duo had become a part of his life, and now that Duo had dismissed him, Heero didn't want to live that life. For the first time in a long time, Heero wished he had a gundam to self-destruct in.
Duo looked out the window again. 'Where could he be?' he thought for the hundredth time. It was almost dark. Heero had been gone all day, and now Duo was really beginning to get worried about the other pilot. The fact that he was to blame for Heero being so upset only made him feel worse. Duo had thought about what had happened all day, coming to the conclusion that he was a complete and utter jerk for treating Heero like he had; Heero never would have done that to him. Even the times when they had argued, Heero had always accepted his apology without a moment's hesitation, forgiving Duo immediately. Duo felt like such a bastard. 'And I claim to be the sensitive one?' Without another thought, he pulled on his jacket, grabbed Heero's, and headed out the door. He had to make things right.
Heero was cold, but he ignored it. He had been lying on the ground for hours now, unable to will himself to move. The fall hadn't been on purpose. He had slipped on some leaves and tumbled headlong down an embankment. Apparently, he had hit his head, because he felt dizzy and saw blood out of the corner of his eye running down his face. 'Despair is an amazing thing,' Heero thought to himself sadly. 'I bet love and happiness are too. I guess I'll never find out.' The thought that Duo would come looking for him never entered his mind.
Duo searched the woods for an hour before he found Heero. If he hadn't looked down the hill, he never would have seen him. As he made his way down to the other boy, Duo noticed how still Heero was, and it scared him. 'What happened to him? Oh God, if he's hurt, I'll never forgive myself... '
"Heero? Are you okay?"
Heero heard Duo's voice on the wind and smiled sadly. It was just wishful thinking that Duo would want to find him. He knew that the other boy no longer cared, so why would it matter if he never came back? Heero curled up into a tighter ball, letting the misery engulf him completely.
Duo saw the blood and felt his heart lurch. Without another thought, he knelt beside Heero and shook his shoulder. "Heero? Answer me. Are you okay?"
Heero pulled away from the touch, wanting to be rid of the fantasies he had been creating all day. Duo didn't love him. Duo didn't want him. Duo didn't care anymore. He felt the hot tears try to escape from his eyes, but refused them passage. Did it even matter?
Duo was starting to really panic. "Heero! It's me, Duo. Look at me! Heero!" Duo shook him harder, still trying to get Heero to acknowledge his presence. He felt Heero shiver and realized that the other boy was freezing. Duo sat down and pulled Heero into his arms, wrapping the extra jacket around the other boy. There was still no reaction from Heero. Duo moved Heero's face until he could look into the other boy's eyes. His breath caught as he saw a void in their depths; it was as if Heero wasn't even conscious.
"Heero, please. Come back to me. Heero, I still... " Duo took a deep breath. "I still care, Heero. I was just angry and scared, and I didn't mean to hurt you back... Heero... please."
Duo did the only thing he knew to do; he leaned down and brushed his lips against Heero's. There wasn't any reaction, but Duo kept moving his mouth over the other boy's softly, willing Heero to respond.
Heero vaguely felt something. It was soft and warm. Warm... he had been so cold for so long it seemed. For a moment, Heero forgot why he wanted to be cold. He moved toward the warmth, letting it ease away the pain. Slowly he began to focus on what was around him, or more importantly, who. He felt someone holding him, and lips moving against his own. His vision cleared and he looked into violet depths.
"Heero?" Duo breathed, seeing the other boy blink at him in response. "Heero, are you okay? Please, say something to me. Heero?"
"Duo?"
Duo hugged him, tears of relief pour down his own face. "Yes, it's me. I'm right here."
Heero let the joy fill him as Duo held him. It felt so good. Duo was there. He had come after him. Heero felt something that he always had quelled before... hope; he let it sweep through him, warming him on the inside the way Duo was on the outside.
"Duo. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Please don't stop caring about me. I... I couldn't take it. I'd just want to die."
Duo pulled away to look into Heero's eyes again, and he saw the fear there. He had done this to Heero. It was his entire fault, and now he had to make sure Heero knew how wrong he'd been. "Heero, I couldn't stop loving you no matter how much I'd want to. I know how I acted this morning was wrong. I shouldn't have done that to you. You apologized to me, and instead of forgiving you, I held onto my anger and hurt. I'm sorry, Heero. I never should have let you think that I could so easily forget about how I feel about you. I love you. I always will, whether you ever love me or not. Our friendship is everything to me, and I just want it back. Can you forgive me?"
Heero nodded, relief rushing through him. "I already have, baka."
Duo smiled, cherishing the endearment he knew the name to be. "We need to get you patched up and into a warm bed. Someone didn't sleep well last night, and he needs to get some rest."
They were back at the safe house in no time. Duo helped Heero to their bedroom, watching Heero's exhausted motions. Duo cleaned and bandaged the gash on Heero's forehead before forcing Heero to lie down. Once Heero was settled in bed, Duo pulled the covers around Heero to get him warm. He started to walk away when Heero grabbed his hand.
"Duo?"
"Yeah, Heero. What's up?"
Heero felt his heart pounding furiously, making his head hurt even more, but he needed to do this. "Tell me what you should have this morning. We need to talk about it if we're ever going to get beyond it." He didn't want to be cold anymore.
Duo sighed and sat down on the bed with him. "When I try to reach out to you, you push me away. You won't let me get any closer than the exterior. We keep doing this same dance, and all I want to do is stop. I'm tired of being hurt. I'm tired of being angry. I'm just tired, Heero."
"Me too."
It was a soft admission that Duo barely registered. He looked into the cobalt blue eyes that spoke the words Heero couldn't. Duo felt his heart leap. Could Heero actually want more?
"What are we going to do about it then?" Duo asked, his voice almost a whisper. He continued to gaze into Heero's eyes after he spoke.
Heero looked at the violet eyes that he had fought against for so long. Before he could question his actions, Heero struggled to sit up then leaned over to press his lips to Duo's. The gasp Duo let out almost made him think that he'd done the wrong thing... until Duo began kissing him back. Heero deepened the kiss, letting his self feel the overwhelming emotions that the kiss evoked; he finally surrendered to them.
Duo pushed Heero back onto the bed and covered him with his own body. They kissed for a long time, enjoying the warmth of each other's mouths, letting all of the pain and bitterness be replaced with desire and understanding. Finally, Duo pulled away enough to look into cobalt blue eyes that were glazed over.
"Heero, you need to rest. I want this as much as you do, but you need to get some sleep first. I'll stay with you if you want, but you have to promise to be good."
Heero smirked. "I want you to stay. I promise to be good."
Duo smiled. "Okay. Let me get comfortable then."
Heero watched as Duo stripped down to his boxers and freed his hair. Heero had no doubts anymore that he thought Duo was beautiful. The boy was everything he'd never known he'd always wanted. He felt a sense of peace fill him as Duo snuggled against him once more in bed.
"Night, Heero. Sweet dreams. See you in the morning."
Heero scooted closer to him and almost smiled. "Goodnight, Duo."
The first thing Duo was aware of was that someone was kissing his neck rather intently. He couldn't help but sigh at the ministrations. Opening one of his violet eyes, he saw the tousled dark hair of his partner as Heero nibbled his jaw line. Heero must have sensed he was awake for he pulled away to regard him.
"Morning. Do you mind if we pick up where we left off yesterday? I'm feeling much better."
Duo just looked at him. Who was this in bed with him? It certainly wasn't Heero the 'Perfect Soldier' Yuy. Duo had half expected Heero to act like the kisses had never happened last night when he woke up. Even though Heero had forgiven him, Duo was afraid that Heero had just acted out of guilt.
"Duo? Is this okay? I thought you wanted to get beyond what we had before. Do you still want that?"
Duo still just looked at him, fearing he'd wake up to find that it had all been a dream, and that Heero didn't really want him, but he knew he had to say something. "Yes," was all he could manage.
Heero could tell that Duo was trying to get his bearings. He should have expected the other boy to think he would revert back to how things were before. He needed to make Duo understand that they were beyond that now. Without any hesitation, Heero rolled over on top of Duo and claimed his mouth in a tender kiss.
Duo pulled Heero closer to him. If Heero wanted to do this, Duo was more than willing. Part of him reminded his pleasure-hazed mind that Heero hadn't said he loved him, but Duo pushed that away. There was time for that later. The fact that Heero wanted to even touch him was a victory for the home team.
Heero felt desire course through his veins. It felt so good to be able to let it flow freely. He heard Duo moan as he deepened the kiss. Heero knew from that moment on, he was lost. Before Duo even knew what was going on, Heero had both of their pairs of boxers off. He positioned himself between Duo's legs, rubbing his arousal against the other boy's, eliciting groans of pleasure from his partner.
"Oh, Heero. Please... don't stop. Oh yes, please, more."
Heero wanted more too. "Tell me what to do, Duo. I want you so much."
Duo looked up at the sight above him; Heero was poised, naked and hard for him, wanting him. It was more than Duo could have ever wanted. When he had gotten so angry the other night, it was over not having Heero's friendship. The thought of having his friendship and more was amazing. He reached into his bag beside the bed and pulled out a tube of lubricant he kept there 'just in case'.
Heero listened as Duo told him how to prepare him. He tentatively inserted a lubricated finger in Duo's entrance, in awe that the other boy wanted him to do this. He had an idea of how sex between guys was done, but actually practicing it was a little different. As he moved his finger in and out of Duo's body, he realized how much he wanted to be buried inside him. He added another finger, stroking and stretching his soon-to-be-lover, relishing the cries of pleasure Duo uttered as he did it.
Duo couldn't believe how good Heero's fingers alone felt. It had been so long since he'd been with anyone. Since the first time he'd seen the other boy, he had decided that the next time he let someone take him it would be Heero. He had found pleasure in other ways, even taking a couple of lovers when he'd thought Heero was dead, but he had not allowed anyone else to have him this way; he had waited, and it had been so worth it. Heero was hitting his prostate with three fingers inside him, and Duo knew he was ready.
"Heero, now."
Heero had been enjoying the noises Duo had been making, especially when he hit that one spot inside. He looked at the incredible boy panting beneath him and leaned down to kiss him passionately.
"This changes everything, Duo," Heero said as he stared into violet bliss. "Once we do this, we belong to each other. If that's not what you want, then we don't have to go through with it, but I want you to understand that I intend on loving you from this moment on no matter what you choose."
Duo's breath caught in his chest. 'He loves me... ' The last constraint he'd had fell away, leaving him completely free to give Heero every part of him. "I love you, Heero. I'm yours forever if that's what you want." He grinned like an idiot up at the boy he loved, his heart so full he feared it would burst.
"Aishiteru, Duo. I will be yours until there are no longer grains of sand on the shore." With that statement, Heero pulled his fingers free, applied lubricant to his erection, and positioned himself at Duo's entrance, all in the matter of a few heartbeats. He gazed deeply into Duo's eyes as he began entering him. "I believe this is the place we were trying to get to, Duo. I believe this is beyond." In one motion, he completely filled Duo, bringing a cry of ecstasy from the other boy' lips.
"Heero!" There wasn't a bit of pain as Heero took him. Heero had stretched him so he could do it in one thrust. Duo had never felt anything as good as Heero inside him. It was perfect. He began moving his hips to let Heero know he was okay and wanted more. When Heero pulled out then began thrusting back in slowly, Duo thought he was going to lose his mind. He clung to Heero, letting his voice express all of the feelings that Heero was causing in him. "Heero... so good... yes... right there... oh, yes!"
"Hn. Duo. Incredible," was all Heero could groan out as he filled Duo over and over again. His thrusts soon became harder and faster as he pounded into his lover with all of the pent up emotion he had. Duo's encouraging cries only fanned the flames of his increasing desire. Heero knew they were both getting close. He reached down and began stroking Duo's erection in time with his thrusts, causing the other boy to scream even louder; it was music to Heero's ears.
Duo was so close already, but when Heero touched his arousal, he felt something break inside. He let out a primal scream of pleasure as his climax embraced him, taking him to a place he had never been before.
"Heero! Heero! Ahhhhh!" He released over and over again, the intensity of it rendering him completely vulnerable and open for the first time. He had never had this kind of intimacy with anyone else. It was so much more than sexual completion; he had given Heero himself completely.
Heero felt, heard, and saw Duo climax. The way Duo's face looked, the sound of his name on those lips, the feeling of Duo's body completely yielding to him, all took Heero over the edge. With one more thrust into the sweet body of his lover, Heero came harder than he ever thought he could... and joined Duo in the place where he was waiting for him.
"Ahhh. Duo! Nnnn. Oh! Yes! Duo!" Heero poured his essence into the boy that had taken him beyond... beyond the war, beyond the soldier, beyond it all. He let the sweet sense of completeness wash over him as his climax subsided, leaving him feeling the warmth of his lover all around him.
"Heero? You okay?" came the husky voice of the one who owned him.
Heero had collapsed on top of him. He raised his head and nodded. "Better than okay, Duo. Better than I've ever been before."
Duo felt the tears escape his eyes, but he found for once that he didn't care. "Me too. I think I've found my soul in you."
Heero moved so he could reach Duo's lips and kissed him softly. "And I think I've found my heart in you. We've found where we belong."
Duo smiled through his tears. "I love you. I've always loved you."
Heero smiled back, emotion shining in his eyes. "Then I guess I need to make up for lost time, don't I?"
Duo gasped as Heero began kissing his neck again. "And I love you too," Heero whispered before the other boy had a chance to ever doubt it.
Shinigami and the Perfect Soldier didn't die; they just learned to let go and be Duo and Heero in each other's arms. Beyond turned out to be a wonderful place of healing, hope, and love for both of them.
The End
(:./tk/beyond)
