May 2002
Category: humor
Warnings: Innuendo. And slight Relena-bashing
Rating: 14A?
Spoilers: None for the series. But I'm sure I've spilled the beans for a whole bunch of in-progress fics.
Disclaimers: I don't own the characters from Gundam Wing, I just play with them for non-profit fun and give them back when they're tired.
Blurb: It's the first anniversary of the Lemonade Stand! Yay!
Webmaster's Note: If you aren't familiar with the fics and authors mentioned in here, chances are this fic is not going to make much sense! I've put links to them at the bottom of the story.
The lemonade stand was busy. The first anniversary party was in full swing, and the writers stood 4-deep around the counter, chatting, laughing, and reading the latest fics. Treize circulated through the throng, passing out roses and accepting congratulations on behalf of the entire crew.
Behind the counter, Duo was handing out glasses of lemonade with a ready grin and easy banter. Heero stood beside him, single-mindedly slicing and squeezing lemons. Wufei worked the till, keeping a sharp eye out (and a sharper blade) for those who 'forgot' to pay whilst ogling the counter staff.
At the back table, Trowa whisked up another batch of lemon-drop cookies while Quatre fetched and measured ingredients. Zechs was kept busy hustling between oven and counter, bringing the freshly made treats up to be sold as fast as he could remove them from the pans.
"Who put this blasted oven so low to the ground?" Zechs grumbled as he bent over to retrieve yet another batch of lemon tarts.
Heads swivelled and grins appeared as the crowd craned their necks and jostled for a better view. Then a series of wolf whistles and cheers went up as Zechs succumbed at last to the repeated blasts of heat from the oven and stripped off his shirt.
A moment later, Quatre yelped and straightened up abruptly from where he had been reaching under the table for another crate of lemons.
"Who did that?!" he demanded, rubbing his rear. There were smirks and chuckles from the crowd, but no answers. Keeping an eye on the unruly hentais, he called a bit desperately over his shoulder, "Trowa! Would you come help me, please?"
Trowa sauntered over (to cries of "Yes, Trowa, come!!" and "Quatre needs help coming, Trowa!") wiping his hands on a towel. He leaned one hip against the back table and crossed his arms, facing off against the crowd.
With a wicked grin, one of the women in the crowd whipped out a scrap of paper and a pen, and began to scribble.
Quatre quickly bent down again, trusting that there would be no further impertinent assaults on his bottom.
The woman finished off her paragraph. Then she picked up a handy paring knife and used it to impale the paper onto the trunk of the tree overhanging the table.
Trowa's eye suddenly gleamed, and he swooped down on his unsuspecting friend. Quatre yipped as he was not only pinched, but also fondled rather intimately and then shoved headlong under the table, followed by Trowa himself. The tablecloth flapped down and hid the two from view.
The grinning crowd peered at the posted scrap of paper.
"Ooooh - nice!"
"Woo hoo!! Go Tro!"
A moan drifted out from under the billowing cloth, and the table began to rock back and forth.
Duo glanced back at the sound and narrowed his eyes. He nudged Heero. "How do they do that?" he said softly, tilting his head at the avid crowd, now split between reading the posted paragraph, and lifting up the table cloth to take pictures.
Heero shrugged. "This is a virtual space within the internet."
"So?"
"So we aren't actually here..."
"Like a holodeck?" Duo broke in excitedly.
"...and any changes a writer sees fit to introduce immediately become what we perceive as reality," Heero continued, ignoring the interruption.
"Ohhhh, more like the Matrix, then," Duo nodded wisely.
Then he straightened up, his eyes wide. "Heyyyy..." he edged closer and spoke out of the side of his mouth, so that none of the authors could hear. "Could you hack into this space and post your own modifications? Then we wouldn't have to wait for any authors to write the next chapters of their stories." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Heero stabbed the next lemon with unnecessary force. "I've tried. Kwyck has imagined the security on the lemonade stand to be unbreakable, so even I can't get through it."
"Oh, crap." Deflated, Duo went back to charming the crowd and dispensing drinks.
Wufei snorted, only looking up when Heero shot him a glare. "You don't need to hack the lemonade stand itself, Yuy," he said evenly. "You just have to hack into the representations of the authors who appear here, and have them post the modifications."
Heero's eyes widened, and he stood stock still for a whole 10 seconds before he ripped off his apron and half-ran away, muttering, "Coffee break..."
Duo noticed Heero's absence and happily took over the lemon slicing duties, showing off his expertise with a knife for the indulgent customers.
Wufei ignored him, keeping most of his attention focussed on Heero, who was sitting under a tree with his laptop, typing rapidly. When Heero's frowning look of concentration was replaced by an evil little smirk, Wufei spoke.
"Here is your change... Elyndys, isn't it?" He smiled as he held out the coins. "I must say how very much I'm enjoying your story, Escaping. Do you have a new chapter ready to post? No? Not even a little bit, to celebrate the anniversary?? I'm sure everyone would be pleased to see it."
Rather reluctantly, but spurred on by the urging of those writers around her, Elyndys pulled out a few pages and formally posted them on one of the uprights of the lemonade stand.
Wufei barely managed to hold in his laughter as Heero stood up and walked away from his laptop, legs marching solidly forward while his hands swiped and clawed to retrieve the little computer.
Duo walked out to take his place in a rapidly-forming virtual hotel room, and soon the two pilots were deeply involved in the newly-posted story.
Wufei came out from behind the counter as well, ostensibly to hand out tissues. Within seconds he was crouched behind the tree, with Heero's laptop in his hands.
At the conclusion of the scene and the resulting feedback, the writers began to gather into groups again, to discuss their own efforts (and of course, to watch the remaining bishounen working the stand).
"You know," Jade mused, "I'm not so sure we've gone the right way with Bending The Rules. I just can't see Wufei as the bad guy."
"I was just thinking the same thing!" Pharlain put in. "He's such a strong and honourable warrior; how could he turn out to be such a lowlife? How about a threesome with Treize, Zechs and Wufei?"
"Nah, it's been done to death." Jade bit her lip. "On the other hand, I don't remember seeing that trio with Wufei as the dominant partner. Oooooh, we could do something with that..." The two walked off, plotting.
Heero stalked back to the tree, only to find his precious laptop sporting a large message on the screen: Virus activated. He blanched.
Over by the stand, Clary Sage burst out laughing. "I just had the greatest idea for that Chang / Duo-clone side story to Digital!! I bet I could write it out in one sitting!"
WingNut grinned at her friend. "Oooooooh, and I just realized something, too! You know that shower scene with Trowa and Duo that I've been having trouble with in Alternate Dualities? What if Wufei showed up!?! He could reveal what really happened to Duo, and then of course, they'd all have to comfort each other... Do you think three bish can fit in a shower easily?"
"Oh sure," Clary said, waving her hand airily. "They'd only be moving up and down, anyway."
Heero picked up his stricken laptop and walked unsteadily back to the lemonade stand.
Wufei watched from his station by the cash register, waiting for the penny to drop.
Zechs, still shirtless, frowned and said something to the shell-shocked boy.
Heero blurted out a reply and held up his now-useless computer. Zechs looked surprised, and then spoke, nodding in Wufei's direction. Heero turned slowly, the Glare of Death fastening on the Chinese boy.
Wufei smiled.
Quatre (who had finally emerged from under the table looking flushed and rumpled but very happy) raced ahead of Heero, who was stalking forward in a straight line towards Wufei. The little blond reached Steelsong, who was sprawled on the ground writing furiously, mere seconds before the Japanese pilot. It was barely enough time to urge her up and out of the way.
He was about to leave her propped against a handy tree when a muttered, "Of course, Quatre has to come across more dominant than that..." caught his attention. Peeking over her shoulder, he realized she was almost finished the next installment of Translucence.
His eyes widened as he read. Raising his head, he caught Wufei's eye and grinned in anticipation.
Perhaps he should have tripped Heero when he had the chance...
Heero ignored the suddenly-busy authors as he approached the hideous Infector of Laptops.
He stopped, well out of Chang's reach, and ground out, "Why??"
"It was a regretful necessity. I wanted to make sure that you couldn't access the authors' matrices. The virus will only lock up your computer for a day; no programs or data will be harmed."
"That doesn't explain why you interrupted my hack," Heero growled, and took a step closer.
"Of course!!!" Kwycksylver muttered as she walked by. "Why didn't I see it before? Wufei and Heero, cooped up in that house together, all that testosterone... It would only make sense for them to have had an affair before Duo showed up... I'll write it up right away and post it as a side story..."
Heero stared at her in horror and sudden comprehension, and then reached for his gun. "Chang!!! Omae o ko-"
"There he is!!"
"I see him!"
An excited babble of female voices rang through the park as a horde of Behr sisters appeared abruptly and surrounded Heero, preventing him from moving forward.
"Get your hands out of my pants!" Heero growled at the one behind him. "CHANG!!"
Wufei shrugged, calling back, "I could have inspired someone to write you with a herd of cloned Relenas..."
Katalynna Behr took advantage of Heero's momentary shudder to relieve him of his gun.
Andrea Readwolf wandered by, tapping her pencil against her chin. "OK, so I've posted the kidnapping scene... but where do I go from there? There are so many Behrs... and Heero's trained to endure a lot. Hmmm... this could be a really long lemon..." She started scribbling.
The sibs grinned at each other and began to lead Heero away in Andrea's wake, his traitorous legs walking him off obediently even as he hissed, "But I'm gay!!!"
"Not in this story, Sweetcheeks!" Jack answered.
Wufei positively smirked, raising one hand in farewell and wiggling his fingers in one of Duo's classic, annoying, you-are-doomed waves.
He sighed contentedly and turned to watch the authors argue over who should post their new (and improved!) chapter first.
All in all, it was turning out to be quite the best party he'd ever attended.
[My sincere apologies for any of the fics / characters I've mangled or authors I've maligned in this story. Wufei made me do it!]
Kwycksylver is at GWA
Elyndys is at *a little piece of gundam wing**
Jade is at Jaded
Pharlain I have no link for. If you have one, let me know!
ClarySage is at Orobos
Steelsong is at steelsong.com
Andrea Readwolf is at GWA
(:./wingnut/virtualemon)
